Angels vs Twins: Heavenly Showdown in LA

'ANGELS VS. TWINS: DIVINE SHOWDOWN OR HEAVENLY HOAX? WITNESSES CLAIM 'WINGS WERE EVERYWHERE!''

By Buzz Sterling

Los Angeles, CA — In a scene ripped straight from a biblical blockbuster, stunned onlookers swear they witnessed a celestial smackdown between a squadron of angels and a mysterious pair of twins in a downtown alley last night. Was it a holy war? A case of mistaken identity? Or just another wild night in the City of Angels?

Eyewitnesses Describe 'Feathers and Fury'

Local bartender Mike Ramirez claims he saw it all. 'I was taking out the trash when—BAM!—this glowing dude with wings suplexed some kid into a dumpster. Then another winged guy showed up, and suddenly there were two of the same guy fighting them! I thought I’d lost my mind!'

Other reports describe flashes of light, 'singing that wasn’t singing,' and at least one floating halo used as a frisbee of justice.

Who Were the Twins?

Speculation is running wild. Some say the twins were demons in disguise, others insist they were time-traveling doppelgängers. A fringe group on Reddit claims they were 'Nephilim reality stars.' The only thing everyone agrees on? They fought dirty.

'One of them pulled an angel’s hair,' said a horrified bystander. 'The other one threw a rock. Angels don’t like rocks.'

Heavenly Statement: 'No Comment'

Attempts to get answers from above were met with silence—until an unnamed 'celestial source' whispered to our reporter: 'This was an unsanctioned event. The Twins were… not supposed to be here.' Cue the ominous choir music.

Conspiracy Theories Take Flight

Theory 1: The Twins are rogue angels gone rogue-er.

Theory 2: This was a divine prank show gone wrong.

Theory 3: The Angels were actually MLB scouts for the Los Angeles Angels and Minnesota Twins. (Least likely.)

What’s Next?

Will there be a rematch? A heavenly tribunal? A spin-off series? Stay tuned, sinners. The truth is out there… probably up.

Got a tip? Seen a winged warrior? Contact us at *1-800-ANGELZ* (not a real number). Disclaimer: Buzz Sterling may have been hit by a stray halo while writing this.

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