Shes Too Tight
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Shes Too Tight
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I would sincerely like to thank both shyshutterbug and tiredofvampires for their input. The reason I joined into this e-notalone in the first place is because of the posts I was reading when doing a bit of initial research for the situation. I was seeking exactly the kind of comments that these two people left. Thank you so much for not saying the usual "practice makes perfect" line or the "lube fixes everything" line. I'm not by any means saying that these people are wrong in their own context and from what they know, but they were just not fitting into the true context of the situation at hand. I'm still thanking with a gracious heart to ALL those who did comment, for at least they cared enough to take time to do so. The thread is still open, I just had to say that. Thank you again. -matt
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I would sincerely like to thank both shyshutterbug and tiredofvampires for their input. The reason I joined into this e-notalone in the first place is because of the posts I was reading when doing a bit of initial research for the situation. I was seeking exactly the kind of comments that these two people left. Thank you so much for not saying the usual "practice makes perfect" line or the "lube fixes everything" line. I'm not by any means saying that these people are wrong in their own context and from what they know, but they were just not fitting into the true context of the situation at hand. I'm still thanking with a gracious heart to ALL those who did comment, for at least they cared enough to take time to do so. The thread is still open, I just had to say that. Thank you again. -matt
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I am very glad shutterbug and I had something to offer that might get this resolved for you. (and shutterbug, it is also helpful for me to know that I'm 'not alone' with this problem on this board! Thanks for speaking up, girl!)
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By
matt3891 ,
June 29, 2007 in Sex and Romance
So a couple nights ago my girlfriend and I finally thought it was about time to get down to it, plus she's been kinda waiting on me, though I didn't know that part till that night. Anyways, after fooling around for about an hour after the movie finished, we tried doing it, though there was far more difficulty than I had expected. You see; she's too tight! I mean, I'm not all that big and have never had any difficulty with past relationships getting in. So, ya know, she jumped on top and attempted to use gravity and weight to our advantage, but with no avail.
So I ask her "has this happened before?" To which she says "every time." Hmm, okay... so she's a virgin, I can deal with that. She proceeds then to tell me of her previous attempts and methods for the event, as well as her trip to the doctor to find out what the heck. She said her doc says she has an abnormally tight spot down there. She says she REALLY wants to with me, but then the facts are facts (she's kinda pessimistic, but in a cute way).
So to whom ever it may concern reading this, I am not a punk kid and she is not a naive girl (I'm 24 and she's 23)... I've just never come accross this situation before and I'm curious if anyone has a GOOD suggestion of what to do now? For those that think suggesting a good lube is the kind of suggestion I'm looking for then think again. I posted a similar message yesterday and only got a bunch of lube suggestions... Not Helping! All but one person was telling me "try lube..." oy vey. I would greatly appreciate anything you could contribute as long as it's not a suggestion for lube](*,).
It is possible to buy dilators, which slowly stretch it? I remember reading about someone else having them before, I believe you can get them in sets and you can start off small and get bigger.
You could also you know try some lu... I josh.
Dont 7lb babies come out of there? A womens vagina can stretch and IT WILL. It's the most elastic part on a women's body. Try inserting a well lubricated finger and work from there slowly.
I am going to suggest lube. AND to take your time, be gentle and patient. The vagina is very elastic and can adapt. I mean, if babies can come out of there, I am sure your penis will fit.
She also needs to relax. Since there is a lot of muscle there, being tense will cause it to be tighter. Perhaps try a massage, light candles, soft sheets, nice music will set the mood.
She will adapt, it will take patience and practice.
And no matter how you plan it and so forth, the first time for just about every girl will hurt.
Wow i've never heard of a girl being too tight. Not too much advice I can give you
As a simple question; has anyone heard of Vaginismus? I did a little research myself cause I have that kinda time. Now as for my new question now:
So she has Vaginismus, Should I buy her a dilator set or let her do that on her own, but I'm not sure if she knows that she needs them, or if she's done any research herself. I fear though if I leave it up to her that she'll never get around to buying anything (she doesn't really have any extra money laying around), and I'm not sure I can just let her not. So what now my people?
No need to get snippy. No one on this forum are doctors and you made no mention about her having this condition. I can only give advice according to what has been disclosed. I never once said this condition never existed, YOU never mentioned it.
If this is an issue for her and if indeed she has this, she needs to talk to her Ob/Gyn about her options.
sorry about that kellbell, I edited it for the better, I'm just a little on edge with this situation, i sincerely apologize.
I'm curious if her Gyn gave her this diagnosis- did he not talk to her about options?
But she should really discuss this issue with her Ob/Gyn. I am sure she (your girlfriend) has some options. Good luck.
she was given the normal options, but she hasn't acted because she's a hands on buyer and she's creeped out by sex shops. As well as her minuscule budget. She wants to, and assures me of it, we've tried twice now, but without dilators or something, it's just not gonna happen. So as a revamp on my new question: should I go ahead and buy the medical dilators and give them to her or wha? just curious befor I spend the 50 bucks.
Hmmmm, I have never heard of those. Perhaps do a bit of research on them?
the backdrop of your picture... is that taken in colorado or in utah? It reminds me of a spot I know near Moab, UT. Just curious.
I was the Garden of the Gods in CO Springs, CO. Beautiful place!
I'll definitely have to check that out next time in Colorado. thanks for the tip.
I personally don't think you should be pulling out a bunch contraptions and gadgets for her first time. Seems like a bit much.
The key here is patience. It will require lots of it. Do your research; together, even. And when the time comes to proceed, do it slowly with lots of patience . You will need lube also. But foremost you will need patience. Go gently.
I suffer from vaginismus. I would strongly recommend ordering the dilators you mentioned. Sex toys are far too large to work with in this circumstance; on the other hand, dilators for women with vaginismus come from very small sizes up, and she can control the pace with which she's comfortable inserting them. This process can be exceptionally painful - after over two years of work, I'm still unable to insert a tampon - so she may ask her doc about prescribing an antianxiety med, or at least a topical anesthetic to use while she's using the dilators.
Vaginismus is a physiological condition, and all the patience, lube, and gentleness in the world will not make much of a difference. If she does indeed suffer from vaginismus, what she needs is time .
I am going to suggest lube. AND to take your time, be gentle and patient. The vagina is very elastic and can adapt. I mean, if babies can come out of there, I am sure your penis will fit.
She also needs to relax. Since there is a lot of muscle there, being tense will cause it to be tighter. Perhaps try a massage, light candles, soft sheets, nice music will set the mood.
She will adapt, it will take patience and practice.
And no matter how you plan it and so forth, the first time for just about every girl will hurt.
Kell Bell is right, just be patient. Practice makes perfect!
I have a condition that is related to vaginismus, which is an autmatic tightening of the muscles at the opening of the vagina. It is like a muscle spasm. Is she in a lot of pain? When I was her age, I didn't want to scare my bf off by showing how much pain I was in, but try to imagine trying to force muscles apart that are clenched shut.
I strongly recommend the dilators as well. You can start with a small finger as well, just insert your smallest finger if she can tolerate it (with lube, sorry.) Hang out with that and some very gentle stretching of the opening until you can start using the graduated size dildos. I think it's a good investment and will bring you a lot closer together. I commend you for your caring and taking the lead in this, what a gem!
The other option is that she see a pelvic pain physical therapist. They help to retrain your pelvic muscles so they can relax, but it does take time and patience. It involves manual therapy as well, which is what you can start with the graduated dilators.
Also, make sure it is not her hymen (skin at the entrance.) Both my sister could not have sex until a minor surgical cut was made to open their thick/tight hymens. If she can have an ob/gyn insert anything (speculum or fingers), it means her hymen is okay. But I suspect her ob/gyn isn't able to insert anything either?
The anxiety makes the muscles tighten even harder, so reassure her that you are willing to take all the time in the world until you can accomplish it. Start with the dilators and if that is still a problem then seek a gyn referral the a pelvic pain therapist in your area.
I hadn't even considered that she obtain pelvic pain specific PT...and you'd think I would; I've done just that before, lol! Good idea, tiredofvampires
I would sincerely like to thank both shyshutterbug and tiredofvampires for their input. The reason I joined into this e-notalone in the first place is because of the posts I was reading when doing a bit of initial research for the situation. I was seeking exactly the kind of comments that these two people left. Thank you so much for not saying the usual "practice makes perfect" line or the "lube fixes everything" line. I'm not by any means saying that these people are wrong in their own context and from what they know, but they were just not fitting into the true context of the situation at hand. I'm still thanking with a gracious heart to ALL those who did comment, for at least they cared enough to take time to do so. The thread is still open, I just had to say that. Thank you again. -matt
Okay assuming this is not vaginismus, and I don't think we can assume that yet because if she is a virgin it is very likely that she just has a very intact hymen, then the best thing is dilating it slowly. She is probably not too "tight", she just has a very resistant and intact hymen most likely. Girls who were not all that sporty, active and such never really tear or stretch the hymen and it can be persistently tough but not unbreakable.
The easiest and most painless way is to stretch it and do that with by inserting things of various sizes each time a little larger. Now this sounds strange and I don't advocate finding any curling irons or cucumbers or what have you (LOL sorry not trying to be graphic) but perhaps go shopping at the local sex shop for various sized toys, very small ones then gradually work up, i am talking small like a little bigger than a finger then gradually work your way up with her....
Someone said they didn't suggest gadgets like this for dialation since it is her first time but i have to disagree. It might be the only way.
She should consult a doctor tho to rule out a disorder. Honestly, they may even be able to help if it is a tough hymen and not a disorder.
What a lovely thing to say I'm glad you found the input helpful, and I hope you and your girlfriend can resolve this issue with a minimum of trouble on both ends!
matt, you are most welcome! Thank you so much for saying so!
I'm grateful I had something to contribute that you might find helpful. It is very hard to go through a private problem such as this, that is so hard to talk about that sometimes defies the average person's experience. If there is anything I've gleaned from the awful personal pain this causes, it is to be able to advise someone else who might be finding themselves in the same boat. And yes, imagine the frustration of having so many doctors and girlfriends who just don't get it all asking "Are you dry?" (how many times do I have to say that I have no lubrication problems, so why do you think MORE and MORE extra lube is going to help?) No matter what, you WILL need lube or it will make the problem 10 times worse, but it is not the complete answer sometimes. I am very glad shutterbug and I had something to offer that might get this resolved for you. (and shutterbug, it is also helpful for me to know that I'm 'not alone' with this problem on this board! Thanks for speaking up, girl!)
matt, the credit is all yours for being such a proactive, concerned and caring bf. You're the best! (and they don't make 'em all like you! )
If you have any more questions along the way, keep posting or PM me, if you need to.
Amen to that! The more alone you feel in your problem, the more insurmountable it seems. Good for both of us, lol
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