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10:47PM Saturday, November 19th, 2022
A NOTE ABOUT RELEVANT ADVERTISING: We collect information about the content (including ads) you use across this site and use it to make both advertising and content more relevant to you on our network and other sites. Find out more about our policy and your choices, including how to opt-out. Sometimes our articles will try to help you find the right product at the right price. We may receive payment from third parties for publishing this content or when you make a purchase through the links on our sites.
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More stories to check out before you go
GAY men say they have sex with straight men quite frequently. So what’s going on? We investigated. WARNING: Sexual content
IF A man is sexual with another man, is he gay? You can kiss a girl and like it and be straight, but man on man sex is quickly put in the category of homosexuality.
It’s a subject that has always fascinated me because I have many gay friends who bed these so-called straight (and often married) men with excitement, enthusiasm and frequency.
I’d heard of the term “men who have sex with men” (msm), but was confused as to why these straight men/gay men hook-ups were occurring so commonly, and what it was all about.
Are these men secretly gay and in hiding?
As it turns out, not all of them are. After investigating the issue and speaking to some of the men involved, I was surprised to find out that as well as some of these men being in the closet, there is also a population of guys out there who are hooking up with other guys just for the pure ease at which a hook up can occur.
It is not necessarily about sexual attraction to a gender, but sexual pleasure.
Finding a gay man who has experience in this was not difficult at all. Max* informed me that finding straight men to hook up with is not that hard. “It’s pretty easy to find if you know where you are looking. Probably any toilet you go to is a beat,” he said.
He also informed me of a recent encounter he had with a straight man at a sex on premises club who he thought was gay.
Towards the end of the encounter, his phone rang displaying a photo of the man he was hooking up with and his wife on their wedding day. This was later reconfirmed by a text message which said, “You give head as good as my wife does.”
I also spoke to another man who has a glory hole (a sheet in his apartment that has a hole in it which sexual acts can be anonymously carried out through) and puts out ads to have encounters with straight men only.
These men will walk in and walk away without knowing who the person is on the other side but understand that it is another man.
While some men might be experimenting with their sexuality and desires, Max explains that the glory hole encounters between men where one might not identify as gay could be more to do with the ease at which men can get off.
“The majority of straight men who are going to a glory hole are going because they don’t want to see who is on the other side. It is about just getting off.
“Is it that easy to find another girl who is just willing to give a blow job and say nothing more? Guys know what other guys are like. Guys just want to (get off). It sounds harsh, but it’s true.”
As much as gay men are willing to boast about their encounters with straight men, finding a straight man who engages in these same sex experiences to talk openly was like the hunt for Bin Laden.
After a call out I received a message from a man name Paul who identified as straight but admitted, “he had an occasional urge to have a different sexual experience, one you can have with a guy”.
His overall advice: “Try to understand it and embrace it. I think there are so many more men out than the world realises, than woman realise, that enjoy a different type of stimulation.”
Paul continues, “I would think that society would be amused by the number of men that are out there that seek a slightly different adventure and it doesn’t necessarily mean in any way shape or form that they are gay or bi. They are just wanting to experiment and have a bit of fun just like we see girls out there on the dance floor.”
And by girls on the dance floor, Paul is referring to the hypersexual behaviour of women towards each other, sometimes even sexual encounters, that don’t require any labels. The idea that two women together is hot but two men together is gay.
Paul wants to experience different sexual encounters and not be restricted by a label. He describes it as “going to a theme park and saying I haven’t tired that ride before, this looks like fun.”
Which begs the question: If you are a straight man who has sex with men, why identify as straight? If you enjoy it, why not call yourself bi or fluid?
It seems there are many issues when it comes to homosexuality that many men are not comfortable with, and these might stem from lifestyle, masculinity to cultural or religion.
“If you are attracted to sex with men and you are straight, do we have to put a label on it?” agrees Max. “There isn’t a straight forward answer, it’s a complex issue about sexual identity, labels, mixed with cultural expectations.”
The issue with many labels is they come attached with set assumptions and even some negative associations about how someone who identities with that label must be and live their life.
It can also be very confusing when someone doesn’t stick to stereotypically what that label says. We all have a right to change our minds and go with the flow. Isn’t that what being true to ourselves is all about? Why should we correct someone’s label if they are comfortable with it?
As the number of sexual labels increases and the complexity of how we identify grows, maybe the answer is to understand how someone lives their life, not try change or correct them if we don’t agree.
Dr Nikki Goldstein is a sexologist. She goes deeper into the topic of straight men who have sex with men in her new podcast Sex and Life on PodcastOne.
Nadia Bokody reveals the uncomfortable question that people should ask before jumping into bed with somebody, in order to prioritise everyone’s pleasure.
A former model claims she was duped into giving up her career and livelihood for a man who demanded to have sex with her multiple times a day.
A man who’s recently started dating a “cute and funny” woman is distracted by one sexual habit she can’t shake.

10:47PM Saturday, November 19th, 2022
A NOTE ABOUT RELEVANT ADVERTISING: We collect information about the content (including ads) you use across this site and use it to make both advertising and content more relevant to you on our network and other sites. Find out more about our policy and your choices, including how to opt-out. Sometimes our articles will try to help you find the right product at the right price. We may receive payment from third parties for publishing this content or when you make a purchase through the links on our sites.
Nationwide News Pty Ltd © 2022. All times AEDT (GMT +11). Powered by WordPress.com VIP
More stories to check out before you go
GAY men say they have sex with straight men quite frequently. So what’s going on? We investigated. WARNING: Sexual content
IF A man is sexual with another man, is he gay? You can kiss a girl and like it and be straight, but man on man sex is quickly put in the category of homosexuality.
It’s a subject that has always fascinated me because I have many gay friends who bed these so-called straight (and often married) men with excitement, enthusiasm and frequency.
I’d heard of the term “men who have sex with men” (msm), but was confused as to why these straight men/gay men hook-ups were occurring so commonly, and what it was all about.
Are these men secretly gay and in hiding?
As it turns out, not all of them are. After investigating the issue and speaking to some of the men involved, I was surprised to find out that as well as some of these men being in the closet, there is also a population of guys out there who are hooking up with other guys just for the pure ease at which a hook up can occur.
It is not necessarily about sexual attraction to a gender, but sexual pleasure.
Finding a gay man who has experience in this was not difficult at all. Max* informed me that finding straight men to hook up with is not that hard. “It’s pretty easy to find if you know where you are looking. Probably any toilet you go to is a beat,” he said.
He also informed me of a recent encounter he had with a straight man at a sex on premises club who he thought was gay.
Towards the end of the encounter, his phone rang displaying a photo of the man he was hooking up with and his wife on their wedding day. This was later reconfirmed by a text message which said, “You give head as good as my wife does.”
I also spoke to another man who has a glory hole (a sheet in his apartment that has a hole in it which sexual acts can be anonymously carried out through) and puts out ads to have encounters with straight men only.
These men will walk in and walk away without knowing who the person is on the other side but understand that it is another man.
While some men might be experimenting with their sexuality and desires, Max explains that the glory hole encounters between men where one might not identify as gay could be more to do with the ease at which men can get off.
“The majority of straight men who are going to a glory hole are going because they don’t want to see who is on the other side. It is about just getting off.
“Is it that easy to find another girl who is just willing to give a blow job and say nothing more? Guys know what other guys are like. Guys just want to (get off). It sounds harsh, but it’s true.”
As much as gay men are willing to boast about their encounters with straight men, finding a straight man who engages in these same sex experiences to talk openly was like the hunt for Bin Laden.
After a call out I received a message from a man name Paul who identified as straight but admitted, “he had an occasional urge to have a different sexual experience, one you can have with a guy”.
His overall advice: “Try to understand it and embrace it. I think there are so many more men out than the world realises, than woman realise, that enjoy a different type of stimulation.”
Paul continues, “I would think that society would be amused by the number of men that are out there that seek a slightly different adventure and it doesn’t necessarily mean in any way shape or form that they are gay or bi. They are just wanting to experiment and have a bit of fun just like we see girls out there on the dance floor.”
And by girls on the dance floor, Paul is referring to the hypersexual behaviour of women towards each other, sometimes even sexual encounters, that don’t require any labels. The idea that two women together is hot but two men together is gay.
Paul wants to experience different sexual encounters and not be restricted by a label. He describes it as “going to a theme park and saying I haven’t tired that ride before, this looks like fun.”
Which begs the question: If you are a straight man who has sex with men, why identify as straight? If you enjoy it, why not call yourself bi or fluid?
It seems there are many issues when it comes to homosexuality that many men are not comfortable with, and these might stem from lifestyle, masculinity to cultural or religion.
“If you are attracted to sex with men and you are straight, do we have to put a label on it?” agrees Max. “There isn’t a straight forward answer, it’s a complex issue about sexual identity, labels, mixed with cultural expectations.”
The issue with many labels is they come attached with set assumptions and even some negative associations about how someone who identities with that label must be and live their life.
It can also be very confusing when someone doesn’t stick to stereotypically what that label says. We all have a right to change our minds and go with the flow. Isn’t that what being true to ourselves is all about? Why should we correct someone’s label if they are comfortable with it?
As the number of sexual labels increases and the complexity of how we identify grows, maybe the answer is to understand how someone lives their life, not try change or correct them if we don’t agree.
Dr Nikki Goldstein is a sexologist. She goes deeper into the topic of straight men who have sex with men in her new podcast Sex and Life on PodcastOne.
Nadia Bokody reveals the uncomfortable question that people should ask before jumping into bed with somebody, in order to prioritise everyone’s pleasure.
A former model claims she was duped into giving up her career and livelihood for a man who demanded to have sex with her multiple times a day.
A man who’s recently started dating a “cute and funny” woman is distracted by one sexual habit she can’t shake.

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It’s high time we talk about the best sex toys for men. Here at SELF, we’ve covered sex toys for women and couples in-depth, but there’s a whole world of sex toys specifically designed for male bodies—and they’re well worth the wading (which, handily, we’ve done for you).
When it comes to sex toys, experts say they see a lot of hesitation from men (especially in heterosexual relationships) related to viewing sex toys as competition instead of tools. “Sex toys are made for our pleasure, and there is no shame in trying them out, as a man or as a person with a penis,” says sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd (also known as The Millennial Sexpert ). 
The right sex toys can heighten and increase pleasure in solo or partnered play for all people, and at the end of the day, they’re meant to be fun. Megan Fleming , PhD, a New York City–based sex and relationship expert, notes that the bedroom is one of the rare spaces that adults can actually play in their everyday lives, and expanding your toy “toolbox” is crucial: “I want people’s sex lives to be like a diner menu, where you have lots of appetizers, main dishes, and desserts, so you’re always feeling like, ‘What kind of play do we want today?’”
Below, we spoke to a range of sex experts to answer the big questions about the best sex toys for men looking to take masturbation or play to the next level, how to shop for these toys, and—crucially—what their recommendations are for the best ones.
If you’re by yourself and want to experience sensations that are different than your good-old-hand stimulation, masturbation sleeves (especially power strokers) offer enjoyable, hands-free stimulation, as do non-vibrating cock rings. If you’re trying to adjust to the sensation of anal penetration, dildos and butt plugs are good choices for working out your comfort levels with self-stimulation. 
Prostate massagers can also be used alone if you’ve not explored your prostrate, but Frye-Nekrasova says they also work well with partners, as do vibrating cock rings and butt plugs.
There are a few factors to think about when deciding what sex toy to give a go, starting with whether you’re shopping for a toy to use solo or with a partner, as some toys work better alone and others with a partner. And some sex toys are remote-controlled , an excellent feature for anyone in a long-distance relationship .
Next, consider what type of sensation you’re after (for instance: warming, sucking, internal). Then take a closer look at the sex toy’s various speeds, intensities, vibration patterns, shapes, and materials it’s made out of (generally you’ll encounter silicone, glass, and stainless steel). Most sex toys are waterproof , but it’s something to look out for in case you plan to play in the shower or a pool.
 “Start with a less expensive model,” Fleming advises beginners. “Sometimes trying a more affordable model gives you a sense of what a sensation is like and whether you like it.” Of course, if you already know what feeling you like and you need a recommendation for the best sex toy that aligns with that, we’ve got you too.
Whip out that new toy when you’re actually turned on (and not as a way to turn yourself on). “Think of it as foreplay,” Fleming says. “If you want to build up reception to a new toy, start off when you’re already highly aroused. The research is clear that people tend to be more open and receptive when already aroused.”
And if you don’t like the sensation of a new toy the very first time you use it, don’t give up on it just yet. “The first time we try anything, we’re doing what we call spectatoring, which is observing ourselves, how it’s going, what we thought, what our partner thought. We’re in our heads and not so much in the experience,” says Fleming. “So try, try again.”
Below, find our experts’ top picks for masturbation sleeves, prostate massagers , cock rings , butt plugs , dildos , and more, from best-selling retailers and brands such as Lovehoney, We-Vibe, Lelo, Hot Octopuss, and Tenga. Just don’t forget to throw good lube in your cart and clean up your toys after.
Masturbation sleeves (also known as strokers or penis sleeves) are cylindrical sleeves or canal-shaped sex toys that envelop the penis and are either open-ended or closed. “These sleeves work well for solo stimulation, as they’re like giving yourself a hand job , or your partner can stimulate you with it,” Frye-Nekrasova says. 
These various strokers can be textured on the inside (like the Tenga Egg , an egg-shaped disposable masturbation sleeve), while others (such as the Fleshlight Pink Lady ) mimic human anatomy in look and feel (and are usually closed-ended). “Because of the suction or vibration, there’s an arousing, pleasurable sensation,” Fleming says. “Most men will get erect and it will bring them to orgasm.”
Often made of soft silicone, the sleeves come in both non-vibrating and vibrating models. The vibrating models are known as power strokers or penis stimulators, as they’re powered by a motor that adds a stroking motion. “To really explore a different stimulation that’s not just digital, manual stimulation, go for a power stroker,” Frye-Nekrasova says. “For the majority of your life with a penis, you’ve likely stimulated yourself only by hand, so introducing a new form of stim
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