How To Make Myself Orgasm
⚡ ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
How To Make Myself Orgasm
10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons .
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
The Best Sex Toys for You, Based on Your Zodiac Sign
The 34 Best Sex Toys for Every Person and Situation
10 Things That May Happen to Your Body When You Stop Birth Control
How to Master the Art of Shaving Your Pubic Hair
A 20-Minute Low-Impact Kettlebell Cardio Workout
How to Know if It’s Love—or Just Infatuation
3 Ways to Cut Back on Drinking When the World Is Stressing You Out
3 Quick Running Drills That Can Help You Be a Better Runner
Discover new workout ideas, healthy-eating recipes, makeup looks, skin-care advice, the best beauty products and tips, trends, and more from SELF.
Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex ," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., author of She Comes First , tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly , Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel ," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, " Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia , too.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm ," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise . Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises , plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
© 2022 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. SELF may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices
Facebook
Pinterest
Twitter
Youtube
Instagram
T he unfortunate truth of the orgasm gap is that for folks with vulvas, climaxing is rarely as easy or quick as the "oh, oh, oh!" portrayal it gets in pop culture. In fact, a 2017 study of over 50,000 people found that only 65 percent of heterosexual people identifying as women report always reaching orgasm after sexual acts, versus 95 percent of heterosexual people identifying as men. And a part of that gap is likely due to the sheer length of time it can take a vulva-owner to orgasm: A separate 2020 study of more than 600 heterosexual vulva-owners who clocked their O-time found an average of about 14 minutes. The good news? That number is variable—and you can figure out how to orgasm fast, if you'd like to make haste.
Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.
Well+Good decodes and demystifies what it means to live a well life, inside and out. Get it daily.
Facebook
Pinterest
Twitter
Youtube
Instagram
But first, it's worth clarifying that the average above is still just that: an average. Some people may only require a handful of penetrative thrusts to board the train to O-land, and others might need quite a bit of time, coupled with stimulation at different erogenous zones. For example, just compare it to the idea of how long it takes to run a marathon. “Even if you tell me the average time is four hours, it might still take me two days,” says Jess O'Reilly, PhD , host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. And let's not forget that trusty old fable about the tortoise and the hare, because even with orgasms, faster doesn't always mean better.
“To experience sexual pleasure, the mind needs to be present and be able to focus on the physical sensations taking place.” —certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD
In fact, taking your eyes off the clock entirely could put your mind at more ease. And since the brain is a sexual organ , that mindset shift could be the difference between a full-body-quaking orgasm and none at all. “To experience sexual pleasure, the mind needs to be present and be able to focus on the physical sensations taking place,” says certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD . That’s why factors like high stress levels, feelings of anger or disappointment with your partner, a preoccupation with reaching your orgasm, or being otherwise distracted can make climaxing difficult from the jump—whether you have no time or all the time in the world.
That said, we all have places to go and people to see. And if you can't seem to figure out how to orgasm fast, it's easy to grow impatient with your body. To that end, read on for the experts' top tips for having a fast (and fruitful) orgasm on a deadline.
No matter whether you're planning to engage in partnered sex or have a solo moment, loving thyself requires knowing thyself. In other words, make like a body cartographer and map out your bits, says Rachel Allyn, PhD , a holistic psychologist and pleasure expert with Allbodies . Some suggestions: Rub your clitoris clockwise and then counterclockwise, diagonally and then side-to-side. Pinch and pull your nipples. Try finding your G-spot with a finger. Touch your own butt .
"Anatomical differences can explain why some women have an easier or harder time experiencing different types of orgasms," says Dr. Allyn. Even the distance between the clitoris and the urinary opening can determine where you'll feel the magic and where you just won't feel, well, much. "The shorter the distance between the two, the more likely a [vulva-owner] is able to have vaginal types of orgasms— like G-spot and cervical —in addition to clitoral," she adds. So, getting to know your own parts is a necessary prerequisite to making them feel good—and fast.
To help you along the path toward self-exploration, you might enlist a tool that, unlike another person, is not operating with a time or energy limit. “Vibrators are simply able to move at constant speed and intensity in a way that a hand or finger is not,” says sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD , who recommends a toy like the The Miracle Massager as a great first vibrator .
In particular, Dr. McDevitt also suggests using a toy to experiment with edging , aka prolonging an orgasm. Edging entails “building yourself up to orgasm, but backing off before the actual orgasm,” she says. Not only can this lead to longer, stronger orgasms when you do let them happen, but it also "teaches you to focus on the hot sensation of the buildup, and allows you to be okay with the 'goal' being prolonged."
Now that you know good and well what you like, don’t force a partner to guess. Start the conversation about what you like when you're outside the bedroom, before you've started engaging in the act. “Most partners find enormous pleasure in the pleasure of their partner, and they willingly and readily accept this guidance,” says Dr. Richmond.
Plus, open communication may lead your partner to share what they like in bed, too. (Goodbye guessing games; hello, mutual satisfaction.) Not to mention, you can also keep the conversation going once the sex acts start by experimenting with dirty talk .
Sure, this may sound like additional work on both of your parts, but it's really just making the conscious choice to shift your mind from TV-land or work mode or whatever else might be happening during your day to something a little more classically sexy. "Having an intimate moment before sex can help you feel turned on more easily," says sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story , founder of the intimacy marketplace Bloomi : "For example, having a glass of wine together, taking a bath together, or reading erotica to one another can help you feel more aroused from the start, making you more likely to orgasm faster."
If you've gotten explorative with solo play, you may have found that you don't need much in-and-out to feel some type of way. That's because, for most vulva-owners, the easiest type of orgasm to reach is the external clitoral one, says human sexuality professor Zhana Vrangalova, PhD . "The external clitoris is the part of the body that contains the greatest density of nerve endings that, when stimulated, can lead to pleasure," she says.
To really zoom in on the clitoris, try incorporating a targeting sex toy into your sex play, like the Zumio S and it's rotational wonders or the to-the-point Maude Vibe , or even a suction toy like Unbound's Puff, which is practically optimized for clitoral stimulation .
"You could always give yourself or ask your partner to give you a quick clitoral orgasm at the start of sex or during foreplay," says Story. "This will create a surge of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that will make you feel 'sex high' throughout the rest of the session. Multiple orgasms are a lot easier for people with vulvas than they are for people with penises, so don't assume you just need one big one with penetrative sex," she says.
Amping up the oral part of any sexual experience can also help you orgasm faster. And one surefire way to do that is to incorporate the Kivin Method. Though it's deceptively simple—it's all about flipping things on their side—it packs a big punch for the unique way it can stimulate the clitoris.
"Instead of being licked up and down, which would miss out on stimulating the crura and bulbs (the arms and legs of the clitoris), licking occurs lengthways with the Kivin Method, meaning that stimulation is spread over a larger surface area," sex and relationship therapist Annabelle Knight previously told Well+Good. This simple switch can be so powerful that some folks with vulvas have reported climaxing from the Kivin Method in three minutes flat.
"Many women enjoy heightened pleasure when their partner can do two things at once—kiss sensually and touch her clitoris, or stimulate her breasts orally and use a hand inside of her," says Story. (Essentially, for some people, more really is more.) If a partner can successfully multitask, you're not only more likely to orgasm faster, but you may also be able to mix up your sex life with the exquisite blended orgasm . Just like it sounds, that simply means you're having not one but two or more orgasms simultaneously at different erogenous zones .
"A good arousal oil can help to increase circulation, promote vaginal wetness, and overall help you orgasm faster and stronger," says Story. It's basically a lovely little aphrodisiac in a bottle. One option we love? Bloomi Arousal Oil , a clean botanical mixture that can help you climb up to your climax way quicker when you use it before or during outerplay .
Tuning into all the things you might feel while you're having sex has the effect of shifting your brain's attention to physical sensations, and in turn, cranking up their intensity. As noted above, that's because the brain is deeply involved in the experience of sex and pleasure, with stimulation actually activating particular brain regions .
According to Dr. McDevitt, there’s no wrong way to practice mindfulness in order to reap bedroom benefits: meditation apps , mindful workouts , tantric masturbation , and this five-minute meditation for better sex are all great options, as is slowing down to take a few deep breaths in the heat of the moment.
When you're present, it can also lead you to experiment more with your body and the ways it responds to different types of stimulation, like types of stroking and pace, as well as different erogenous zones being stimulated at once and different positions, says Dr. Allyn. And the more experimental you get, the more likely you're going to land on a combination that sparks an orgasm quickly.
In the same vein as practicing mindfulness, if you're ever in the midst of a sexual act and suddenly lose momentum, a simple reset can help. Dr. Richmond says to stop (and ask any partner to do so, too), then sit or lay with your eyes open in a comfortable position. Take five full inhales and exhales, then name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. (Note: These don’t have to be sex-related features, but they can be).
“This will help bring you back to the moment and interrupt any thoughts you’re having about how long it’s taken you to orgasm in the past, or anxious feelings you’re having about how long it might take you now,” says Dr. Richmond.
“There are people who are well-trained to help,” says Dr. McDevitt. So if you're continuing to feel self-conscious about any aspect of your orgasm, or it’s affecting your relationship with yourself or your partner, why not invest in a qualified sex coach or therapist? It's a win-win all-around.
Oh hi! You look like someone who loves free workouts, discounts for cutting-edge wellness brands, and exclusive Well+Good content. Sign up for Well+ , our online community of wellness insiders, and unlock your rewards instantly.
The Beach Is My Happy Place—and Here Are 3 Science-Backed Reas
Dolcett Execution
Machine Bondage Story
Auntie Incest Tumblr