The Art Of Rimming
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The Art Of Rimming
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Denver, CO
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Portland, OR
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Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
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Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted April 27, 2010
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Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
When I launched my website, I expected people to find it by searching "sex after 40," "sex and menopause ," "erectile dysfunction," "penis size," and "desire differences." Indeed, those are my top search terms. But a surprising number have found the site by using two search terms I never expected: "rimming" and "analingus." These both refer to oral-anal contact.
If you're repulsed by this, then by all means, don't play that way. But recent surveys suggest that 15 percent of American adults have experienced some form of anal sex— that's some 20 million people. I've found no statistics on the prevalence of rimming, however. If you know of any, please comment. Still, as web searches show, many lovers are curious about it, and often feel surprised by their interest. Among those who do try it, many enjoy it.
Heterosexuals typically stumble upon analingus during cunnilingus. The man's tongue slips further south than he intended, and both lovers realize they've crossed a line.
Analingus is a minority pleasure, but there's nothing abnormal about it. If you reflexively condemn it, remember that not too long ago, oral sex was considered a perversion and outlawed in many states.
Analingus feels erotic for the same reason that anal play in general might feel that way. The anus and surrounding tissue are richly endowed with nerves that are highly sensitive to erotic touch.
In addition, lovemaking draws much of its emotional power from intimacy , lovers' deep acceptance of each other. Analingus is a way for the rimmer to say: "I love all of you. No part of you turns me off." It's also a way for the rimmee to say: "I'm totally yours. No part of me is off limits to you." Such mutual acceptance can be a powerful turn-on.
Of course, rimming also involves a big fear , which is fecal contact. Not to worry, says sex therapist Jack Morin, Ph.D., author of Anal Pleasure and Health . Soap and water remove any traces of stool, so it's a good idea to shower together before trying analingus. For extra safety, the rimmee might also use an enema or two before washing.
For non-monogamous lovers, rimming carries another risk—infections. The digestive tract terminates at the anus. Digestive bacteria pass through it, notably E. coli , which may remain around the opening. If E. coli come in contact with a woman's genitals, she might develop a vaginal infection (vaginosis), or a urinary tract infection (UTI, cystitis, or bladder infection). Rimming might also transmit Shigella and Salmonella , which cause food poisoning, Giardia lamblia and amoebas, which cause diarrhea, and HIV, the cause of AIDS. Assess your risk, and don't rim anyone who has these infections. But Morin says that among healthy, monogamous lovers who practice good anal hygiene, the infection risk of analingus is "extremely low."
Some couples who accidentally discover analingus "accidentally" keep doing it without discussion. That's fine, but I recommend discussing it. If your honey objects, then that's that. No one should ever feel pressured into anything sexual . But if your lover shows any interest—even if it's couched in skepticism—you might discuss this post, and perhaps try rimming.
Even if the two of you decide not to try analingus, or you try it and then stop, your discussions should deepen your intimacy. You learn more about one another, and ultimately, I hope, feel closer.
Michael Castleman, M.A. , is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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"Rimming" may sound like a neat skateboard trick. And "toss the salad" may sound like a simple cooking instruction. But actually, both are euphemisms for a sex act that can bring big time pleasure: analingus.
And though people are more open to talking about it now, butt play isn't anything new. It's been a thing long before Nicki Minaj was rapping about oral-anal in "Anaconda," or Desi made love to Marni’s bum with his tongue in Girls.
Still, it wasn’t until peach play entered the cultural zeitgeist that rimming started to get the attention it deserves. But here’s the thing: A sex act as pleasurable as analingus could always get more attention (and experimenters), since rimming can be pleasurable to receive and/or give.
"As a stand-alone act, receiving rimming can be just as or more pleasurable than any other kind of anal sex," says Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations . "Giving anal-oral can also be hot because you’re turning someone on, doing a service act for them, and it's super naughty."
Intrigued? Ahead, renowned sexologists and educators share all the intel on exactly what rimming entails. (Just be warned: You’ll be aching to bend over or bend someone over after reading about it.)
Rimming is the colloquial term for the act of licking in and around the (ahem) rim of another person's asshole. Also known as analingus, it's oral sex performed on a butt, explains Queen.
"Rimming often involves circling the entrance of the ass," she says. But just as is true with oral on vulvas and penises, there are lots of options for oral-anal play, she explains. "Tongue penetration can be part of it, too," she says.
"It's definitely a legitimate source of sexual pleasure for many people," says Kimberly McBride , PhD, Associate Professor of Public Health at the University of Toledo, who's extensively researched anal sex. In fact, she encourages people not to "shy away from that kind of an exploration because it can be very pleasurable."
Why does it feel so good, exactly? "There are a lot of erotic nerve endings in the anus, so people can really find themselves having a different, better orgasm from rimming," explains Joe Kort , PhD, a certified sex therapist in Royal Oak, Michigan. Plus, you can even get more aroused than usual since the area's typically unexplored, he adds.
Oh and btw, it's totally possible to orgasm from analingus without penetrative sex , according to both Kort and McBride. But even if a ride to rim town doesn’t bring you a Big O, incorporating it into your sexual repertoire can still enhance the overall experience. According to McBride, rimming can lead to more intense vaginal orgasm . Noted!
For some pleasure-seekers, rimming can be psychologically arousing, too, because despite the fact that Nicki has rapped about it, bum play, in a sense, still remains taboo. And taboos can be sexy because they activate the ~forbidden~ part of our brains, McBride explains.
Here's exactly how to give (and receive) a rim job.
Surprise parties can be fun. But a surprise peach parting? Nope! Consent is essential to giving a rim job—and, obviously, receiving one, too.
Your bedroom beau isn't a mind reader, which is why if you're interested in rimming, McBride recommends introducing the idea of "tossing the salad" when you’re fully clothed. "It's always better to talk about a new sexual act in a non-sexualized moment," she explains. (It feels less intimidating that way.)
In fact, McBride recommends having this discussion well in advance of getting naked, so your partner has enough time and space to decide whether or not they want to add rimming to the menu.
Once you've found the right moment, it's all up to you on how you approach the topic . According to McBride, coming right out and asking to receive or give a rim job is on the table. For example, you can say "The thought of you eating my ass really turns me on. Does that have any interest to you?" Cheers to being a direct communicator!
But if that's not your style or comfort level, she suggests saying something a bit less, well, blunt. Try: "Oh, my friend was talking about this experience, and she really enjoyed it. It's something I might like to pursue." Or: "I saw an article about rimming. What do you think about trying it?" (I mean, it's the truth...)
The hard truth is that your partner may not want to hop on the peach-licking pony. For whatever reason, they may not have interest in oral-anal sex.
If you’re worried about being shot down (totally normal fear!), Kort recommends sharing that fear with your partner and asking them to withhold judgment until after you explain exactly why you're interested in trying something new.
"I never support a conversation stopping just because one person says that they don't want to do it," he explains. Instead, he suggests coming up with a mutually-desirable solution together. You might ask your partner, "How are we going to negotiate this in a way that respects both of our boundaries?"
You can ask them to explain W-H-Y they are not interested. For instance, "I respect your no, but if you’re open to it, I’d love to hear why you’re so against giving it a try." Or, "Are you comfortable if I ask a follow-up question or two about why?"
Because anal play of any kind isn’t really taught in sex ed., it’s common for people to be afraid of the unknown, or to have misconceptions about anal play being "dirty" or "painful." (FTR: Anal sex shouldn’t be painful .)
If your partner is open to it, you could use this as an opportunity to educate them about the true pleasure potential of the peach. Just remember: No means no. So, the goal here is *not* to get your partner to eventually cave in to your desires (rimming), Kort says. "The goal is to allow you to share your sexual interests with your partner."
If they're not down with rim jobs, the good news is that there are options! They might be okay with watching an erotic movie that features rimming, for example, or talking through a rimming fantasy together.
Or, maybe they’re down to circle your entrance with a ton of silicone lube and their finger. The sensation is similar to rimming, according to Queen. Or, maybe they’re down to let you explore that interest with someone else. You and your partner should communicate your boundaries to one another.
Sadly, anal play is still shrouded in a whole lot of myths and misconceptions. The most pervasive one? That anal play will bring you face-to-face with dung.
Here’s the thing: Assuming the receiver didn’t do a half-ass (heh) wipe job, the risk of coming into contact with poop during analingus is small. Poop, after all, isn’t stored in the anal canal—it simply passes from the colon through the anal canal on the way out of your body, explains Queen.
Still, at the end of the day...a butt's a butt. And considering you've probably spent plenty of QT with your own, you know what it does. So if you're worried about cleanliness or smell, McBride and Kort recommend showering ahead of time. Or to get in the ~mood~, shower together.
While you're there, why not warm up with these tried-and-true shower sex positions?
However you decide to suds up, McBride advises "washing gently with warm water and soap." She also recommends staying far away from any cleansers that are too astringent. They can make your anus more prone to cracking (think: chapped lips) "because some cleansers can actually draw moisture away from the anus and make the tissue more prone to contracting STIs," explains McBride.
Look for body wash or bars labeled "fragrance free" since traditional soaps (meaning the ingredient, not an actual bar of soap) fall into that heavily astringent category.
Don’t hate the messenger, but just like most other sex acts, rimming can transmit sexually transmitted infections.
"Oral transmission of bacterial (e.g. gonorrhea and chlamydia) and viral (e.g. HIV and HPV) STIs can and does happen," explains McBride."If you add other factors, such as the use of certain lubricants, a lowered immune system, microtrauma to the skin or mucous membranes, or an existing STI, the chances increase."
STIs aside, because the risk of poop is higher during oral-anal than during sex acts that don’t involve the butt (duh), the risk of other kinds of infections is higher. Ingesting poop particles—even imperceptible poop particles—can transmit bacteria like e. Coli and shigella , as well as intestinal parasites like giardia . Blegh .
To make things less risky, McBride recommends using a dental dam. ICYDK, dental dams are a thin square, typically made of latex, that you put over the genitalia, tush
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