How i started believing in God (2)
Princesa SophiaPAGES:
Since i was bad at school, i repeated some years, so i was still studying, and i also got a job when i was 18. This was very stressful. However, me and friends managed to find a good dealer, which would sell more than a gram per brazillian real (BRL). At time people would sell one gram per one BRL.
So, me and my friends were "gangsta style" now, smoking a lot of weed everyday. We were also stupid, lot of times we could have been fucked up a lot by the cops, because we got desensitized for never having a problem, we would smoke in pretty public space. A common place was a bus stop, i still remember one day we had around 100 grams of weed, and we just dropped near the bus stop and began smoking there, and, ironically, when a person appeared and we had lightened up a joint, the guy took his joint and said "phew, i was scared that i would not be able to smoke here since you guys were here and i don't wanted to be caught smoking", haha. I also think there were less cops and less problems smoking weed at the time, even if it was illegal.
I used to leave the bus that i used to go to work and light up a joint right at the exit of the bus stop, where there were thousands of people leaving the bus altogether, oh my God.
It is interesting, since, now i feel like God really did protected me, since, later i'm going to tell a little about what happened to a friend, which, even if bad, i still feel it have something to do with God.
However, this giant amount of weed we had was a boost for my spiritual practices, i began meditating, however, since i was sedentary, my legs were fucked up, and i couldn't keep on a Lotus Position, so i never actually did, i tried, but never fully did it, or never did for a long period. So, i learned to meditate by sitting on a chair and closing my eyes, or by merely laying down on the floor or my bed. This is important, because by time i began to consider such stuff useless and this was aligning with a Christian view.
I used to listen music with my eyes closed like i always did, but, now high, i was trying to understand the psychological effects of the music, i felt like music was a sort of magic that could program mental realities, which, i still think of.
So, that is one of the reasons i began to explore experimental music (like i said that i did when i was teenager), because, those music had different notes, tones, sometimes straight up noise, and that would give me a higher opportunity to explore types of sound effects you wouldn't experience with music inside the common recipes. I would then try to take notes of what certain notes and timbres would make as effects in my brain, which looked very schizophrenic, but it was a good ground for my spiritual development.
However, i also liked some "normal" music, which was not exactly normal, because it was not mainstream, i remember at the beginning of the 00's, it was having a hype of Glitch-Hop, and i used to listen even when my early adult, i still sometimes listen, but rarely, but i used to listen Prefuse 73 a lot. Especially this sound:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUTEd3OmIK0 // Prefuse 73 : The End of Biters - International (2004)
But, in the experimental area, some crazy folk shit, like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qmFdz0Il8c // Kemialliset Ystävät: Älyvaahtoa
Which, strangely enough, was more my vibe, i used to think such types of music would invoke certain feelings that were so unique and difficult to experience in any other music.
It was also at the time Drone music was appearing, so, i used to hear the initial works of James Ferraro (The Skaters), which, because the internet, he is more know for having being a pioneer of the Vaporwave genre. But i was listening to things like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-BOAUP6pFM // Dolphins Into The Future - Plays Themes From Voyage [Full Album]
This was one of my fav Drone artists, i used to listen a lot with stoner friends.
And we used to think Drone was a magical type of sound, that would remind us of the spiritual realms and of how we would feel under the experience of psychedelics.
But i was also in love with IDM, which is still one of my fav music genres, this was one of the first Boards of Canada music i heard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0P1JsMTWc0 // Boards of Canada - Music is Math (HD)
Which was very inspiring, and, i also think their music is kinda "etherical".
And Autechre:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nXcLBXR70M // Autechre- see on see
This sound in specific was very important to me, when i heard this sound was the moment i said "this, i need to know how to program music".
Why does this matter? Because those music were things i would listen high and think the kind of feelings were an evidence of a spiritual realm being represented in music form. Especially how with closed eyes, the synesthesia mixed with what people deem to be "psychosis" would give me strong visions, i would then concentrate on those visions and get near a trance like state. And then i would think the feelings music gives would canalize me into those different "realms" of reality, which would bring specific types of visions and changes in my state of spirit.
However, i also used to listen some crazy Noise, i remember me and my friend had downloaded this album:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-SJU_NcC2Y // Hentaitenno - unko to ketsu-eki to sei-eki [V.A. - Extreme Music from Japan] And this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jfA5F_UyTU // Various – Extreme Music From Africa : Electronic, Noise , Experimental Music African Compilation
However, i can't listen Noise anymore, especially those harsh ones, not only i noticed the kind of feelings this would bring were not the feelings i wanted to feed myself with, but, some i do think were made by satanic people indeed. But it was a good way to explore a bizarre world of feelings.
Ok, those music are not aligned with a proper time-line of my history, but, anyway, it is important to have as reference.
Now, going a little back in time again... However, i really don't remember how old i was when i tried my first entheogen (besides weed)... But it was not far from when i was adult (18yo in Brazil), since, i was hyped in wanting it, i bought it as soon as i could. However, i think it was maybe in the beginning of my 19yo.
Before using any entheogen, and i think i was still a minor, i tried to use Yopo (which is a tree that have at every corner in my city), but all the attempts failed, not sure what i did wrong (maybe the lack of MAOI), and also, it was kinda painful to my nose.
I began to research and my first entheogen after weed was Wachuma (San Pedro), at first i did it all wrong with the dry powder and it was one of the most horrible things to drink. I cooked it, but i should have just dropped on water and then stir. Since the recipe of the website was the recipe of the cactus chunks and not the dry powder, i have made the recipe as it was told me to do, which, was even worse than merely cooking, as the recipe with the chunks had in consideration to leave on the heat for a while to reduce the liquid volume; in this case, with the powder, it couldn't reduce, it was becoming a strange blob of something...
However, i had not tasted it right away, i made at late night so we could drink another day, i did in the most "malokeiragem" way (it is very hard to translate the slang "malokeiro", but in this case can be seem as "punk way"), i added to a ziplock bag, since i don't even had a proper container to carry it, haha.
It was pretty annoying to clean that pan, by the way...
The next day, i went in front of a shopping-center, that was the typical "encounter site" of the neighborhood, and i took that "thing" from a backpack and showed to my friend...
That "thing" ended up having a pretty alike consistence of a flubber, but more dense.
It was funny, when i took out, two women that was sitting at the bench next to us looked up with curiosity.
Then we began to talk how we would drink that shit, since, it was on a zip bag. He got inside the shopping and asked a shop for some plastic cup, and he also bough a coke. Then we dripped that flubber-like dark green thing with a strange texture. It looked like it had some strips with a darker green and like it had a layer of very transparent yellowish mucus-like-oil over it, the green with stripes was like a 3D texture under this mucus-like-oil, it don't even looked exactly real, kinda like plastic, it had a very bad non-appetizing appearance, i literally never saw something like that, it is incomparable and didn't looked like something you should drink at all. The smell was not strong, but, getting close to the face would make it smell bad, like a too bitter Chimarrão that was passed from one day to another (which was also the taste). The women near us looked us dripping that flubber in the cup and they looked literally like "😲".
We were indeed intimidated, so i tried to give my first gulp, the women near us had put the hands over their mouth and fled, literally, no jokes.
It was worse than it looked like, the taste was very bitter and with some small balls of dry powder inside that would rupture inside your throat and give you a puke gag. The smell that was not bad at first was now being a constant factor while we drank in such a slow pace that was making us nauseous and stopped being "not that bad" and in fact was making everything worse.
My friend even made it worse for him because he added coca-cola to it, oh my God! It had not helped as he thought it was going to, it only made it darker and brownish and with a taste that does not match and some bubbles appeared. My one was literally the most bizarre thing i EVER EVER ingested, and his one was WORSE in both appearance and taste. For real, i wish at that time smartphone existed so i could take a picture, sometimes i think that i may have to buy the powder again just to show how bad it is. No words in this text will truly represent how bad it was; once again, i never saw something with that texture, layer of mucus and consistency that ruptures dry powder balls with horrible taste in your mouth. I never saw something like this ever again!
We drank what would be around 8g, so it should be weak, but cactus varies it strength (wiki: from 0.053% up to 4.7% of dry cactus weight; but it normally does not goes to such extremes), and it was my first time. I won't say it was strong, at first we thought it wasn't making effect, and we don't knew that drugs via oral use took about 4 hours to reach the peak.
We were frustrated to drink such a mess of a potion and no effect, so we decided to smoke a weed at the highway, which was around 5 minutes away. Not sure if we rolled a joint there or the joint was already rolled, but, we took a while. After we smoked, it seems to have activated it, because we had only few "fininhos" ("small thin", a slang for a thin joint of weed, normally for single person use, and even then, small) and so we smoked only one and we obviously doubted such strength of effect was from such a thin joint.
At first we were just relaxed, and it was like we had smoked a bigger joint...
Then we walked till the same highway, but cutting from inside the neighborhood, to reach a part that had some trees and more privacy. We sat on the grass there and we began to feel such a peace and harmony, our vision was enhanced, i was seeing everything bigger, and we were feeling so comfortable and joyful.
After awhile we went to another point of the highway and smoked another "fininho" and i even said to my friend "even if cops get us here now, i would be in so much peace that i think i wouldn't care too much" (of course i would, but i was feeling this kind of peace). Things were looking on slow-motion, i think my brain was being able to perceive more details per second. I could read what was written on vehicles that were going pretty fast. It was like i was inside a "liquid" which would make a filter like perspective of life that was "movie-like".
After that, we thought we had to talk to another friend about what we were experiencing, but he was with his girlfriend, but, when he attended us, i saw him like he was a giant! I think my pupils were dilated and it was like i was seeing everything after a magnifier.
So we decided to just wander aimlessly in the neighborhood, which was something we typically did.
Then, one moment a medium size stray dog appeared, and we had to run from him, and when we saw the dog, it was like he was giant and it was like those games where there is a slow-motion that fades after a second. And i began to feel how important was my emotions, those are tools God gave to us to deal with this world! It was scary, but after we ran, it was funny.
I don't remember the trip completely, but i know we were talking some deep stuff, however, most of our talk was about how impressed we were to see the world in such a reality.
After this day i began to get more curious about entheogens and i was starting to drink Wachuma once per two weeks or once per week...
I still made "the wrong recipe" two more times, and it was horrible to drink, now with another friend (the one that was with his girlfriend at the time), but now aiming to 25g, which is the "medium / strong" dose (depend on the cactus). He also made the horrible mistake of mixing it with those powdered juice, it was a grape juice, and it only made it worse.
Later we began to buy the chunk ones, which was WAAAAY BETTER.
You could reduce the volume a lot, like, the amount of a single gulp, the taste was bad, but very very tolerable, it taste, again, like strong chimarrão, however, it was not very strong, it was something that you would not enjoy, but you could drink pretty finely, without worries, without doing a bad face and etc. The sickness was also reduced a lot, it was barely a sickness, it was negligible.
Since i had lot of trips, it would be hard to tell every trip, and also, i forgot lot of things.
At first, our trips were more sensory and feelings. We had an increase in emotions and feelings, but i think we were too young yet and couldn't understand the impact of such emotions.
But we always felt a strong peace, the idea of "peace" as effect was recurrent. We also noticed we used to have strong synesthesia with Wachuma, one day a big thunder fell on earth and we both said it was like we could feel it in our body. At that day we also found some "Erva Doce" (which is pretty common here on various random lands), and we began to chew it (without cleaning, ewww, it was a terrain lot and who knows what kind of rat peed on that), and we could few the taste stronger than expected and was impressive, so we ended up chewing more.
The taste of food was way better, however, we don't had much appetite, but, eating an apple was magical and began to be our custom in our trips, the sugary taste was visible enhanced and we felt like kids eating candies.
The mood was very good, one day we saw an epic uncommon scene on TV, it was like a cartoon, a guy was being interviewed live, and then, in the background, a car flew sideways, an accident happened, they stopped the interview to see the car fallen on the floor sideways. But the scene of it passing like it was threw like a rock behind the guy was too cartoonish that we burst laughing.
However, at this moment i was seeing entheogens as a "strong weed that persist for hours", and a source of good mood.
But, at the same time, since, by what i said, i used to consider those stuff of weed something spiritual, i was seeing that this could indeed lead me to a more spiritual path eventually.
Since i live in one of the Ayahuasca country, i began to look for some Ayahuasca temples, since it is prohibited here outside of temples, pretty lame, especially that is not prohibited to use analogues of Ayahuasca, like, Chaliponga; the laws are very stupid, in fact, Mescaline is prohibited, but not Wachuma that have Mescaline inside it, it is like the law was made by stupid idiots that know nothing about those plants.
We found one, but, the place was giving a strange vibe. At first, they were trying to impede us to enter, saying that we looked like "homos", wtf?! I couldn't understand why, we normally dressed like "thugs", nothing homo... Maybe he saw us as a "couple" or something. Then he made some questions to us, asking if we knew what is a homo, then i was incisive that i was no homo. Then he began to question our intentions, and i said "i heard ayahuasca is a teacher plant and i want to be taught about the spiritual", i think he felt we were trying to go there to "get crazy on drugs" (which i understand, some people indeed do that).
The place smelled like Rosi-Crucian, but i don't knew what was Rosi-Crucian at the time, it had paintings of Templar Knights, some strange paintings with strange symbols. They had a system of hierarchies, the "noobs" would be on the top floor, and the "pros" on the sub-terrain floor (it was like a giant basement).
They took a white board and began to teach about "how hedonism is bad", parties are bad and etc... I agree, but, at the same time, they were talking with such aggressiveness and like they were in a position of superiority... They also gave me some small accusations, thinking i was a perv or something.
But, whatever, i wanted so much to know about this so popular "Ayahuasca" and stuff, that i just ignored their attitude.
But, well, i wouldn't say i was totally disappointed, but, he gave me a pretty weak dose... Or was it? My friend seemed to be feeling things in a higher sensibility.
I just felt more sensible, and my inner vision was stronger, i had small philosophies, but nothing i couldn't do with a mere weed, or even sober.
It was cheap tough. And since it was the only place i knew for a while, i had nothing much to do, but it was the worst temple i went in my life and i don't recommend to anybody. Including a moment where his own son was crying and complaining about his (the spiritual leader there) moronic rigid control of the son's life (about his personal issues, like school and stuff and not spiritual). Showing in fact that this guy don't had a proper "view of reality".
After this i believe a lot that the "spiritual leader" though he had "capacities to perceive what people are from inside", and that is why he though me and my friend were "homo", because he must have had some sort of misled spiritual imbecility that he though was a spiritual view, like "seeing on our aura" (not saying this is it, but comparing) that it was "denouncing the homo side me and my friend were hiding or something", including his accusation of me being a perv, he probably saw "on my aura" or something again. Good that i was and still am very skeptic, so i never took his accusation seriously, i just wanted some Ayahuasca!!!
But this is a good WARNING:
There are temple with some sort of lunatic people that think they can read your mind or something and have very rigid set of rules and pseudo-intellectual sense of superiority!
Such set and attitudes CAN affect your trip, and so, don't think Ayahuasca trip is like that just because your set was bad!
I never truly felt "cured" or "cleansed" in that temple...
I have not went there much times, i think four or five times, and all the times were like this, a weak dose that is not such a deal. I was going there because i knew this was not the described trips, and thank God that i had Wachuma first, so i knew Ayahuasca couldn't be so weak. By people sharing online experience, it sounded more of what i felt with Wachuma, and not what i was feeling there. And since i knew there was this stupid hierarchy of favoritism (which is not God-like), i was thinking that they very likely give the stronger doses to their "favorite people".
By the way, Ayahuasca taste like a coffee of the previous day, but stronger and way bitter and with a certain taste of "metal", yet, the taste is pretty unique too, but i think the comparison is on point.
It is harder to drink than Wachuma, but not impossible to drink, and by time you get used and drink without caring much, but the first times you drink, you get kinda reluctant.
It also have a smell, it is not pleasant, neither bad, but it kind of smell like "magic", it is strange to describe, it is like the smell of a liquid incense, but at the same time, nauseous. It is unique, and all temples i went had this smell, and you can recognize instantly that it is Ayahuasca, there is no mistake and no way to confuse with something else.
But the last time i went there...
Well, the last, strangely, was stronger than i expected. However, before explaining how it was the last time there...
I don't know, when i was younger, it was like i had such a "kiddish" attitude, that, i could just enjoy it like it was normal... Maybe i was naturally crazy already, that being a little more crazy wasn't strange. I kinda think like that, because, by time (i may repeat later this idea) i noticed people don't see and hear stuff, so i think that they see nothing, and then, when they drink, they see some stuff and get impressed. But that is my natural state, so, i just saw what i'm already used to see, but with a higher intensity...
But well, what happened is that i was laying down, and a girl next to me began to cry, then the guy that takes care of the temple went to attend her, however, i was with my eyes closed. When he got near me, i could feel a heat of his presence, in a way i never felt before. I then opened my eyes, and he was shinning a golden and yellow aura around his body, this was the first time i saw the so called aura. In my skepticism, i tried to "shape my view with my imagination" just to discover this aura was in another layer of reality, it was not physical, neither imagination, my imagination wasn't changing it, it was indeed in another realm. I even made a drawing of it:
As you can see in this image, the "physical world" is represented by the black lines, the pink would be the "imagination world", and the aura was between both...
And since i could feel, like it was physical, and i could feel it could affect people around, i knew it was not "hallucination". This was a moment i got joy and though "i'm finding out, there must be something higher spiritually and i'm achieving it".
I also had an insight that the world have no exactly "empty space", and if i could stretch a line between me and Japan, anything that would touch that line would be felt by me. So i understood, that, everything was connected, a butterfly effect, things are linked and everything you do is affecting something else. And then, that there is indeed a scientific possibility that people subconsciously react together and that i can have mental and body actions that would lead to changes in any part of the world.
Now i was even more hyped, i was still buying Wachuma one week yes and another not, this was making me get deep into the "other side of the veil". However, i don't knew how serious it was yet...
And my entheogens use just "mixed perfectly" with that that i always saw as spiritual, and the more i studied Christianity, the more sense it made...
At this point i knew already that Jesus was "the correct guy", i just still had to fix my interpretations of the bible and get rid of some other ideas from other religions.
By the way, the place had a "Brugmansia" plant, and i had a huge respect for that plant, it is called "Trombeta" here. I don't have nothing specific to talk about that plant, only that it was a beautiful plant and i remember it and i wanted to share.
I discovered about the powers of "Trombeta" from a community on a social-media called Orkut, that was super popular in Brazil in specific (i never liked it, but it was so popular that people MADE an account on my behalf, yes, true history, no jokes). I knew a guy that used that with a certain regularity, a pretty crazy guy, he also wrote one of the most complete books about entheogens i ever saw, which was, obviously, super underground, and i nicknamed "The Entheogen Bible", he would teach even about fishes that had DMT, how to cultivate shrooms, how to plant weed side-ways to avoid being visible to the neighbor (in Brazil we have high walls and gates, not like USA), i really wish to find this book again.
However, i never used that plant, maybe one day, who knows, but it is intimidating, and the trips doesn't look like the things i want to deal with.
Not sure if before or later, but, at the end of my college, i drew the "eye of providence" on my notebook, and a colleague saw it and said "can i borrow your notebook, i have to show that to my mom", and, i thought it was strange, but, i let him take it.
The next day he pointed to it and said "my mother said this is the eye of Satan", and he said later that his mother was Evangelic Christian. And, even with my renewed faith, i would usually brush off those ideas, but, for a reason, i decided to take serious what was said to me. Especially, that, i don't know how it is in USA, but, Evangelic people here is what i would say the "second most popular" denomination (after Catholic), and they are know for being pretty "radical" in their preaching and accusations that "everything is satanism". So, people that are not Evangelic, always are a step back to what they say. But, once again, i took it seriously.
It was the beginning of Youtube and it barely had videos, but, i manage to find lot information about Masons. I went to forums and had a lot. And in fact, it had more than now, YT deleted lot of videos, i regret not saving, some which were pretty convincing about Masonry and etc. I got to my friends and began to preach about masonry and what they did. And at that time, it was not a freaky ideas of conspiracy, it was pretty realistic, the ideas of conspiracy was more about a "mafia-like fraternity" and not fringe "flat-earth aliens from n-th dimension that fucks up your chakra or whatever". Which is still my approach, i still have a bad view of Masonry, but a realistic one nonetheless, one that i think even atheists can agree.
I did lot of research and i went down a giant rabbit-hole, at the best moment and time of the internet, when people don't profited from click-bait videos of "creepy things". It is funny, because i used to see that symbol all around and i found weird that was in every place. I remember when i was kid i saw "The Eye" in a Cartoon Network snippet of the Grim Adventures and it got my attention, it looked "mystic" and "mysterious".
I then told all my friends and led then to the same rabbit hole, it was kinda undeniable to us, we all did our research and had the same conclusion, there is a strange connection to such a small group like Masons to such powerful control they have to the world. In before accusation, no, i'm not anti-Jews, otherwise, i think the actual conspiracy groups were gotten by actual Nazis that are trying to justify their Nazi position and infiltrated the conspiracy community, because, it was not like this before. Differently than "Jews", Masons are Masons by their own will, they are not "born Masons", and so, i don't think both are comparable, and then, of course you are going to see powerful Jews around, but, well, the western society is on top, and Jews are part of it. There is still more Christian around than Jews. Also, Jews aren't a secret society, you can know a lot about then if you research, they have nothing to hide, some Jews are "just Jew" and they themselves don't even know deeply about Judaism.
But, Masons are even smaller, secret, fraternal, and they have such a huge power over the globe. There are evidences of their symbols being found dated in a very old age before Christ in Ecuador (video), it is pretty different than Jews. I have a conspiracy that the Nazis taking over the conspiracy communities to accuse Jews was a way to attack from inside the conspiracy community and destroy the reputation and also convince people to be part of those fringe Nazi groups, and, no, i'm not a woke person, otherwise. The same way i think ideas like Aliens and Flat-Earth are ways to paint the conspiracy community as crazy as a whole, even if, in fact, it was atheists that invented the actual idea of flat-earth, and it was done to accuse Christianity of being unscientific. So, i have the same idea, that imbuing fringe ideas, like, flat-earth, inside the conspiracy communities was a form to taint the community.
The idea of "world sucks" was something i had since when i was an edgy teenage punk, it was strange for me that the world had such evil, and i fell once in this stupid idea of "if God exist, why there is evil in the world?". Now it was making sense, but in another way, this reign is not the reign of God, this world is ruled by evil, and there is evil people on the top of the world, and if they do evil stuff and are legit satanic, then, in fact, that only makes God's existence more probable.
I don't remember if it was on that last trip, or if i went there yet another time.
But, i said to a friend that i had an Ayahuasca trip were i saw there were a standard color, that was not aura, but, a syllable, that would manifest the existence of someone, and people of that tone would act in certain patterns, and it would reflect on their face and body and everything in them.
I thought about this logic that i said to a friend that "don't you feel people with alike faces have alike personality traits? When i drank Ayahusca, i kinda saw a color that makes them to be what they are". And, that does not seem to be an uncommon idea, in fact, i met five persons that had the same idea. In fact, even AI seems to be understanding this aspect.
Then my friend, T., said "wow, someone talked to me about something called ray", and then he was kinda lay about it, but said i was "pink" or something, i got super curious, but i had not understood it.
I may or may not talk everything about that here, because it have lot of pretty much personal things about me.
Or i may send encrypted for those who get my password.
T. also told me was that there was a rosi-crucian teacher, B., that was from another state and was living in a "Student Housing" (not sure if the same terms or system applies here) together with some of his friends. He told me that R. knew about that.
R. seemed to be kinda uncomfortable to talk about that. He talked a lot about how this B. guy was strange, mysterious and Rosi-Crucian.
As far as I know, Tt. learned about rays independently from B., or that he had a touch of B.’s knowledge. But it is also possible that he learned about it fully from B., but, the main source of what I learned about rays was from them quoting Tt..
And then, after talking for some days with both T. and R., i got notes. I wont tell the whole history of that guy. And i may or may not add some details about this guy's history, however, i'm going to jump directly to one thing i learned about this "pink ray" i gathered and understood as the sum of the history both T. and R. told me:
That it was a sort of light from an archangel which we are born from, and, then, I’m going to make a list bellow, of things that I was told and, but, because of my memory (since it was years and years ago), some may not be exactly what was told, but what was taught. And I may also mix with some stuff that was not detailed, but, that I assumed from what I was told, which was the intention / sense of what was told me.
NOTE:
Also, this may have things that reflect, but also, that don’t reflect in my faith!
Once again: that is what I learned at this moment of time, and I’m not saying that it is correct to believe in those stuff, that it is the right stuff, that it is the correct practice or etc; I hope people don’t assume anything about me when I write what I learned. Especially that, later, I’m going to write about my view of the spiritual realm to address my real faith.
Also, i don't worship Archangels and my view is more about this tone of color that i saw with Ayahuasca than if it is or not literal Archangels. But i also had different ideas about it and in some old texts i had online (iirc, not in Telegra.ph, but some in Telegra.ph as a back up) may have divergent beliefs being explained.
And the list of things are:
- When talking to R., he used to tell me to not see that as archangels, but as "divisions", and that i could call it, like we do, with colors ("pink ray"), but it could be numbers ("third ray"), or with more divisions, because, it seems that this is the formula:
(ColorArchangel[n]=(n+1)*ColorSpectrumFrame/N); // 0 <= n < N
And that you could just increase or decrease the value of "N"; but, that "N=1" would mean God ((0+1)*ColorSpectrumFrame/1 = ColorSpectrumFrame).
- However, it seems like this "archangel system" have the perfect amount of divisions were certain characteristics becomes more intrinsic in a person that have the soul born from inside that color frame.
- Those lights are born from God. And then our body was like a second degree of “in image of God”: we are image of God, but have this light of an archangel that made us. And that, then, we are “sons / daughters” of the archangels, that are sons of God. It is like we were grandsons / daughters of God.
NOTE: I wont say that "this is what I believe" about these both points, because, I think humans are not made in a "hierarchy line of an archangel", but that we are a special "category". I think it is more about being of the same color frame of the archangel, but not exactly sons of an archangel.
- That this light changed aspects of us in all senses, our facial structure, the tendencies we make that developed our personality, the way to speak and do stuff, our attitude and etc, in all senses.
- And so, technically, by looking at someone, you could determine from what “archangel” this one was born from, and categorize someone.
- However, ethnic and other details may fool you when trying to guess by someone’s face, and so, to ensure that, you would have to analise if the person fit certain “general tropes” that those rays gives to their bodily expression, communication, emotions and etc.
- That those archangels’ energy were kinda like “invoked” by what people people do in a group, which ends up matching the energy of an archangel, and that group could be from the size of a small number of friends to a whole nation, continent and planet. That there are decades which an archangel “influenced” the world. And also the archangel energy that “influences” a whole culture and nation.
- And that the idea above should not be understood like that archangels are being like “a lower god” that can be invoked and do works like God. But understood more like that you “connect” with an archangel.
- The way i understood is that because the spiritual mechanics are seem like that God is like a supreme light, and it refracts in a spectrum of colors, and each color ray of the infinite spectrum is one of our souls; and the color spectrum when divided, are the archangels; and if your personality, body language, style, attitude and physical patterns and etc are inside a division of the color spectrum, then you are considered inside “this archangel color frame”.
- And that there is no way to not have such color divisions (archangels), because all beings are colors that are inside God, and the color refraction is just the light spreading from one source (God), and not the that those lights are something else, and neither that those lights would leave gaps to another “archangel” or entity to appear between those divisions.
- And so, if the attitude, energy, feelings, emotions, or whatever that you get from a culture, a nation, a decade and etc that matches this same “color frame in the color spectrum”, then it connects to an “archangel” by linking the “logos” that those emit with the “logos” that are inside all the color fraction (archangel) of the color spectrum (God) that the color frame is inside.
- It is different than "astrology", because it is not the paganic act of trying to interpret patterns in random event. But about interpreting a "psychological personality test" correlated with a cellular tissue expression.
- The way i understood with a "psychological POV", is that our nervous system kind of have a specific "tonnage" and "timbre" in the way it oscillates, and that this is what construct our cells. And - the same way the pallographic test tries to make a reading from this idea - then, this archangel system is based on the idea that the same oscillation that construct our body tissues and is the same that mess with our personality inclinations.
They told me there was this division between astral realm and causal realm, it kinda sounds like some new-age shit, but, I don’t remember how they taught me about it, but, it was seem more as state of mind more than what people see as “Out-of-Body-Experience”. And that the causal realm is what is considered the “paradise”, and that we should aim into get into that state of mind, which, is in fact more similar to Buddhism concept of Nirvana. But after death, you could either reincarnate, or keep at this “astral realm”.
Their view of "astral realm" was different in the sense it is not Astral, neither a beyond place, but more like a degree of your spiritual vision capacity.
They told me there was a "soul's age", and some people act in a childish way, or never learn certain stuff beyond a certain level, because their soul was young and there are a lot of lives to go on through before they truly understand certain stuff. However, everybody can be sanctified and break the reincarnation cycle at any life. Their idea of reincarnation was also different.
And then the idea that the first life we are an animal, but not small dumb animals, but more conscious ones, like, dogs, felines and etc. And that we can't get back to an animal life, we are animals only once, and we can't fail the animal life, because animals are super innocent of their sins, and are instinctively aimed to have good intentions. Then our actual life keeps reflecting our first animal life, but with small fixes and modifications that changes from life to life.
Take in mind that i was always skeptical. So, when i first learned about this, i wanted to know if it could be merely explained in a basic scientific form. And that, even if true, it may have mistakes or something else.
And that, once again, my view was from what i learned by myself seeing those "color stuff" that i said and exploring this mechanic by myself.
Anyway, i made a list of archangels and some explanation about it in general and for each archangel, but i wont link here, if you know the link, that is fine. However, the articles about have explanation of some more things i had learned at that time and more things i learned by myself. So, the moment we are now in the text is not the moment i knew all i wrote in the articles about it.
AND, AGAIN: These articles are just so i can share what i was taught. It is educational and i have not made such articles to promote a type of faith or something else! Interpret these articles the way you prefer, you can disregard absolutely everything i said. But i think that it is important to learn about everything, even other faiths, so you know with what you are dealing with, and it makes you have more tools to defend your faith!
At first i used to believe in most of this concept, it all made sense to me when i first heard. Now, i learned a lot about the spiritual realms, and then, i changed a lot about what i think about this concept. However, i don't fully discard it. And again, i'm talking about the concept. I always saw Rosi-Crucian as another type of Masons and not worth to be trusted.
Then, at that time i was pretty confident of the spiritual forces.
Let's use Jesus as example, for long people don't even believed he existed, nowadays even atheist historians believe Jesus is real, however, took so long and so much evidences for people to consider Jesus historical, even if there was more evidences of Jesus than most of historical figures we take for granted.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historical_Jesus:
"Contemporary scholars of antiquity agree that Jesus existed, and biblical scholars and classical historians view the theories of his nonexistence as effectively refuted. Robert M. Price, an atheist who denies the existence of Jesus, agrees that his perspective runs against the views of the majority of scholars. Michael Grant (a classicist and historian) states that "In recent years, no serious scholar has ventured to postulate the non-historicity of Jesus, or at any rate very few have, and they have not succeeded in disposing of the much stronger, indeed very abundant, evidence to the contrary." Richard A. Burridge states, "There are those who argue that Jesus is a figment of the Church's imagination, that there never was a Jesus at all. I have to say that I do not know any respectable critical scholar who says that anymore.""
There is a lot of strange mysteries in the world.
There are some crazy archeological findings that nobody can explain, some which if not constructed by real magic, would need to be constructed with incredible technology, since, they did what we can't do even today.
This made me to want to pursue if there was evidences of paranormal which people would brush off. Consequently, i began to see that paranormal science in fact had interesting moments and atheists disregard it blindly and not just blindly, but, if all science was held on the same standard as paranormal science, no science would be accepted.
There is a pretty cool book i coincidentally found in my Grandpa's library that talks about lot of cases of paranormal stuff. Like, a village where numerous people had a dream of a disaster happening on a school, and it happened like the dreams, with evidences found on letters or something (long time i have read); and things like that, i uploaded in a trashy way this book by taking cellphone pictures:
HERE!
I saw this video too about a study made on medium which was never debunked and is anti-cold-reading and anti-hot-reading, it starts at 5:38 and keeps on until the beginning of part 4:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv8sVPkaciE // Life Afterlife Part 3
Another one that was never debunked, they took out capacitors and resistors of his radio, added in a Faraday Cage, and it was still receiving voices from the spiritual world:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEWNvd-voa8 // Marcello Bacci Direct Radio Voice FULL DOCUMENTARY ENGLISH SUBTITLES YouTube 360p
This is interesting, because i received some small EVP some years later, until one day i received one very obvious EVP, which says (i assume):
"Oi, Sophia! Se continuar nesse caminho, eu vou abrir um portal para ir buscar você!"
I uploaded here: LINK.
You can perceive how the voice couldn't have come from someone, since it looks distorted and sometimes changes voice. Also, my neighbor, even if close to me, is not exactly close, and when they talk, even if i can hear them, the cellphone can't get the voice with such details and it does not becomes audible, only if they yell; however, you can see in the recording that it is said in a gentle voice.
There is also this website i once found that have lot of pretty convincing spiritual events, but also some that are dubious:
https://www.victorzammit.com/evidence/
[Later to find and add two interesting study about mediumship]
Take in mind, i do believe in mediumship even nowadays. In terms of, i do believe they truly talk with the real spirits and not with demons.
I explained this in some articles (but i may do a special article about it, and if i remember, i'm going to add it here), i used the example were Saul contacted Samuel through a witch, and everything in that passage shows to be the real Samuel, which can prophesize and know personal things of Saul (only God can prophesize at this level and demons aren't omnipresent to know all details of your life).
This does not mean that we should worship or rely on spirits and etc. If God is almighty and all knowing, there is nothing better than God to contact. I just believe that such events are true.
I also believe in fact God is the easiest spirit to have contact, since we (our body) are the Temple of the Holy Spirit, God is always near us and etc, so God is the entity that is natural to contact, talk and hear.
The utility of those studies is to have a scientific base that evidencies the spiritual. Regardless of faith, we can generally agree that there is crazy things happening that is very unlikely to be "merely blind naturalism".
I also began to construct my own system of faith by observing what i learned by experience, and filtering what i was taught about by others. However, because, like i said, i was and still am pretty skeptical. I would only be inclined to consider true that which i experience in my own experiences.
CONTINUE:
https://telegra.ph/How-i-started-believing-in-God-3-11-05