Hypersexuality Vs Sex Addiction

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Hypersexuality / Sex Addiction.
In colloquial speech, the term "sex addiction"* is often already applied if someone just enjoys sexuality freely and intensively. Often this can be explained with one's rigid system of norms and values, which is strongly influenced by Christian moral concepts, especially in western culture. As someone who deals with people who suffer from partially tense psychological strain and their quality of life reduced, I don't just consider this term as unexact, but considering its regular use, also as inappropriate and deprecative.
From a scientific-psychological view, under the more adequate term "hypersexuality", we understand a dysfunction requiring appropriate treatment, which can impose considerable psychological strain. Like the so-called "Computer/Internet Addiction", which I started dealing with more than 10 years ago on a professional basis, it belongs to the group of non-substance based addictions.
Sexuality occupies a great deal of thoughts and behavior during everyday life, caused by an excessively increased sexual drive. Affected people are constantly looking for sexual satisfaction, can rarely build personal bounds relations to their respective partner, can rarely experience a sexual climax or a long-lasting sexual satisfaction (sometimes no satisfaction at all). The unsatisfactory feeling right after their sexual experiences virtually forces them to continuously desire for new sexual experiences - even if just on a virtual basis.
Typical symptoms which are associated with dependency occur:
Unfortunately, there are no reliable numbers about the prevalence of hypersexuality. Based on my own professional experience in Europe, I'd estimate for about 1-3% of men and 0.5-2% of women suffering from hypersexuality at least once in their lives."
*) other often used (and partially outdated) terms are "Satyriasis" or "Donjuanism" of the man, "Nymphomania" of the woman or "sexual mania" (for both genders)
"No, I didn't hear of any. Actually, I guess that the existence of such facilities can rather be explained with the business sense of clever clinic managers than on factual requirements for successful therapy. In difference to substance-based addictions, there is no need to protect hypersexuals from their social environment, and there are no 'capabilities' that would have to be trained or teached.
According to my experiences with all patients so far, an ambulant therapy is very sufficient in order to achieve good and longterm success with regard to lasting exemption of compulsive induced sexuality."
* (allusion to a similar therapy Hollywood actor David Duchovny was undergoing in 2008 in a rehab clinic in Arizona; this treatment was mentioned in another part of the magazine supplement)
"The goal -like in any other addiction treatment- is the reacquisition of the ability to say 'no' - to self-harming behavior patterns. But in order to achieve that, it is crucial to understand the interdependencies of one's own addiction: what 'makes me' dependent, what 'presses' me to go 'hunting' over and over again? That's an essential question especially with non-substance-based addictions, since there's no organic dependency. The sufferers first have to gain control over their lives again.
The basis and an essential part of the therapy is the therapeutically guided dialogue, which will focus on the jointly search on interrelations and the development of strategies for solutions. Occationally - if my clients want to make use of it - I offer hypnotherapy sessions as a supplementary 'tool' and ask to do certain 'homework' like observations or experiments which might help to make new experiences and get new ideas.
Often, quite a good stabilization can be achieved within a few months of regular psychotherapy / counseling sessions (in ambulant context, no clinic stay is required). Sometimes, even a total relieve of burden is possible. To reach permanent relieve of the psychological pressure, as with any form of addiction it's crucial to consequently push through these counseling sessions on a regular basis."
"There's a wide range of hypersexuality: some people are even reacting strongly on physical key amenities (like tantalizingly dressed women or the atmosphere of redlight districts) and create an almost unsatiable desire for sexual activity, others are living a very normal life, but their thoughts are occupied by their next holiday or sex trip on which they will act very much driven to catch up for everything they feel they missed during their 'regular' life.
The common ground within this broad range is the strong orientation on sexual activity, which sex 'addicts' invest a considerable amount of their viability, their mental-, time- and financial resources. Some hypersexual clients are living a very modest and even frugal life, but invest enourmous amounts of money in the context of real or hoped for sexual encounters. Outsiders or friends often ask themselves whether their lives are ruled by anything else than basically just sex."
"This borderline is in fact hard to define, since sexuality is strongly co-determined by hormonal factors different between people. Some men are not just mentally but also physically feeling very uncomfortable if they can't sexually 'relieve' themselves at least twice a week, while for others it's no problem at all even to go without any sexual activity for several weeks or months. For women, drawing the borderline to purely physiologically caused desires is even more difficult.
According to the diagnostic specification schemes like the ICD-10, hypersexuality is defined as 'excessive sexual drive' by diagnostic key F52.7, just like 'habit and impulse disorders' (F63.8). Quite often, other disorders, particularly so-called 'sexual dysfunctions' are diagnosed as well.
These symptoms occur in the behavior patterns described before, especially the extraordinarily intensive occupation with 'all things sex', addictive sexual behavior while neglecting other areas of life and social relationships (like family, friends and job). If sex is out of reach for any reason, affected people often uncontrollably try to compensate for it by surrogates like pornography, telephone sex or excessive masturbation. Orgasms often just provide momentary relief or no satisfaction at all.
In the diagnostic scheme DSM IV (used in the USA), hypersexuality is classified in the group of impulsive sexual disorders. However, it's not explicitely defined and thus not diagnosable as a standalone disorder. Since it's not diagnosable, health insurances typically don't pay for it in the USA."
"Hypsersexuality or sex addiction is most often a purely mentally caused problem and not heritable.
As a systemic brief therapist, the term 'heritable' has a double meaning though: behavior patterns can absolutely be passed down through generations, which we also see in the affinity to paraphilias (sexual deviant behavior). Indeed, there's often a deviant relationship towards sex in the personal history of affected people - often, there was strong tabooing of sexuality by parents or formative incidences in their lives (not necessarily related to sexuality, it could as well have been traumatizing experiences or continuously straining living circumstances indirectly activating this behavior). There are also potential organic causes for hypersexual behavior, like dysfunctions of the adrenal cortex or the pancreas, a damage on the temporal lobes, certain pharmaceuticals or drugs, but stages of hypersexuality may also occur during puberty and as a side symptom of bipolar disorders."
"Moral concern, as often expressed directly or subtly by the environment, is out of place and doesn't help the affected at all.
Self-assessment can be done by asking themselves whether they harm others by their behavior (by playing around) and by estimating the emotional or financial cost their behavior is involving (like by frequent visits of prostitutes or neglecting other spheres of life). Like with other forms of addiction, self-disclosure is often distorted, while own behavior will be idealized, rationalized or simply blanked out.
Hypersexuals often practice their behavior in quite obsessive ways for many years, and in most of the cases only seek support when "sich der Karren bereits viel zu tief in den Dreck gegraben hat", as a client recently said about himself. Only at the point where serious health problems occur, the marriage is threatened, financial problems are causing nightmares or sexual dysfunctions have turned into a regular nuisance, affected persons would look for therapeutic support. I'd wish that these men or women don't just restrict their wide range of possible experiences just to the ones related to sex, but to open their views for the 'life outside there' as well, to get rid of and emancipate from their addictions and regain complete control over their own actions again. Simple steps can support to achieve this goal, carefully aimed and funded therapeutic support by a sex therapist or a psychotherapist can do so as well. Every step that helps to reachieve true inner freedom and satisfaction with life is a step one will be able to look back on with positive feelings."
Related keywords and terms: Hypersexuality, sex addiction, Sex Therapy, Sexual dysfunctions, sexual problems, low sexual drive, appetence disorder, Orgasmusprobleme, Orgasmusstörungen, vorzeitige Ejakulation, Ejaculatio praecox, Vaginismus, Beratung, Supervision, Therapie
1 "Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." (official definition of 'health' as in the Constitution of the World Health Organization (WHO) signed on 22 July 1946 by the representatives of 61 States; this definition has not been amended since 1948.)
2 Austria: § 212 Abs. 2 StGB, Switzerland: Art. 193 Abs. 1 StGB, Germany: § 174 c StGB
R.L.Fellner is Psychotherapist, Counselor, Hypnotherapist, Sex Therapist and Couple Therapist in Vienna & Asia.
Reproduction permitted, but only correctly quoted.
For fullquotes / complete reproductions, please ask the author for permission.
Psychotherapy Practice R.L.Fellner in Wien & Thailand • Terminvereinbarung: ☎ +66 854 370470

My hypersexuality isn’t ‘sex addiction’, it’s a response to abuse
My hypersexuality isn’t ‘sex addiction’, it’s a response to abuse
Hypersexuality is often misunderstood as simply being an addiction to sex, but many of us are survivors in need of healing, writes Emma Flint
If you were to hear the term hypersexuality, what would you think it meant? An increased libido, or maybe an addiction to sex? These are easy assumptions to make — after all, according to Wikipedia, hypersexuality is “extremely frequent or suddenly increased libido”.
Although it’s true that hypersexuality does involve an increased sex drive, it’s much more complex than that. Hypersexuality is much more than an addiction to sex.
For example, if I told you that hypersexuality is a common aftereffect of sexual abuse, would you be surprised?
Hypersexuality has broadly been defined as “‘excesses’ of sexual behaviour”, which can be accompanied by social and personal distress.1 Researchers have acknowledged that the term itself is vague and is often misinterpreted.2
Far too many people are still unaware that hypersexuality can be a response to abuse. Plus, the numerous misconceptions about hypersexuality only worsen how it is seen: you may see us as sex addicts rather than survivors, who are in need of help and healing.
My recklessness towards sex was seen as part of my personality; it was part of who I was
When I was a child, I was sexually abused by our neighbour’s eldest son. There was no violence nor a sense of threat; his approach was one of conditioning. He groomed me into believing that what he was doing was a sign of his affection – I was special, unlike anyone else. No doubt survivors reading this will know that line all too well.
The thing is, once his abuse came to light and my family began to move on with their lives, never once did anyone consider how much it would impact me. I suspect this was due to several factors: chiefly, that it was the 90s and paedophilia wasn’t as widely discussed, and secondly, because everyone assumed that I was too young to remember it. I seemed fine, so I must be have been fine, right?
This isn’t to place blame on my family — abuse of any kind is difficult for families to process. Nevertheless, there was a distinct oversight, especially by medical professionals, of how this experience would shape me. Even when I sought professional help as I got older, not once did anyone suggest that I could have hypersexuality as a response to my trauma. Instead, my recklessness towards sex was seen as part of my personality; it was part of who I was.
I became so convinced of this that my whole personality started to revolve around it. To some extent, it still does. Throughout my school years, all my friends commented on how sex-focused I was, how all my jokes were dirty — I was a “nympho”. Even after leaving school, boys who’d always said they’d never fancy a girl like me then messaged me to say that they always thought I’d be kinky in bed.
My hypersexuality defined my worth while also dissociating me from my identity; I saw myself as an object. I was only good for one thing, which meant that anything beyond that wasn’t meant for me
On the surface, this may seem harmless, and on their part, it may have been intended in this way. However, for me, my hypersexuality defined my worth while also dissociating me from my identity; I saw myself as an object. I was only good for one thing, which meant that anything beyond that wasn’t meant for me. As for who I was and who I liked, I kept forcing myself to accept that I was cisgender and heterosexual because all of my experiences had told me as much — anything else I felt was false, something I needed to ignore and push further down.
I’ve carried that persona with me most of my life. To put that into context, I recently turned 30, and only now am I beginning to separate myself from it. What helped me do this, at least in part, was getting my borderline personality disorder (BPD) diagnosis, which then led me to attend a life skills course. During that course, one of the medical professionals running it finally told me that I was hypersexual; others abused substances like drugs and alcohol, whereas I abused sex.
Since this realisation, I’ve been able to better connect with myself, though it’s still a work in progress. I came out back in 2011, but that still didn’t express the full extent of my identity. It’s only now, this year, that I’ve felt comfortable and accepting enough to recognise that my queerness goes beyond that. Yes, I like women, but I like women as a genderfluid individual and not as a cis woman.
Hypersexuality isn’t a dirty word, nor is it this ‘sex-crazed’ idea that people have formed; it’s a real response to traumatic experiences
I still love inappropriate jokes, and I still talk about sex more than a lot of my friends. However, this isn’t because I feel the need to, it’s because I want to. Of course, there’s the natural oversharing that comes with most BPD cases, but again, I’m now able to recognise it. I’m not relying on sex to describe me as a person because now I know there’s more to me. My body isn’t just there to satisfy others while reinforcing my own disdain for myself — I’m, in fact, worthy of love and respect like anyone else.
Although my reasons for sharing this story now are largely personal, there’s also the need to spread awareness as more sexual abuse cases come to light. Sexual abuse has always been an issue, but this year it’s gotten worse,3 mostly due to a pandemic that’s kept us locked in with our abusers.
Sexual abuse leaves you feeling alone and frightened. I don’t want anyone who responds to their abuse like I did to feel as if they’re lesser for it. Hypersexuality isn’t a dirty word, nor is it this “sex-crazed” idea that people have formed; it’s a real response to traumatic experiences. If you feel like this is you, that what I’ve talked about resonates with you, then please don’t hide.
It’s okay to be hypersexual because of your abuse.
If you think you may be hypersexual, speak to your GP who will be able to advise on a treatment pathway or refer you to therapy or addiction support
Featured image is an illustration of a white, feminine-presenting person, with long brown hair. They are lying on their bed, curled up on their side, with a slightly pensive look on their face. Behind their back, there are outline illustrations of sexual scenes, which are presented as being the person’s thoughts or daydreams
Emma Flint is a genderfluid queer writer based in the West Midlands, who focuses on LGBTQIA+, mental health, and sexual welfare topics. Having spent most of her career writing about a variety of subjects to help gain better footing in a competitive industry, she now channels most of her time into creating queer fiction and inclusive journalism. Despite much progress, she still feels that these two industries are underrepresented in the mainstream, which she hopes to change in her own small way.
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