Pornstars Having Sex With Fans
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Pornstars Having Sex With Fans
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Mark Hay
Mark Hay is a Brooklyn-based reporter who writes frequently about health, medicine, and sex for publications like Men’s Health, Men’s Journal, VICE, Aeon, Slate, and more.
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We got input from more than 30 major adult performers.
A decade ago, the only places the average person could ever hope to interact with a porn star were adult industry conventions and strip clubs, where some performers would do the occasional feature dance. But times have changed.
Today, most porn performers make the majority of their money not by filming big scenes with big studios, but by interacting with fans, whether by camming, making custom clips on commission, operating premium fan clubs, or selling access to their phone numbers or other forms of contact, alongside dozens of other hustles. And they have to be on social media constantly promoting their content and cultivating a loyal fan base. Many production houses actually choose who to work with based on the number of Twitter followers a given performer has—in other words, how many fans they can sell content to, says 20-year industry vet James Bartholet.
The result is that it's now easier than it has ever been for the average Joe to interact with porn stars. But the nature of these increasingly frequent fan engagements is not always stellar, numerous performers tell Men's Health .
“In person, fans will be more reserved,” Darcie Dolce says. But online—with anonymity, distance, and very little cost to venting whatever is on their minds—fans can easily slip over into crude, insulting, often downright dehumanizing language and behavior, which can be grueling for stars to endure.
In the interest of helping fans step up and make the digital space more comfortable for the folks they get off to, we recently reached out to around 30 major adult stars who regularly engage with fans to put together a definitive guide to talking to adult entertainers in the digital sphere.
Every performer agreed that fans seem to forget they are actual people with lives—not just sexual beings. "[They] assume I will fuck anybody and everybody,” says Ember Snow, adding that fans feel entitled to randomly blurt out things like “I want to cram my dick down your throat." Jessy Dubai says fans start unloading their personal fantasies of how they want a star to have sex with them—"like it’s something I want to hear.” Fans send so many unsolicited dick pics via Twitter and Instagram that some stars just give up on checking their DMs, says Mischievous Kitty.
This constant, aggressive sexual engagement is doubly insulting, says Ginger Banks, as it's clear many fans are trying to use free contact with performers to get themselves worked up, and hopefully to get off. “As a sexual artist, them getting off for free is one thing I want to avoid,” she says—especially when so much of her content is already free and she needs to make money as she can.
It’s not as if fans never do this kind of thing in person, Banks admits. “There will be fans at conventions where, I’m talking about casual things and they’ll say, ‘so how many gallons of semen do you think you’ve eaten?’" She adds, "You can see them start readjusting their pants."
Desperate for attention from their favorite star, Addie Andrews notes that far too many fans “try to solicit a response from me by triggering me emotionally,” saying intentionally brutal, over-the-line things just to get enough of a rise out of her that she will respond. Banks says that if you reply to them, they’ll say, “Look, it worked! You’re interacting with me! I love you." This is just twisted.
It's hard to give hard and fast advice on how to interact with adult performers online, because different platforms come with different expectations. Twitter and Instagram are mostly for performers to advertise themselves, build their brands, or post entirely non-sexual details about their lives, says Richelle Ryan; on those platforms, "it is better for a fan to be less sexually graphic and more social—interact, comment, support, and re-tweet." DMs on these platforms should be reserved for business deals and transactions, Brandi Love says.
However, on platforms fans are actually paying to use— like the subscription adult social media platform OnlyFans , or texting services like SexPanther—performers are more inclined to engage with fans more directly and more often, explains Andrews. They will also often tolerate more overtly sexual comments and conversations, adds Dubai. But even if you're paying for an erotic service—like on a cam site—you're not entitled to all of a performer’s time. There could be hundreds of other people paying for attention at any given moment, so there is still a cap on much of a star’s time they can monopolize, or how publicly lurid they can get, explains Genevieve LaFleur.
Every performer draws slightly different lines on every platform, says LittleRedBunny, a major cam performer (but not a porn star). Snow, for instance, will not tolerate any conversation in any context that stars off with “hey sexy”—something other performers don’t mind. Kitty likes every interaction to be straight to the point, while others appreciate some build-up and casual chatting.
The key takeaway is this: Never make assumptions about what is or is not allowed. Always check to see if a platform or performer has posted rules of conduct. When in doubt, ask other fans or the performer in question.
So you should treat them the way you treat anyone else you encounter. “Would any decent human being walk up to a woman at work or a coffee shop and say to her face, ‘You’re hot; I want to fuck your ass’? No!”
Remember, treating a performer with respect and empathy doesn't close off the possibility of a sexualized conversation with them. “If someone is posting about sex and porn, feel free to comment back about sex and porn,” says Bunny Colby. Kenzie Reeves likes it when fans engage with erotic posts by or about her, tagging her and pointing out exactly what they like about that content. She sees it as a compliment to her work—as long as the fan comments are positive .
Once a sexual comment is made or dialogue begins, start low and go slow. Rather than launching into dirty talking, or hashing out detailed scripts for what you’d like a performer to do with you or on screen, start with relatively neutral descriptions of what you like about a performer or one of their scenes. It is hard to draw a clear line about what is and is not okay to say, admits Andrews, so you might accidentally overstep. If a step isn’t reciprocated or appreciated, just back off. As Misty Stone puts it, “allow women”—or any other gender of performer—“to place that line.” Then follow their lead.
If you overstep too often, some performers might block you, ignore you, or ask you to pay money, Stone adds.
Even on paid platforms where one has exchanged cash for explicit engagement, there are still limits on what you should bring up. Whether they’re camming, making custom videos, or just chatting, performers still have their professional limits, explains Riley Reyes. “Some models don’t like taboo role play,” she says—like fauxcest. “Others don’t like being dominated.” If you’re not sure what they’re willing to do or talk about online, then the answer is always to ask. If they aren’t into something you want them to be, it is never acceptable to try to shame, bribe, or otherwise pressure them into it.
You should also never insult or complain about a performer, Reyes adds. (Unless, say, a performer took your cash for the explicit purpose of making a custom film, then never delivered it to you and is unresponsive to check-ins. Then there’s room for a neutral bad business complaint—but still not for personal slander or physical critique.)
FYI, most stars agree that sending dick pics without asking first is a universal no-no.
Finally, respect the fact that adult performers are busy. Interacting with fans is part of the job, but “if I just sent a heart to everyone on Twitter who said I’m beautiful, I’d never be off of my phone,” Andrews says. Even on camming platforms—where a live back-and-forth is a key draw—unless you pay a premium for a one-on-one session, a performer will have many other people to respond to, she adds.
It is okay to want deeper conversation or more time with someone. But “you have to earn that time, because there are a lot of people competing for it,” Andrews explains. You can earn that by slowly building a rapport with a performer over time.
One of the easiest steps a fan can take to earn a few points with most performers, LitteRedBunny suggests, is making sure that all of their interactions are polite and well-crafted. Which is to say, resume-writing rules apply when you’re talking to adult performers online: Show them that you’ve clearly put some time and effort into a communication, that you’re treating them with the respect you’d pay to anyone else in your everyday life, by affording them common courtesies. A number of stars I’ve spoken to also value good grammar and a lack of slang as a sign of time and respect.
“Never send a message that just says, ‘Hey,’” says LaFleur. That’s a good indication you have not put time or thought into reaching out—that you want performers to put in effort to engage with you . Spend a little bit of time coming up with something personalized yet respectful to say. Show your support on social media as well, suggests Andrews—you could even hype your favorite performer to production companies and request shoots with them.
Fans often get bonus points with performers if they compliment their acting talent or personality rather than how hot they are or how well they get it on. “People who say, 'You’re so funny' are the ones I like to follow back,” says Banks—the ones who see her , not just her body parts.
“A girl who gets asked about anal sex all day will absolutely light up if you want to chat about her favorite video game or her new art project,” Reyes adds. Some performers even appreciate it when their fans share bits and details of their own live, like a funny and non-sexual selfie.
But don't try to dig deep into a performer’s personal life beyond what they put online themselves, Dubai stresses. That gets into stalker territory, and far too many performers have had scary experiences with men posting their home addresses online, or sharing details about how they followed them around at a convention sight unseen. Even genuine interest that reaches too far into a performer’s private life can read as hostile and harassing. “You don’t want to make a performer go from feeling loved to feeling scared for their life,” Dubai says.
As long as you don’t cross that line—or any others mentioned above—then most performers truly love to hear from or engage with their fans. “This is one of my favorite aspects of working in the adult industry,” says Roxie Rae.
It can be validating and fun, mutually supportive and meaningful. It can even lead to real friendships here and there. Just so long as that engagement is built on respect.
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This week’s “Ask A Porn Star Star” segment might be the juiciest one yet, as the adult industry’s biggest actresses reveal whether they’ve ever had sex with any of their adoring fans.
Don’t be put off by the chorus of “no’s” from stars like Piper Perri at the beginning of the clip. Plenty of the them have, and others would totally consider it.
Without hesitation, Riley Reid said, “Yeah, definitely! My boyfriend used to be a fan.” That’s encouraging!
A post shared by Riley Reid (@baconbootyy) on Apr 23, 2017 at 10:57am PDT
Mocha Menage took it in an interesting direction with her response. “No, but it’d be really fun for me because I like this whole control thing,” she explained. “I wouldn’t even care about him, because I’d feel like I have his soul.” Whoa!
Some, like Georgia Jones, seem to be super in to the idea. She’s had sex with “at least five” admirers, including “men and women.”
Check out all of the strangely intriguing answers in the full three-minute clip above.
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This week’s “Ask A Porn Star Star” segment might be the juiciest one yet, as the adult industry’s biggest actresses reveal whether they’ve ever had sex with any of their adoring fans.
Don’t be put off by the chorus of “no’s” from stars like Piper Perri at the beginning of the clip. Plenty of the them have, and others would totally consider it.
Without hesitation, Riley Reid said, “Yeah, definitely! My boyfriend used to be a fan.” That’s encouraging!
A post shared by Riley Reid (@baconbootyy) on Apr 23, 2017 at 10:57am PDT
Mocha Menage took it in an interesting direction with her response. “No, but it’d be really fun for me because I like this whole control thing,” she explained. “I wouldn’t even care about him, because I’d feel like I have his soul.” Whoa!
Some, like Georgia Jones, seem to be super in to the idea. She’s had sex with “at least five” admirers, including “men and women.”
Check out all of the strangely intriguing answers in the full three-minute clip above.
Entertainment
Style
Rides
Luxury
Gear
Travel
Women
Video
MaximBet
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