How To Play With A Clit

How To Play With A Clit
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Seventy-five percent of women need more than just penetration, sooo….
Meet your clitoris, the small and sensitive part at the top of your vulva. With its 8,000 nerve endings, it exists to give you some serious pleasure. I mean, you can basically credit that thing to any orgasm you’ve ever experienced according to new research .
“It turns out that all orgasms are clitoral,” says sex therapist Holly Richmond , PhD. “They discovered that the clitoris actually has legs. These nerve endings are expanding all through the vagina and pelvic floor muscles.” So rather than thinking about the clitoris shaped as a button, it’s more similar to a wishbone.
Most easily, it can be achieved by masturbating and experimenting with your hand or toys, as it’s actually pretty dang hard to experience one during sex considering 75 percent of people with vaginas need more than penetration to orgasm.
“Masturbating allows a woman to know more deeply what type of touch works for her,” says psychologist and sexologist Denise Renye, PsyD . So regardless if you’re single or partnered, to experience a clitoral orgasm, it’s important to take time alone to get to know your anatomy and touch preferences.
Some people’s clitorises are so sensitive that they don’t want to be touched directly but prefer circular hand motions above the external clitoris. Others want an intense vibration directly on the clit. The only way to find out is to explore, which luckily isn’t too daunting of a homework assignment.
Here are our favorite toys to nail that clitoral O
After you’ve explored what works for you, share with your partner how you like being touched. You can use your hands, have your partner rub your external clit, or add a vibrator to your penetrative sex life.
And if you enjoy oral sex, feel free to get comfy and allow your partner to go down on you for as looong as you want, girl.

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Sexuality educator Jane Fleishman , PhD, once worked with an 80-something-year-old newly widowed woman who had never had an orgasm.
She was finally ready to change that, but how? “First, there’s no ‘work,’” Fleishman told her about finding and experimenting with her clitoris, a body part typically involved in female orgasm. “Let’s just think of this as play.” Soon enough, she found her clit—for the first time ever—and went on her very merry way.
Yup, it’s pretty common to be a tad confused about exactly where and what the clit is—even if you’ve lived with it for decades. That’s in part because while, as a society, we’re pretty cool with using the word penis to describe, well, the penis, we tend to call everything down there “the vagina,” when what you really mean is the labia or the clitoris or the actual vagina (a.k.a. the birth canal). Not to mention the total lack of medical literature on the subject. Heck, it wasn’t until 1998 that the first serious anatomical study of the clitoris was even conducted (thank goodness for urologist Helen O’Connell ).
Besides, it’s kinda hidden if you’re just standing in front of the mirror. “It can be very mysterious to people,” says Mary Jane Minkin , MD, a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, reproductive sciences at Yale University.
But that certainly doesn’t mean you should wait until your 80s—or heck, even your 20s—to become acquainted with your clitoris. In fact, Fleishman suggests getting to know your own body and clitoris before you engage in any kind of sex play with somebody else. “It will really give them a chance to be a better lover to you,” she says. Well, you heard the expert—time to start playing, STAT.
The clitoris—pronounced "clit-er-iss" not "clit-OR-iss"—is a small (on the outside), sensitive part of the female genitalia that can become more prominent when you’re aroused, thanks to the blood being shuttled to the region. Many, if not most, women need some part of it to be stimulated in order to have an orgasm . "It’s analogous to the penis as far as sensation and sexual activity go," Minkin explains.
The clitoris itself is made up of two different visible parts: the clitoral hood , a flap of skin that retracts during arousal, and the glans clitoris, a small, sensitive bulb with some 15,000 (!) nerve endings that the hood protects.
But there’s a lot more to the clitoris than meets the eye. In fact, the organ has "legs," that look sort of like a wishbone, that travel along the pelvic bone and are anywhere from 2.25 to 2.5 inches long, Fleishman says. "They’re also made of spongy tissue that can get erect when aroused," she explains. And it's those legs, which rest up against the vaginal wall that are often stimulated during penetrative sex .
That’s good news, since it means it’s not just the visible parts of your clit that can help you climax. "There are many parts of the clitoris that can provide sexual pleasure for a woman," Fleishman adds.
If you plop spread-eagle in front of a mirror, you’ll see your inner and outer lips—technically, the labia minora and majora—surrounding your vaginal opening. Find where those lips meet at the top (closer to your belly button than your rectum) to spot your clitoris. “Where the labia come to the top is where you’re going to find the clitoris—” well, the external part, Minkin says.
Another way to think about its location is as right about your urethra, or the tiny hole through which you pee.
While each clitoris is made up of the same parts, they don’t all look alike. From person to person, the clitoris appears as different shapes, sizes, and shades. “If someone has a thick, heavier hood versus a very pale and thin little one, those are all variations of normal—just like every other part of your body,” says Lauren Streicher , MD, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine.
“It’s important that the hood easily slides off the clitoris, exposing it in entirety,” Streicher says. “A healthy clitoris is pink and doesn’t have any marks or sores on it. While it’s generally the size of a Q-tip, there’s going to be a wide variation of ‘normal.’” The only worry is if there’s continued swelling, discoloration, pain or discomfort, then talk with your gyno.
Otherwise, don’t waste time feeling self-conscious about what yours looks like! Its size and shape don’t impact your ability to orgasm or feel pleasure, Streicher stresses. Every clitoris is normal—just like every clitoris likes different things.
Being able to find your clitoris is important, but what really matters is figuring out where and in what ways to touch it so you'll feel good. “Some women find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable if they are not aroused, so take your time and explore around the vulva, and with various types of pressure and contact,” McComb says.
Fleishman recommends putting a bit of lube on your hands (the kind with as few fragrances and chemicals as possible), lying on your bed without clothes on, and moving your fingers in a clockwise motion. Continue with your hands, try out a vibrator with various speed and rhythm settings, or show your partner what you want more of. If it feels wonky at first, no sweat—practice makes perfect.
You may notice that touching the glans clitoris straight on is too much sensation, but applying a little pressure around, say, 3 o’clock gets you going. “Like most things about sex, what feels good one day might not feel good the next,” McComb says. “It’s helpful to have a range of ways to stimulate yourself so you can meet your body where it’s at.”
A bathtub or shower is a good place to experiment, too, since you're already relaxed (and naked). As you get turned on, you may feel the tissue’s firmness changing. “The cells of the tissue will get more blood flow to it, so it will be a little thicker,” Fleishman says. “It won’t be as stiff as an erection, but it will be a little more pronounced.”
Remember your clit is basically the crown jewel of your orgasm. So give it the attention it deserves by taking the time to figure out what feels best. You won't regret it.

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It's important to know what you're working with down there, so grab a mirror, spread 'em, and check out the glans of the clitoris and the hood, says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure .
This is helpful not just to explore different sensations and various types of touch with your sight as a guide, but because what you see affects how you get off. Turns out, size and location matter. Studies have shown that the bigger and closer to the vagina the clitoris is, the easier it is to orgasm. Obviously, you can't really do anything about the size and location of your clit, but getting acquainted with your body's geography is just responsible, fun, and informative.
Boosting your sexual satisfaction with a vibrator can go beyond 1) take a vibrator and 2) put it on your clitoris. "Some clitorises like very focused, targeted stimulation," sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., author of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life , tells BuzzFeed Life. "Other clits really like a diffused vibration, more a rumble than a buzz."
Experiment with light and blunt pressure, as well as using the tip and the flat sides of your vibrator. If you're in the market for a new toy, these vibrators could pretty much replace your partner.
Unplugging for a bit can give your clitoris some rehab so you don't start relying on your toys for an orgasm — since, you know, real-life partners don't vibrate. "Taking a break can get you back in touch with what gets you off and help you explore and discover new erogenous areas," says Levine.
You can usually count on Reddit for some questionable sex advice, but one user was actually onto something when they suggested treating your clitoris like a small penis . Seriously. They advised: "Gently feel for the lower end and grab with two fingers and squeeze laterally (gently at first, but you have to squeeze hard to feel it a lot). And then move up and down like you're jacking yourself off." Depending on the actual size of your clitoris and clitoral hood, this might not work perfectly, but it's a hell of a unique tip.
Lubrication isn't just needed to make penetration easier and safer; it's critical for most clitorises too, says Nagoski. The clitoris is super sensitive, and dryness increases risk of irritation.
If you're used to rubbing one out, try tapping with the pad of your finger instead. Levine recommends varying the pressure and speed, from soft to firm, and medium to fast.
Because the more you know, the more you can enjoy. Some rapid-fire clitoris knowledge from Nagoski: It can range from the size of a small pea to the tip of a gherkin pickle, has nearly double the nerve endings of a penis, and is the only part of you made entirely for sensation. It's also way bigger than you think — the external pleasure button is only the tip of the iceberg. And by iceberg, we mean larger, wishbone-shaped structure .
There are some researchers who believe that the internal structures of the clitoris are actually the source of the experience of the G-spot, says Nagoski. When you're aroused, your entire clitoris swells, so stimulating the front wall of the vagina with a toy, finger, or properly positioned penis = a form of clitoral play. Enjoy.
Or, you know, the kitchen section at your local Bed Bath & Beyond — for sanitary reasons. According to Levine, some kitchen utensils can be a good stand-in for sex toys if you want to try something new. She suggests this pastry brush to tease and tickle your clitoris or a baster for light suction. Just make sure you clean them thoroughly before each use.
And note: While these are great for external stimulation, you should never put anything in your vagina that wasn't specifically made to go in there.
Sometimes, a feather-light touch is all you need, especially if you're like most people and tend to default to deeper stimulation, says Nagoski. Ghost your fingers (or vibe or chosen kitchen utensil or whatever ) where you would normally put pressure and build up the tension.
Some say that the upper right quadrant is extra sensitive, according to Levine, but it's not backed by science. Either way, it's a good excuse to experiment. "Shifting a bit to the right, left, up or down is key to increasing arousal and ultimately a stronger climax," she says.
Do like Gloria Steinem and rock this Clitoring by Penelopi Jones .
Like that old strand of pearls tucked away in your jewelry box ( clean it first! ) or a slightly-unnecessary-but-why-the-hell-not pearl thong (like the one made famous by Sex and the City ). Try sliding the string between your legs and slowly gliding it back and forth over your clitoris.
Levine suggests moving your pelvis instead of your hand. Keep your finger (or hand, pillow, or sex toy) still, then rock your clitoris against it. Aaaaand friction.
Per Nagoski: "With each hand, take each labia lip and tug separately side-by-side like a seesaw. First the left, then the right, then the left, and so on." Think of it like a clitoris sandwich. Or don't. Whatever.
Experts say that it can lead to stronger orgasms — known as blended orgasms. To do this, you’ll want to try positions that are generally more clit-friendly. Here are Levine’s top picks for stimulation during P-in-V or strap-on sex: doggy-style where you or your partner can stroke your clitoris, you-on-top where you’re in full control of touching yourself, and coital alignment technique where you can use pressure from your bodies being pressed together to maximize clitoral stimulation. You’re welcome.
Because what is your shower head really for besides pointing it directly at your clitoris? Additionally, a clean, damp washcloth can really feel really damn good down there.
This strategy is all about touching everywhere but where you want to touch most. Think of it as the masturbatory equivalent of playing hard to get.
"Indirect stimulation of the clitoris doesn’t get enough time and attention," says Nagoski. Try pressing down on the mons — the fatty part where the outer labia meet at the top of the vulva — with your palm and pull upward.
You might love it or you might hate it — all clitorises are different, obviously — but dotting a bit of stimulating lube for a new sens
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How To Play With A Clit

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