Jennette Mccurdy Najed

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Jennette Mccurdy Najed
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When former child star Jennette McCurdy ’s new memoir was released earlier this month, some were taken aback by the book’s title. After all, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” is not a sentence you hear every day.
In an interview with The New York Times , the ex- Nickelodeon star admitted that it took time (and as she details in the book, a lot of therapy) to get to a place where “glad” seemed like an appropriate word to use.
“I feel like I’ve done the processing and put in the work to earn a title or a thought that feels provocative,” she told the paper.
McCurdy’s mom Debra died of cancer in 2013 , while McCurdy was still part of the popular Nick show “Sam & Cat” alongside Ariana Grande . In the book, McCurdy writes about how her mom encouraged her to restrict her daily calories and do weekly weigh-ins to stay fit for TV ― behaviors that ultimately led to McCurdy developing an eating disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
McCurdy also alleges that her mother forced her to take showers with her well into her teens and gave her breast and vaginal exams until she was 17 years old.
“Grief for me toward my mom used to be really complicated. I’d feel really angry and confused at why I felt angry that I was grieving her. I felt like she didn’t deserve my tears and my sadness and that she was abusive,” McCurdy told “Good Morning America” recently.
As for the controversial title, “Anybody that has experienced parental abuse understands this title … I wouldn’t have written the book if my mom were alive. I would still have my identity dictated by her,” she told the morning show.
Child actress Jennette McCurdy in her first on-camera interview about her memoir, ‘I’m Glad My Mom Died’: “Anybody that has experienced parental abuse understands this title… I wouldn’t have written the book if my mom were alive. I would still have my identity dictated by her.” pic.twitter.com/oqREJKx719
Understandably, not everyone in the actor’s family loves the title.
“Our grandmother is very upset about that title,” McCurdy’s brother Marcus told the Times . For his part, he relates to the sentiment.
“It’s more of a coping mechanism,” he said. “You can either be like, ‘Woe is me, my life is horrible.’ Or you find the humor in these things that are really tragic.”
While McCurdy’s story is off-putting to some, those who’ve experienced the death of an abusive parent connect deeply to it.
Ashanti J. Ramsey , an artist and writer from Los Angeles who grew up with an abusive father, is happy to see McCurdy experience and demonstrate grief on her own terms.
“It feels like she’s taking back her power, and I think she deserves that and more,” Ramsey told HuffPost. “All of us do.”
Those who take issue with the book’s title seem to be projecting their own healthy parental relationships onto McCurdy’s, Ramsey said, “as if bad parents don’t exist.”
Ramsey lost their dad in 2018 when they were 13. All the feelings you’d expect a preteen to feel when they lose a parent prematurely simply weren’t there. For good reason, Ramsey said.
“If you asked me about my memories of my late father, the bad ones would outnumber the good 10 to 1,” they said. “My dad holding my hand with his right hand and selling drugs with the other; abandoning me at an arcade at the age of 9; forcing me to sit at a table for hours because I wouldn’t eat cabbage; blaming me for not staying in contact with him at the age of 11.”
Ramsey felt pressure from their family to morph their grief into something more “acceptable” and to sweep their dad’s parental failings under the rug.
“In my family, the term ‘respect your elders’ isn’t taken lightly, even at the cost of your own self-respect,” Ramsey said. “Even when it comes to people who have contributed greatly to your trauma.”
Ultimately, the only thing that Ramsey could mourn was what might have been: “I mourned the opportunity that was lost for him to be a good father.”
Karyl McBride , a marriage and family therapist in Denver and author of “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers,” often hears about this kind of complex grief from clients.
“They may grieve for the actual person who was their parent, but it also brings back the loss of the parent they didn’t have and really needed,” McBride told HuffPost. “It’s kind of a double-whammy of grief.”
The more recovery the client has done, the less complex the grief can become, the therapist said.
“When you work on it in therapy, sometimes the adult child ends up feeling kind of sorry for the parent who was so unhappy that they had to project their self-loathing onto their children,” she said. (Of course, grief isn’t one-size-fits-all; an adult child may never come to a place of sympathy or forgiveness, and that’s all right, too.)
Those who openly admit to feeling relieved that their parents are dead inevitably come up against people who shame them for their lack of respect for the person who brought them into the world. (Then there are the requisite guilt trips from the “don’t speak ill of the dead” crowd, as if death absolves even the worst of parental failings: child abuse, emotional abuse, desertion.)
Kelli Dunham , a comic and writer, received criticism along both those lines this June when she wrote an essay for HuffPost Personal that carried sentiments similar to McCurdy’s. Dunham wrote that she was part of a rarefied group: “The Glad [Dad’s Dead] club.”
“When he died, the ambivalence was replaced with relief,” Dunham wrote. “There was relief for him, that he was no longer suffering. But there was also ease in simply feeling safer. The man who had once beaten our 125-pound Newfoundland dog with a two-by-four didn’t live in our house anymore. The constant creeping fear of ‘Could I be next?’ was gone.”
The response to Dunham’s essay was mixed. Some were unsettled by it; interestingly, a lot of the critical response came from readers who were worried about their kids one day writing negative articles about them after they died.
But Dunham also received a few dozen emails and DMs from people who said things like, “I can finally take a breath, I’ve never heard anyone else say this” or “I’ve felt guilty for feeling like this for 30 years.”
It’s hard to really understand McCurdy’s usage of “glad” until you’ve been there, Dunham said.
“It’s glad but it’s not a thrilled, excited, dancing-on-my-dad’s-grave-setting-off-a-confetti-cannon-type glad.”
More than anything, Dunham said she felt quietly relieved when he was gone.
“He died when I was 12, and I felt instantly safer in my own home,” she said. “I also felt guilty for feeling relieved, of course, and couldn’t talk about it until I was much older.”
Brittany, a 29-year-old from Illinois, said she has so many stories about her own abusive mom that she could write her own book. (For this story, she asked to use her first name only to protect her privacy.) Growing up, she witnessed her mom push her dad down the stairs and put a knife to his forehead.
As a middle-schooler, Brittany found herself taking care of her little sister and taking refuge with her grandma. (After her parents’ divorce, Brittany said her mom’s “main focus was finding a boyfriend and going out to the bars.”)
“She never really wanted me to ever leave the house or have a life unless she was mad at me; then she would kick me out with no phone and lock the doors, forcing me to walk across town to my friend’s house to call my grandma to be picked up,” Brittany said.
She said her mom was verbally abusive, too.
“She brainwashed me into thinking my body was gross and normal body functions were shameful,” she said. “I was constantly told I was a ‘whore, bitch, slut, nasty.’ I had horrible self-esteem well into my late 20s because of her.”
At the time of writing this, Brittany’s mom is dying from lung cancer that has metastasized to her brain and other parts of her body. Brittany’s grandmother is still hoping for an eleventh-hour reconciliation, but Brittany has no interest.
“I refuse to see her before she passes ... because it would be nothing but screaming and fighting. She has even told a family member that she doesn’t care to see us because we are nothing but ‘selfish bitches.’ She has a totally different view on reality and it’s scary.”
“For me, I feel that I already mourned the loss of having a mother years ago, so the news of her dying did not really affect me,” she added. “I still have not cried over my mom’s diagnosis, and some people think I’m being heartless.”
Deep down, Brittany said, there’s a “weird sense of relief” that she won’t ever have to worry about her mother causing her or her children any psychological harm in the future.
“I can’t help but have anxiety about her trying to meet them one day or even doing something drastic like trying to steal them from me,” she said.
“I feel that I already mourned the loss of having a mother years ago, so the news of her dying did not really affect me.”
Will Kamei, a photographer who lost his dad when he was 20, said he’ll always have conflicted, unwieldy feelings for the man he considered his best friend and his abuser.
“After a lot of therapy and nightmares, sharing stories and deducing the worst, child sexual abuse is the only thing that made sense,” Kamei said of the dynamic between him and his dad.
“It’s something I had always wondered, maybe suspected, but because of the toxic relationship my dad created with me since birth, I saw him as nothing less than a saint,” he said.
The relationship was always double-sided; good and then tremendously bad.
“A great example of our relationship was that he would literally go everywhere with me, he supported my transition, he supported me coming out, and he also introduced me to drugs,” Kamei said. “There’s an argument there to be made about ‘it’s always better [to experiment] in the home,’ but maybe you shouldn’t be giving your kids meth.”
Kamei, too, relates deeply to the title of and the material about parental abuse in McCurdy’s book.
“I’ve truly been allowed to explore and find myself in the years since my dad passed, and if he were still alive today, I’m afraid that I’d still be stuck, alone, isolated, and being mentally and emotionally manipulated,” he said.
Still, Kamei misses his best friend, the good parts of his dad. He probably will always feel that way, he said, yet he’s found a way to sit with and accept the contradictory nature of his father.
“It’s OK to love parts of them that didn’t abuse you, that made you feel included, important and loved,” he said.
“But having someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, who is supposed to protect you, cherish you, support you, put you first, before anything, choose themselves over you time and time again; to put money or fame before you, to actively choose harming you over not harming you, is the deepest form of betrayal there is,” he said.
This is the FINAL CHAPTER of Jennette McCurdy's memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died (don't read if you want to finish the book). The book title is justified and she deserves to feel that way about her mother. pic.twitter.com/GHT529ia1g
There’s a passage toward the end of McCurdy’s book that hits a similar theme. Reflecting on her last visit to her mom’s gravesite, McCurdy outlines all the good her mom put out to the world: her infectious happiness, her pep talks and child-like energy.
But the good doesn’t negate the bad. You can’t romanticize the past and the parent that hurt you and absolve them of their sins just because that’s what the rest of your family is rooting for. Ultimately, McCurdy says, “My mom didn’t deserve her pedestal.”
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline .
Senior Lifestyle Reporter, HuffPost

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Whether you followed her rise to stardom as a young comedy actor or not, Jennette McCurdy has defiantly overcome the many hardships put in her path over the years and is now so deservingly getting the last laugh. Her candid, new memoir with its eye-catching title I’m Glad My Mom Died quickly sold-out on Amazon and has become one of the leading hot topics being discussed throughout the entertainment world. Arguably the greatest news came for McCurdy this week, when it was announced that her book officially became a New York Times Bestseller .
“It feels incredible and overwhelming,” McCurdy tells me when reacting to her new bestselling author status. “I screamed for a long time when I found out.”
In I’m Glad My Mom Died , McCurdy shares her cautionary tale of child stardom, including her early years of manipulation by the hands and guidance of her late mother Debra, who died of cancer in 2013. McCurdy bravely opens up about her eating disorders, her struggles with mental health and the inappropriate behavior she says she endured during her time on Nickelodeon, where she starred on kid-friendly shows like iCarly and Sam & Cat .
Between McCurdy’s ongoing press tour, her in-person book events with fans and her conversations with supporters across social media, she has realized that sharing her story has not only helped her heal, but has given others the strength to face their own struggles head-on.
“It’s really touching to me, the reaction that people have had. They often will share something about their own life with me. Usually, a long hug. Sometimes, they’ll cry. Sometimes, we’re laughing together. Sometimes, they will tell me about a boundary that they were encouraged to set with an unhealthy relationship in their life. It feels like there’s a level of humanity and connection that I had never experienced when I was recognized in the past. It’s really lovely and refreshing and validating and I hope it’s that way for them, as well.”
Being no longer silent and taking on the world these days on her own terms, I asked McCurdy in what ways would she say that her mindset and approach to both business and life in general has evolved since her early television days leading up to now.
“That’s a good question. Whether in life or business, my number one is support my mental health and then if it gets passed that, I’m all about authenticity and I feel like it’s such a ‘buzz’ word and it can maybe seem ‘glip,’ but I really try to run things through the filter of Does this feel aligned in my bones, in my soul? Is this a thing that I need to be doing? I’m very much about only doing things that I believe in to my core.”
Now with a bonafide hit memoir under her belt and continuing to have much of the world’s attention with her bold storytelling, I wondered what McCurdy would like to do next as she moves forward with her professional career.
“I’d love to write more books. I’m actually working on a novel and a collection of essays now and that has been very creatively fulfilling for me. I’d love to continue in that direction. Directing is such a deep passion of mine. I love working with a crew and actors. I really find a lot of joy in that and I’d love to direct more if that opportunity arises.”
Back on June 26, McCurdy celebrated her 30th birthday. Entering a new decade out of her late mother’s shadow, I asked McCurdy what she hopes her thirties will bring to her overall outlook and wellness.
“The twenties were quite the unexpected roller coaster, so I appreciate that I feel much more sturdiness in myself, despite whatever is going on in my surroundings, so I really hope to take that with me. There’s a lot of self-trust that I have that I didn’t have before, so I hope to carry that with me. As for like the external aspects of it all, there are a lot of question marks but I feel very excited and optimistic about the future and I trust that whatever manifests will be the right thing.”
At the very beginning of McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mother Died memoir, she dedicates her book to her three older brothers Marcus, Dustin and Scottie, which she tells me she loves and appreciates so much, going on to say that the relationships she has with with her siblings are some of the most important in her life today.
As we began to conclude our conversation, I wondered what message McCurdy has for her longtime, loyal fans and the supportive readers of her popular memoir.
Jennette McCurdy with a supportive reader at a book event for her new "I'm Glad My Mom Died" memoir.
“I’m so grateful for the emotional connection people seem to be having with the book. I couldn’t have predicted it to resonate with so many. It’s really overwhelming in the best way. If people relate to some of the more difficult aspects of the book, well that’s unfortunate. I hope that we can all laugh through all of it together. That seems to be the case, so I’m really glad that people seem to be finding the humor in the tragedy and hopefully being able to heal through that.”
After her many years of quietly struggling while putting on a happy face for the cameras, McCurdy has indisputably come out on top, using her voice as the powerfully proven guide that it has become for so many others. I left McCurdy with one final question of reflection: What would you Jennette McCurdy today like to say to the Jennette who was having to deal with the pressures of being a child star and the manipulative guidance from your mother – what comforting words do you wish you had heard back then that would have given you just a little bit more support to feel like you could in fact carry on and would ultimately be okay?
“I wish I could go back in time and tell myself You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be good. You’re going to get to pursue the things you want to pursue and fulfill the dreams you want to fulfill and you’re going to get to be yourself. ”


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Jenny McCarthy is an American celebrity, model, writer, hostile to immunization lobbyist, likewise a screenwriter who was born on 1 November 1972 to Linda McCarthy and Dan McCarthy in Evergreen Park,
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