Resident Alien Misunderstands Earth Customs

Resident Alien

Dr. Vex’lor of the planet Zorath-9 had one job: observe Earth from a safe distance and report back. But after his cloaked ship malfunctioned and crash-landed in a small town called Cedar Hollow, he found himself stranded—and looking suspiciously human.

Thanks to his species' natural mimicry, Vex’lor had taken on the appearance of the first lifeform he saw: a middle-aged man in flannel. Now, with no way to call home, he had to blend in.

His first challenge? Ordering coffee.

'Uh… one Earth liquid stimulant,' he muttered at the café counter.

The barista, Jen, blinked. 'You mean… coffee?'

'Yes! Precisely! The brown… energy… drink.'

Jen smirked. 'Rough morning?'

'You have no idea,' Vex’lor sighed, rubbing his temples.

As days passed, Vex’lor—now going by 'Dave'—tried to master human customs. He high-fived too hard, nodded excessively, and once attempted to 'recharge' by standing in sunlight like a plant.

But the real trouble began when the town’s nosy postman, Gary, started asking questions.

'Funny, Dave,' Gary said, squinting. 'I’ve lived here 20 years, and I don’t recall you before last week.'

Vex’lor’s three hearts pounded. 'I… am very quiet.'

Gary didn’t buy it.

That night, Vex’lor panicked. If the humans discovered him, he’d be dissected—or worse, forced to attend a neighborhood potluck.

Just as he considered fleeing into the woods, Jen knocked on his door.

'Look, ‘Dave’,' she said, arms crossed. 'I know you’re not from around here.'

Vex’lor’s blood ran cold. 'You—you do?'

'Yeah. You’re from Canada, aren’t you?'

He stared. '...Yes. Canada. The… cold place.'

Jen grinned. 'Relax, dude. We don’t judge. Just stop pretending you don’t know what a toaster is.'

As she walked away, Vex’lor exhaled. Maybe Earth wasn’t so bad.

Now, if only he could figure out why humans kept putting tiny hats on their pets…

The End.

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