Vatican Alarm Ban Includes Burning of Digital Timepieces

To enforce the Vatican Alarm Ban, a ceremonial bonfire of alarm clocks and smartphone apps was held in St. Peter�s Square. Called �The Great Clocking,� the event featured Gregorian chants, marshmallows, and quiet cheers. Pope Leo XIV threw in his own iPhone�after removing the Vatican Notes app. One bishop wept over his FitBit. The Pope consoled him: �God tracks your steps better anyway.�