Top Bottom Or Verse
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Top Bottom Or Verse
What it Means to Be Top, Bottom, or Vers
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Welcome to Down to Find Out , a column in which Nona Willis Aronowitz addresses your biggest questions about sex, dating, relationships, and all the gray areas in between. Have a question for Nona? Send it to downtofindout@gmail.com or fill out this Google form . (It’s anonymous!)
I see a lot of "bottom" "top" and "vers" online and on dating apps, but if you're a virgin, and still haven't had sex with someone, how do you know? Should you just try both, and then know? And do these three terms only apply to anal intercourse, or is it other forms of sex too?
There’s little on this great green earth that’ll make you feel more on the spot than having to choose a label for yourself. Especially if the criteria of those labels are based on something theoretical, like the future sex you’ll be having. Your stress is totally understandable, but I come bearing some great news: It often takes a while, sometimes many years , for gay and bisexual people to self-identify as a “bottom,” “top,” or “versatile” (vers for short).
I’m not just saying that as a hunch — there’s actual data on the subject. In a recent survey published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior , researchers found that “men’s sexual position self-label was learned over a 15-year timespan.” For many, choosing a label is a slow evolution that has “enormous complexity.” In other words, even thirtysomethings on these apps may not totally know their preferences yet.
When I called up my friend Rich Juzwiak, a fellow sex advice columnist over at Slate , this study was the first thing he mentioned. You should take comfort in the fact that “there’s clinical evidence that it’s a process,” he told me. It’s “the norm to be unsure and figuring it out.”
So, how do you go about figuring it out? First, let's talk about what these labels mean . Generally, a bottom is the receiver, a top is the giver, and vers is someone who does both. These terms, while often applied to anal sex, do apply elsewhere, and aren't reserved for men who have sex with men. When it comes to penetrative sex, being a top or bottom often refers to who is penetrating and who is being penetrated. But for non-penetrative sex these terms might refer to a power dynamic. All that said, there's no strict definition of any of these things, and they might mean different things to different people— when in doubt, ask!
In terms of penetrative sex, Rich recommends taking it slow and not jumping right into intercourse for the sole purpose of giving yourself a label. “You’re not required to have anal sex before you’re ready,” he says. “It’s totally socially acceptable to just have oral sex or make out or jerk off.” Anal sex is a vulnerable act that requires preparation, Rich says, so it’s not unreasonable to make that clear with your partners. And of course, you don’t have to have any kind of sex at all if you’re not ready.
Gay dating apps, especially known hookup apps like Grindr, can be blunt and transactional places where rejection is common, Rich warns: “You kinda have to have a thick skin and not take it personally.” But the great thing about these apps is that they set up a space to talk about your limits before you meet up with someone. Some guys might not be interested in a slower, intercourse-free encounter, “but it’s better to know that upfront than being in a situation where you feel pressured or coerced.” Make sure that your partner knows you’re new at this, and that you might require some patience.
Meanwhile, even if you don’t yet know your label, try to be as specific as possible about what you want during sex — even if that means being clear about your inexperience. Once you’ve done some exploration at your own pace, you’ll gain more clarity about the type of sex or positions you prefer.
How do you increase the length of intercourse and not come too quickly? How long should men last in bed?
There is no set length of time men “should” last in bed — it really depends on the vibe and the person you’re having sex with. Contrary to popular belief, there’s no reason on principle that you should try to last as long as possible, especially if everyone’s mood or time constraints call for a quickie. (Many a vagina and butt have gotten sore from intercourse that goes on too long.) Still, coming very quickly during intercourse is a super-common anxiety, especially among younger people whose penises are in tip-top shape. So let’s talk about it.
There are definitely some things you can try, like condoms , edging , masturbating before sex, or the “ squeeze technique .” Aside from these tips and tricks, though, two good general rules are to stop rushing and start communicating with your partner. Try to take the focus off your penis and intercourse for a little while during foreplay. You might be tempted to delay orgasm by dissociating with unsexy thoughts, but try to stay present and just enjoy your partner’s body first; if you feel yourself getting too excited, you can always shift to pleasuring them. And since it never feels great to be silently worrying about these things during sex, clue your partner in, even if it’s with a simple, “Hey, let’s take it slow tonight...I want to make this last.” I feel like I say this in every column, but it goes such a long way if you can feel safe, relaxed, and cared for by a non-judgmental partner.
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This Top or Bottom quiz will help you find your position in your relationships or in society. Just answer 20 personality-related questions to find out.
These traits represent the dominative and submissive roles of people during intercourses. While the terminology is often used to describe the roles in LGBT relationships, the terms extend the old domain. They can be implied to different sexual inclinations. The top person may often be described as the giver or the one in control; on the other hand, a bottom person tends to relinquish control and the receiver of the acts. If a boy or a girl is willing to transpose between these roles, they are called switch or verse.
This quiz determines which group you belong to. It can also be regarded as the Am I a switch quiz. It is often misconceived in homosexual relationships that the butcher person is always the top and the more feminine person is the bottom, which is not valid.
Take the “Are you top or bottom quiz” to learn more. The critical point here is that although these terms rise from a romantic context, these individual traits also affect other aspects of a person’s life. For example, are people with a top personality more likely to fit in administrative positions? Or is the authoritative behavior bound to the bed? Take a few minutes to read about the tops, bottoms, and verses before taking the Are you a top or bottom test.
According to scientific researches from the springer journal article and an article from the HuffPost website, people tend to misjudge top and bottom roles by taking traditional hetero relationship factors into account. That is to consider that the more masculine and butchy person is the assertive partner. However, these roles are more related to what each person has learned in a relationship, the feeling a person gets by their body parts, and the self-image in his/her mind.
Pay attention that some people are sensitive to these terms, and asking others about their orientation might be offensive. Especially if the one you think of a top is a bottom, and he/she might feel ashamed. As a result, being top, bottom, or verse is intrinsic and related to attitude rather than appearances.
A top person is the one who gives during intercourse, seeks power and dominance, and wants to take control. The top male or female tend to lead others rather than following others. These people often challenge the existing conditions and think creatively.
This character is a receiver in the relationship. However, this does not mean they are the pillow queen and tend to be inactive. Believing such a myth is fundamentally wrong, for the bottom can be both physically active and dominative. In fact, he/she might be the one giving the top the instructions. So we can Identify these people as those who are seeking pleasure, freedom, and sensuality.
The switch individual enjoys both positions in a relationship. These people are versatile; hence the term ‘verse’ is also used to address them. Being the top or the bottom is not something predetermined. It can change during the course of a relationship or one’s life. Therefore, the best way to process the results of “Am I a switch quiz” is to consider it a temporary state. The Switch doesn’t care that much about being the superior or the submissive. He seeks pleasure and experience.
What does a switch look like? There is no way to answer this question by merely looking at a person. The only way to identify a verse is that they tell you, or they act it out. As these as personal questions, do not ask people these types of questions straight, as it might be offensive or make them cringe. Instead, you can ask them to take the Am I top, bottom, or switch test. If they are interested, they will probably share their results.
There is a wide range of roles and attributes involved when talking about relationships. The bottom line is that each person has a unique set of characteristics, which makes us humans amazing. Therefore, there are combinations of the top, bottom, and verse (switch) traits with other traits such as being dominative, submissive, etc. Another type of behavior is the side. The side does not enjoy the main action during intercourse. Still, he prefers to be more subtle and enjoys less tense interactions.
Being the top, bottom, switch, or side is just a reference to know what role people enjoy more in a relationship. Moreover, it helps people find an appropriate partner. For example, if two bottom people were to become involved in a relationship, they would probably miss some action. Aside from which type you are, it is important not to judge others or ask them directly about their personality or preferences. Some people might link all roles to their physical and behavioral traits by mistake.
The truth is that these roles are learned in the course of one’s life, and they are not permanent. The top-bottom switch quiz reflects your inclinations while respecting all traits and the LGBTQ+ community. Enjoy the person you are and find the partner you enjoy.
This quiz consists of 20 questions that help you understand your role in a relationship. Take the “Am I top, bottom, or switch quiz” and share it with your friends.
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Home V's Take Are you a top, bottom or verse?
I’ve never been one for labels, but knowing your position can make or break your sex life. As the ancient proverb reads, two bottoms don’t make a top.
Take this quiz to find out once and for all if you are a top, bottom or verse.
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