I Came But Didn't Feel Anything Female
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I Came But Didn't Feel Anything Female
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Jaime Clark didn't feel contractions with her first baby, either.
Many people told me that being induced would be really difficult, long, and painful. Luckily, I had the exact opposite experience: It was amazing.
My pregnancy was similarly easy, and it went by so fast. That’s probably because I spent the time chasing my toddler around. I wasn’t nervous at all, just super excited to meet our new baby boy. One thing I did struggle with: the prospect of changing our lives and how it would affect our 2-and-a-half year-old son once his brother came into the world.
(Find more inner calm and build strength in just minutes a day with WH's With Yoga DVD !)
There really weren’t any major signs my baby was ready to arrive. It was two days before my due date, and after a routine doctor's appointment, I knew my body was prepping for labor. I was three centimeters dilated and 50 percent effaced (which is what happens when the cervix preps for delivery)—in other words, things were moving along! I was also feeling a little bit of pressure, but no pain. I was originally scheduled for an induction on Monday. I knew from experience with my first pregnancy that I don’t feel contractions (yep, I’m one lucky woman), so I was actually worried I’d go into labor and not know it.
I called my doctor and told him about the pressure I was feeling, and he recommended I get induced that day. Fantastic! I had no time to get nervous or stressed. I got a ton of sleep the night before so I was well rested and prepped to take on this labor thing.
So my husband, my mom, and I got into the car to head over to the hospital. (My mom was wedged between two car seats in the backseat, ha!). But I wasn't anxious at all, it was a very calm vibe all around.
I got to the hospital and they checked me, but not much had changed. I was still three centimeters dilated, but now I was 80 percent effaced. Even though my contractions were two to three minutes apart—that’s some serious stuff—I still felt nada. (Yes, I know I’m so, so lucky.) They started me on the medication Pitocin, which induces contractions. One hour later, I was four centimeters dilated, and they broke my water. After that, the contractions started coming. But they were no big deal. They still felt like mild period cramps . I can handle this , I thought.
My nurse was laughing at me. I’m a natural chatterbox and was easily gabbing through my contractions. She was watching my contractions on the monitor and was amazed that I could still speak. I was texting my girlfriends back and forth to update them, and we were all joking about how I am not normal. Then, I started telling my husband I wanted a third. He told me to get this one out first and then we’d talk.
When the cramping started to get more intense, I was afraid that if I waited too long, I’d miss my window of opportunity to have an epidural . After all, my first baby was a quick delivery. I hated getting it, I hate needles but I think my husband took it worse. I remember glancing at my husband after I got it and he looked so queasy from watching the epidural. Apparently, the anesthesiologist had held up his hand and it was covered in blood. This is why sometimes they don’t let husbands in the room for them—they don’t want anyone fainting in there!
Watch an OB-GYN answer questions about fertility & pregnancy:
An hour later I felt So. Much. Pressure. The epidural hadn’t even kicked in yet, but that may have been a good thing. As it was starting to wear off, I was able to feel the pressure and know when to push. My doctor gave me an episiotomy to ensure that his head could get out and that I wouldn’t suffer a severe tear. Three pushes and he was out. Total time in labor: four hours and one minute. My mom later posted on Facebook that I was made for this!
Afterward, the nurses told me that my son was born with the cord wrapped around his neck, so it was a good thing that he came flying out as fast as he did. I felt very "in the moment" with this birth and so, so happy. I cried immediately. Physically, I was on top of the world, too. Despite the episiotomy, I was sitting Indian-style on the floor with my kids when I got home. I’d say that the experience was almost relaxing.
Be nice to your doctors and nurses. My nurse brought me crackers and applesauce because I was starving. When I went into the hospital in the afternoon, I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast!
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Hi! I'm sorry for such a strange question, but recently, I started masturbating by fingering myself (before I used the shower and masturbated in the bathtub with water, without really touching myself, because it grosses me out putting my fingers inside of myself), but I don't really feel anything, I'm not aroused either. Is this a problem or something?
Oh by the way, I used the back of a pen with a condom (did it while I was in the bathtub), but still didn't feel anything. I'm afraid to use a cucumber, because I think it's too big for me haha :d
Is my sensibility low or something? I just feel strange about it.
Thank you in advance
Hi siberianunicorn!
Actually, feeling that way, with what you've been trying, is completely fine... there's no rulebook that says what physical action should feel good or bad.
The missing piece here is arousal. That's our bod's way of telling us what feels good, and how to do it. It's something you reach by learning about your body, and what ideas, images, and sensations turn you on (like the non-touching bathtub stuff!).
If your starting point is doing something that doesn't feel good, you may get kinda stuck! Putting even bigger stuff inside you probably won't help either!
We have a great article here about sexual anatomy which could be really helpful for you:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
I'm thinking reading about the clitoris could be helpful for you.
Thanks for coming by!
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
Hi Jacob! Thank you for the information you have given me, but I kind of didn't understand what you meant by saying "feeling that way, with what you've been trying, is completely fine...". Could you please explain this?
Hi,
No worries!
Sorry for not being clearer. I meant that there's no issue with not enjoying insertion, as there's no 'right way' to feel/not-feel pleasure.
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
I can get aroused and lubricated but I don't enjoy masturbating, it doesn't pleasure me or "get it out of my system" - and I don't understand why. It used to but I am bored now - do you know why?
siberianunicorn wrote: Hi! I'm sorry for such a strange question, but recently, I started masturbating by fingering myself (before I used the shower and masturbated in the bathtub with water, without really touching myself, because it grosses me out putting my fingers inside of myself), but I don't really feel anything, I'm not aroused either. Is this a problem or something?
Oh by the way, I used the back of a pen with a condom (did it while I was in the bathtub), but still didn't feel anything. I'm afraid to use a cucumber, because I think it's too big for me haha :d
Is my sensibility low or something? I just feel strange about it.
Thank you in advance
Hey stangot,
Thanks for sharing about your experience
A reminder to you, siberiaunicorn, and almost everyone out there who has a vulva: getting pleasure from your vagina is not in anyway "better" or "superior to" getting pleasure from your clitoris A lot of us have that thinking because that is often the messaging we get from our culture. But that comes from a super male-focused, heternormative idea of sexual pleasure--that women's genitals' primary purpose is to have sexual intercourse with a penis (or to give birth to a baby). When in reality, while g-spot stimulation and other vaginal stimulation feel great for lots of people, there is a lot more to sexual pleasure than just the vagina! For example, most people need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, they can't orgasm just from vaginal insertion.
This has some more great info, would highly recommend: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body .
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he first time I met my boyfriend, I felt absolutely nothing. Actually, that’s a lie. I felt irrational anger toward him for showing up to town and (innocently, unwittingly) enabling one of my close guy friends to get back with a toxic ex — just before he was set to fly back to the West Coast and completely avoid the aftermath. I also noticed he had the well-timed wit that all my womanizing exes had shared.
Maybe anger and passion are similar enough emotions…I don’t know. But I do remember that he made me laugh in spite of myself and that a seed of something was planted that night. I didn’t start to fall for him until much later though, through a series of stories my friend Jordan told me about him from when he used to live in Ann Arbor and dated her roommate. I came to recognize his character, emotional intelligence and kindness even later.
After we met, I didn’t see him again in person for a year. Too shy to do anything about it, I didn’t make my interest known for another six months after that. He never made me wait or wonder, though, for the record. Not like all those exes I mentioned. We talked all the time, and he was clear about his feelings from the start — quite a different trajectory than the spark-filled phenomenon I’d replicated many times before him.
Before all this, I’d toyed with a lot of personal theories about “the spark” — whether great love can exist without it, if it was a manufactured product of my anxious attachment system, etc. All I can say now is that I’m no longer convinced of anything at all, except perhaps that love has about a million incarnations.
To get a flavor of the many shades on that spectrum, I asked women in thriving relationships what they felt when they met and started to get to know their current partners. From weird vibes to excitement, easy camaraderie to absolutely nothing, here’s what they told me.
I’d been single for five years when my husband and I met for a blind date on a Sunday night at a hotel bar in L.A. I walked through the lobby and into the bar, sort of looking around for a guy sitting alone, and then in the back room I saw a dark-haired man on a bench looking up at me with sort of a sly look on his face. I was like, WOW, he is way better looking than I expected! I felt instantly relaxed and happy. We ended up talking for over four hours, and he just seemed different than the typical L.A. guy. For one, he was Canadian, and he was almost nine years older and just felt solid and mature — more relationship-minded than a lot of guys I’d met, but not in a weird, clingy way. At the time I was sort of seeing this other guy who was very hot and cold with his attention. After my date, at around midnight, my phone rang. I thought it might be my now-husband calling to say he had a good time, but it was actually the other guy! Something clicked for me in that moment, and I knew I was completely over him and moving on to something better. We fell into a relationship pretty quickly and got engaged two years after that.
I met my husband and his friend, my eventual roommates, the same night. I remember he was nice, welcoming, funny. I felt at ease with him, but there was not even a blip of romantic interest. He was not remotely my type. When we moved in together, we always had really great conversations, though. I started to think, Hmm…maybe? Everything changed when we got drunk one night and made out at a bar. That was the beginning.
I feel like people always expect some crazy romantic story from us, but really we met on Tinder . I remember the first picture I ever saw of her perfectly, though. I really did think she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I was so excited when we matched and quickly decided to go on a first date. We went to an annual art festival in our city and spent hours walking around and chatting. I thought she was so cool and intriguing, and I wanted to learn everything about her. I also thought she was hilarious and hung onto her every word — which she loves, because she also thinks she’s hilarious. With Allie, things were totally different than anyone else I’d ever dated. I always felt a little bored with other people and often couldn’t wait for dates to end. I felt so attracted to not only her outer beauty but her amazing personality — and it happened almost instantly. I definitely fell fast. But ironically, Allie had no idea. She initially thought I just wanted to be friends and didn’t clue into the fact that I wanted a lot more for a couple dates.
We instantly had not one but two jobs together. We were both in grad school at the time; I had been hired to wait tables at a restaurant and had just gotten a tutoring position at the campus writing center. At orientation for the restaurant job, the guy who was leading it found out I also was going to be tutoring and said, “Well you should meet one of our bartenders. He works at the writing center, too!” So he introduced me to Paul, and I thought it was a cool coincidence but really didn’t think anything else about it. I wasn’t super interested in Paul at first, and he was already dating someone — a girl who was also tutoring, no less! But we had a lot in common with two built-in communities from our two jobs. So we chatted a lot and hung out in groups, sometimes going for drinks. But he was also a big partier at the time, and my general impression was that he kinda needed to grow up. Five years later, he did just that! In the interim, he had dated other women and I had moved to New York. But finally, when I moved back to California, something clicked. I knew we were being flirty, but I was kinda scared to make anything of it; we were working together again at the restaurant, and I didn’t want that to be awkward. I also didn’t want to ruin our friendship. (I know.) But finally I got the nerve up and just asked him out. The rest is history.
We met at the library, where he was working at the time. I asked to check out some sheet music to some Broadway musical. I had an inexplicable feeling, as if I knew him — which was not possible, since we’d just met. It’s not that he reminded me of someone else; it was more like I felt we knew one another in a previous incarnation. Crazy, I know…but here we are, happily married 20 years later.
He was wearing this blue button-up, sitting behind his computer at his desk. When I was introduced to him, he just kind of looked at me and barely said anything, while I was being my extra-bubbly self because it was my first day of work. Now I know he’s introverted, but I felt judged! I thought he hated me or was at least totally annoyed by me. Anyway, I thought he was cute, but not like drooling-ly so. I was dating someone else at the time and didn’t really consider his level of cuteness that much. Liking him kind of came out of nowhere, which was cool and different for me compared to other relationships I’ve been in. Ben and I just started hanging out because we liked to do the same things, like play basketball after work until the traffic died down or run to Meijer to buy PB&J supplies versus going out to eat. I really didn’t want to date anyone at all, but it just transitioned into dating all of sudden because he was so easy to get along with! It was effortless. Literally, the least amount of effort to date of anyone else I’ve ever been with. I can’t remember a specific moment where it became romantic. It was more like, we’d have an awesome week of hanging out, and the weekend would show up, and I’d miss him, and then I was like, “Wait, when did this happen?”
Shanley, 25, together for 18 months
We originally met online in 2009, but I friend-zoned him for the next eight years! In February of 2017, he finally told me bluntly that he’d been hinting he was still interested in me for some time. I’d missed all the hints. We arranged to meet up outside a Panera before I had a night out with some friends. When I saw him again, I had this weird feeling that whatever happened between us would be very different than anything I’d ever known in relationships before. We only spent about 15 or 20 minutes together that night, but we hugged before parting ways and when he wrapped his arms around me, I felt like I was in a familiar embrace. Our first official date was the following week. He walke
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