Sex With Animals Stories
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Summer’s in full swing, so it’s time to shed your clothes and get naughty in the great outdoors. Read on as women share their wildest stories. (And keep an eye out for poison ivy!)
Photographed for Maxim by Zoe McConnell | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
Between the steamy temperatures and overflowing margarita pitchers that come along with summer, so does the best sex of the year. “There’s something extremely erotic about summer,” says Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen. “You see more skin on hot days, which can make women more aware of their own attractiveness.” So while things are heating up, there’s no better place to take advantage of your girl’s carnal desires than the great outdoors. We spoke to plenty of women who will reassure you that just ’cause she insists on washing her hair every day, it doesn’t mean she isn’t yearning to get dirty. Connect with Nature
“On my first visit to my fiancé’s hometown in Northern California, he took me on a hike to a field with tall grass and a stunning view. He started rubbing my lower back, and I got chills all over my body. I undressed and lay on his sweater, and he got on top. I’ve never had such an intense orgasm from going at it missionary.”—Linda*, 27
“Last year my boyfriend and I took a lot of day trips to the woods a few hours from our place. Sadly that eliminated the fun of hotel room sex, which I pointed out to him during one of our walks. He turned to me and said, ‘So what are we going to do about it?’ He picked me up, and I could feel he was excited, so I begged him to take me right there. I ended up leaning on a tree while he took me from behind for the hottest doggy-style romp ever.”
—Janie, 25
“One summer I went on a camping trip with a group of friends, including a guy I was into. We’d been flirting all day, and after dark he snuck into my tent. We started kissing but decided it would be more comfortable to do it outside. We took a blanket to a clearing away from the tents and spent the whole night hooking up. We knew that our friends could catch us, but really that was part of the thrill.”
—Natalie, 24 Get Wet
“I invited my college boyfriend to my parents’ lake house, and they insisted we sleep in separate bedrooms. One day as we watched the sunset from the water, we looked at each other, and I could tell we were thinking the same thing. He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed my bikini bottoms to the side for easy access. It was the best quickie I’ve ever had.”
—Nisha, 22
“Sex on the beach is far from overrated. Every year my boyfriend and I take a tropical vacation, and as soon as we arrive we’ll head to a remote area or sneak around after dark to get it on. There’s no better way to kick off a holiday than by letting go of your inhibitions and getting it on in the sand to the sound of crashing waves.”—Tara, 29 Stay Close to Home
“I moved in with my boyfriend last July, and to show him one of the benefits, I was lying out in the garden to tan in my thong and nothing else. It didn’t take long for him to come outside and get on top of me. The feeling of him pressing against me and the sun and the grass on my skin made me so wet we didn’t bother with foreplay—and we didn’t have to worry about anyone watching.”
—Karen, 27
“My parents’ friends had a party at their beach house, and I spent the whole evening flirting with their nephew. As the guests left, we headed to the deck and started making out on one of the secluded lawn chairs. I slipped my panties off underneath my dress, unzipped his pants, and straddled him. We had to be very slow and quiet, but the sound of the ocean and the breeze added so much to the experience.”
—Chelsea, 23 Want more weird sex news? Check out 5 Friends Your Girlfriend Probably Has…And How To Cope With Them and Science Alert: The Happiest People Practice BDSM .
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As much hype and attention as we give it, sex is just another normal function of the human body — which can only mean it has the potential to get pretty darn embarrassing. While everyone has had at least one sex slip-up before, these cringe-worthy-but-totally-true stories might make you feel better about some of your more forgettable sexual encounters.
“One evening after a few drinks, this younger boy and I were lying on the ground with our pants off and making out. We removed our undies and he starts moving his hips back and forth, slowly and then faster and faster,” recalls Laura. “His breath got heavier, and then he collapsed on top of me. Mind you, this whole time I just laid there in fear of saying something that would embarrass him because he was a virgin .”
“He looked up at me sweetly and asked, ‘How w-w-was it for you?’ I replied, ‘What? You were between my thighs.’ He laughed it off, but was super embarrassed. When we finally did get around to actually [doing the deed], it was fantastic.”
It was 1969 and Dana was a senior at UCLA. “My girlfriend and I were looking for a place to make ‘nookie’ since my roommate was in my room studying. It was a few days before classes started and the room next door to her room was still vacant, so we went in there and proceeded,” Dana explains.
“Then, there was a knock on the door. We froze. Another knock, then the sound of a key going into the lock. Room was pitch dark, so it was just sounds, but we heard voices out in the hall.”
“In a panic, I threw a blanket — or something — over my girlfriend, grabbed my pants and tried to pull them on as I headed for the door to keep it from opening. I got to the door with my pants just above my knees when the door opened,” he recalls. “Standing in the hall was this sweet young freshman girl with her parents bringing her to her new dorm room! The looks on their faces were priceless. I asked them to give us a few minutes — I mean, what choice did they have?”
“My wife and I decided to add a little spice to our love life by using some aerosol whipped cream. I got the can from the fridge and brought it to our dark bedroom, sprayed it all over her boobs and started to lick it off. It tasted funny and I thought that her skin chemistry was giving the whipped cream an off taste,” says John. “It kept getting worse, so I turned on the light. It was all green from mold. She started laughing hysterically as did I. It killed the mood for the night though. I had a queasy stomach all night long.”
John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.”
Eliza recounts a story from her first year in college. “I was with my boyfriend in his dorm room. His roommate was away for the weekend (or so we thought). I’m under the covers giving him a blow job and having a good time. I don’t even hear the key turn in the door or anything — all of a sudden I just hear his roommate talking.”
“I just froze. I didn’t know what to do,” Eliza recalls. “He’s just shooting the breeze with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is trying to just play it off and is holding a conversation like I’m not even there. So I just stayed down there, perfectly still, waiting for him to go. He talks for what seems like is eternity (probably only two minutes). Then I hear him say, ‘See ya later… you too Eliza.’ I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.”
“I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated — right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical — I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.”
Updated by Bethany Ramos on 4/1/2016
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Washington Post Late to the Party on Fact-Checking Poorly Sourced '10-Year-Old Rape Victim' Abortion Tale BUT Proves Us Right
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As a Roman history buff, I’d heard weird sexual stories about the Romans in dribs and drabs. Those little scraps of information were enough to pique my curiosity though, so when I ran across a book called Sex Lives of the Roman Emperors , I had to read it. As you are about to see, the Romans were even more degenerate than you imagine.
For centuries, the Romans had the best military of the ancient world. To take them on meant death, subjugation, and the rape of your women, which was commonplace in those days. What wasn’t as commonplace was another Roman practice. After being captured, an enemy soldier might experience the horror of having a dentifrangibus used on them. A dentifrangibus is another word for tooth smasher. After the teeth were smashed out of the enemy soldier’s mouth, the Roman soldiers then had sex with the toothless mouth as a way to humiliate their foes. This practice was called irrumatio and Romans didn’t consider it gay since they were the ones doing the penetrating.
Compared to some of the deviant Roman emperors that followed, Julius Caesar almost seems tame. Yet and still, he was famous for his sexual appetites. He spent vast sums buying attractive slaves for sexual purposes on the one hand and on the other, had slept with both the wives of fellow triumvirate members Pompey and Crassus. Caesar was also known for having sex with men, which the Romans took a laissez-faire attitude toward. However, Caesar was mocked by many Romans because he was reputed to be the catcher, not the pitcher, which Romans thought was unmanly. Caesar was also, of course, famous for his romance with Cleopatra, who had her servants roll her up inside of a rug so she could be inconspicuously delivered to the powerful Roman. He fell for her and then helped her free herself from her brother, to whom she
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