Stress And Sex Drive
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Stress And Sex Drive
Stress and Sex Drive: How Stress Affects Libido
Posted by Darya Sinusoid | Dec 28, 2021
Stress and Sex Drive: How Stress Affects Libido
This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
What exactly is stress? How does stress affect sex drive?
Stress is an emotion-based systems in the mesolimbic cortex that greatly impacts our sexual arousal. It’s a process or system of changes in our minds and bodies that occurs in response to threats, and it underlies all types of negative emotions, including anxiety, fear, irritation, frustration, and anger.
In this article, we’ll explore the issues around sex and sex drive and how understanding and managing the stress systems can positively affect our sexual experience.
Although stress used to be an evolutionary adaptation to respond to real, life-threatening situations—such as a lion chasing us or a neighboring tribe attacking ours—these days, it’s a response to more subtle things that threaten our well-being: bills to pay, problems at work, or tension between family members at home.
Nagoski maintains that regardless of the severity of the threats we’re exposed to, our bodies continue to respond in the same way : the perceived threat triggers a flood of adrenaline and cortisol to our bloodstream, preparing us to act. Physically, she adds, we experience an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration, suppressed immune and digestive functioning, and dilated pupils.
Nagoski asserts that, once physically prepared, we react to the threatening situation in one of three ways depending on the context:
Stress and sex drive do not go hand in hand—stress can have various negative effects on our sexual response. Specifically, Nagoski notes that it can reduce physical arousal and interest in sex.
Though we don’t yet fully understand how this happens, Nagoski says we do know that stress makes us more likely to interpret stimuli as threats , which activates the SIS. And as we know, activation of the SIS makes our desire for sex decrease.
(Shortform note: Although Nagoski herself doesn’t go into detail about stress’s effect on sexual response, other sources point to some possible answers . For instance, hormonal changes could be responsible for reducing interest in sex during stressful periods. When our bodies produce more of the stress hormone cortisol, the production of testosterone—the hormone that most greatly impacts desire levels—is simultaneously reduced. Additionally, relational factors may play a role: When we’re stressed, we tend to close ourselves off from our partner, which negatively impacts intimacy and desire for sexual contact.)
How can we manage stress to prevent it from inhibiting sexual response? Nagoski suggests that we must take deliberate steps to allow our bodies to complete the stress cycle , therefore ridding itself of the adrenaline and cortisol that flooded our system when we became aware of the threat. Unfortunately, she adds, the ongoing nature of modern stress makes it more difficult to complete the cycle because there’s no clear beginning and end to the threats we’re exposed to.
(Shortform note: Nagoski acknowledges that there’s a continuous nature to modern stress that makes it difficult to manage. However, she doesn’t inform us how to recognize that we’re struggling with chronic stress, which is a necessary first step in completing the cycle. Fortunately, there are a series of physical and emotional signs we can watch out for that are indicative of chronic stress , including forgetfulness, fatigue, irritability, chronic pain and muscle stiffness, digestive issues, and drug abuse.)
Nagoski adds that we live in a culture that encourages us to dismiss emotions rather than address them . When it comes to stress, we either put off completing the cycle to a more convenient time, or we rationalize that we can eliminate what’s stressing us out in the first place. Unfortunately, Nagoski observes, that more convenient time never comes, and getting rid of stressors isn’t the same as getting rid of stress.
(Shortform note: Research not only supports Nagoski’s claim about western culture’s dismissal of emotions but also suggests that this emotional dismissal is particularly damaging to Americans in particular. According to some studies, when compared to East Asian cultures, Americans experience greater harm from emotional suppression because their culture idealizes self-expression. In other words, suppressing emotions is more damaging because it’s in direct conflict with a fundamental cultural value.)
Nagoski says that to complete the cycle, we must find a safe space and deliberately make time to participate in activities that allow the cycle to come to a natural end, therefore eliminating the adrenaline and cortisol from our systems. Although physical activity is the most efficient way of accomplishing this, Nagoski recognizes sleep, affection, meditation , crying, screaming, art, and even grooming rituals as effective ways of managing stress.
Here's what you'll find in our full Come As You Are summary :
Darya’s love for reading started with fantasy novels (The LOTR trilogy is still her all-time-favorite). Growing up, however, she found herself transitioning to non-fiction, psychological, and self-help books. She has a degree in Psychology and a deep passion for the subject. She likes reading research-informed books that distill the workings of the human brain/mind/consciousness and thinking of ways to apply the insights to her own life. Some of her favorites include Thinking, Fast and Slow, How We Decide, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.
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Additional Responses to Stress Although Nagoski defines the three most common ways that humans respond to perceived threats, they aren’t the only possible reactions. Researchers have identified additional stress responses that may prove more appropriate in certain situations than the responses listed above. As previously mentioned, modern-day threats are more subtle and complex than those of our ancestors. Because of this, there may be certain circumstances in which running away or standing your ground may not be the most effective way of handling a threat. For example, if a coworker is threatening to report you to HR for something you didn’t do, you probably wouldn’t simply run out of the building or stubbornly stand your ground. Instead, your first reaction may be to negotiate to talk them out of their decision. In this case, you’re choosing a response that researchers call appease (or fawn ), which is when we try to please the person acting as a threat. Similarly, we may encounter particularly frightening situations that trigger a response even stronger than freezing. For instance, if you have a fear of heights and find yourself at the top of the Empire State Building, you may not just freeze but also faint due to fear overwhelming you. This is just one example of what researchers call flop (or tonic immobility ), which is when we become physically or mentally unresponsive and entirely unaware of our surroundings.
Lifestyle Changes for Managing Stress Other experts agree with Nagoski’s claim that activities like exercise, sleep, affection, meditation, and hobbies like art can reduce the adrenaline and cortisol in our systems . Research also supports her assertion that methods of venting such as crying ( which helps to expel cortisol from our system ) and screaming ( which releases tension ) are useful stress relievers. However, the ongoing nature of stress tends to keep our daily stress level high, meaning that even after completing the cycle as Nagoski suggests, the adrenaline and cortisol are likely to return fairly quickly. Therefore, it would be useful to have long-term strategies you can use to reduce the overall level of stress in your day-to-day life. To supplement Nagoski’s recommendations, here are some lifestyle changes you can make to keep your stress at a manageable amount : Unplug from technology : When we take daily time away from our electronic devices, we’re not only able to take a break from the negativity in online spaces but also shift our focus from our overwhelming list of obligations. Get organized : When we stop to take inventory of what we need to get done and prioritize our tasks, we take back control of our time instead of letting it consume us. Set boundaries : Deciding on what we want and need and communicating that to others helps us navigate relationships and responsibilities with confidence rather than dread. Take a break : Sometimes we just need a break from thinking about what’s bringing us stress. Distracting our minds with something positive—like hobbies, talking with friends, or spending time in nature—can make everything seem more manageable when we return to it. Focus on the positive : Research shows that the more we focus on optimistic thoughts and imagery, the more positively we experience the world. Make healthy choices : Being mindful of our dietary choices and making time for exercise can make a big impact on our mindset.
Home / Adrenal fatigue and stress / How stress affects sex drive — and what to do about it!
Reviewed by Dr. Sharon Stills , NMD
If you’ve ever wondered, “Does stress decrease libido?” then you can have this definitive answer: Yes. Women who live with lots of stress — at least half of us — often find themselves unable to even think about sex.
Unfortunately, stress and sex drive tend to cancel each other out. You know from past experience that having sex puts you in a state of relaxation; when stress gets the upper hand, it puts that “afterglow” out of your reach. Under heavy stress, your body activates your adrenal fight-or-flight mechanism. Your system goes into survival mode and your body’s most important jobs — blood flow and heart rate — are prioritized over sex and all other functions.
If the stress only lasts a short while, your body will recover its mojo — but if it keeps going, everything related to sex goes on the back burner, including libido, vaginal lubrication, and even happiness. You may know your stress is mental and emotional, but your body doesn’t — as far as your body is concerned, it’s a threat to life and limb.
Having sex — and wanting to have sex — are important to your health and happiness. Yes, stress turns off your sex drive, but we can show you how to switch it back on.
Under normal conditions, our sex lives are driven by our hormones. Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone naturally raise or lower libido and sexual pleasure depending on our monthly cycles. But when you’re stressed all the time, the adrenal hormone cortisol suppresses sex hormones, which kills your libido. And having low sex drive causes more stress!
If your stress seems unrelenting, turn your attention first to your adrenal function. Then focus on ways to allow your body, and mind, to become more receptive to sexual arousal. Your libido may seem nonexistent right now, but following this approach will allow it to grow a little more every day.
If your stress is high and stays that way indefinitely, cortisol production turns into a runaway train that can’t stop on its own. Specific plant chemicals like l-theanine and phosphatidylserine, both used in our Serinisol supplement , can calm the adrenals and shift your body away from heavy cortisol production and more toward DHEA to unleash the natural sex hormone cascade. This helps restore your natural cortisol curve and normalize hormone levels so your body can relax. Chronic stress also leaves you feeling tapped out, so seek out this blend of herbs in our Adaptisol supplement for energy: Siberian ginseng and rhodiola to relieve fatigue and boost energy, and astragalus root to help fend off the effects of stress. Work toward a long-term stress solution to naturally lower cortisol by taking a good look at your lifestyle today. Can you create more time for yourself? Learn to meditate? Even remembering to take deep breaths every so often can help. It’s amazing, but even small shifts in behavior can help you learn how to prevent stress from infecting your sex life in the future.
When stress blocks libido, make the idea of sex fun again by shopping for bedroom toys and lubrication. If you’ve never used them before, vibrators and dildos, and a million and one other options for stimulation, can quickly turn on sex drive. Lubes help restart the arousal process by adding a charge to the sensation of touching yourself or being touched sexually by a partner. When you add sex toys and lubes to your life, you instantly put yourself back in action to explore self-stimulation on your own, or with a partner. Enjoy a nice tingle to the arousal process by taking a natural libido enhancer that affects blood flow and sensation in the vaginal area.
There are great foods that do double duty by reducing stress and stoking libido. While the active ingredients in foods that help with adrenal stress and sex drive are in small amounts, the benefits of little dietary shifts add up quickly. Eating consistent meals and snacks is important when you’re rebuilding adrenal health , so don’t let yourself get too hungry.
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https://www.self.com/story/how-stress-affects-sex-life
https://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/book-excerpts/health-article/hormones-affecting-sexual-desire/
https://news.utexas.edu/2010/09/27/stress-hormone-blocks-testosterones-effects-study-shows
https://www.health.harvard.edu/how-much-protein-do-you-need-every-day-201506188096
https://www.upi.com/More-fish-in-the-diet-could-boost-sex-lives-and-fertility/3351527131534/
https://www.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/healthy-tips/2010/04/top-10-foods-for-stress-relief
https://www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/libido-boosting-foods/?page=6
https://www.ahealthiermichigan.org/2014/12/06/8-healthy-foods-that-fight-stress/
https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/916928/libido-sex-drive-low-how-to-increase-diet-food-aphrodisiac
https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/780162/stress-anxiety-levels-fresh-fruit-vegetables
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As a Healthline article notes, sex and mental health are connected, with increased sexual activity associated with mental health satisfaction. When things are working well, sex can be a great stress buster, producing body chemicals that make us feel relaxed and happy. It can strengthen relationships, which can add to our emotional stability and contentment. But what about the impacts of stress on sex drive?
On the other hand, too much stress can kill desire. This can strain relationships and cause even more stress, creating a vicious cycle.
Stress affects our sex drive because when we’re stressed, our bodies go into emergency mode. Emergency mode gets us ready to fight or flee the perceived danger we’re facing. Functions that aren’t immediately needed to reach that goal, such as digestion and reproduction, get turned down.
A Psychology Today article notes that the stress and sex drive connection is based partly on the rise and fall of hormones. When we’re stressed, our bodies produce cortisol and other stress-related chemicals instead of the sex hormones associated with desire. The shift lowers libido and can affect fertility-related issues like ovulation and sperm count.
Hormones associated with desire include testosterone, oxytocin, vasopressin, and, in women, estrogen and progesterone. It appears that testosterone may be one of the most important players in both women and men. It’s produced in the sex organs but also by the adrenal glands.
The adrenal glands produce important body chemicals that help with all sorts of things. This includes blood pressure, the immune system, and the stress response. When they’re busy producing chemicals to help you deal with stress, they produce less of the others.
Here are some ways to address the impact that stress is having on your sex drive:
Why not get help at a South Florida mental health treatment center like Five Palms ? Give us a call at 1.844.675.1022 , and let us help you get back on track.
515 Tomoka Ave. Ormond Beach, FL 32174 1.844.675.1022
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