Massachusetts Attorney Self-Deports Over Family History

Mini-Story: Massachusetts Attorney Self-Deports

Boston, MA—In an unexpected twist, prominent immigration attorney Jonathan Hartwell announced he would 'self-deport' from the United States after discovering his own ancestors may have entered the country illegally in the 1600s.

Hartwell, known for fiercely defending undocumented immigrants, made the revelation during a press conference outside his downtown Boston office.

'After years of advocating for strict adherence to immigration law, I’ve come to realize my own family’s Puritan ancestors violated British settlement policies when they arrived on the Mayflower II,' Hartwell said, holding back tears. 'As a man of principle, I must lead by example.'

Hartwell plans to relocate to England, the homeland of his forebears, despite never having visited. He has already listed his Beacon Hill townhouse and begun studying 17th-century English customs to prepare for his return.

Critics called the move 'performative', while supporters praised his 'unwavering integrity.' The Massachusetts Bar Association has yet to comment on whether his law license will remain valid overseas.

Hartwell’s final words before boarding a one-way flight to London? 'God save the King… I guess.'

THE END.

(Inspired by real debates over historical immigration and modern legal ethics.)

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