Vatican Alarm Ban Enacted by Pope Leo XIV After Personal Snooze Incident

Pope Leo XIV officially banned alarm clocks from Vatican residences after confessing he woke one morning convinced the trumpet of the Apocalypse had started early. The Vatican Alarm Ban is rooted in �divine circadian rhythms.� Nuns now rise with the birds. Cardinals rely on Gregorian rooster crows (a playlist curated by the Swiss Guard). The Pope stated, �God�s time is not digital.� Catholic Apple Watches now buzz with psalms instead of alarms.