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Belarus Practical Guide Minsk. Balaton Budapest. Macedonian Wine Ohrid Skopje. Antwerp Flanders Top-5 Destinations. Haifa vs. DMZ Zone. Bohol Manila. Cappadocia Edirne Istanbul Kars. You're welcome. After being warmed up by the comforting cloak of Argentinean hospitality the French Pierre and I gleefully continued our journey to our actual destination: Bolivia. Luck was on our side that day, as virtually instantaneously we got picked up by a recently married couple living in La Quiaca, a place that had all the feels of a dodgy border town. I in fact already physically entered Bolivia when I realized I still needed an entrance stamp to make my stay legal… my second entrance stamp in this passport, as I already visited this country 2,5 years ago on the same trip. I just wanted to go to Paraguay , so why not travel through Bolivia as an entertaining detour? I was back. My temporary companion was headed to Uyuni , a place I already scratched off the bucket list years ago, so I decided to move more eastward. There was this one place on the map called 'Tarija', right in the middle of my current location and the Paraguayan border… that could be something for a day or 2? Oh no! Time to row my boat through the streams of bullshit! Well, I could, the tourist office explained to me, but they will charge me the same amount as the bus company does afterwards. Ok, so… a bus it was I guess. Roam around in the slums surrounding the bus stop as a lost white girl with all her belongings ready-to-rob attached to me? Ok fine, I negotiated some price which is still probably double of what the locals pay and pushed some cash in the hand of that loud lady, no idea of what I was buying was legit. I crowdsurfed out again over the masses, facing a new issue I had to solve: accommodation. Apparently I was staying a night in this shithole called Villazon and I had no clue where. Once in the hostel-street I walked my little round of negotiation and settled with an amazing price-quality ratio… or so I thought. The wobbly bed just fitted in between the crumbling walls, so for the sake of convenience they had thrown that one plastic chair on top of my ragged bedspread. The door-window right next to the lock was clumsily repaired with a piece of hard plastic, as apparently someone had recently shattered it to break in. Feces were floating in the communal toilet. I looked around me and smiled. So I paid my small contribution to the land lady, a grumpy wench with lips green of coca leaves, the colored saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth. I have no intention of leaving my correct data in a dodgy place like this. Time for some exploration! Not that there is anything to do here. I just purposelessly wandered around, randomly stumbling on some sorcery market where lama fetuses dangled on washing lines and pills for anything from eternal love to voluptuous bosoms where sold to potential buyers. I just wanted some avocados, is that okay too? Which is apparently reason enough to scold me and spit into my direction. Man, Bolivians can be rude! I almost forgot about that. As I was still hungry I cashed out some extra money to buy dinner. But I came back with a utensils-camping-set and a taser instead. Even though Villazon is the arsehole of the country, at least their dirt cheap black market is pure entertainment! Awesome, because of this disguise I can easily cross borders with it without being arrested. Gosh, I feel so bad-ass, my very own weapon! Well, I must remark, I was quite content I did opt to make that journey during daytime. In the first place because the route cutting straight through the stunning Sama Biological Reserve was in one word exquisite, and in the second place because those roads were really too narrow and the cliffs way to deep. Nevertheless, I felt honestly grateful to be an eye-witness of this hardly traveled route. Just a deserted high-quality football field in a 3d world country in the middle of fucking nowhere. Tarija, la ciudad de sonrisas , I made it! The exact moment I stepped out heaven cracked open, sharing a downpour that instantly transformed the city into a network of canals… because a sewage system is a first world luxury. Wading through the waste water while the street garbage floated in between my legs I started my search for a hostel , as my complete absence of internet for over 2 weeks had made it impossible to contact any Couchsurfers. That took me 3 full hours, as locals initially sent me down to the Campesino neighborhood for cheap accommodation, which in fact turned out to be the ghetto and nerve center of street prostitution… Ahum, thanks but no thanks. As in the center everything seemed to be sold out somehow, I was really relieved when I finally found a relatively economical and really clean and well-kept private room in a family hospice. I was exhausted. Some 1st world whining coming up! There was no vegan food, which meant I either had to eat raw vegetables once again or starve myself. Plus I could hardly walk because some retard in a car had driven right over my bloody foot while I was crossing the road with green light. City of smiles? I just wanted to lock myself up in the room and cry. What a difference a day makes. When I woke up the world had changed. I had slept well, finally in a soft comfortable bed. The weather cleared up. The internet returned so I could cheer you guys up with a new story. Instead of driving over my foot a friendly man gave me a few extra avocados. I had many laughs with the woman that sold me vegan! A good day for some sight-seeing! I kicked off with Teatro de la Cultural which was unfortunately closed, but impressive enough from the outside. The same prettiness I found in Plaza Principal Luis de Fuentes, an unusually good-looking and well-kept main square marking the bustling midpoint of this colorful colonial town. I could immediately imagine all this antique fauna flourishing around me in all its might, like some modern Wilma Flintstone. From there I could see a hill with some kind of disco ball right on top, which intrigued me enough to walk towards it. I passed the many street eateries where you can find meals for less than a dollar, mainly consisting of greasy deep-fry with loads of carbs. Nice idea. What else? Religion aside, this turned out to be my favorite spot in Tarija, young breakdancers practicing their moves in front of the endless panoramas of this sparkling town enclosed by the blooming highlands. I know, it looks disgusting, but I just want to be buried inside of it and eat my way out again. I decided to stay another day. And another one. I grew quite fond of Tarija. Maybe it was the cheap vegan buffet restaurant I tracked down, ran by a national animal right activist…. Or maybe it was the proximity to the local wine region… Yes, I was surprised too. Bolivia and wine, is that even a combi? Why pay for things that are free if you try a bit harder? I got dropped off in the town of Uriondo, at a bustling bodega called Casa Vieja that was hosting a big folkloric event that day. Everyone was dressed up from head to toe, I was wearing a year-old Slash-tanktop full of spaghetti stains. In fact, I dare to state that I know more about wine than anyone in this room, including you. And whatever the hell you are serving me, that is very far away of being even worthy of bearing the title. Options enough: an impressive 10 cups plus a liquor to top it off were served, distributed in one single cup for all drinkers. Nevertheless, drunk I was. Which might be the reason why I entered Vinoteca Resolana to continue drinking. Hastily a friendly lady filled my glass. Alright, it was just alright. Good enough to flush that terrible after-taste away from the last bodega, but obviously nothing compared to that pure Chilean , Argentinean and Uruguayan bliss I got spoilt with recently. However, it was on the house, so I filled my glass another time. Okay, 3 more times, ssssht. This service is and will remain free. Check the Bolivia Page!

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Wine and Coca Cola bottles murals on wall of wine distributor shop, Tarija, Bolivia

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