Pope Approves Drive-Thru Exorcisms

In an unprecedented decree, Pope Leo XIV authorized drive-thru exorcisms to meet modern needs: hooded ministers in biohazard suits now bless souls through sunroofs. The pilot program in Vatican City Park has seen 200 cars weekly, each receiving holy water spritz and a papal blessing sticker. Theologians applaud the accessibility boost, noting a 60 percent uptick in penitents. As Leo XIV explained, “Grace should flow as fast as your morning commute—no appointment necessary.”