Mom Mature Swinger
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Mom Mature Swinger
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*New* OutDaughtered | Monday 24th July by tlc uk 459,551 views
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By Elizabeth Durand Streisand Published: Jun 1, 2016
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Here's one way to keep marriage interesting.
Some older people like going on cruises. Others hightail it to early-bird specials. Then there are the ones who use their golden years to experiment sexually outside their relationship. Meet two such senior swingers, Mark and Deanna.
Mark and Deanna, both in their mid-fifties, got married 5 years ago. Neither has children from any prior relationships. They live in Las Vegas, Nevada, where they enjoy walking their dogs, doing puzzles, and seeing new movies on date nights. They also like going to places like The Green Door, a nearby night club that hosts various swingers' parties. To this couple, casual sex with strangers is a recreational activity just like any other.
It was Mark's idea to swing. He and Deanna had been married for 3 years, and while he was nervous to voice this desire, he thought it would be a good way to break up the monotony of marriage. He first suggested it in the midst of an intimate, candlelit dinner, but even in that setting, Deanna didn't exactly jump at the proposal. "She was kind of hesitant at first," Mark says now.
"I was a little blown away," Deanna recalls. "But with a little romance he talked me into it. I'm an open person, so for him I was willing to give it a shot because it's what made him happy."
It took nearly six months after Deanna agreed to prepare and find a suitable event for them. Mark looked online for the right venue, and both were required to get STD testing in advance — along with bringing protection, a clean bill of health was a requirement from the party organizers. With the legwork done, Mark and Deanna headed to their first swingers' party.
The mid-sized club they chose was set up like a standard cocktail party, but both were struck by the surprisingly homey vibe. Not surprisingly, however, both were still anxious. "At first, I was uncomfortable, shy, and a little nervous," Mark says. "I'm not a party girl," Deanna adds. "I don't do clubbing. I don't drink, so for me it took a bit longer to open up and talk to people." She wasn't alone though; there were actually quite a few partygoers who didn't drink. "It's not a place where everyone is drunk," Mark explains.
After surveying the scene, each zeroed in on potential partners and struck up casual conversations. "It's not like you just jump into bed," Deanna says. "You start talking to them and you get to know them a little bit." It all sounded normal enough — except for the actual topics of conversation. Normally when people first meet, discussions cover basics such as what you do and where you live. "We don't talk about any of that," Mark says, explaining that anonymity is at a premium. "Discretion is key." So what do they talk about, then? That's easy: sex. After exchanging a few pleasantries about their likes and dislikes with these new friends, Mark and Deanna headed to separate rooms for the main event.
"You book the rooms in advance," Mark explains, noting that the event space functions much like a hotel. "You get a key to a specific room for the night." Also like a hotel, some rooms are pricier than others. "The more people the room can hold and the more luxurious it is, the more you pay," Mark says, though Deanna adds that all rooms have "a radio for soft music, and a television and candles." No matter the pricing, all rooms are decidedly clean, sleek, modern and according to both Mark and Deanna, "romantic." One thing the rooms lack is a window. "They are really, really private," Deanna describes.
As Deanna and Mark drove home from that first experience, they asked each other the clichéd question: How was it for you? (Except this situation was anything but clichéd.) "We keep nothing from each other," Deanna insists. "We did talk about it because he wanted to know my feelings on it, and I wanted to know his to make sure there's no jealousy involved." Together, they decided it was something that had enjoyed and wanted to continue doing.
Within a few months, the couple had created a pattern. They go to a swingers' event every few weeks, which is frequently enough that they can now spot the "regulars," but not so frequently that they consider themselves part of that group. They're allowed to sleep with anyone they choose and don't approve of each other's partners — but they do always talk about their experiences afterward.
They attend a variety of parties. Some are limited to middle-aged people or seniors only, while others include people of a variety of ages. Deanna prefers a variety of ages, even though she's not looking to be a cougar. "Younger men don't do anything for me," she laughs.
In contrast, Mark prefers the seniors-only soiree. "The older women are more… educated," he ventures. "Experienced," Deanna suggests. "Exactly," Mark agrees.
"If one of them finishes with their partner-for-the-night before the other, he or she simply waits in the common space of the event. They always leave together and — most importantly — they never interact with any of these sex partners outside of the club. They claim this rule keeps the experience from "seeping in" to their relationship at home.
So far, their crowded sex life hasn't impacted their union negatively. If anything, "It's better," Mark says. "We're just stronger," Deanna agrees. "There is a certain strength that comes with freedom, knowing that you can do what you want." They both say that swinging helps them feel "less trapped" in their long-term relationship.
"No matter how much you love someone, things can get stale," Mark explains. "By adding other sexual partners into the mix, it keeps everything fresh — including sex with the person you're committed to. By not having such strict boundaries, we've opened up more to each other."
If there are other couples out there who want to give swinging a whirl, the pair has some advice. "Make sure that it's something that you really want to do, because jealousy can quickly creep in and tear a relationship up," Deanna warns. "You have to make sure it's something that you're comfortable with." So to each their own… except when borrowing partners.
Elizabeth Durand Streisand was a former freelance journalist with bylines in Us Weekly, Yahoo, Life & Style, NY Post, NY Daily News, and MTV, among others. She’s currently the CEO of Broadway Roulette.
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I'm A Wife. I'm A Mom. And I'm A Swinger On The Side.
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By Guild Of Unbound Women — Written on Jun 10, 2020
Everyone has a secret. Things we don’t want people to know because we are embarrassed, too proud, or too private. We keep secrets because some things are too intimate and special for anyone else to know.
But sometimes we keep secrets because we may feel like we will be harshly judged and don’t want to invite the criticism that may follow. Often, we just simply don’t know who we can trust with sensitive information because it might illicit unwanted gossip.
For example, you would never know I have an “open” marriage . I’m not the lady in the 4 inch heels at school pick-up that wears skin-tight jeans or has DD implants. I don’t have wild parties where people stagger home with someone else’s spouse because they picked their car keys from a bowl on the coffee table.
I’m just another mom who drives a sensible car, does the grocery shopping, wears clothes from Ann Taylor, goes jogging to stay fit — and occasionally has sex with men who are not my husband.
If I ever told you about this part of my life — which I probably wouldn’t unless you were an extremely close friend — your first reaction might be “What? How? B ut...what about your kids ?”
Surely, you already have an image in your mind about what an open marriage is.
It's often mistaken for polygamy, where a man lives together with multiple women like the show Sister Wives or Big Love . Or you might think that it’s a convenient excuse for a husband to have sex with other women without losing the security of having a wife or the social complexities of having a mistress.
What most people who have never experienced an open marriage might not understand is that every open marriage is different. And it’s probably not what you think, unless you know someone personally who has one. (And you probably do, you just don’t know it yet!).
Not everyone in an open marriage is some kind of sex-addicted freak-show.
Between household duties, raising children and having a meaningful relationship with my husband, I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to having sex with other people, even if I wanted to.
I do not have sex with every man I meet. I do not want to steal your husband. I do not even want to have sex with your husband. I do not have sex at the grocery store or soccer practice or bring strange men into our home.
My open marriage did not start out as such.
It was very much closed with a big, iron door and the thought of that ever changing never once crossed my mind in the first 13 years of our marriage. My husband, on the other hand, had been making threesome jokes for at least 10 of those 13 years and often wondered out loud about all the sex he missed out on in his youth.
He grew up in a very conservative family where sex before marriage was considered a sin.
I had a similar upbringing but had secretly given in to my desires and had been with someone before I met my husband. I felt incredibly guilty about it because that’s not what “good” girls do.
But eventually the reasons against experimenting sexually with other people were overshadowed by the curiosity — and the exhausting requests by my husband.
We didn’t know exactly how this kind of thing worked, so we took a risk and asked some friends who we thought might know. It’s a delicate subject to broach, but we felt like a few conversations we had in the past left us with some clues that they were, if not in an open marriage, at least open-minded people when it came to sex.
Our hunch was right, and they told us about a place in town where we could go — what you might call a “Swinger’s Club”.
After talking about it for so long, I was ready to at least go and have a look and was excited and nervous to see what it was like.
The club itself was dark with a lot of scantily-clad women and sharply dressed men dancing or milling around the bar sipping drinks while lights flashed and stage smoke puffed up from the floor. Some people were sitting on the vinyl couches in a separate area behind the dance floor, chatting and caressing each other.
The beat of the music was pounding as hard as my heart was pumping in my chest. What am I doing here? Am I weird for wanting to know what happens here? Am I depraved? While most people hired a babysitter to go to dinner and a movie, we had left our children at home so we could watch come here and ... what?
Pretty much anything goes in a club of that nature, but it’s different for everyone.
For our first foray, we stayed together and only exchanged touches with other couples. We had agreed in advance this was more of a reconnaissance mission than a full-blown invasion into open marriage. But that night things happened — I won't go into detail out of respect for my husband — that sparked a change in what the both of us wanted and needed in our marriage.
Our curiosity (and the subsequent desire to satisfy it) came from a place of safety and security in the relationship we had fostered over the last decade.
It has been a few years since our first visit to that club and our relationship has changed and grown with time, as all relationships tend to do. The rules of our open marriage have evolved and developed over time, where we now both understand what the other person needs,and we feel comfortable with that.
The key for us is communication and respect. It also means that our relationship comes first.
We spend quality time together, we date each other, we clean the house on Saturdays and take the kids to dance and soccer. And occasionally, if one of us is on a solo business trip or a night on the town with friends, that big iron door is flung open and we let ourselves have fun. We’re young(ish), good-looking and in good shape. And we enjoy it when it feels right and safe.
None of our outside experiences are kept private from each other.
We both know what the other spouse is doing, and sometimes we do it together.
I’m happy to share with my spouse the details of any sexual adventure I might have, just as he would do for me if I asked (although we don’t always want to know). An open marriage for me means having new sexual experiences without guilt or shame.
As “open” as we are with each other about this aspect in our relationship, we are not open about it with our kids.
Just like we don’t talk to them about the complexities of getting a mortgage, why and how we invest our money or what kind of birth control we use, we don’t talk to our kids about this small but delicate aspect to our marriage.
They're too young to understand that if mom sleeps with the mailman (just kidding — he’s not my type) that that doesn’t mean Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.
They don’t understand about commitment, unity or loyalty on the level required when discussing an open marriage. They’re kids — and they need to stay that way.
So they play with Barbies, Legos and fight with each other and don’t ever have to worry about whether Mom and Dad love each other.
Because we show them every day when we eat breakfast together or dance around the kitchen or cheer them on that we're a family and that’s never going to change.
But if the day comes when one of them says to me, “You know, Mom, this one time I heard a rumor ... “ I’m not going to lie.
I will sit down with my child and answer any questions they might have and explain that for us, this lifestyle works.
Maybe then they will be ready to grasp the idea that you can love someone, spend your life devoted to them emotionally, be best friends, lovers ... and have sex with someone else on the side. But until that day comes, I’ll keep the secret between me, my husband and, well, you.
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Eric and Lori recap their awkward and unintentionally funny first date with a sexy new couple in this web exclusive from "Welcome to the Neighborhood". #NeighborsWithBenefits
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