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Today is a very important day. Not just because it’s Friday, or International Talk Like a Pirate Day , but it’s also, National Sit On My Face Day . I’m not lying, nor am I talking about my face, per se, but rather the faces of men everywhere. What sort of country would we be without days like today, or National Cheeseburger Day ? (Which was yesterday, by the way.)
The exact history of National Sit On My Face Day isn’t really known. A Google search didn’t bring up anything, but #NationalSitOnMyFaceDay is trending on Twitter , so obviously it’s legit. However, I’m going to assume it probably came from the type of lads who invented Steak and BJ Day which happens to fall exactly a month after Valentine’s Day on March 14th, you know, because now it’s the woman’s turn to “ repay the favor ,” for all the hard work her fella put into making Valentine’s Day one to remember. Right.
Personally, the idea of National Sit On My Face Day is horrifying. The few times a guy has requested that I do this, I’ve all but broken into hives and cold sweats, and cried at the suggestion. Of course that didn’t stop me from partaking on a couple of occasions, but man oh man, it just definitely is not my jam. The thoughts that go through my head are morbid ones that involve suffocation and eventual death. I can’t imagine I’m alone in this thinking.
So, on this very important day, what type of things go through a woman’s head as she straddles a man’s face? These…
Like will I hear a death rattle or something?
He’s probably going to end up with a rash on his face from whatever stubble might be down there.
I think James Spader is on tonight.
No one likes balls in their face, do they?
Images: David Chu/Flickr; Giphy (14); WiffleGIF (3); ReactionGIF (2)

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Vile footage captures sick attack where warped gang make victim call herself insulting names before booting her
THIS is the chilling moment a girl gang attacks a helpless teen they accuse of spreading rumours about a classmate sleeping with her stepdad.
The vile footage, which is being used as evidence in a police investigation, shows the victim being forced to humiliate herself while being kicked and punched.
She is made to call herself insulting names on camera before a boot stomps on her face.
There are even reports that this was the second violent assault on the defenceless victim in just two days.
The video, filmed in Russia , shows a pack of six girls circling the victim, who can only be named Kristina K to protect her identity.
Two male teens were also present during the attack.
One of the boys appears to hold the camera for most of the sickening video.
Four of the attackers and the two boys -- all of whom are aged between 14 and 17 -- have been shamed on Russian social media site Vkontakte.
The girls were named as Alexandra A, Avgustina R, Elena K, and Elena. The boys were named as Krill K and Alexander L.
Both the filmed assault and the alleged first attack are being investigated by police in Chaikovsky, a town in the Perm region.
The initial attack is thought to have been over a boy, according to investigators.
A girl that knows the attackers described them to local media as "a bad example for other teenagers".
Another said the attack was over "dirty gossip" being spread about a classmate sleeping with her own stepfather.
"So this girl gathered her friends and they beat her", she said.
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A woman has admitted that she nearly killed her boyfriend when she forced him to perform oral sex on her by sitting on his face.
Amy Nicole Parrino, 44, pushed her then-boyfriend onto the ground, sat on him and shouted ‘eat my pussy’, but he could not breathe, last December.
In the run-up to the incident she had run around their home in Boone County, Missouri, while naked, striking him with a belt, brass plate and mobile phone as well as punching him up to 25 times.
He said that he felt ‘sick to my stomach’ and told his girlfriend, an assistant embalmer at a mortuary, to leave him alone.
He told police that she had a history of violence and that it had gradually got worse.
He said that he feared for his safety all the time because he did not know what Parrino was going to do next. He said she ‘gets very violent very quickly’.
When police arrived he told them that a cut on his nose was as a result of her sitting on his face.
They saw a three to four inch cut on his left arm and another on his right arm while red chest marks were as a result of being hit by a belt.
Parrino was sentenced to time served as she has been at the Boone County Jail since her arrest in December last year.
A charge of sexual abuse was dropped.
Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at webnews@metro.co.uk . For more stories like this, check our news page .

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Published: 23:26 BST, 6 December 2018 | Updated: 00:26 BST, 7 December 2018
Amy Nicole Parrino, 43, (pictured) has been charged with sexual abuse and domestic assault after she physically and sexually assaulted her live-in boyfriend Sunday night
A Missouri woman has been charged with sexual abuse and domestic assault after she brutally beat her boyfriend then sat on his face when he refused to perform oral sex.
The attack happened Sunday night just before 10pm at Amy Nicole Parrino's boyfriend's home in Boone County.
A probable cause statement obtained by The Smoking Gun states the 43-year-old woman struck her live-in lover 'approximately 20-25 times with an open and closed fist.'
She hit him with a belt, brass plate and cell phone before she chased him around the home in the nude.
Then, she threw him to the ground, straddled his face and ordered him to 'eat my p****.'
The unidentified man told police he was unable to breathe during the sexual assault and felt 'scared to death.'
He added that he 'felt sick to his stomach' and asked her to 'leave him alone.'
When police arrived, they saw a large cut on the victim's right arm and one on his left - as well as a cut on his nose and red marks on his chest.
The victim said he does not feel safe living with his Parrino, who he said can become 'very violent, very quickly.'
Parrino also busted a jail phone and smeared fecal matter on the walls of the Boone County Jail (pictured)
Parrino has been ordered to stay away from the victim and has been barred from the home.
She was jailed Monday on $25,000 cash bail. $5,000 of the bail money is due to property damage she is responsible for at the jail.
Parrino, who sports a mohawk in her mugshot, also busted a jail phone and smeared fecal matter on the walls, according to charging documents.
Parrino (pictured left and right on social media) punched the victim, hit him with a belt, brass plate and cell phone and chased him around the home. She then threw him to the ground, straddled his face and ordered him to 'eat my p****'
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