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The internet has become the central place for discovering closed-door swinging sites. Finding a polyamory relationship at the local Starbucks is almost impossible. However, the listed websites are the best places to learn about The Lifestyle.
If you’re looking for sexual adventure, you could find it on the best swinger sites. Discover swinging parties for a full swap.
Swingers date club sites are easy to use and you can meet like-minded singles and couples for threesomes if you pay the per month membership fee.
What are the best swinger lifestyle sites? Let’s investigate.
My wife and I have stayed involved with the LA swinging scene for the past 20 years. Our hearts shared the sentiment that our days are best spent with ourselves in addition to other sexual partners. Since 1999 we have attended prominent swinging events from the Pacific Southwest to the Atlantic Northeast. We decided to bring our knowledge, experience, and expertise to the table and share some of our favorite swinging sites.
Adult Friend Finder is the leading online community for the sexually adventurous, namely those into the swinging lifestyle. Boasting more than 80 million users, AFF is the biggest site for singles and couples looking to add some spice into their sex lives. To get right to the fun stuff, click the Swingers search under the Hookup pull-down menu.
On AFF, it’s easy to register a free account and browse the site. To gain access to all the site features, you can choose from one of three Gold Membership options:
Each charge rebills automatically until you terminate your membership. To find a swinging partner or third-wheel on AFF, use the AFF blogs and connect with other active users. The more time you put in, the more you’ll get out of this community.
SDC (Seek, Discover, Connect) is a modern swingers forum with a scroll-loading interface. You’ll have to register before you can browse. Once inside, you’ll see an infinite table of member pics and a sidebar with filters and contact buttons. To unlock SDC’s features, choose one of the following plans:
Once you upgrade, you’ll be able to use the site’s messenger, chatroom and LiveStream features.
SwapFinder.com is a swinger site with a Facebook-like layout. Up and down each page you’ll see member pics and messages accompanied with videos, comments, “like” buttons and sidebar filters. To connect with other swingers, become a SwapFinder Gold member with one of the following plans:
As a Gold member, you’ll get to message other users and add them to your Hotlist. You’ll also get to see who fancies you and possibly take the fun offline.
SwingLifeStyle.com is an online community for people who live the swinger lifestyle. The site started in 2001, just as swinging witnessed a surge in popularity thanks to the internet. As of 2020, there are roughly 16 million site members, including over 250,000 in the U.S.
Once you register, you can browse profiles and participate in video chat. You’ll get more options, such as the ability to see and upload nudes, with one of the following memberships:
Most of the members on SwingLife are between 25 and 54 years old.
Ashley Madison is notorious as the site where married people go to find extramarital flings. By extension, the site is perfectly suited to married and single swingers. If you’re a single guy looking to add married women to your rotation, you’ll probably find them here. If you wish to open your marriage to a married third wheel, this would be one of the best places to look.
Rather than charge a membership fee, Ashley Madison gives members credits at the following prices:
Heterosexual women can use Ashley Madison free of charge. Everyone else must purchase credits to use the site. With five credits, you can send your first email to a woman of interest. If she responds, the conversation is free thereafter. Use of the chat room costs one credit per minute.
Your success on Ashley Madison could depend on your online game and effort. When you head to other cities, use the site’s Travelling Man feature to contact users in those areas. AshleyMadison.com is owned by Ruby Corp., all rights reserved.
Alt.com caters to the kinky side of the swingers community. The site explicitly mentions BDSM and fetish in its byline. The moment you land on their front page, you’ll see images of whips, leather, corsets and a load of other goodies.
As a niche swinger site with 415k members in the U.S., Alt.com isn’t nearly as big as some of the other hookup sites but it’s a good place to find people with a wild streak. The site uses a compatibility metric to determine how each user ranks on the naughty/nice spectrum. Memberships are priced as follows:
Each membership rate includes a value-added tax of 15%.
If you’re a sexually conservative swinger (does such a person exist?), Alt.com might not be right for you. If you like your hookups with a bit of kink, give this site a shot. Remember: the fetish world has its own set of mannerisms and if you come off as the garden-variety horny type, you might not be accepted into the fold.
Kasidie is a swinger community and an online dating site with the evocative tagline “Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later!” The site has membership forums, party listings and a directory of swinger clubs.
You’re encouraged to register the moment you enter. You can upload your bio pic and browse for free, then unlock more features with one of the Elite Certified Membership plans:
As an elite Kasidie member, you can send emails and “flirts,” upload lots of photos and use the forums, chat rooms and messenger.
The subreddit r/swingersr4r is not like any of the swinger sites covered in this article. Since its on Reddit, admission is free. All you have to do is abide by the rules and you’re in.
The r/swingersr4r feed contains lots of female nude pics and couples photos. Along the sidebar, you’ll see links to books on swinging and similar subreddit communities. The group prohibits dating posts or anything related to cuckoldry.
If you join as a single man, you can only call out to couples. This is not a place for b/g hookups, not even between swingers. Unlike all the paid swinger sites, r/swingersr4r takes a firm social-distancing stance in light of Covid.
FetLife, as the name implies, is a social network for people into the fetish lifestyle. It is not a dating or hookup site, per se, but you can meet lots of adventurous people here. Where that might go will depend on you and the individual.
With a FetLife Premium account, you can view the fetishes of other members, view photos and videos, and use the messaging feature. Premium membership plans are priced as follows:
FetLife can help you find swingers in your area, but only if you engage in the community. Not everyone is there to hookup in real life but most of the members are open-minded and kinky.
Tinder is the ultimate swingers app. Launched in 2012, it’s signature function has become so popular that the terms “swipe right” and “swipe left” are now part of everyday vocabulary. For swingers, Tinder can be a goldmine if you know how to work the app.
On Tinder, you swipe left on people you don’t like and right on people you fancy. If you really like someone, swipe up, as that will increase your odds of them seeing you. Remember, be genuine. Don’t swipe right arbitrarily. For Tinder to take you seriously as a user, you should swipe left about 75% of the time. Tinder’s Gold membership plan is priced as follows:
To find other swingers for casual sex and hookups, don’t beat around the bush with idle chit chat on Tinder. Everyone flips through the app fast. If you make a connection, try to get a Skype date or offline meetup arranged as soon as possible.
When you join a swinger site, behave the same as you would at a social function. Enter the forums, talk about interests and ask polite questions. The sex talk will soon follow. The more time you put in, the more you’ll get out of the experience.
Swingers are people who have multiple sex partners at the same time. By some estimates, swingers account for 1% of the adult population. The swinger community largely consists of couples, some who prefer the term polyamory.
Swinging involves at least three people. In some cases, you’ll have a ménage à trois. Some settings will include four or more people in an orgy.
Often times, one partner will have sex with a third wheel while the other watches. This is common when a couple seeks a bisexual woman, who has a lesbian encounter with the wife/girlfriend while her husband watches. Sometimes this involves cuckold scenarios where a hotwife gets it on with a young stud. It’s also common for men to seek sexual variety while in a relationship.
In the United States, there are no laws that regulate what consenting adults do between the sheets. It doesn’t matter whether there are two people, three or four. As long as the acts do not involve torture, injury, children or animals, it’s a private matter.
As for swingers clubs, those laws vary by state. In some states, vice laws prohibit swingers from opening clubs on the scale of Plato’s Retreat, regardless of whether it operates on a private-membership or entrance-fee model.
It depends on the couple. If two partners recognize the difference between love and lust, it can be healthy for them to explore sexual desire for its own sake with multiple third wheels.
For sexual variety. No one is attracted to only one person in their lives, even if they marry. Throughout life, you’re attracted to hundreds of different people. Swingers embrace the credo “you only live once.”
As long as you screen new people and meet them in safe places, swinging is safe. It’s best to exchange messages and video chats with people on a swinger site before you meet in person. Safe sexual practices (condoms) are also a must.
If you’re looking to spice up your sex life with sexually like-minded people, give swinger dating sites a try. You got nothing to lose. They are worth your time if you are already open to bringing other people into the relationship.
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Hank and Cleo are married 40-something realtors from northern New Jersey who can’t keep their hands off each other because of their secret life — the two enjoy “soft-swapping,” or cavorting naked with other couples in hotel rooms and at sex parties without ever “going all the way.”
“We don’t do intercourse but everything else is good,” Cleo told The Post. (She and the other soft-swappers interviewed for this article asked that their names be changed to protect their anonymity.)
“Soft-swapping” — or “soft-swinging” — is unusual enough that even noted sexperts weren’t overly familiar with the topic until a TikTok went viral earlier this month and brought attention to the saucy lifestyle .
“The whole group was intimate with each other,” Mormon social-media influencer Taylor Frankie Paul revealed on a TikTok livestream , referring to her and her husband Tate’s unorthodox relationships with other couples in Utah.
“Tate has made out with several girls and other things, and I’ve made out with all of the husbands and vice versa,” she added.
While Paul said soft-swinging contributed to the destruction of her marriage to Tate, experts say the “esoteric” practice can be a safer way for couples to get kinky.
“It could be a risk-mitigation strategy in that it allows for some degree of sexual novelty without taking as much risk for STIs and/or unintended pregnancy,” Dr. Justin Lehmiller, host of the “ Sex and Psychology Podcast ,” told The Post.
That’s the case for Donna, a 40-something Queens divorcée who enjoys the sex-party scene but soft-swaps to avoid the risks of going all the way.
“Right now I freak out about STDs and wish people had STD cards, like COVID cards,” Donna told The Post. She said the practice allows her to “enjoy” others in a way that’s more “comfortable” for her.
Hank and Cleo’s soft-swapping journey started around 2018. Over cocktails with girlfriends on a Caribbean vacation, Cleo shared how much she’d enjoyed occasional group experiences in college. Now that she was married, she felt like that was no longer an option.
A friend questioned her thinking, so Cleo decided to broach the subject with Hank. He was initially not amused.
“I said, ‘You’re outta your f- -king mind,’” Hank recalled with a laugh.
But his opinion quickly changed when he got “really turned on” filling out applications to NYC sex clubs Chemistry and Hacienda. Shortly thereafter, the couple found themselves enjoying the company of naked strangers, albeit with restrictions.
“Our do-or-die rule [is]: We do everything together in the same room at the same time,” Hank said.
That “everything” includes threesomes and foursomes. And while intercourse isn’t on the menu — making out, foreplay, mutual masturbation and oral sex are.
Cleo says soft-swapping feels like a more “feminist” way to indulge her fantasies since it’s not so focused on “thinking about the man’s pleasure,” but rather becomes a way to fulfill a “need to be touched but also psychologically aroused.”
“Another benefit of soft-swapping for women is that we have so many parts that feel good when touched, and realistically one person can’t get to all of them at once,” Cleo said.
Still, it hasn’t always been easy.
After their first trip to the Brooklyn-based sex party Chemistry, Cleo and Hank returned to their hotel as the sun rose over Manhattan and immediately had a screaming match in the street.
They argued over whether either of them had fun that night, or who’d had the most fun, before decamping to their suite to enjoy another hour of great sex together.
“We were just exhausted,” Hank said. “It was a big flood of emotions but I wouldn’t say jealousy plays any part in it,” he insisted.
The couple’s soft-swapping escapades may have brought them closer, too.
“I feel more people would be happier, and happier in their marriages, if they just opened them up a little,” Cleo said.
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