Mistress Secretary

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Mistress Secretary
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Let's be clear. There's never a good excuse for engaging in an affair with someone who is married. But it does happen. And at the end of the day, women who become mistresses or "the other woman" are our daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers, wives, and neighbors. They are women within our communities.
Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother
Aug 22, 2016, 11:57 AM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother
Let's be clear. There's never a good excuse for engaging in an affair with someone who is married. But it does happen. And at the end of the day, women who become mistresses or "the other woman" are our daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers, wives, and neighbors. They are women within our communities.
I know this is a hot-button issue and I realize many wives who have been the victim of a cheating husband may have raw wounds on this subject. I'm hoping to shed some light on a human level as to why some women get involved in affairs with married men. Here are 5 things I think wives should know about mistresses.
Yes, believe it or not, a mistress does feel guilt. If she is aware of the fact that her lover is married, she goes through all the normal emotions associated with guilt on a daily basis, such as sadness and depression.
A mistress feels guilty when her lover chooses to spend time with her on a weekend, knowing there is a wife and possibly children waiting at home. She feels guilty when she hears other people talk about cheating spouses. She feels guilty when she watches movies about adultery.
Guilt is the permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward.
That said, many mistresses are totally unaware that their lover is married. Many men go to great lengths to hide the fact that they are married. If a husband can have an affair and betray the woman he married, then he is capable of telling multiple lies, both to the wife and mistress.
Bottom Line : Unless a woman is a sociopath, she feels guilty for crossing the line, just like any normal human being would.
Guilt is the permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward.
2. She Probably Never Planned On Being A Mistress
Every adult is accountable for their own actions -- of that there is no doubt. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances and poor decisions can lead to affairs.
It's not likely on the goal list of any woman to get wrapped up in an affair with a married man and potentially lose her career, credibility, friends, or -- in some extreme cases -- her life because of it. Not to mention, some women who have affairs are also married and have families of their own that they are jeopardizing by getting involved in an affair.
Many women end up being the other woman by having a "fling" with a man with whom they never intended on being with on a regular basis. They may or may not have known the man was married but they went ahead anyway, later ending up infatuated or in love.
There are women out there that don't have a problem dating married men and seem to have little regret about it, but generally speaking, this is not usually the case.
Many times a husband will make promises that can string a mistress along until so much time passes that it becomes difficult for her to break it off. A husband may even go so far as to tell the mistress he's separated or in the process of a divorce when this is not the case. If a mistress is in love, she may not want to end it, even if she knows it's wrong.
If a woman has become a mistress and she knows that her lover is married, then most certainly she feels jealous. She feels jealous every time he walks out the door. She knows he is going home to another woman. She knows her lover has another life at his home which she will never be a part of.
Unless she has a family of her own, a mistress's life is usually pretty lonely, emphasized by the fact that her heart probably sinks just thinking of what her lover is doing at home with his wife and family. She feels jealous that he shares a bed with his wife and will never know the true level of intimacy that's going on despite what she's been told.
Some mistresses even have children with their married lovers. Imagine what a complicated web that must be.
There's no doubt that a mistress feels envious that her lover's relationship with his wife is not a secret to the world like hers most likely is. One thing that many mistresses crave more than anything is validation that her relationship with her lover is real. Sneaking around in secrecy is not the ideal for having a healthy, long-term relationship.
A mistress, like any other woman, wants her lover to be proud of her, to tell their friends about her, and for them to have the desire to tell the whole world how much they love her.
4. She Fell In Love With The Wrong Person
Well, this is a no-brainer, but unfortunately, love and lust are blind. A woman who ignores repeated red flags because of love or lust will eventually find out she has picked the wrong person to be with.
A mistress is bound to come to this realization sooner or later. She may choose to stay in the affair long after she's realized her mistake for any number of reasons including denial, fear, and, of course, love.
Falling for the wrong person happens to all of us. It happens to single women dating single men. It happens to women who fall in love with married men. It happens to the wife of a husband who is having an affair. It happens to same-sex couples as well.
The point is, most likely the mistress already knows she has made a huge mistake and only stays in the affair because she thinks her lover wants to be with her. Of course, some women may not be that emotionally attached to their lovers, but I would guess that most are -- especially in long-term affairs that carry on for years.
Mistresses are just like any other woman in the world. They don't necessarily need to be vilified.
5. She May Believe There Is A Future
How many women fall for a man and believe most of what he says? We've all done it at some point or another. If a woman knows her lover is married or found out at some point after she already fell for him, then there is no doubt she has been sweet-talked and promised to hundreds of times.
It's fairly common for a cheating husband to tell his mistress that he is miserable in his marriage and wants to get out. This may or may not be true, but whether or not he does get out of the marriage is another thing. If there are children involved or if the husband does truly want to be with his wife, then he won't make the steps to leave the marriage
A mistress has already placed herself in a vulnerable position, so if she is in love with the man she is having the affair with, she will make excuses for him, and probably suffers from deep denial. It may take months or even years for a mistress to realize that a man is not going to leave his wife for her. If he was, he would have done it sooner than later.
Hanging on to an affair in hopes that a man will leave his wife is something many mistresses do, and if there are years that pass by, she becomes more invested in the relationship, and also more comfortable within the lie. The affair becomes her normal. The secrecy becomes her normal, and in many cases, she will self-medicate or behave destructively to alleviate the guilt and shame.
Being the mistress is not glamorous. An affair may start out as a thrilling, romantic whirlwind, but it almost always ends up a depressing, disheartening situation. Mistresses are just like any other woman in the world. They don't necessarily need to be vilified.
This post has also been published by Michelle at PairedLife & The Pondering Nook
Freelance Writer/Co-Host@The Broad's Way Podcast/Creator/Writer@The Pondering Nook/Lover/Mother/Stepmother

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Lindsay Kimble is a Senior Digital News Editor and the Sports Editor for PEOPLE Digital. She's worked at PEOPLE for over seven years as a writer, reporter and editor across our Entertainment, Lifestyle and News teams, covering everything from the Super Bowl to the Met Gala. She's been nominated for the ASME NEXT Awards for Journalists Under 30, and previously wrote for Us Weekly while on staff at Wenner Media.

Tales of President John F. Kennedy ‘s infidelities during his 10-year marriage to First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy have circulated for more than half a century.


In a 2016 cover story, PEOPLE profiled some of the women who claimed or were reported to be involved with the 35th president.


However, in August 2021, another woman came forward with news of an alleged affair. Diana de Vegh said she engaged in a relationship with the president when she was 20 years old.


The affair allegedly began in 1958, making him twice her age. De Vegh, now 83, said that Kennedy would often say there was "something special" about her, which admittedly captured her attention.


But this, she said, "is not a romantic story." In fact, she said it took "years to recover" from the romance — "almost as many years" as it took for her to come forward with her story.


De Vegh said that she was a junior at Radcliffe College in Cambridge, Massachusetts, when she attended her first political dinner, a benefit for Kennedy. She and Kennedy locked eyes from across the table. At one point, the Massachusetts Senator asked someone to give up their seat "so a tired old man can sit next to a pretty girl," leaving the college student starstruck.


The two supposedly met up several times following the benefit. Eventually, de Vegh said, Kennedy invited her back to his apartment in Boston, and the relationship turned romantic, with de Vegh even moving to Washington, D.C., after Kennedy was elected president.


"What could I have been thinking?" de Vegh said, adding "I was feeling, in full movie-star-infatuation mode."


"For a Great Man, he was still in the throes of the male mythology of his time: see pretty young woman, have pretty young woman," she wrote.


Read on for more of the women profiled in PEOPLE's 2016 cover story.


Exner, who served as a conduit between JFK and mobster Sam Giancana, famously claimed that she had an abortion after she became pregnant with the President’s child.


“Jack couldn’t have been more loving, more concerned about my feelings, more considerate, more gentle,” Exner, the daughter of a well-off architect, told PEOPLE of JFK in a 1988 interview.


Longtime gossip columnist Liz Smith, who wrote extensively about Exner in the years after the latter’s 1977 memoir My Story ‘s publication, says Jackie was unsurprised — and fascinated — by what she learned.


“Her good friends Truman Capote and Gore Vidal told me she knew all about Judith Exner and everybody else, and she read my stories on Judith with high interest,” Smith says.


Exner died at age 65 in 1999 after a battle with breast cancer.


JFK’s relationship with sultry actress Monroe has long been the subject of speculation, spurred by her iconic “Happy Birthday” performance for the Commander-in-Chief at a May 1962 Madison Square Garden fundraiser.


In his 1997 book The Dark Side of Camelot , journalist Seymour Hersh wrote that the star’s “instability posed a constant threat” to the President before she mysteriously overdosed at age 36 in 1962 .


The sister-in-law of legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee chronicled their alleged affair in her diary, Bradlee later revealed.


In early 2016, a handwritten love letter from JFK to Meyer surfaced in an online auction from Boston’s RR Auction.


“Why don’t you leave suburbia for once — come and see me — either here — or at the Cape next week or in Boston the 19th,” Kennedy wrote in the four-page letter. “I know it is unwise, irrational, and that you may hate it — on the other hand you may not — and I will love it.”


He continued, “You say that it is good for me not to get what I want. After all of these years — you should give me a more loving answer than that. Why don’t you just say yes.”


Meyer was murdered in Georgetown in October 1964. Shot twice at a close range , her death is still unresolved and has often been associated with JFK-related conspiracy theories.


As a White House intern in 1962, Alford claimed to begin an 18-month relationship with JFK — an affair outlined in her explosive 2012 memoir, Once Upon a Secret: My Affair With John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath .


She found the President “magnetic” but told PEOPLE in 2012 that “he wasn’t looking for a relationship to replace his marriage.”


Alford also wrote that her alleged dalliances with JFK were arranged by the President’s special assistant Dave Powers — the “procurer” of willing women, according to Kennedy biographer Laurence Leamer.


Cowan was a secretary in the White House Press Office and often accompanied the president on official trips. She never commented on the details of their relationship.


She did however, say that JFK was “fascinated with youth” in a 1965 oral history housed at the JFK Library. She also said in the same interview how much he admired his wife, noting he was “very proud of the fact Mrs. Kennedy had kept a book of all the place settings and pictures of the flowers, the whole sort of personal touches in the White House.”


Wear also was a White House staff member who worked under JFK’s secretary, Evelyn Lincoln.


The alleged affair was apparently something that Jackie was aware of, according to Barbara Gamarekian, a Kennedy press aide.


While speaking in French to a Paris-Match reporter, Jackie commented about Wear, Gamarekian recalled in an oral history housed at the JFK Library.


“Mrs. Kennedy said, ‘This is the girl who supposedly is sleeping with my husband,’ and the reporter was utterly taken aback.”


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
British chauffeur and secretary to Dwight D. Eisenhower


^ Bust portraits of Dwight D. Eisenhower and Kay Summersby Morgan , Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division via Popartmachine.com, cph 3b20861, archived from the original on 18 February 2012 , retrieved 1 April 2011

^ Jump up to: a b Entry in Census of Ireland, 1911

^ Jump up to: a b c Wyden, Barbara, Papers, 1944–1945 , Dwight D. Eisenhower Library , Abilene, Kansas

^ 1958 edition of Burke's Landed Gentry of Ireland

^ Korda, Michael (September 2007). Ike: An American Hero . harper collins. p. 385 . ISBN 978-0-06-075665-9 .

^ Jump up to: a b c d e f g Mulligan, Hugh A. (28 May 1995). "When Gunfire Ended, So Did Ike's War Romance" . The Seattle Times . Associated Press . Retrieved 20 October 2012 .

^ In the photo linked above, Captain Summersby is wearing the ribbon of the Bronze Star Medal

^ "No. 36869" . The London Gazette (Supplement). 29 December 1944. p. 137.

^ Kieron Wood (Author). Ike's Irish Lover, The Echo of a Sigh . Retrieved 5 October 2016 . {{ cite book }} : |author= has generic name ( help )

^ Announcement of marriage , Time , Monday, 1 December 1952

^ Obituary , The New York Times ,21 January 1975

^ "Milestones, Feb. 3, 1975" . Time . 3 February 1975. Archived from the original on 28 April 2007 . Retrieved 19 May 2016 . Died. Kay Summersby Morgan, 66, General Dwight Eisenhower's secretary, chauffeur and confidante during World War II; of cancer; in Southampton, N.Y.

^ Lester, David & Irene David (1981). Ike & Mamie, The Story of the General and his Lady . Academic Press. ISBN 0-399-12644-9 .

^ Jump up to: a b c Kifner, John (6 June 1991). "Eisenhower Letters Hint at Affair With Aide" . The New York Times . Retrieved 30 August 2012 .

^ Chapin, Dwight (13 February 1984). "The way they were" . The San Francisco Examiner . p. 33 . Retrieved 31 August 2022 .

^ D'Este, Carlo (2003). Eisenhower: A Soldier's Life . Henry Holt and Company . p. 419. ISBN 978-0-8050-5687-7 . Retrieved 26 November 2011 . No evidence exists, beyond the fanciful allegations in a memoir [that Summersby] did not live to see published.

^ Hamilton, Nigel (1983). Master of the Battlefield Monty's War Years 1942–1944 . McGraw-Hill Book Company. p. 769 footnote. ISBN 9780070258068 .

^ Miller, Merle, Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S. Truman (1974) Putnam Publishing Group. ISBN 0-399-11261-8 .

^ Mark Perry (2007). Partners in Command: George Marshall and Dwight Eisenhower in War and Peace . Penguin. p. 363 . ISBN 9781594201059 .

^ Stanley Weintraub (2007). 15 Stars: Eisenhower, MacArthur, Marshall: Three Generals Who Saved the American Century . Simon and Schuster. p. 341. ISBN 9781416545934 .

^ Wesley O. Hagood (1998). Presidential Sex: From the Founding Fathers to Bill Clinton . Citadel Press. p. 134. ISBN 9780806520070 .

^ Nixon, Richard M. (1978). RN: The Memoirs of Richard M. Nixon . Grosset & Dunlap. p. 379 . ISBN 978-0-671-70741-5 .

^ Ferrell, Robert H. ; Heller, Francis H. (May–June 1995). "Plain Faking?" . American Heritage Magazine . 46 (3) . Retrieved 8 November 2011 . In the Miller tapes in the Truman Library there is no Truman conversation, nothing, about Kay Summersby.

^ Jean Edward Smith (2012). Eisenhower in War and Peace . Random House Digital, Inc. pp. 270, 291, 315, 441. ISBN 9780679644293 .

^ Ike: The War Years (1979) by ABC Circle Films (www.imdb.com/title/tt0078628/?ref_=ur_urv)


Kathleen Helen Summersby BEM (née MacCarthy-Morrogh ; 23 November 1908 – 20 January 1975), known as Kay Summersby , was a member of the British Mechanised Transport Corps during World War II, who served as a chauffeur and later as personal secretary to Dwight D. Eisenhower during his period as Supreme Commander Allied Expeditionary Force in command of the Allied forces in north west Europe.

Summersby and Eisenhower spent a significant amount of time together until World War II ended, at which time Eisenhower cut ties and returned to the United S
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