Thai Ladyboy Surprise

Thai Ladyboy Surprise

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Travel tips for Phuket from an expert expat

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Travel tips for Phuket from an expert expat

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I admit it - and completely without the slightest hint of embarrassment - only amazement.
Before travelling to Phuket, I had heard many stories from my friends who had partied hard in the Patong strip - Bangla Street.
"I can guarantee one of 'em will fool ya, and ya won't even know it," my mate warned me before I jetsetted off.
"There's at least one in every bar."
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I now have only myself to blame, as upon retrospect the warning signs were all there.
Big feet, broad shoulders, and thick veins are normally your best bets.
But the eyes normally overlook these subtle hints, instead diverting them to attractive facial features, perfect make-up, thin legs and surgery enhanced breasts.
But before I get into the nitty gritty details, allow me to rewind.
The beginning of the adventure started about seven hours earlier during a poolside Happy Hour at the Mercure Phuket Patong.
Nearly every Thailand bar and hotel has a daily two-for-one Happy Hour, which, unlike its name suggests, lasts for several hours.
I took advantage of this deal everywhere I stayed at, including the Mercure Phuket Patong, the All Seasons Nai Harn Beach Resort and the Ibis Phuket Kata.
All are fantastic hotels for tourists looking for a nice place to stay near a beach without breaking the piggy bank.
For example, a couple staying at the All Seasons Nai Harn Beach Resort can get ocean views, a comfortable room, and breakfast for as little as $50 per night.
The All Seasons Nai Harn Beach Resort also has the added comfort of being located well outside the hustle and bustle of Patong, but still within a $10 cab ride.
Mercure Phuket on the other hand is walking distance to Patong's main strip and while prices start at about $80 per night, its cost still beats any comparable Australian hotel hands down.
And if you're worried about travelling to Thailand because of the Bangkok-based protests - you're seriously missing out.
(Red-shirted supporters of ousted former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra have been protesting in Bangkok, demanding the military-backed government hold another election.)
The protest-free Phuket is nearly a 10-hour drive away from Bangkok and the beachside locals are some of the most beautifully natured people I have ever met.
Happy Hour deals aside, in general, a beer in Thailand generally costs about $2.50 in a bar, and less than $1 from a grocery store.
In some bars you can also challenge the barmaid to a boardgame with the loser to buy the other a drink - something that ended up costing me a lot of money.
Decent sized meals from reputable eateries on the other hand cost between $5 and $10.
The street vendor food is not for the faint-hearted, as my fellow traveller found out, who was eagerly chomping down on a chicken shish kebab in drunken bliss one night until I pointed out that it was actually six pope's noses (chicken bums) all lined up in a row.
When I say fooled, I don't mean that led to physical contact - more like money loss.
I was just an observer, or a quiet admirer, if you will.
As we tipped a group of eight dancers several hundred baht to keep dancing for our table, we took bets on who were the girls and who were the boys. Like me, all at the table were fooled thinking the majority were, well, girls.
So we asked a kind bar attendant to settle the score.
"All ladyboy! Ladyboy all!" she half replied, half exclaimed.
As the saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Feeling rather foolish, my chicken-bum eating travel companion and I decided to venture into a seedy expat's bar for some advice on how to tiptoe through the ladyboy minefield.
At the bar we met a man who referred to himself only as Strider; he was your typical 50-something divorced Australian male who travels to Thailand with enough money to find a younger girlfriend.
Unfortunately for Strider, his Thai girlfriend of six years had recently left him for a richer Swiss man.
Fortunately for us, however, he was more than happy to offer some good tips on how to spot the ladyboy.
"Firstly," he said, "the majority of them can't dance to save their life, because they still have the male gene.
"Secondly, and probably most importantly, they will always, always, fidget with their hair because they are not used to it and are very selfconscious about it."
Strider said bigger feet and broad shoulders were the next best giveaways, but warned to avoid relying on spotting Adam's Apples, as many had undergone surgery to have the bone shaved back.
"There are ladyboys virtually in every bar here because, put simply, females make more money than men," he explained.
"The only options for some men are to become drivers or work in the fields, whereas ladyboys can make a lot more money and have a lot more fun."
Taking heed of his advice, we had the time of our lives for the next five nights straight, and avoided coming unstuck again.
After drinking $1.50 Happy Hour beers all week past 2am, I couldn't wait to have a full night's rest in my V Australia business class sleeper's lounge on the flight home.
Before nodding off, however, I decided to have a brief peek at the daily newspaper of the untameable little beast of a city I was departing.
Blasted across the front page of the Phuket Gazette was the headline: "Ladyboy fraudster purchases hard time."
Well at least I'm not the only fool, I reassured myself.
For accommodation visit www.accorhotels.com
For flights to Phuket visit www.Vaustralia.com.au .
The writer was a guest of Accor, flying V Australia Airlines.

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It seems that everybody knows somebody who has accidentally made out with a ladyboy, or worse. I never thought I’d be one of them, but then again, nobody ever does.
First off, let’s establish what a ladyboy is.
A ladyboy is a transgendered or transvestite individual in Southeast Asia. In Thailand, for example, they are openly tolerated if not embraced and even regarded as good luck charms.
My story takes place between Christmas and New Year’s last year, on Phuket. I would normally avoid what has become such a seedy place like the plague, but it so happened that I had to head there to get a chest x-ray for my Australian visa. While there, I met a group of friends who wanted to check out the ladyboy cabaret. Given that I had nothing better to do, I tagged along.
Ladyboy shows are often a way for ladyboys to save up for the final step of the surgical procedure to become a woman. The performers tend to at least have breast implants, and are quite often absolutely beautiful, and convincing!
I sat through an hour or so of performances in Russian, English, Chinese, and, of course, Gangnam Style, so that every possible member of the audience would be satisfied hearing a song in his/her native language, performed by crystal-adorned ladyboys dancing a little out of sync with smiles plastered on their faces.
After the show, we had an opportunity to take photos with the various performers. One of the more beautiful ones I had noticed on stage beckoned me over.
He (she?) grabbed my hand and slung it over her (his?) shoulder. My friend, Dylan (who attended with me on the pretense that ‘the journalist in him said yes’), snapped a photo just as the unthinkable happened:
The ladyboy stuck my hand down her (his?) top.
It rested there for a few seconds (though it felt like hours) before I realized what was happening. I pulled it back out at lightning speed, completely flabbergasted, as the ladyboy laughed at me.
For the remainder of the night I just kept looking down at my hand, unsure of what to do.
Do I wash it? Sanitize it? Chop it off?
And so, without even meaning to, I made it to second base with a ladyboy. I have now joined the rank and file of tourists in Thailand who have befallen such a fate.
I think the best course of action for me now is to do as the locals do, and regard this as a good luck charm. If nothing else, it makes for one hilarious story.
*This post is for Chelsea, who so eloquently said one night, “The title of Kristin’s Southeast Asia memoirs: I Made it to Second Base With a Ladyboy .”
*Special thanks to Dylan Lowe for the photos, and you’re welcome, Dylan, for getting to be the one to witness this account first-hand.
2015 Update: Transgendered individuals have a hard enough time with acceptance into the societies they were raised in without the burden of someone like me writing a post like this. I’m ashamed for highlighting our differences and instead want to celebrate the beautiful (inwardly and outwardly) and strong women who have the bravery to embrace their lives as transgendered individuals. If this post offends you, it’s because I’m a silly girl without an understanding of the difficulty those who dare greatly to be different. I support you in all that you do, empowered woman. I respect your struggle and promise that moving forward, all that I do in my writing and attitude will reflect that. Much respect where it is due.

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Ha! those lady boy shows are definitely entertaining but I missed out on the second base bit… lucky you!
Haha what an experience! I wasn’t able to watch a single lady boy show when I went to Thailand last year 🙁
You’re not realllly missing out on much, honestly.
She doesn’t seem to have silicon… were they real or fake? 😀
Too funny! I’ve been to Phuket twice. I went once with the teachers at my school and once with John because he had never been. Both times, there were funny incidents with lady boys, but the best by far was sending John out to get a few bottles of water one evening and having him come back completely traumatized after a lady boy exposed him/her self at the convenience store!
Ahhhh, goodness. Their faces look so fake!
Not the fakest part, let me tell you!
This is brilliant. Best blog post title I’ve seen in ages! Good on you for being so lighthearted about it. Did no one capture Dylan in any compromising positions?
Good stuff! I just discovered the ladyboy phenomenon in Bangkok, but from a more of a distance than you!
You see them all over SE Asia. Very special
The good news is that he/she was definitely the prettiest of the bunch 😉
Nice and not sure if you’re sunburnt of they are loaded in that ever popular white powder which makes the contrast so intense. ;]
Maybe we could just say I’m tan…Yes, I like tan.
Oh lordy! You poor thing.. but entertaining
Once any straight man spends a night with a pretty lady body, he will very rarely be 100% satisfied with a normal women again. Don’t ask me how I know… I just know ok, lol.
Most amazing comment I’ve seen in a while!
Don’t worry happens to us all eventually – or is it just me. Great blog post btw thanks for sharing.
Haha just dancing with one is no issue, I think people mistake them for women and find out when it’s too late.
Hey, just a heads up, you would call them “she” if they identify as women. If you call a transwoman (which Kathoeys are) “he”, you are misgendering her. If an individual is presenting as a woman, if they have gone to the trouble of undergoing dangerous surgical interventions like these ladies have, if they identify as female, then you most certainly should call them “she”. Not “he-she”. “He-she” is the trans equivalent to the “n” word for African people, or “ f@ggot ” for gay men. It is very offensive. I’m sure no one here meant to be offensive, but now you know!
You’re absolutely right, and I appreciate that you were patient with your response. I don’t mean to offend anyone but I can see how my post could be seen as insensitive.
Hi there 🙂 im glad you had a good time. I am Thai and let me tell you this…I don’t think we consider ladyboys as a good luck charm haha! they are just individuals… but yes they get a lot of attention from the tourists of course 😉
Well Wikipedia was wrong then! Thanks for the correction 🙂
Ladyboys are considered goodluck charm in subcontinent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh). I’m from Pakistan, thts why I know this. This might not be the case in other Asian countries. So Hanna is right
Specially when a ladyboy is very hot and a good entertainer, you will surely don’t have a second thought!
Thats one lucky ladyboy i tell ya, cuz your absolutely gorgeous miss kristin
Hahaha, loved this. It certainly is a strange experience over there – very confusing!!!
The real challenge is to get to third base ! They do say it’s like cooking with gas once you’ve tried it you can’t go back to electric if you get my meaning. So a friend of a friend says…..
You’re an extremely hot and sexy lady. and I mean that not just in a physical way, but your whole vibe and style is like that. This is the only travel blog I’ve ever read where I didn’t feel angry at the person who wrote it. Thank you.
Your initial response was natural as transgender is quite different and is hard to understand (especially for me who is raised conservative…talking about understanding, not accepting as that implies I am judging them). Nonetheless what one of the ladyboys did to you was inappropriate. Being different and being treated equally means embracing others for their differences. However it also means that everyone takes responsibility for their actions and doesn’t use his or her difference as an excuse for harassment. What was extraordinary was how in 2015 you had gained sensitivity about transgender and made a sweet appeal to them that you love them like everyone else. It is not easy to admit these things and you keep growing! More things to write to your 21-year old self as a 31 year old!
So you got sexually assaulted by a ladyboy and now you need to apologize for your reaction to it. Got it. No wonder the west is collapsing.
That’s true. I apologize for not recognizing her as a her and making fun of the transition, but she should not have done that, either.
I really see no reason to apologize for writing your experience. Yes ladyboys might have it rough
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