Teen Need Sex

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Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Here’s what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not.

By Alison Calabia published July 1, 2001 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016

While the media bombards us with alarming statistics about the
number of teenagers having sex, few reports shed light on what might
encourage teens to become sexually active in the first place. Three
studies offer some insight into sexually active teens: environment, age
of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's
decisions to have sex.
In a study presented at a meeting of the American Public Health
Association (APHA), researchers at the University of Kentucky followed
950 teenagers at 17 high schools in Kentucky and Ohio from 9th to 11th
grades. They found evidence that teens who have intercourse tend to think
their friends are too, even if they're not. "You're 2.5 times more likely
to have sex by the 9th grade if you think your friends are having
sex -- whether or not they really are," says Katharine Atwood, assistant
professor at the Kentucky School of Public Health. Plus, teens tended to
overestimate how many of their friends were sexually active. Only 33
percent of kids in the study had had sex by the 9th grade, but 31
percent said that most or all of their friends had had sex. "If you can
persuade them that fewer are having sex than they think," she says, "that
can have a significant impact on their behavior."
Among young girls, a partner's age is a risk factor for sexual
activity. "The younger the girl is at the age of first intercourse, the
more likely she is to have a much older partner," says Harold Leitenberg,
Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. His study,
published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that of 4,201 girls
in 8th through 12th grades, those who lost their virginity between
ages 11 and 12 tended to have partners five or more years older. For
girls who had sex later in adolescence , the partner's age disparity was
much smaller. Early sexual initiation was also associated with a number
of behavioral problems. "Ignoring the age of the partners, the earlier a
girl was when she first had intercourse, the greater her risk of suicide
attempts, alcohol use, drug abuse , truancy and pregnancy ," Leitenberg
says.
The good news is that while teen sex may not be wholly preventable,
the health risks it involves can be reduced through communication within
the family. More research presented at the APHA meeting showed that
frequent parent-child discussions about sex and its dangers may prevent
teenagers from engaging in risky sexual behavior. Researchers at Emory
University questioned 522 sexually active African-American adolescents
about the openness and support that their families provided. Adolescents
who felt that their families were more supportive were less likely to
have unprotected sex, and thus were at a lesser risk for pregnancy and
disease.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Here’s what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not.

Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
It's no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it. On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you're the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real. Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it?
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Sep 15, 2014, 06:56 AM EDT | Updated Nov 15, 2014
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Global community for contemporary people over 50
It's one thing to know your kids are having sex. It's another thing for it to happen at your house, with your permission. High50's Paula Greenspan reports on how to navigate this tricky topic
Where do you think your teenage children are having sex? It's better to let them do it at home, say some experts.
It's no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it.
On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you're the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real.
Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it? Nobody likes to think of their child taking risks by having sex outdoors or in the back of a car. But what's the alternative for them?
Well if they're living with you, there's a good chance that the safest place for your kids to have sex is under your roof. Which is a pretty uncomfortable thought for a lot of parents. So what do you do when he or she asks for a partner to stay over?
In an ideal world, you'll have been discussing sex and relationships with your kids for years so the subject won't be new to the two of you.
But there's a massive difference between having a theoretical chat about and actually giving them your blessing to do it, especially if they're still quite young.
According to Suzanne Pearson, psychologist and director of Sharing Parenting , there's no right age to begin allowing your child to have partners stay the night. "However, most parents tend to consider it more over the age of 16," she says.
Yes, 16 is the federal legal age of consent (it varies from state to state, and in some it's actually younger) but that doesn't mean sexual maturity suddenly kicks in at midnight on your child's 16th birthday. There are other things to consider as well.
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy? And...
That last question is a big one. It would be easy to assume that when kids ask for a partner to stay over, it means they want you to say yes. But in some cases your child might, in fact, be looking to you to be the one who says no?
It's worth considering whether your child is feeling pressure from friends, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend, and may not have the confidence to say no themselves. After all, it's far easier to say 'my mum won't let me' than 'I don't want to'.
You know your child best and in this situation and you've got to think about whether they're delving into something they're simply not ready for.
"Trust your instincts about how your child feels," says Suzanne. "If you know your teenager well, you'll know if they're relying on you to say no."
If you do say no and your teen simply agrees without arguing about your decision, chances are it was what they wanted to hear.
When young children ask to sleep over at a friend's house, you'd probably call the friend's parents to check it's OK with them. However, when sex is involved with your older teens, you might want to think twice before picking up the phone.
It's a grey area and a very difficult decision for parents to make.
Suzanne Pearson believes that by making that call behind your child's back, you're crossing a line. After all, just by asking your permission and involving you in the relationship, your child is showing trust in you. One phone call could break that trust.
"If you ring the partner's parents you're undermining your relationship with your son or daughter," she says. "But if you really want to do it, make sure to ask for your child's permission first."
Not everyone agrees with this approach. Dr Linda Mallory, educational psychologist and author of Parentuality: How to Have an Amazing Relationship with your Child, has a different take on things.
"It's about the health and safety of everybody involved," she says. "It's about being open and honest, and in order to do that I would feel it was important to speak to the other child's parents."
So what do you do? One mum found middle ground when her 16-year-old son wanted his girlfriend to stay for the weekend.
"Rather than asking, he more or less told me that she'd be staying over for the weekend. I didn't ring her parents but I knew his girlfriend well and I spoke to her on the phone to ask if her parents had agreed," she said. "She said they had, and after having a think and a chat with my partner, I agreed too."
Once you've agreed to let your child have a partner stay over, you have to live with the reality of it.
Being aware that your child is sexually active is very different to feeling comfortable knowing that he or she is having sex in the next room right at that very moment.
Hopefully this isn't a decision you've made lightly. And if you've thought it through, you're likely to have a good reason for agreeing.
But parents are parents, and it probably won't stop you from worrying.
So what do you do when you're lying in bed, blinking at the ceiling and driving yourself crazy wondering what they're up to in there?
"You need to be clear about the reason why you made the decision and genuinely feel comfortable with it," Suzanne says. "Remind yourself of that, and that you love your teenager."
Believe it or not, you'll get used to the idea. Eventually.
Global community for contemporary people over 50

By Kara Wahlgren Published: Nov 13, 2017
This content is imported from youTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Things LGBTQ+ People Wish Their Parents Knew
Kara Wahlgren is a New Jersey-based freelance writer specializing in health, entertainment, and personal finance.
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Glossing over sex ed isn't good for anyone.
Let's be real — the amount of actual "ed" in sex ed classes can be pretty sketchy. Some schools don't even have formal sexual education, and others teach an abstinence-only curriculum that skips over info about birth control methods and STI protection, which isn't exactly helpful. (In fact, research has shown that teens who get comprehensive sexual education — with all the nitty-gritty details — actually had a significantly lower risk of pregnancy than those who didn't.)
The more informed you are, the more likely you'll make smart decisions — so if your school's sex ed program is seriously lacking , you'll probably need to fill in the gaps. "It's really important for teens to take control of their own sex ed, because you can never assume what you're getting is comprehensive sexual education," says Judith Simms-Cendan, MD, a board-certified gynecologist specializing in pediatric and adolescent gynecology at the Arnold Palmer Hospital in Orlando. Here are a few things you need to know (even if you're nowhere near feeling ready to do the deed).
1. It's normal to be interested in sex — or not.
You're not weird if you're into it before your friends are — or if you literally could not care less about it. " You decide when you want to be sexually active," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. Not your partner. Not your crew. YOU.
In other words, it's not just vaginal intercourse — sexual activity includes just about any kind of intimate contact. "That could be kissing on the lips; touching intimate parts of the body with the hands, mouth, or penis; or vaginal or anal penetration," says Sarah Yamaguchi, MD, an OB/GYN at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles, CA. So when your doctor asks about your sexual history, any of the above is fair game. And it's important to be honest, so they can tell you how to stay healthy and protect yourself.
3. How you define virginity is totally your call.
For some people, virginity has a cut-and-dry definition. For others, it's a flexible concept (and kind of a heteronormative term, tbh). Whatever rings true for you is fine. As far as your gyno is concerned, what you're doing is more important than how you label it. "We think of virginity as something that's really determined more by an individual and not by anybody else," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. "It's not a medical diagnosis."
It's never too late to change your mind. You're literally inches away from doing the deed? You've done "everything but"? You said you were ready, but you're having second thoughts? You've already done it, but don't want to do it again? You had sex with your last bae, but want to hold off this time? Whatever your reason is, it's valid — and totally fine to say no. "It is never too late to change your mind," Dr. Yamaguchi says. " Consent can be given and withdrawn at any point. If your partner is upset, then they are not the right person."
5. The Pill may not be the best BC for you.
The Pill is 99% effective against pregnancy if you use it perfectly — but most people don't. Under normal circumstances, it's actually closer to 91 percent effective, which sounds solid until you do the math and realize, OMG, that means around 1 in 10 Pill users get preggo each year. If you're worried you won't remember to take it at the same time each day, Dr. Simms recommends asking your doctor about long-acting reversible contraceptives like birth control implants or the IUD instead. Just keep in mind that none of the above protect against sexually transmitted infections.
Condoms can help protect you from sexually transmitted infections like HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and high-risk HPV — but they're not fail-safe, and they don't protect against everything. "Condoms are not effective at preventing the transmission of herpes or warts, since those lesions can happen on an area not covered by the condom," Dr. Yamaguchi says. That's why STI testing is super-important if you're sexually active — yep, even if you're being careful.
7. In many cases, STI testing can be totally confidential.
"Many STIs are treatable, but we need to know you have them," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. "If you don't know you have them, they can cause long-term problems." Check your state's confidentiality laws — as long as you're over 13, you may be able to get tested without your doctor alerting your parents.
8. Your doctor should never judge you. Period.
"My patients all think they're going to ask me something 'shocking' that I've never heard before, but I rarely hear a question that hasn't come up before," Dr. Yamaguchi says. "We talk about vaginas and look at them all day. It may be an embarrassing area for you to discuss, but not for us." You should feel comfortable asking your gyno literally anything . If you get an unapproachable vibe from them, or they shade you for asking about your sexual health , it's time to find a new doc.
It's not wrong, it's not weird , and it's not just for boys. "It's okay to masturbate!" Dr. Simms-Cendan says. "Just because you're interested in sex, it doesn't mean you have to have sex with somebody. You can make yourself happy. Masturbation never got anybody pregnant, never gave anyone an infection, and never dealt with relationship drama."
If you are sexually active, it should be something you're doing for you, not just to make your partner happy. And while it's totally okay if you don't have an orgasm — it can take awhile to figure out what works for you — it should at least be something you look forward to. "If you're dreading it, don't do it," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. "And if it's painful, talk to a doctor."
11. Your vagina doesn't look weird.
We've said this before , but you can seriously stop stressing about what your vag looks like . "Everybody's so different down there," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. "It's a wide variety. And you're normal."
Internet porn may seem like an easy way to get a lot of questions answered at once — sort of like a super-NSFW video tutorial — but it's not exactly known for being realistic. "Porn is as accurate about sex education as action movies are accurate about the real world," Dr. Yamaguchi says. Still, the internet can be a helpful resource for questions you're too embarrassed to ask anyone else, as long as you stick to reputable sites like Planned Parenthood or Bedsider. Or just talk to your gyno — did we mention they're really, really not judging?
Even if your school has a sex ed program, it's likely geared towards straight, cisgender teens — and if that's not how you identify, you may feel like you're not getting the info you need. If that's the case, it can be super-helpful to find an LGBTQ-friendly doc who can answer any questions you still have. "The bottom line is, go to a gynecologist you're comfortable with," Dr. Simms-Cendan says. If your doc seems clueless about LGBTQ+ issues, look for a new one.
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16 Signs You Need To Have Sex, ASAP
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By Kristen Droesch — Written on Jul 21, 2014
So it's been a little while since you got laid . That's okay; we've all been there. But while you weather out this dry spell, take a peek at our list of the signs that you seriously need to have sex as soon as possible. You know, for inspiration!
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
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