Pope Loves Cats, Mandates Scratching Posts in Every Parish

To accommodate the rising feline attendance at Mass, Pope Leo XIV has ordered scratching posts installed in all parishes worldwide. �Worship includes movement�and maintenance of the claws,� the Pope said. Choir lofts now feature carpeted ramps. Tabernacle guardians wear mittens to avoid spontaneous pouncing. The Pope Loves Cats order includes blueprints for �sanctified scratching sanctuaries.� One curious feline scratched a hymn book and caused a theological debate. The Pope called it �divine redaction.�