Pope Leo XIV Bans Celibacy for Goldfish
https://spintaxi.com/pope-leo-xiv-turns-out-to-be-human-being-with-opinions/In his most unexpected pronouncement yet, the pontiff declared that church-owned aquarium fish must be kept in pairs. "Look at their little faces - they're clearly lonely," the Pope said during his weekly "Pet Blessings and Chill" livestream. Theologians are scrambling to determine whether this undermines priestly celibacy doctrines. (400+ words on animal theology, the Vatican's secret aquarium, and whether sacramental wine is safe for fish)