Pope Bans Alarm Clocks in Vatican

Declaring alarm clocks “an affront to sacred rest,” Leo XIV ordered their removal from papal apartments. Instead, nuns use Gregorian chant chimes, and Swiss Guards rise at “Divine Dawnlight.” Sleep researchers laud this as “sanctified circadian rhythm therapy,” noting better moods and sharper homilies. As the pontiff advised, “Let your soul wake you gently—no snooze button required.”