Massive Meat Curtains

Massive Meat Curtains

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Published: 18:54 BST, 7 April 2017 | Updated: 22:35 BST, 7 April 2017
Contrary to popular belief, most vaginas aren't neat little packages with all the pieces perfectly tucked in.
Rather, vaginas all look quite different. However, according to a former bikini waxer who goes only by Mel to protect the identity of her clients, there are five different overall vagina shapes that she has seen in her career.
While these types aren't scientific or 'a mathematic algorithm', Mel told Elite Daily : 'This is just to help women understand this weird "secret" [the appearance of our vaginas] we keep from our friends and society at large is not as scandalous or peculiar as we may have thought.'
Neat little package: A former bikini waxer said she has divided vaginas into five shapes, including the tidy Ms. Barbie
Type two: Illustrated by Kylah Benes , they also include the Ms. Puff, which is like the Ms. Barbie but longer
Her shape names are not the actual vagina, which is the whole, but rather the outside appearance — most of which has something to do with the labia majora (the outer lips) and the labia minora (the inner lips).
The most uncommon shape is what Mel calls the Ms. Barbie, in which the labia minora are totally contained within the labia magora. The waxer noted that this is what most people think of when they picture a vagina, but it is not what most vaginas look like.
Similar to the Ms. Barbie is the Ms. Puffs. The labia minora are still contained within the labia majora, but the lips of the vagina sit lower on the the pubic pone and are 'either full and puffed up or thin and loose'.
Contrary to popular belief, the way the lips hang has little to do with the age or weight of a woman.
Most common: She most frequently saw women with this shape, in which the labia minora peek out the bottom
Bodies: In this shape, the labia minora peek out the top and the labia magora meet at the bottom
The Ms. Curtains look, Mel said, is her name for when the labia minora extend past the labia majora, sticking out either a little bit or a lot. This is actually the most common shape.
Women with the Ms. Horseshoe have a vagina that opens wider at the top but closes at the bottom, with the shape of a horseshoe.
Finally, the Ms. Tulip looks like a tulip about to bloom, with the labia minora slightly exposed up and down the labia majora.
The expert: She named this the final type, in which the labia minora are contained but exposed up and down the vagina
'Moral of the story is that every vagina is different, but it shares a sisterhood with all other vaginas, and nobody should feel strange or abnormal,' Mel said.
'Just because you haven't met your sister vagina yet, doesn’t mean she isn’t out there.
She concluded humorously: 'Your vagina is perfect. It's just like a curtain. You wouldn't hate your house if it had ugly curtains.'
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Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group

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Arby’s Roast Beef Curtains ‘n’ Cheese Sandwich / I’ll see myself out. / # NaughtyFastFood

The PCSOs sent snaps to 42-year-old Miss X showing close-up images of themselves facing the camera and holding two fingers against their parted lips...Another snap which they sent the married officer showed a T-shirt with the words: “I (love heart) beef curtains.”

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Beef curtains is vulgar slang for the vulva. It’s typically used for vaginal lips that are … particularly pronounced.
Beef curtains can be found as far back as 1988, making it to the quasi-mainstream in the mid-1990s with references from minor rock bands and B-list comedies. Urban Dictionary entered the term by 2002 and it debuted on Twitter in 2007.
Why beef curtains ? Hey, you asked. The term likens the lips of the vagina (labia majora)—when elongated or stretched in some way—to fleshy, foldy drapery, like slices of roast beef. And so, of course roast beef curtains is a common form of this slang in the US.
The term came into the public spotlight in late 2017 in a feud between hip-hop artists Azealia Banks and Remy Ma. During the dispute, Remy Ma leaked text messages in which Banks complains about her beef curtains , apparently with pics . Days later, Banks posted a sexy image of herself on Instagram, captioned: “For the record…I don’t have beef curtains.”
Rachel’s famous words while describing a vagina - “beef curtain”
If a man describes a woman’s vulva as beef curtains , it is usually very objectifying and derogatory, especially because it can imply that promiscuity lead to the “condition.”
But some women, as we saw with Banks, may use the phrase in a more self-deprecatory, frank discussion of their own genitalia. One writer, Lottie Lomas, humorously described her post-childbirth vagina as beef curtains for the HuffPost in 2015: “My labia or ‘beef curtains’ (as one boyfriend fondly called them) drooped so far between my legs that they could have really done with their own bra to hold them in.”

This is not meant to be a formal definition of beef curtains like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is
rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of beef curtains
that will help our users expand their word mastery.

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L.D. Hume, formerly known as Law Dogger, is an attorney and the litigation partner of his law firm. A traditionalist at heart, he travels often in an attempt to expose himself to as many cultures across the globe as possible. His column runs every so often and he can be found on Twitter as well.
We’ve all been there. Your dapper charming self has wooed a girl by way of traditional date or maybe night time escalation. You get home, the mood is right, the drinks have been flowing and you have convinced her that in fact, yes… sex is a great idea. That magic moment comes when you start undressing her, she is on your bed and lifts her perfectly shaped bottom 6 inches off the duvet cover so you can slide her underwear off. And then you see it…
The dreaded roast beef. The meat curtains. The sleeve of wizard. Call it what you will, but for most that is quite the turn off and the last thing a man like yourself wants to see flapping in the wind before engaging in the feel-good coitus that could have been. Contrary to popular belief, it is not genetic. Nor is it caused by how many men she’s slept with, or how large those men were. Some porn stars have beautiful entry points. So how does one avoid such a surprise? Are there ways to identify roast beef prior before it’s too late? The answer is YES, and here are 5 ways to do so:
Most fat girls do not have the carcass cape. The reason is simple — the excess fat in and around the pelvic region creates an inverse effect on the vaginal lips, pushing out the blubber and inducing an inwards turn of the labia. Similar to how a black hole operates, the skin is sucked inwards creating the nice vagina effect. While she may pound away a ton of roast beef, at least her nether region will be devoid of any such flap happy activity.
Avoid girls whose names end in consonants. This may seem strange and unsubstantiated by science, but it’s true. If you have an Erica, a Melissa, an Yvonne, or perhaps an Alexandra, rest assured you will have that perfect slit surprise when you are ready to do the deed. The beautiful symmetry of a nicely shaped vagina, each lip in direct proportion to the other only separated by a slight line. No excess labial flap, no peek-a-boo wraparound meat skin. It’s called the “o” face for a reason.
However, god speed to you if you happen to go home with a Marilyn, an Allison, a Brittany or dare I say a Colleen. I hope you have your spelunking gear ready, because it is going to take some cavernous digging to find that clitoris under those goose wings.
This one is self-explanatory. I have yet to meet a vegetarian girl who sports dildo drapes. If she doesn’t eat meat, she doesn’t yield meat. Rumor has it that protein deficiency causes aesthetically pleasing vaginal formation, but the medical studies have yet to come in on this. Stay tuned.
This tactic only works if you end up at her place. Are her windows covered with blinds and shutters…or curtains and drapes? If it’s blinds or shutters, she psychologically identifies her slit with straight, symmetrical openings. Proceed as normal. If she has curtains or drapes however, she is accustomed to long, malleable pieces of fabric. You can see where this is going…
Let’s be honest, those accordion lips take up some extra room. So when you meet a girl at a bar, or the office or maybe a friend’s dinner party, just innocuously bring up the gym and what people wear while they exercise. Mention your underarmour clothing. Tell her you have noticed a trend in yoga pants and spandex leggings for female gym attendees. Does she balk at the idea of wearing things so tight? Does she discuss the “freedom” of loose shorts for exercise? If so, you may have a closet pancake draper. Conversely, if she is one of the major proponents of lululemon pants then you may very well have a lady who sports an = sign for a vagina. Congratulations, a winner is you.
Hopefully I have saved some of you from the pain generally associated with being lured into the large labia luncheon. So there you have it. Five almost indisputable ways to identify, and consequently avoid, roast beef.
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Wow. This site is so fucking sexist it’s no longer funny. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing reading these “manosphere” tripes. I’m starting to see what feminists are talking about now.
Nope, we’re pretty much like this all year.
You don’t get it, do you? A particular date of the year is not an excuse for being vulgar, sexist and completely misogynistic.
Actually, it is you who doesn’t get it. Vulgarity and profanity have their proper places. It’s been part of of good literary license for centuries. Don’t believe me? Try reading some of the plays of Aristophanes. Profane, bathroom humor, and sexually vulgar beyond belief. Or, on that note, take a look at some of the frescoes on the walls of Pompeii. Or check out the bawdier poems in Geoffrey Chaucer. All of them far worse than this. And I could go on and on. So, chill.
Um, no. Just no. It is a well-known FACT that the classics like Aristotle or Twilight did not contain any form of sexism or misogyny whatsoever. It is you who don’t get it.
Holy shit, did you just call Twilight a classic piece of literature?
lol i just came across this article and i hate to coment on 11 month old shit but uummmmm Twilight and aristotle called classic’s in the same sentence? Grow the F up twilight is wack ass pre teen BS that is so far from “classic” that it and yourself are a joke
It’s starting to smell like sticky dildos, cats, and lonely in here. Now FOAD, bitch.
Hahahahahahaha you must be trying to troll the april first post with your own form of april first trolling.
Aristotle did not write anything sexist? Then why do feminists hate him? From wikipedia:
“He saw women as less than slaves because they didn’t do as much work. In his book poetics, he explains that every once in a while a good woman will come along. He goes on to say that the only thing they are good for is basically having children.”
Criticized at length by feminists here:
Wen find sexism in any and all things. There are feminist who say GAY PORN is sexist towards women. Yes GAY PORN, last time i checked there arent any women in gay porn, i mean come in gay guys are suppose to nit like vaginas in the first place. I ask myself do they just not want men to be haooy without a woman in there or what.
No need to worry. I’m on the phone summoning the WAAAAA-mbulance right now to whisk you off to the AWWWW-spital. Take two DRAMA-mines and call the doctor in the morning.
I feel sad that everyone thought you were serious
You’re fucking stupid. I hope you just stay on this site for the rest of your life so no woman will face the abuse that illuminates off your computer screen. It’s not a joke. The writers have said that this is what they conclude from their life experiences.
and whats the point in continuing an idiocy?
YOU, don’t get it, do you? This is very tame compared to the eons women have been talking about tiny penises. How many times you talk about men having small penises and making fun of them. There is even a song about it, by some female group back about 10 years ago. Here are the facts: women stick baseball bats and other large objects inside their vaginas and end up with these nasty looking parts and then blame men to being disgusted and turned off? Well, compare that to a man with a small penis. He is born that way and cannot change that. But women can, sometimes, change that by not using their vaginas as a parking garage.
and because other people are unfair you have to be unfair too?
Um. No. The size of an inner labia doesn’t change with what’s been inside of the vagina. It’s genetic. I disagree with women who say hurtful things towards the penises they don’t prefer, and I disagree with men who say hurtful things towards the vaginas they don’t prefer. Hm, I think we need a better sex ed system in our schools so we avoid having as many clueless people.
Lol..baseball bats and other large objects? Holy shit, you are either a teen boy or some guy has known no women in his life except for his Mama. The way male OR female parts look is genetic, jack ass.
He is right, they do infact out those things in there u must be a child why are u here.
Lol ur right ibe seen women out dildoes with 5inche diameter and more no penis i know has a diameter of 5 inch. Ive seen women put 2 hands inside vaginas lol i know i look at fucked up shit simetimes i have to like turn my comouter iff. Anyways you can even fit a foot inside a vagina. Anyways scientifically only 3 inches if the vgina have enough nerve endings to feel anything. And even then without rubbung the clit she might not even get an orgasm. Insead of having a long oenis men should aspire to have fat thick ones since thats what women want is the stretch from a thick phallus not the lenght.
Here comes the waaaaaaambulance! Awww… your poow poow feewings.
Women rag on men all the time so be quite, just cuz u have roast beefs dont mean people need to walk on egg shells for u.
I agree, Carson – I need to go wash my brain out with some sweet, sweet Jezebel & Lindy West, the most beautiful & tolerant person in this here world!
Roissy maxim # whatever: “Trust no one without a sense of humor.”
lighten up francis…get your wizard sleeves stapled down.
why is everyone junking this comment? he’s clearly pulling a double-april-fool, and is not in actuality a mangina.
P.S. I’ve dated a couple of vegetarians in my time – no roast beef vaginas. Thinking that one may be true.
It was funny for a while but then it just got sad. Unless they were pulling a triple-april-fool and trolling me back by pretending to not get it.
I wonder if changing your name will make your beef curtains disappear over time.
Engorged inner labia is delicious. Best of delicacies. Nutritious beyond belief.
hilarious fools day post. you nailed it.
Sign #5 says talk to women in the office about what gym attire they tend to wear….that’s the real joke…
I’ve got Horsey Sauce for the roast beef.
Is this supposed to be satire, or amusing? It fails on both counts. It certainly doesn’t help and this stuff just gives ammunition to our enemies.
…don’t be a bitch about this. If some broad wrote a tongue in cheek deal about how to avoid men with small cocks, we’d all laugh….well, most of us.
Funny thing is, this last fling (short lived) I had fit into all the criteria. Window Curtains, slim, gym shorts, was a vegetarian (during adolescence), and her name was Katelin. Fml
the gym clothes / tight fitting anything test is the ultimate !!
Profound as the deepest ocean and lights from above in heavenly bliss of the maker’s vision,
The actually curious thing about this is how I actually had roast beef on april 1st. Damn tasty too.
Date aside, in case anyone actually believes the stuff about larger labia being bad:
http://lovelargelabia.tumblr.com/
Can I get some (w)horsey sauce on my sandwich?
This is beyond rude, no wonder women are so self concience of their bodies
Your mother did an incredible job raising you. All the effort she out into raising you
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