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Taking Long Dick
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I recently read a study that attempted to determine the average length of the erect penis by examining upwards of 15,000 men. These intrepid, probably very-interesting-at-a-dinner-party researchers determined that the average penis size is exactly 5.16 inches. The study disturbed me, mostly because I wasn't consulted. (Where was I for this? Call me next time, science.) But it also disturbed me because, come on guys, could you stop worrying about your junk already?
What I gather from friends and internet commenters is that dick measuring is an ongoing fascination (and, apparently, a rich seam of grant money) because plenty of men still just want to know what the "right" size is. Or, for the true worriers out there: what is the smallest dick that's still acceptable to women?
Answer One: 5.16 inches is fine. Based solely on anecdotal evidence from my vast network of promiscuous acquaintances, a little more or less in that general neighborhood works best for most people—men and women—who enjoy penetrative sex with penises. We’re kind of programmed to want what is "average." And an average penis fits well in an average vagina and an average butt and an average mouth and an average whatever else.
Of course, certain people prefer their penises more to one side of the Bell curve. Whether you're smaller or longer or wider—or, I don't know, banana-ier?—there's a complementary body part (and person) out there who wants exactly what you're packing.
Which leads us to Answer Two: you should really not give a fuck about your dick length, average or otherwise. Do your best not to obsess over it—particularly in the context of whether or not a woman will like it. The biggest, handsomest dick in the world is never going to make anybody love the guy who owns it—himself included. Same goes for the guy with the smallest, least-comely dong who’s amazing at oral sex. (Though guys who pride themselves on being really good at oral sex wig me—and everybody else—out.) So love your veiny or hairy or purplish friend-penis.
Thank your dick for all hours of free entertainment it provides. You can have sex with your hand or a vagina or an anus or, according to news reports from the emergency rooms of Florida, pretty much anything with a hole, ever. Think of me, with my crippling case of penis envy. As a woman, I will never know the sublime pleasure of a Jacuzzi blowjob or flying down the freeway and singing along to Crüe while pissing in a Snapple bottle. Look down every day and go, "Hey penis, I love you."
Here’s why: You know those lotion companies that try to sell lotion to women by telling them that all bodies are beautiful? We eat that shit up because we are sick of being told that everything about the flesh prison we were born into is bad and wrong. And that's just one of a billion contexts in which women, tired of being inculcated with self-loathing by corporations and culture at large, have begun the painful process of reclaiming our innate sense of worth.
It's your turn. Wrest the physical standards you have for your body from other people and the advertising industry. Tune out all the dumb shit that people say about masculinity and size and whether or not buying the right toothpaste will let you fuck a model. Fall in love with your penis!
More: Dating vs. Being in a Relationship
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Q: Can a woman take a 10-inch penis all the way into her vagina? If so, where does it all go? Into the womb? A: When a woman is not aroused her vagina is about three to five inches long. When she is aroused her vagina can generally lengthen another inch or two. This is primarily due to the reflexive elevation of her uterus in response to arousal. It moves up and out of the way and leaves a cul-de-sac type space that can stretch somewhat.
A long penis would not go into the uterus (womb). It would just bump into the cervix, the part of the uterus closest to the outside of the body via the vagina. The cervix does have a small opening, but it is not one that normally permits insertion of anything larger than a Q-Tip.
The small percentage of men whose penis is that large often have difficulties in creating satisfying intercourse stimulation for both themselves and their partner. One common problem is an inability to insert very far without causing pain to their partner.
Q: We have a question about a past column in which you were writing about sexual positions. You talked about a woman being on "all fours" and a man being on "all threes." We have been unable to figure out which (or what) three?
A: In mentioning a man being on all threes I may have confused more folks than you. I was answering a question about which position was best for women to receive manual stimulation during intercourse.
I was trying to convey the idea (perhaps with too much cleverness) that while using the rear entry position the man might be supporting himself on his two knees and on one of his hands, totaling three points of support. That would permit his other hand to caress his partner's body as part of the sexual arousal process.
Q: Is the AIDS message getting through to teens?
A: Yes and no. According to "STD News" (vol. 5, no. 3), Yale University and MTV Music Television recently released findings from a survey they conducted with 770 people ages 12 to 34. Eighty-seven percent of the teens in this study did not believe they were vulnerable to getting the AIDS virus.
The survey found that only 16 percent of Hispanics, 11 percent of African Americans and 2 percent of Caucasians in the teenage group consider themselves at risk to contract AIDS. This was true despite the fact that more than 20 percent of the entire 770 people knew someone who had died of AIDS.
Teens aren't the only ones who are missing the point when it comes to AIDS. Ninety percent of the entire group said they are not engaging in any activity that puts them at risk for AIDS. Nevertheless, further questioning revealed that only 53 percent said they used a condom the last time they had sex.
Campaigns have been waged to educate the public about the importance of using condoms and incorporating other behaviors that can greatly reduce the transmission of HIV. Yet many young people are entering their teenage years, a time of possible sexual activity, without truly grasping the facts and integrating them into behavior.
And, sadly, many adults are gambling with very high stakes too.
"Up Front Sex: Getting It Right From the Start" is an audiotape full of detailed information designed to increase sexual confidence and solve common sexual difficulties with specific suggestions for both men and women. To order, send Visa / MC data or a check for $14.99 (includes tax and postage) to Louanne Cole Weston at the address below or by e-mail. Weston is a board-certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and relationship counselor with offices in San Francisco and Sacramento. Send questions to: Sex Matters, Style, San Francisco Examiner , P.O. Box 7260, San Francisco, 94120 or you can e-mail to: lcoleix.netcom.com .<
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