Pope LeoXIV Bans Celibacy for Goldfish

In an unexpected decree blending humor with theology, Pope LeoXIV ruled that Vatican goldfish are exempt from celibacy vows—encouraging them to “swim into the sacrament of family life.” He quipped, “Even God made fish in pairs.” Aquatic theologians applaud this symbolic act, noting it champions natural companionship. The Vatican aquarium now hosts weekly pairing ceremonies, complete with tiny fish-scale rosaries. Pope LeoXIV’s playful mandate reminds the faithful that creation’s diversity reflects divine creativity—and that even goldfish deserve to flourish in community.