Mature Many
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Mature Many
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I'm sure there are probably other signs, but this list covers at least the majority of them. I know we can always do a better job displaying our mature sides. I also know that, by doing so, we lift each other up through our example.
Jan 6, 2015, 09:07 PM EST | Updated Mar 8, 2015
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Do you think there is a certain age at which maturity sets in? Could it be 20? 40? 70? In my personal experiences, I've observed that age has little or nothing to do with it. I have met young people who are mature well beyond their years, and I've known older folks who act childish, only thinking about themselves. So the question is: What are the character traits that show maturity? And do "mature" people exhibit them 100% of the time?
Well, I'm not sure that we can be mature in every situation that presents itself to us because we are always growing and learning as human beings, and I'm pretty sure that all of us have been guilty of at least some of these negative behaviors at least once in our lives. That being said, by considering these 25 tell-tale signs, perhaps we can be more aware of the interludes in which our whiny, adolescent self rears its immature head...
1. Realizing how much you don't know.
2. Listening more and talking less.
3. Being aware and considerate of others as opposed to being self-absorbed, self-centered, and inconsiderate.
4. Not taking everything personally, getting easily offended, or feeling the need to defend, prove, or make excuses for yourself.
5. Being grateful and gracious, not complaining.
6. Taking responsibility for your own health and happiness, not relying on others to "fix" you or placing blame for your circumstances.
7. Having forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others.
8. Being calm and peaceful, not desperate, frantic, or irrational.
9. Showing flexibility and openness as opposed to resisting, controlling, or being unreasonable.
10. Helping yourself, not just expecting others to do it for you out of a sense of entitlement.
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you other than knowing you helped, being selfless.
12. Respecting another's point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment, not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve and reaching out for help.
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different.
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself, not needing someone else to "complete" you.
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.
I'm sure there are probably other signs, but this list covers at least the majority of them. I know we can always do a better job displaying our mature sides. I also know that, by doing so, we lift each other up through our example. What's most important, however, is seeing the negative side of our behavior and knowing we must do something positive to change it...And that, my friends, is WISDOM.
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Key points
Today’s students have access to more information earlier but may be stunted in their emotional maturity.
A healthy, mature student is one who has developed intellectually, volitionally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Marks of maturity include keeping long-term commitments, being able to handle flattery or criticism, and expressing gratitude consistently.
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Denver, CO
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Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
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Positive Psychology
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Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted November 14, 2012
|
Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
You may have noticed a paradox among students today. Although there are exceptions, this generation is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally. They are missing many of the marks of maturity they should possess.
From an intellectual perspective, students today have been exposed to so much more than I was growing up—and far sooner. They’ve consumed information on everything from cyberspace to sexual techniques before they graduate from middle school. Everything is coming at them sooner.
Sociologist Tony Campolo said, “I am convinced we don’t live in a generation of bad kids. We live in a generation of kids who know too much too soon.”
On the other hand, students have been stunted in their emotional maturity. They seem to require more time to actually “grow up” and prepare for the responsibility that comes with adulthood. This is a result of many factors, including well-intentioned parents who hover over kids, not allowing them to experience the pain of maturation. It’s like the child who tries to help a new butterfly break out of the cocoon, and realizes later that they have done it a disservice: That butterfly is not strong enough to fly once it is free.
There is another reason why teens struggle with maturation. Scientists are gaining new insights into remarkable changes in the brain that may explain why the teen years are so hard on young people and their parents. From ages 11-14, kids lose some of the connections between cells in the part of their brain that enables them to think clearly and make good decisions.
What happens is that the brain prunes itself, going through changes that will allow a young person to move into adult life effectively. “Ineffective or weak brain connections are pruned in much the same way a gardener would prune a tree or bush, giving the plant a desired shape,” says Alison Gopnik, professor of child development at UC Berkley.
Adolescents experiencing these brain changes can react emotionally, according to Ian Campbell, a neurologist at the U.C. Davis Sleep Research Laboratory. Mood swings and uncooperative and irresponsible attitudes can all be the result of these changes. Sometimes, students can’t explain why they feel the way they do. Their brain is changing from a child brain to an adult brain.
Regions that specialize in language, for example, grow rapidly until about age 13 and then stop. The frontal lobes of the brain which are responsible for high-level reasoning and decision-making aren’t fully mature until the early 20s, according to Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, a neuroscientist at Harvard’s Brain Imaging Center. There’s a portion of time when the child part of the brain has been pruned, but the adult portion is not fully formed. They are “in-between" — informed but not prepared.
Students today are consuming information they aren’t completely ready to handle. The adult part of their brain is still forming and isn’t ready to apply all that society throws at it. Their mind takes it in and files it, but their will and emotions are not prepared to act on it in a healthy way. They can become paralyzed by all the content they consume.
They want so much to be able to experience the world they’ve seen on websites or heard on podcasts, but don’t realize that they are unprepared for that experience emotionally. They are truly in between a child and an adult. (This is the genius behind movie ratings and viewer discretion advisories on TV.) I believe a healthy, mature student is one who has developed intellectually, volitionally, emotionally, and spiritually. I also believe there are marks we can look for as we coach them into maturity.
What are the marks of maturity? We all love it when we see a young person who carries themselves well and shows signs of being mature. They interact with adults in an adult manner. Those students are downright refreshing.
At Growing Leaders we seek to build these marks in young people, ages 16-24, as we partner with schools. The following isn’t exhaustive, but it is a list of characteristics I notice in young people who are unusually mature — intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. If you are a parent, this is a good list of qualities to begin developing in your child. If you are a coach, teacher, or dean, these are the signs we wish every student possessed when they graduate. For that matter, these are signs I wish every adult modeled for the generation coming behind them.
1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments. One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism. As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems, and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity .
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility. Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can honor them. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. A mature person’s decisions are based on character, not feelings. Mature people—students and adults—live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently. I have found that the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves. A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting. Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get, the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.
In my book, Artifical Maturity , I offer practical solutions for parents to instill the marks of maturity in their kids. Susan Peters once said, "Children have a much better chance of growing up if their parents have done so first." Here's to modeling and developing authentic maturity in your kids.
Are you displaying the marks of maturity? How about your kids?
Tim Elmore is the founder and president of Growing Leaders, an international non-profit organization created to develop emerging leaders.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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