Raw But Willing To Please
🔞 KLIKNIJ TUTAJ, ABY UZYSKAĆ WIĘCEJ INFORMACJI 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
Raw But Willing To Please
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I am in my early 50s. I am divorced; have been for more than a decade. I live on my own with my three children.
About a year ago, I went into a relationship with a man four years younger than I am. Being married, we meet in my place. As a matter of fact he has the key to my flat. It was better than going to hotels.
Besides, my daughters were grown up to appreciate that I need a man in my life. Well, I thought I could trust him so I gave him permission to come to my house whenever he likes I am in or not. I also assumed my daughters were responsible enough to see him as their father. Unfortunately, I miscalculated. Unknown to me while he was having affairs with me, he was also sleeping with my two older daughters.
I didn’t know what was happening until I took my elders daughter to the hospital following her persistent complains of malaria. I also haven’t been feeling well; so decided to visit the hospital with my daughter.
When the result came out, we were both pronounced pregnant. I was shocked because I didn’t expect to be at y age since I have been having irregular period in the last two years.
At 28, my daughter has never been pregnant. I was happy for her thinking it was the man I knew her with was responsible. Then, it didn’t even occur to me that he [my daughter’s fiancé] has been out of Lagos for three months.
It wasn’t until we got home that the real problem started. We met my boyfriend at home. While I was still thinking of how to break my news to him, a text message came to his phone. After reading the text, he became very agitated so much so he lost concentration.
I was so concerned. I forget what I was about to say and snatched the phone from him to know what got him me very suspicious; I quickly transferred the message to my phone before handing it over to him. I did the transfer while he was struggling to take the phone away from me so, he wasn’t aware of what I did.
I almost fainted when I read the text and discovered it was my daughter telling him that we were both pregnant for him and he should tell me to abort the baby since she was going to keep hers.
She told him if he tried to play smart with her, the whole world would know that he has been sleeping with her mother, sister and herself.
The worst thing now is that he is nowhere to be found. I have tried getting him on his phone numbers but none is going through. The friend I know him with says, he doesn’t know his whereabout and has bluntly refused to take me to his house.
My second daughter has left home for an unknown destination following the revelation by her sister that she too has been sleeping with him.
I am very confused as my daughter and I are stuck without situation. How do I explain to the world that my daughter and I are pregnant for this same man and that he is nowhere to be seen? What should I do please?
True Confession: I don’t know who got me pregnant – My husband or my boyfriend?
True confession: I’m impotent, how do I tell her?
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It happened when I was 10. It’s not like most stories that you might have read about; there was no struggling, no screaming, no taunting or violence. It was silent—mostly because I had no idea what was going on.
It didn’t happen in an alleyway, or in a sleazy motel room. Not even in my own bedroom. It was in a dusty half-lit store pantry on the ground floor of my grandfather’s house. With about 9 other relatives on the first floor. It happened when I wasn’t alone.
Was it frightening? Hardly. If anything, it was confusing. I was only 10.
I grew up in a conservative home. I didn’t know the word ‘f*ck’ until I was 15. I only understood its meaning a whole year later. And yet now we have 8-year-olds using the word in grammatically correct sentences. My parents were traditional in their ways (and very strict).
I never once asked them, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” Maybe I wasn’t quite an inquisitive child. I knew there was a hole somewhere in my nether regions but I thought it was just for peeing.
So when grandfather asked me to follow him into the pantry and put his hands down my panties, I just stood there like the good doll I was while he sat on a stool behind me. He was gentle. But determined. Quick—before anyone else came into the kitchen—but long enough for me to remember his stubby beard rubbing against my neck.
I can’t remember when I realised the disturbing intentions of his action. Maybe it was when I discovered porn by accident. Maybe it was when I studied Chapter 4 of Science in Form 3. Maybe it was during “girl talk” with my guy friends in school.
But even before I figured it out, I knew my grandfather did something bad. Bad enough for my parents to tell me to avoid going near him when we visit after I told them about how he touched me “down there”. However, in my 10-year-old mind, it couldn’t have been that bad since they never confronted him about it. There wasn’t any big hoo-ha or dramatic family intervention. They simply told me not to tell anyone about it—sorry, mom and dad, for this.
In their defence, they couldn’t have prevented it. Not before it happened anyway. They couldn’t have known that they shouldn’t leave me alone downstairs while they chatted happily just several metres away. They couldn’t have known that they should have told me from a young age to “scream for help and run if someone touches you here or here “. And for that, I’ve never blamed them.
That’s not the case for my grandfather. Although I listened to my parents and avoided him, it was out of obedience and ignorance. Not because I actually understood why I should. And when I finally did many years later, I hated him for it. Which is a difficult task to do even after all these years.
It might be because it’s hard to hate someone who’s been dead for at least 10 years (I don’t keep count of the exact number). There’s only so much hate that you can give to a dead person because you can’t really do anything about it.
I don’t have any extraordinary lesson for you, other than the predictable ones. Educate your children so that their understanding of “down there” is not lacking; be observant so that any changes in your child’s behaviour doesn’t go by unnoticed; and do something when your child confides in you so that they know they can trust you.
Because not every case of child sexual abuse and molestation is about a child kicking and screaming.
Sometimes it’s a silent one, not because they are unafraid, but because they are confused, unaware, and simply just don’t know any better.
I consider myself very lucky. It only happened once and I was still ignorant. Nevertheless I’m in no way belittling it. I’ve heard of horrific experiences from victims of abuse, and even if it happened once, twice, or many times, there is always one similarity between them—they will be affected.
I sometimes wish that my parents did make a big deal out of it. I wish my relatives knew what a creep grandfather was.
On the other hand, I’m relieved that they didn’t. I can’t imagine having to face the embarrassment and the humiliation. More importantly, I also can’t imagine handling the rejection if they all knew but still did nothing about it. Or worse still, didn’t believe me.
Am I traumatised and never able to trust men again? Not quite. I am, after all, happily married. But till this day, I can’t stand stubby beards.
Editor’s note: This article is in response to the sudden (but very necessary) interest in the ugly truth of child sexual abuse cases in Malaysia . The writer would like to remain anonymous; however she’d like to remind readers that if they have a sexually abused child, it’s your responsibility to make them feel secure and accepted. Lodge a police report, or seek professional advice from a child psychologist/counsellor. Let them know that they are significant and that their well-being matters.
Feature image adapted from http://www.doctorinsta.com/
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Vulcan Post aims to be the knowledge hub of Singapore and Malaysia.
© 2021 GRVTY Media Pte. Ltd. (UEN 201431998C.)
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