I Caught My Daughter With The Dog

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I Caught My Daughter With The Dog
Family | When Our Daughter Walked In on Us
If only we had been under the covers like normal parents.
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One sunny Sunday morning, my husband and I were in bed, right in the middle of things, when he shouted and pulled the comforter over us. But it was too late: We’d been caught.
We don’t usually do it on top of the covers. My feet get cold and I like to feel all snuggled up. And the dog sleeps in our room and I don’t like him to see, so we usually stay under the sheets. But not that morning. That morning, my husband was feeling groovy.
Maybe because it was a Sunday and no one had to get to Korean martial arts or soccer practice or even down the street for a guitar lesson. Maybe it was because we didn’t have to meet the tree trimmers for an estimate on how to save our birch tree that was dying because of the drought or let in the electrician to fix the broken kitchen light or take our daughter to urgent care for her swollen tonsils (that would be the following weekend).
So when my husband pulled me over and kissed me sweetly on the lips, and because I am 49 and sweaty — always so sweaty! — I kicked off the covers (the dog was still asleep).
We were having a great time until suddenly my husband shouted and threw his arm behind me to grab for the covers. I didn’t know what happened until he said, “She saw us.”
“What do you mean, who?” he asked. “Our 13-year-old daughter, the only daughter currently residing in this house. She walked in and I saw her and believe me, she saw us.”
“No,” I screamed. “No! No! No! No! No!”
“Yes,” he said. “You’d better go talk to her.”
My mind frantically reviewed all possible options. “Let’s pretend this never happened,” I said to my husband. “I won’t say anything and you won’t say anything and she definitely won’t say anything — ”
“No,” he said. “You have to go talk to her.”
Why couldn’t he talk to her? But I knew why. She was probably dying of embarrassment and would never want to discuss this with her dad.
I’d been a sexuality educator for Planned Parenthood in college. I had a master’s degree in public health from Columbia. I’d had The Talk with my kids many times over the years. I could face my own daughter. It was no big deal. Sex is healthy and normal. Sex is a beautiful thing, especially between middle-aged married people.
I could explain what she’d seen. I just wished it could have been missionary; it would have been so much easier. But fine, I could do it.
“No problem,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
“Oh, and by the way,” my husband added, “it was bad. I mean you might have been whispering some stuff when she walked in and you don’t whisper very quietly and — ”
I went to talk to my daughter, but she was in the bathroom. I knocked on the door.
“I can see that,” I answered. “I want to talk to you.”
“Can we discuss this please?” I asked.
“No thanks,” she said. “I have no questions. I will never enter your room again without announcing my presence.”
“Well?” my husband asked. I told him it went really well.
Later, I heard the clang of dishes and footsteps in the kitchen. I went to have a face-to-face with my daughter.
“Honey,” I started to say, but she cut me off.
“We don’t need to talk about it, Mom.” She poured herself some cereal. “Daaad,” she called, “It’s O.K. You can come out now. I’m not scarred for life or anything.”
I thought about the time, decades ago, when I walked in on my parents. My family was visiting my brother in his one-bedroom apartment in Atlanta. My brother let our parents stay in his room, and he and I were sleeping in the living room. The only bathroom in the apartment was through the bedroom. I got up late at night and went to the bathroom. When I came out, my parents were getting romantic.
What was I supposed to do? I flung myself across the bedroom to the safety of the living room. My brother was fast asleep on the couch. I was in college by then and I found the whole thing gross and unsettling.
With my three teenagers, we talk a lot about dating, relationships and how a long-term partnership lasts — we know that sex in a marriage is something to celebrate. But privately.
The day my husband and I were caught went by like any other day. My daughter walked the dog. My son went to a friend’s house. My oldest called from college to say she needed a microwave. We managed to raise three teenagers and had never been busted. Until that morning. And if not for perimenopause, at least we would have been under the covers like normal parents.
But I believed my daughter’s assurance that she was not scarred for life. She seemed unfazed by the whole thing. She turned down my offer to discuss The Incident, but when I told her I was writing about it, she read the essay and offered her own edits. I said, “Who are you? My daughter or my editor?” She just patted me on the arm and said, “It’s going to be O.K., Mom.”
Bottom line: She handled the whole thing way better than I did.
“I should have knocked,” she said. My husband nodded and said, “I guess you should have knocked.”
Robin Finn is the founder of the L.A.-based writing course Heart. Soul. Pen., and is working on a memoir.



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I know what you're thinking, but this is NOT a bull shit post. I'm not trying to troll anyone. This is a real and disgusting situation we're dealing with. Believe me I don't want to talk about this but I could use any advice. If you're squeemish don't read on.
Ok. I found out a week ago that my 10 year old niece has been letting the dog lick her downstairs area. Try not to vomit with me. My girlfriend and me watch her all the time with her brother and our own daughter. She and her brother are my sisters kids and live two houses away on our street. We kinda are in each others houses all the time and share a lot of stuff other than cars and bills. The dog is something we share. It's a stray we adopted years ago and he's fixed and everything, so it's not like he's trying to hump the kids or anything. Point is this dog isn't exactly at fault, he's old and fat and would rather sleep than anything else. I came home from work last Friday and my gf said she walked in on my neice with her pants down and letting the dog lick her. She didn't even think it was a big deal and told my gf it felt good and she thought the dog did that to everyone. So first off hold up, wth gave her that idea? And this dog is friendly and licks everyone, including the other kids faces. Think about how much that freaked us out. I thought about it a few days and just spit it all out to my sister and she wasn't near as grossed out as I thought she should be first of all. You figure when you tell your sibling that their kid is getting oral from the family dog they would at least seem a little shocked. No! Not a big deal to her. She starts telling me all this shit about shes just a kid and kids do weird shit. Well no shit? I just got my own daughter home from the ER for shoving popcorn seeds up her nose, but my kid isn't using a animal to masturbate . For the finale she up and tells me a lot of people do that. *that* being participate in bestiality. Like its normal and no big deal. So as it is now I'm suspicious that my sister is into beastie shit herself and almost want to ask her husband about it because if he doesn't I would definitely want someone to tell me. Also has she been screwing the dog? How the hell else would niece get that impression that her actions are normal? I'm not going into what my sister said that made me think that. It's too repulsive. I can not think of my sister being that way. Now I also have to decide if I should find the dog another home. He's a good dog but it's like who's gonna want a 13 year old fat lazy dog? I'm afraid the pound would just kill him but I don't want him around a kid and possibly a grown ass adult who's sexually abusing him. Look I know he's a dog and doesn't understand but this is not ok anyway. I also don't want to have a kid around my daughter who isn't afraid to admit she digs dogs, but how do you tell your sister and your bro that? "I caught her humping the dogs face and don't want her around"?
How. Do. I. Deal. With. This. Situation. ANY advice is fine.

Updated Apr. 14, 2017 1:19PM ET / Published Dec. 16, 2014 5:45AM ET 
Christopher Sena presented himself as a loving husband and father but he stands charged with incest, felony child abuse and other horrific crimes.
Readers of Christopher Sena’s Facebook posts would be forgiven for thinking he was a real family guy.
A loving husband and responsible father: That’s the image the Las Vegas resident presented on social media.
In reality, authorities believe, Sena was a perverted monster who practiced child abuse and incest in what the Los Vegas Metropolitan Police Department is calling “one of the most horrific sex rings in memory.”
A 23-count amended criminal complaint alleging incest, bestiality and felony child abuse filed against Sena, sources said, only begins to illustrate the scope of the evidence Metro detectives have gathered. Sena was first arrested on a sexual assault charge in September. His wife Deborah and ex-wife Terri, the biological mother of his three sons and one daughter, were arrested December 11 in Las Vegas. Among the evidence recovered: A videotape of two Sena children having sex with the family dog.
A preliminary hearing set for Tuesday morning in Clark County Justice Court is expected to reveal some of the voluminous and revolting material in evidence against the defendants.
Sena might have felt insulated from suspicion in part because of his friendly relationship with local police. He went so far as to throw an “Activation Party” in their honor just weeks before his September arrest. He spent some of his spare time posting remarks on Facebook that made him appear the picture of the responsible father and loving husband.
One August 6 post making the rounds on the Internet was accompanied by a photo of Sena and his Deborah striking a pose on his racing motorcycle: “Some more beautiful pictures of me and my wife, don’t we make the best couple in the world, if you think so please give this a like and comment what you think. My wife is always doing something to make me laugh.”
Just days earlier Sena had lauded an unnamed son’s assistance with household chores. The child, “also learned a valuable lesson, after cleaning up your mess after you make it, its easier to clean the house. And I was really proud of him when we mowed the yard, he stood up and took charge instead of standing around, I think he’s finally getting the hang of things, because I didn’t have to yell at him, I just have one more son to go.”
Many of the nearly two dozen charges carry sentences ranging up to life in prison. Local CBS affiliate KLAS TV-8 reported veteran police detectives shocked by the horrific abuse of two children, who are now in their teens.
News of Sena’s arrest generated a swift reaction from acquaintances and friends, some of whom claimed to have known him for many years.
“I’ve known you most of my life & never would have suspected you to be such a disgusting pervert,” one self-described longtime friend wrote on Sena’s Facebook page. “... How could you hurt a child?”

DEAR DEIDRE My soulmate lied to me for 2 years - he is married & still living with his wife
FIZZLING OUT My work colleague just wanted sex & no longer wants to spend any time with me
TOO QUICK My boyfriend can't last in bed especially when I give him oral sex
DEAR DEIDRE My wife has left me for our son's headteacher and the whole town are talking
DEIDRE'S STORIES Finn tells Ashley he only said he's going on date to make her jealous
SON'S MELTDOWNS I think my son is on the spectrum - he's anxious and impulsive
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my 11-year-old daughter naked in bed with her best female friend.
The girl, 12, was over for a playdate and my wife asked me to get them down for dinner.
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When I walked into the bedroom, where they were supposed to be doing homework, I was horrified to find them kissing and touching each other.
Her mum and I, both 43, didn’t know how to handle this situation.
We sent the other girl home and told her parents what had happened.
At first, they didn’t believe us and then said it must be my daughter’s fault.
Now they’ve said their daughter won’t be allowed to play with her again. They’re even talking about changing her school.
My daughter is dreadfully upset at the loss of her best friend.
She’s very young, and doesn’t understand the implications of what’s happened.
She won’t talk about it. I wonder if the other child coerced her into it.
We don’t want to punish her for experimenting, but feel what she did is inappropriate.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
We’re not sure if this is normal behaviour, or if she might be gay.
DEIDRE SAYS: Sexual experimentation is a normal part of a child’s development and most children play exploratory sexual games.
It doesn’t mean your daughter is gay, or that she’s been abused.
If you have concerns, talk to the NSPCC in confidence ( nspcc.org.uk , 0808 800 500).
There is also information on their website about children’s sexual development.
You and your wife should try talking to your daughter again gently, making it clear she’s not in trouble, but that you want to help.
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