Submissive Esx

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Submissive Esx

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Rebecca Reid Friday 10 Aug 2018 3:36 pm
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Until a few years ago, unless you were part of the BDSM community, submissive was just a word. 
You’d probably have thought that submissive meant meek, respectful, compliant and passive. And then 50 Shades of Grey arrived and the word took on a whole new meaning.
These days, the sexual side of the word ‘submissive’ means something else. It’s a descriptive word for a role that some people like to take during sex, role play or within their kinky relationship.
The submissive partner can be either the male or the female. It’s also possible for people to take it in turns to be the submissive one, which is known as ‘switching’.
Being submissive can be limited to during sex, when the submissive partner might be on the receiving end of masochism, bondage or other forms of domination. However, some submissive don’t limit their submission to within the bedroom, and will be a ‘lifestyle’ submissive.
Lifestyle submissive have sets of rules between themselves and their partners which govern their relationship. It might be small things such as calling your partner a term like ‘sir’ or ‘master’, it could be doing domestic labour, or it could involve spending large amounts of time naked in a cage.
Every submissive and dominant relationship is different and has different levels of intensity and different rules. It is more common to keep the dominant and submissive roles to the bedroom (or to specific periods of time) rather than living the lifestyle 24/7, as it can be difficult to sustain a relationship with an inherent imbalance, especially if you have a family.
It can be hard to understand why another person wants to be submissive if that’s not something you’re personally interested in. It’s important to try to understand and not to judge. As we have written before, there is a real difference between kinky and abusive. That difference is active consent.
Submissive relationships only work when they are based around consent. If you’re worried that a relationship has become toxic or dangerous, you should contact Relate or the National Domestic Violence hotline.


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Take away my sense of touch and restrain me.
Take away my sense of sight and blindfold me.
Remember, the word "red" is important from this point on.
If you're thinking of trying anything BDSM-related, you should make sure you've done your research first, including information about safe words and consent, and make sure you're doing it with a partner who you fully trust.
So you've decided to try being a submissive in this sexual journey. We just need to tell you one important piece of information: Your safe word is "red". If you want out at any point, just say the word and the session will stop. Now it's time to get going. First of all, your partner is going to take away one of your senses.

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Sophie Saint Thomas is a New York-based writer originally from the Caribbean. She is Allure ’s resident astrologer and the author of Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis for Self-Care (Adams Media), a guide to self-care and marijuana, and [*Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and... Read more
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Curious about the consensual, erotic power play of BDSM, but don't feel ready to invest in a full-scale dungeon just yet? We have good news: You can add BDSM moves to your partnered sex life without spending a mint on new accessories or mastering dozens of different rope ties.
Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. "BDSM doesn’t require any money," kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure . "Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all." (A "scene" is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight.
When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we're talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it's the dominant partner's responsibility to always respect their limits. Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you're both into whatever's about to go down. You may be interested in choosing a safe word that stops play if needed. Learning your turn-ons and boundaries (and your partner's) is all part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing your encounter before it happens can be its own anticipation-building form of foreplay.
Are you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you're a bad girl and that you're going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they're going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you'd like to see how it feels to call them "sir." Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.
Adding sensory deprivation to your sex life is an easy and tantalizing way to build tension. When you temporarily subtract stimuli from one sense, you can heighten others: For instance, when you can't see because you're wearing a blindfold, a whisper in your ear or the taste of your partner's mouth may seem all the more intense — and exciting.
If you want to buy a blindfold, start with a comfy silk one such as this $8 satin mask from Babeland . You can also use a sleeping mask or the silk tie of a bathrobe. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what's coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather.
Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as "edging." This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don't have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you're the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can't wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you've had in a while.
Candles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play . (This technique can feature in both vanilla and BDSM encounters.)
In the case of candles, you can have a partner drizzle hot wax on your body, but don't just use candles you picked up from the grocery store: The wax from those can be a little too hot. Companies such as Jimmyjane make massage candles designed for sex, in erotic scents such as bourbon and ginger and date . These sex-specific candles burn at lower temperatures than most conventional ones and also melt into luxurious oil that you can use for erotic massage. Since role-play, especially anything that involves power dynamics, is great BDSM fun, try role-playing as a massage therapist and client — complete with a happy ending if you so choose.
Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (perhaps that's spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex are) and what's off-limits (maybe you're not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don't have to get fancy; just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you're ready. You can buy some specialty bondage rope or even use a scarf or a bathrobe tie. Pro tip: Lay whatever material you're using flat against the skin so that it doesn't bunch up and threaten to cut off circulation. If you use rope, keep some safety shears around so that if one of your knots becomes stuck, you can simply cut through the rope.
Handcuffs are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don't have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they're handy for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with some comfy Velcro cuffs , or if you want a realistic-looking pair, try these metal handcuffs from the Fifty Shades of Grey line on for size.
Role-playing can help you get into a kinky mood as you take on the personas of people with power dynamics you want to explore, such as a boss and secretary or student and professor. Dressing up is a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires, so if you're turned on by being dominant or submissive with your partner but feel a little nervous, the right outfit could help.
It can be as simple as something you already have at home, such as a tie or a plaid skirt, but sites like Lovehoney offer a dazzling range of affordable costume options . Do you want to be the patient who asks the hot doctor to examine them and test their orgasm? Have your partner throw on a stethoscope. Turned on by cheerleader role-play? Put your hair in pigtails and lean into the fantasy. Costumes help us step into the dominant or submissive roles we want to act out in bed. Even if you throw on a costume and end up having vanilla sex, who doesn't love an excuse to play dress-up as an adult?
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