Perverted Parents Watch Son Come Inside A Sister

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Perverted Parents Watch Son Come Inside A Sister
My son’s behaviour towards his sister and me is inappropriate
‘You may not have found porn on his computer, but that does not mean he hasn’t been exposed to it.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian
My sister is being abused by her husband. What can I do?
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
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Something is clearly going on with your son, and you need to find out what, says Annalisa Barbieri
My son is 12 and on the cusp of puberty. For the last six months, his behaviour towards me and his 15-year-old sister has become over sexualised and inappropriate . This has included making lewd remarks and suggestions to her. He often grabs her, or strokes her hair or arms. He does the same to me, using language that sounds like lyrics from suggestive love songs. When going to and from the bathroom, he exposes himself and makes lewd remarks.
We’ve made it clear we don’t like it and want him to stop. He laughs and says he didn’t mean it . He rarely behaves like this in front of his father (we all live together) . He goes to an all - boys school and I haven’t had reports of this there.
I’m at the end of my tether . I want to show him, in front of his sister, that his behaviour could be classed as criminal. I’ve tried punishments that we use for other poor behaviour. Sometimes this stops him temporarily. In general, he is quite an anxious, angry and unhappy person at home. I monitor his internet access and I haven’t found evidence he watches porn or adult content. He mostly uses it for gaming.
Teenagers often test the boundaries with their parents, but it’s not usual for boys to make suggestive sexual comments to female members of the family, and less usual still that they expose themselves. This is the age they tend to become more self-conscious and inhibited – so something is clearly going on with your son and you need to find out what.
I contacted Graham Music, a psychotherapist ( childpsychotherapy.org.uk ) who has worked extensively with children and adolescents – especially troubled ones – and has written several books on the subject .
We both wondered what your husband’s reaction to your son’s behaviour was – whether or not he witnesses it himself? He needs to be more involved than he seems to be. It’s important for men to call out inappropriate behaviour in other men, and that starts in the home.
Music said that, often, if children are experiencing something they cannot deal with, they will seek to make others feel what they are feeling. It’s as if they are throwing it out there to say, “This is what I’m dealing with.” So the child who feels shame may seek to make others ashamed, the child who feels left out rejects others, and so on. “You don’t often act out so overtly unless you’ve been exposed to something that’s been overwhelming,” explains Music.
You may not have found porn or adult content on his computer, but that does not mean he hasn’t been exposed to it. It is likely he will have seen something. He could have seen or heard something via gaming; get more involved (you and your husband) in what he does online, which is best done by showing an interest rather than hectoring.
The fact he’s angry and anxious worries me further. Was he always like this? Music asks: “How did your son deal with unhappiness as a child?”
I would also talk to the school to get a better picture of what’s going on there. “Is he being bullied, and is he bullying you and his sister in turn?” asked Music. Has he recently changed schools?
Music was also interested in the dynamics of your house: “Who else lives there, what else is going on there, what are the power dynamics between you and your husband?”
There was scant information in your letter and little curiosity about why your son is doing this. The key to stopping it is to understand why he’s doing it. “It could be sexual urges,” said Music, “or it could be he’s using the sexual as a language to enact something else, like asserting power.” How do you generally deal with feelings in the family? Are they allowed or are they buried? Your son might have noticed and enjoyed getting a reaction out of you. But, again, you need to look at why he feels this compulsion.
In the meantime, his behaviour must be addressed and your daughter told she can react to protect herself. “Boundaries and authority are essential,” says Music, “But you and your husband need to set those up together. Try to stop his behaviour and then work out why it’s happening. Your son needs to understand there are consequences, but you need to make space to think about why he’s doing this.”
Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a family-related problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa on a family matter, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com . Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms .
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

Read Deidre’s personal replies to today’s problems
I KISSED my sister to comfort her after her boyfriend dumped her and we ended up having sex on her sofa.
She has a good job, a flat of her own and a nice car but her partner was a rat.
She’s beautiful but he made her feel worthless.
He was always calling her names. When he cheated he somehow made her feel it was her fault.
Nobody in our family has ever liked him. She is 21 and I am 25.
She called me one evening a couple of months ago and was in bits. She said her boyfriend had been seeing someone else and when she confronted him he called her fat and ugly.
He threw his clothes into a bin bag and stormed out, saying they were finished for good.
She was crying and saying she must be really ugly because she didn’t deserve to be loved.
I went round there straight away to comfort her. I put my arms round her and cuddled her to reassure her.
I told her she is pretty and cute and I kissed her on the lips. She stopped crying and asked if I meant it. I said yes and kissed her again more passionately.
We both got carried away, went into her bedroom and had sex. It was mind-blowing.
I stayed the night in her bed and we had sex again next morning. We both enjoyed it but agreed we needed to keep it secret.
I couldn’t forget about it though, and I went round two days later to talk about it.
We ended up in bed again and it was even better. We have carried on having sex since then. This morning she dropped the bombshell that she is pregnant and it is my baby.
She wants me to move in with her and us to live as a couple.
DEIDRE SAYS: Brother and sister can sometimes find each other attractive, because you grew up together and feel so comfortable in one another’s company, but that doesn’t mean it is all right to have a sexual relationship. In fact, it is illegal.
You and your sister must stop having sex. It’s not just that you could both be in serious trouble with the law and your family, but that it is trapping you both when you should be out there forming other relationships.
Don’t move in with her as that would make it hard to resist temptation.
You both need to get out with other friends and look for a loving relationship
outside the family. It is a key part of growing up.
If she goes ahead with the pregnancy, there will be so many questions about who the dad is, which could be difficult to deal with and think how this would be for the child.
My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy explains more and Brook help under 25s with this sort of problem ( brook.org.uk ).
You can text them for advice on 07537 402024.
I WAS so frustrated when I discovered my partner had gambled away our mortgage money yet again, I threw a casserole of hot food at him and he called the police.
He admitted he had a gambling problem during our first year together. He promised to get help and I said I would support him but it’s been so difficult.
He stopped for a few weeks but then started again. That has been the pattern for 18 months. I’m 31, he’s 29 and we live together, buying our own house now.
He has agreed to get help and we’ve decided to try starting our relationship afresh with date nights once a week. But even if we get back on track and he stops gambling, I am always going to think, “What next?”
DEIDRE SAYS: He has said he’s going to get help before so he has to understand this really is his last chance. GamCare can help ( gamcare.org.uk , 0808 8020 133).
He should only have access to cash he needs for basics for the day and you should have control of your joint money for bills, credit cards, bank account etc.
My e-leaflet Gambler In The Family explains more.
I’M looking after my mother as she recovers from stomach cancer so life is tough enough, but I think my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me again.
I’m a gay man of 25 and an only child. He is 22.
When my mum fell ill six months ago he agreed that we should care for her.
We are so in love but he has cheated on me loads. Now every time I enter the room I hear frantic clicking from his laptop. When I look, it’s magically on the home screen. I can’t just throw him out because his family are homophobic.
I used to feel confident and have a good body image but that’s slowly ebbing away. I’m worried about my mum as well. I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are under a lot of pressure and it seems your boyfriend is not up to being supportive.
His horrible family background won’t have set a good example but you can’t accept his cheating.
Tell him he must either commit to being faithful, or go. Then the choice is his.
I’m sending you My Gay Resources e-leaflet. For further help see Macmillan Cancer Support ( macmillan.
org.uk , 0808 808 0000).
MY boyfriend eyes up other girls so much, I wonder if he’s fantasising about them.
He does it all the time whenever we are out. It eats me up and I end up having a go at him about it. He denies it but even my friends have noticed.
We have been together for four years. I’m 20 and he’s 22.
He says he loves me and nobody else and wants us to be happy, yet we don’t have sex very often.
When we do, it’s all about him. There’s no foreplay and it only lasts a few minutes.
I generally feel that he is just with me because I am there and I put up with it all, but am I being paranoid?
DEIDRE SAYS: If friends have noticed, you are clearly not being paranoid.
My e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex will help but you must spell out to him what it takes to be a good lover.
Putting more energy into his sex life could stop his eyes wandering. If not, he will never make you happy.
I LOVE my wife but it’s not her I’m thinking about when we are having sex.
Our marriage is good and we get on great. I’m 27, she is 24.
She has a sister who is two years younger. I didn’t take much notice of her at first but she looked stunning at a party last year and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Since then, when I have sex with my wife, I think about her sister. I’m so confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s sister probably shares some of the characteristics that attracted you to your wife in the first place but with the spice of being forbidden.
Make no mistake, letting your thoughts focus on her is going to cause big trouble.
When your mind wanders, open your eyes, look at your wife and remind yourself that she is the one you are with.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help you pep up the sex and knock out thoughts of anyone else.
ONE in five men suffer from loss of sex drive at some point. That isn’t surprising when stress and depression can knock passion for six. My e-leaflet Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive explains what you and your partner can do. Email the address below for a copy.
EVERY problem gets a free personal reply.
Email me here , private message me on Facebook , or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter @deardeidre .
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A son from Ontario installed a hidden camera in the room of his mother at the old age home
The son was in for a shock to see how his mother was being harassed by the nurse


Last Updated Mar 31, 2018, 7:02 PM IST
© Copyright 2022 Asianet News Media & Entertainment Private Limited | All Rights Reserved
Camille from Ontario in the United States had put his mother in an old age home. When he visited her, she had complained of getting harassed there. So after speaking with the administration which ran the home, he installed a hidden camera inside her room.
Next day, he was in for a shock to see what was recorded on the camera. The nurse was forcing the old woman to do things you will not even imagine.
This video is surely disturbing but might be useful to the old people if their children ensure the physical as well as psychological safety of their parents both at home and in an old age home.

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More stories to check out before you go
THE most depraved member of the Colt incest family, who slept openly with her brother and whose five children resulted from incestuous unions, was living with her brother when arrested.
MARTHA Colt, the most depraved member of the Colt incest family whose five children resulted from incestuous relationships, was found living with her brother, a court has heard.
Martha was living with her brother Charlie Colt — who she had once slept openly with in a “marital bed” on the Colt incest family farm — when arrested in April.
Four of Martha Colt’s children, aged between 11 and 20, are a result of sexual relationships with a sibling or parent. Central Local Court heard on Wednesday that Martha Colt — a court appointed pseudonym to protect the identity of child victims — and brother Charlie Colt were living in the NSW town of Griffith in April.
It also heard that police are seeking further DNA samples from members of the Colt family before charges laid against them can proceed.
NSW Police child protection squad detectives swooped on April 15 this year, arresting eight members of the Colt incest family in raids across three states.
Martha Colt, 38, is currently incarcerated in Dillwynia Women’s prison in far western Sydney.
Her lawyer said she had health problems including injuries from falling in her prison cell.
Appearing via video link from prison, Martha appeared older than her years with greying hair, a worn out look and a lined face.
Charged with perjury, Ms Colt’s alleged offences are fewer than some of her co-accused siblings and nephews who face charges of sexual intercourse with children, indecent assault and incest.
The charges were laid five years after police raided the squalid Colt incest family farm hidden in the hills behind the NSW rural town of Boorowa in 2012.
Stunned detectives and welfare authorities found 38 members of the Colt family living on the filthy remote property which had no running water, electricity or proper sanitation.
The farm “smelt of urine and faeces” which lay in open buckets among the sleeping areas, and was also populated by about 20 dogs.
The children did not know how to use toilet paper, a toothbrush or shower, and had bed-wetting and hearing problems.
They were years behind at school if they had attended at all, they tortured the genitalia of animals and had sex on the farm with their cousins, uncles and aunts.
Martha and brother Charlie shared the same bed in one of two tents inside a large shed which had a refrigerator with rotten vegetables and hazardous wires hooked up to a generator.
The children had facial deformities associated with interbreeding, walked in a shuffling manner, could not speak intelligibly and had cognitive impairment.
After the removal of Martha’s five children, five of family matriarch Betty’s and the other Colt adults scattered interstate.
In April, detectives arrested them in Griffith, in the Riverlands region of South Australia and in Western Australia’s Avon Valley.
Only Betty Colt’s daughter Raylene, who faces a single charge of perjury, has been released on bail.
At Martha Colt’s second bail application on Wednesday, Magistrate Alison Viney heard that the accused had high blood pressure and had suffered chest pains and migraines in prison.
She had also fallen from an upper prison bunk and suffered soft tissue damage, and was finding her first time in custody “overwhelming”.
The court heard that when she was arrested in Griffith with brother Charlie, two of her sons who were possible witnesses, were living in the rented house.
If released, she would have to rely on Centrelink welfare payments for her rent, and intended returning to Griffith to live.
DPP prosecutor Katharine Jeffreys told Ms Viney that a previously unsuitable address had not been the only reason Martha Colt had been refused bail in April.
Ms Viney said there was a risk Ms Colt “could abscond to seek solace with other family in another state”, and refused her bail.
Ms Colt swallowed, bowed her head briefly and looked at her hands.
Martha’s sister Betty, who is in Silverwater Women’s Correctional Centre in western Sydney, abandoned a release application on Wednesday.
Earlier this year, news.com.au exclusively reported that Martha Colt had posted videos on Facebook of her sons claiming they had been abused after being taken into care six years ago.
Now aged 17, Karl Colt — Martha’s third son — claimed he had “got threatened and I got bashed”. “I got a hiding … foot on the backside of head,” Karl said. “Sad, angry … tell me to shut up and it’s, um, sad and not fair.”
In response, Martha Colt wrote on Facebook: “It is sad to hear how this young boy gets a beating for having a weak bladder shawley (sic) they realise it is the beating that is causing it.”
When Karl was taken, aged about 11, from the filthy farm at Boorowa in 2012, he was found to be very underweight, had fungal infections in his toenails and “walked in a shuffling fashion”.
He needed urgent dental work, had limited readi
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