Is Herpes A Big Deal
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Is Herpes A Big Deal
What’s the deal?
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I Have Herpes & It’s Actually Not A Big Deal
By Jazz Meyer
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About a year ago, I had my first outbreak of genital herpes. I’d dreaded hearing the diagnosis, especially since there’s a huge stigma associated with the STD, but I refused to let myself be defined by it. As it turns out, having herpes isn’t actually that big of a deal.
1. It doesn’t mean I’m irresponsible. In fact, in my circle of friends, I’m probably the most careful when it comes to safe sex. When I’m interested in sleeping with a crush , we’re going to have a good long talk about STD risks, swap test results, and invest in some condoms because that’s my kind of foreplay. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that sex is a calculated risk and I just happened to fall on the wrong side of the numbers despite my paranoia. Shameless plug: check out Sweetn , a new startup with free, scientific quizzes that will help you be more successful in dating & relationships. Just click here !
2. Finding the “culprit” is a waste of time. Of course, playing the STD version of Whodunnit? could be fun if you’re into pointless stress and wracking your brain for the details of every sexual encounter you’ve ever had, but that’s not really my idea of a good time. Herpes can lie dormant for years until something triggers an outbreak and in my case, it was impossible to trace the origin of infection. My time was better spent on basically anything else. Shameless plug #2 : Check out Sweetn , the first self-care app for your love life. It helps you make sense of your love life, find the right partner and create the kind of relationship you deserve. Check it out here !
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4. Telling recent partners actually went way better than expected. I’ve heard stories of friends who, after contracting an STD , did the responsible thing and informed their recent partners, only to be shamed for it. I was lucky enough to have extremely understanding people in my life who were grateful for my honesty and acted like adults about the whole thing. I guess I just have good taste.
5. The first outbreak was the worst. My first herpes outbreak lasted about a week, during which I was in a lot of pain and had a fever and other flu-like symptoms. It sucked, but after that, I was through the worst of it. Realising the severity of my first outbreak was a one-off experience stopped me from freaking out too badly. I knew it would never be as intense as that first time.
6. The symptoms are pretty mild. This varies from person to person but for me, my symptoms aren’t too bad. I usually get a small outbreak around my period and otherwise, I’m fairly clear. It’s a mild inconvenience rather than a cause for stress, meaning I don’t really think about it most of the time. Miraculously, life goes on as usual.
7. Basically everybody has some strain of herpes, whether they know it or not. About one in eight Americans have genital herpes and 90% of those people don’t even know they’re carrying the virus. That’s an insane amount of people walking around with a condition they don’t know about. When you add the that the 50% of the population who have cold sores, which is caused by a variation of the same virus, that’s a lot of infected people. Knowing this makes me feel like much less of a leper, or at the very least like I’m a leper with a bunch of secret leper friends.
8. It’s effectively a skin condition. If people freaked out about cold sores as much as they did about herpes, we’d all be running around in hazmat suits. What makes herpes so awful is not the symptoms, it’s the stigma. Luckily, unlike the physical symptoms, stigma is all in the mind, so by changing the way we think and talk about herpes, we can change the experience of having it. When you begin to see it as a skin condition, it suddenly seems way less scary.
9. If I act like it’s not a big deal, it’s not. Having herpes isn’t something most people broadcast, but I find that the more I own it, the better people respond. I don’t start every conversation with, “Hi, I have herpes. Nice weather today!” Still, if it comes up, I treat it like any other topic. When I treat it like a normal thing that normal people talk about, it suddenly becomes—you guessed it—normal.
10. I’m not the only one. Because I speak so candidly about this, other people tend to feel safe speaking about their sexual health too. I was surprised how many of my friends responded with their own tales, divulging suspicions, diagnoses, and test results with the same openness. In my book, this can only be a good thing. Talking about sexual health is the path toward better sexual health !
11. It hasn’t killed my sex life. Before I got herpes, I was terrified of ever contracting it, for fear no one would ever want to have sex with me again. I’m very happy to report that hasn’t been the case. Of course, there’s an extra consideration at play now—I need to be more careful and I always inform new partners that I have herpes, leaving it up to them to decide if they’re comfortable with the risk of contraction. But so far I haven’t been forced into a life of seclusion and celibacy, so I’ll chalk that up as a success.
12. The wonders of modern technology help with managing risk. I guess scientists know that even people with herpes still have sex drives and so, to mitigate the risk of infection, I can swallow some handy little pills and get back to what I’d rather be doing—having sex instead of worrying about how contagious I might be.
13. A quiz that tells you what’s holding you back in love Check out Sweetn , the first self-care company focused on your love life . Take their fun and scientific quiz to get personalized insights, recommendations, and proven tools to help you make sense of your love life, find the right partner, and create the relationship you deserve. Just click here !
Jazz Meyer
is an open-hearted fellow human, lover of vulnerability, workshop facilitator and blogger, and perpetual student of the universe. She blogs over at https://liberationandlove.com about the beautiful experience that is being human. Through her writings, she takes great pleasure in delving into conscious community, sexuality, communication, and relationships, and loves to help others to do the same. You can find her on instagram as @jazz_meyer or @liberation.and.love
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I know people say herpes is not a big deal, but I would never be with someone who has it. Yes, there are pills for it now and yes it is not something that can kill you, but I never want to have to deal with any sexually transmitted infections especially ones that will never go away (I know the sores go away but they can and do come back).
I have met women on dating sites and after talking for a bit, they disclosed that they have HSV2. That was the end of the potential relationship for me. One even went on a tirade on me after I told her I was no longer interested. That was a nice bullet I dodged there.
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Of course it is. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone that has it. It is true that there is a push in the media to brainwash us into thinking it's no big deal.
Have a look at this woman trying to justify it: https://youtu.be/YcIl-hclrLI
I have herpes - it is not a big deal.
I understand and respect your choice to not knowingly expose yourself, but that doesn't take away from the fact that my herpes is not a big deal.
Caring about herpes is an example of how overblown our prudish history has been about sex that still affects us today. Fun fact: Prior to the 70s, nobody gave a fuck about herpes, just like how nobody cares about cold sores on mouths that 90% of the population has, people didn't give a fuck about cold sores on the genitals that up to 1/3rd of people have, but then whatever pharmaceutical company first came out with an antiviral medication for herpes started marketing it by shaming herpes, and effectively made it considered like leprosy today, all in the name of profits. Most people who have HSV never have symptoms, or have one breakout and then never have another one for the rest of their lives. It is such a non-issue it is ridiculous, and anybody who cares about it is falling for the prudish, sex-shaming worldview that we as an enlightened society are trying to move past.
inb4 "you must have herpes," no I don't, I just would not give a fuck if somebody I was romantically interested in did. Just like 90% of people have herpes of the mouth (HSV-1) yet you don't mind kissing people anyway.
I guess I am a prude but I hope I never get it or any other STI.
How is it sex shaming to want to avoid getting a disease? I’m for all kinds of consensual sex - literally all kinds. But some people do not want to consent to getting a disease, however minor you think it is. That’s their total right.
It seems like you’re also into territory where you might think it’s ok to not tell someone that you have a communicable disease. Do you think that’s ok in this case? If not, why not - if not to give the other person the choice to expose themselves? A choice I assume they retain, right?
Some people don't realize they have herpes. You can have a single small outbreak, which can be very much like an ingrown hair, heal, and live the rest of your like without another symptom.
I always wondered about HSV-1 as I am Catholic and I have shared a cup with tens of thousands of people in communion, but I test negative for the antibodies and have never had cold sores. I believe the 90% stat, I just wonder why I never got it. Is using the cloth that effective in preventing herpes?
I didn’t know this was an unpopular opinion. I’m surprised
Look at the replies. It hits some people hard.
Have you ever been tested for it yourself? Most people who have it are asymptomatic. It’s not included in standard STD panels, and most doctors won’t test you for it unless you have symptoms. But it’s more likely than not that you have it and are asymptomatic. Over half the world population carries HSV1 or HSV2. You should get a blood test.
I have. I got the antibody test. Is there another test?
You're not supposed to judge someone you're trying to pursue romantically? What do you think dating even is? How can you call him an asshole and blame him for not wanting to have a relationship with someone who has type 2 genital herpes?
Why shouldn’t you be allowed to choose your sexual and romantic partner based on your preferences?
Do you judge people to date based on their looks? On how they sound? On their life experience? Maybe personality?
Your argument that OP is an asshole for not wanting to have a sexual relationship with someone with a chronic, contagious non-fatal disease ends up in a place where the only reason we can’t date someone is, evidently, because they randomly reject you, because basically anything else is something they can’t completely help.
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Few conditions have as scary a reputation as genital herpes. But for all the fear (and even lawsuits) this sexually transmitted infections (STIs) has caused, it really isn't as bad as serious or life-altering as most people think...and it's actually a lot more common than you'd imagine, especially since many people who have it don't even know they are infected.
With the help of doctors and specialists, we've broken down the misconceptions about living with a disease like herpes. Here are seven things experts want everyone to know.
Genital herpes is caused by one of two viruses, either herpes simplex virus (HSV) type 1 or type 2. HSV-1 also causes cold sores or fever blisters around the mouth, “but the disease trends have changed over time and now they can both cause genital sores,” Talia Swartz, MD, assistant professor of infectious diseases at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, tells Health .
In most cases, genital herpes is a “manageable infection without long-term physical health consequences,” Christine Johnston, MD, associate professor of allergy and infectious diseases at the University of Washington, tells Health . It’s also surprisingly common: About one in six American adults has HSV-2. Even more have HSV-1, though most people don't realize it.
"I don't know why genital herpes has this pariah, fearful component to it," H. Hunter Handsfield, MD, professor emeritus of medicine at the University of Washington Center for AIDS and STD, tells Health . "People are more afraid of herpes than they are of chlamydia, and in the long run chlamydia is more likely to cause serious damage to their reproductive and general health than herpes ever is."
But getting a herpes diagnosis does come with emotional baggage. “If you are infected, you have a duty to warn partners and that is a big deal for lots of people,” says Dr. Handsfield. “You’re impairing the natural development of a relationship, which is a big psychological burden for people to carry.”
Most people with genital herpes don’t know they’re infected, says Dr. Johnston, and the disease is usually spread “during periods of asymptomatic shedding, when people do not have symptoms.” Women are at higher risk of contracting herpes than men, and risk increases for people with higher numbers of sexual partners.
“It is true that the partner can lie and say they are clean, but the story we hear more often is that the partner did not know they had the infection,” says Dr. Johnston. Warning signs can include genital blisters and open sores, she adds, “but the findings can often be subtle.” There is also a blood test that can diagnose herpes—but because false-positives are possible, it’s generally only recommended for people who have symptoms or who know they’ve been exposed to the virus.
Using a condom can decrease the risk of spreading or acquiring genital herpes—but it’s not 100% effective, says Dr. Swartz, because the virus can be on parts of the genital area that are still exposed. For people who know they have an infection, taking daily antiviral medication can also cut the odds of spreading it to partners.
In one study from the University of North Carolina, researchers followed couples (in which one partner had genital herpes) for eight months. All couples were offered condoms, but half of the infected partners took the antiviral drug valacyclovir (Valtrex), while the other half took a placebo. Overall, use of antiviral medicines reduced the risk of transmission between partners by 48%—from 3.6% in the placebo group to 1.9% in the medication group.
Some people won’t have their first herpes outbreak for months or years after transmission. (Because of that, says Dr. Johnston, it can be very difficult to identify the source.) For others, symptoms can appear as early as six days after infection, and can include pain and blisters in the genital area, pain with urination, and fever, chills, headache, and lymph node swelling.
In developing countries, genital herpes can double a person’s risk of contracting HIV if he or she is exposed to it, says Dr. Handsfield, although that’s not the c
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