How To Have Sex In A Shower

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How To Have Sex In A Shower
By Isadora Baum and Zachary Zane Published: Oct 15, 2019
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Ah, shower sex. It looks great in movies, but in real life, it can be slippery, dangerous, uncomfortable, and all-around hard to actually pull off. Still, if you and your partner have a strong desire to move from the bedroom to the bathroom, there are ways to make it happen. You can figure out how to do shower sex the right way, where you both can happily get off.
We’re here to help. We’ve provided the best sex tips for doing it in the shower, so you can make your next attempt at shower sex hot as hell—and we don't just mean the water temperature.
Here, real men who love having sex in the shower share their shower sex advice and pro tips for making it smooth, orgasmic, and completely doable.
“Even if she’s incredibly turned on and already wet, the additional water can kinda mess with that. It’s just too much water. That’s why you want to use silicone-lube while in the shower. Water-based lubes will wash away immediately. But silicone is thicker, more likely to stay, and can help when you actually penetrate.” —Joe*
“If you have a bench in the shower, use it, because it gives balance and makes you more stable so you don’t slip and fall in the shower. Plus, you can do more moves when using the bench—like you can do reverse cowgirl [or] just her on top, [or] doggy, and she can hold the bench.” —Ryan*
“You need friction when you have sex, and when you have all that water sloshing around your dick and her vagina, you can’t actually get that friction. So I usually position myself that the water is coming down on my back or my girlfriend’s [back]. This also helps with not getting water in either of our faces, which is a real mood killer.” — Simon*
“Sometimes my GF will bring toys into the shower with us, like different vibrators and rings and stuff for more sensations there. The vibrating with the shower head is another thing you can do instead of toys for her.” —Devin
Tip: Make sure your toys are waterproof before you take them in the shower.
“I was having shower sex with my girlfriend for the first time and we wanted to do really intense stuff like in a bedroom—but DON’T, because it’s really different and not safe. Like, don’t do things where you hold her up, [or] stuff where no one is hanging onto a bench or wall or something stable on the floor of the tub. We ended up slipping—no one got [seriously] hurt, which was lucky, but it wasn’t good and left a bruise on her butt!” —Dave*
“Shower sex can be hot and steamy and you get a good whole view of naked bodies, so take it in! When I have shower sex, I look around everywhere and feel like a lucky, lucky man for having this girl with me.” —John
“[It's] not the time to go rough and do more kinky stuff . Save that for the bed where you have more stability and can move around more freely without worrying about falling and breaking all your bones!” —Seth*
“Shower sex can be a good way to have sex when it’s that time, and it doesn’t leave blood everywhere or on our bodies, which is nice.” —Gabe*
“Just because you started in the shower doesn’t mean you have to finish there. My girlfriend and I do more foreplay in the shower, like I finger her and stuff. We makeout. She jacks me off. But when we actually start getting to fucking, we quickly dry ourselves off and head to the bedroom.” —Stephen*
*Some names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on sensitive topics.
Isadora Baum is a freelance writer, certified health coach, and author of 5-Minute Energy . She can't resist a good sample, a margarita, a new HIIT class, or an easy laugh. Learn more about her on her website: isadorabaum.com . 
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
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Kasandra Brabaw is a health and sex journalist living in Brooklyn. Her work has been features at Health, SELF, Refinery29, Prevention, and Space.com.
At SELF, Lindsey has specialized in culture, love, and sex, but also written about health, food, fitness, and beauty. Prior to SELF, Lindsey wrote about fashion and entertainment for NYLON and Mashable .
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Shower sex has a reputation for being this hot, steamy fantasy, but no one ever tells you how to have shower sex that’s, well, actually sexy. Unfortunately, most real-life shower sex is vastly overrated and possibly filled with slips, trips, falls, or at least several awkward attempts to position yourself in a small tub or shower stall.
More often that not, shower sex is anything but glorious. Like pool sex and sex on the beach, it sounds super hot in theory but turns out to be terribly uncomfortable in practice. But those collective shower sex fantasies can’t be for naught. So we consulted some experts to discover if it’s possible to have shower sex that isn’t scary, awkward, painful, or dangerous. Here’s what experts have to say about how to have shower sex that’s actually as sexy (and safe) as it is in your fantasies.
As much as romance novels and CW shows want you to think shower sex is a seamless jump from rubbing suds all over each other to breathtaking orgasms , the logistics are often a lot more complicated. There’s a reason we don’t do anything athletic in the shower: Wet enamel and tile tend to be slippery. The number one safety concern with shower sex is falling down, Monica Grover, D.O. , medical director at Asira Medical, tells SELF. And, sure, it’s possible to pull off spontaneous shower sex that doesn’t follow the safety guidelines below. But it’s also possible to really hurt yourself giving that a try. 
To avoid that, here are a few safety tips for how to have shower sex safely:
It can be tempting to get creative in the shower. Since you’re in a confined space, your go-to positions may no longer work. And before you know it, you might find yourself attempting to stand on the rim of the bathtub . But trust us, you want to start with something simple. “It doesn’t sound sexy, but you and your partner need to keep your feet on the ground,” Idries Abdur-Rahman, M.D. , ob-gyn at Vista Health System, tells SELF. This will help you maintain your balance , decreasing your risk of falling. If standing isn’t working for you, consider sitting or lying down, Dr. Abdur-Rahman says. Depending on the size of your shower, you might even be able to get into missionary, which is inherently cooler than regular missionary when you’re all steamy and slippery. (But, please, if you’re putting a ton of your body right up against shower surfaces, only do it if said surfaces are actually clean enough .)
Oh, and if you drop soap on the floor, pick it up promptly, says Miriam Greene, M.D. , ob-gyn at NYU Langone Health. This seems pretty straightforward, but Dr. Greene emphasized this point a couple of times in our interview. Keeping both feet on the ground won’t do you much good if the floor is covered in slippery soap.
If you happen to have a shower seat, use it to your advantage, Megan Fleming, Ph.D. , a licensed sex therapist and Lovehoney sex-and-relationship expert, tells SELF. Play around with seated sex positions—it’s way harder to fall when you’re sitting down.
Another tip we heard over and over again from experts: Invest in a solid bath mat—one of those textured, rubbery ones that adhere to the floor of your shower. Added friction equals added safety. If you’re standing, the mat will help you better grip the floor. And if you’re sitting, kneeling, or lying down, it’ll make your situation a lot more comfortable.
Also, don’t be afraid to use your shower walls for support, suggests Dr. Green. Walls are especially great for leaning against when it comes to standing sex, though you could also find other, more creative ways to incorporate them into your routine.
If you’re really invested in having shower sex, consider buying bars for support. You can have a handyperson come install them in your shower (which can be a great investment if you’re otherwise worried about falling in the shower too) or you can buy temporary, suction-on rails and footrests . Dr. Grover recommends these for anyone interested in trying shower sex, but footrests are an especially good idea if you want to try more ambitious positions. You can suction them anywhere on your shower wall so you can hike up one leg and have something to put your foot on. In that case, handrails would offer even more support, letting you grab onto something that’s not a slippery shower wall or a less-than-sturdy curtain rod.
That said, Dr. Fleming reminds us that it’s important to check any rails to make sure they’re truly supportive before using them. As with any equipment you’re relying on for personal safety, you should double-check that it’s high-quality equipment and that it’s installed correctly to avoid preventable mishaps.
First things first, water isn’t a substitute for lube, Dr. Fleming says. Neither is soap, which can be irritating on your genitals—not to mention harmful if it gets inside them. You’ll want to steer clear of trying to use either as a substitute for lubricant.
The tricky thing about sex in the water or with lots of water raining down on you is that your natural lubricant actually tends to wash away. So even if you don’t usually use lube, you’ll want to get some for shower sex. But not just any lube will do. While water-based lubes are usually the best choice when you’re using sex toys, they’re not the best lubricant for sex in the shower. Water-based lube will wash away a lot more quickly than a silicone- or oil-based lubricant. 
So, for shower sex, Dr. Fleming recommends a silicone-based lube , because it has a thick consistency and tends to be longer lasting. Oil-based lubes are also an option, but they degrade latex condoms, so if you’re using a latex barrier like a condom, oil-based lube will compromise the safety of that protection. If you and your partner typically use a condom , go ahead and use one in the shower too. The rules of safe sex don’t magically change the moment you’re covered in water, so take the same steps to protect yourself inside the shower that you would outside it. Also, on another rules-of-safe-sex note, being in the shower doesn’t automatically negate the rules of hygienic sex, like never going straight from anal to vaginal intercourse without taking measures like swapping out an old condom for a fresh one. That will help you avoid transmitting a ton of GI bacteria to areas like your vagina and urethra, where it could cause infections.
If finding the right lube is confusing, consult our handy lube guide . And keep in mind that the slipperiness that makes lube great for sex makes it bad for trying to stay upright in the shower—so try to avoid letting any of it dribble down by your feet.
At baseline, shower sex lends itself well to a range of activities, Dr. Fleming says. Those can include oral sex, touching, rubbing, teasing, and just generally exploring each others’ bodies, she adds. She suggests using showering together as an opportunity to experiment with new sensations and get super turned on. And, for some people, all of that might include a sex toy (or many of them!).
Sex toys can be a great way to have fun in the shower without a whole lot of acrobatics. There are many, many waterproof or splash-proof sex toys available, in almost any style you’d want. “This means, of course, that shower sex doesn’t have to involve a partner—it can be solo play,” says sex educator Carol Queen, Ph.D ., staff sexologist at Good Vibrations .
There are only two types of sex toys Dr. Queen would recommend against using for shower or bath tub sex: metal toys and glass toys. “Both will get extremely slippery with lube and water; both would hurt if they fell on your foot; both could potentially crack a tile, especially the metal ones,” she says. Instead, bring lighter toys in the shower or tub with you.
That still leaves a lot of shower sex toys to choose from. Dr. Queen says some people love dildos with suction cups , which stick really well to shower walls or the bottom of your tub, so they’ll stay stable as you go to town (with or without a partner). These can be a great option for couples who would usually use a strap-on , many of which get hooked into harnesses that shouldn’t get wet (though you can find waterproof harnesses made of fabric or poly webbing too). You might also consider a strapless strap-on for having sex in the shower.
Other shower sex toys Dr. Queen recommends include: vibrating cock rings , palm-held vibrators , and finger vibrators . The benefit of all of these sex toys is that they’re easy to hold onto. Cock rings are worn around a penis or dildo, so it’s almost impossible to drop them, while palm and finger vibrators easily fit into your hand.
When on the hunt for shower sex toys, start with the type of toys you like to use in bed. For instance, if you like thrusting toys , there are waterproof versions you can bring in the shower. The same is true for air-pulse toys like the Womanizer , wand toys like the Romp Flip , dual-stimulating toys like the Ina Wave 2 , and even butt plugs like the b-Vibe Rimming Plug .
When considering a sex toy for the shower or bath, it’s important to know the difference between “waterproof” and “splash-proof.” Waterproof means you can submerge the toy in water, while splash proof means it’s okay to get the toy wet. Another thing to remember is that you shouldn't use silicone toys with silicone lube, Dr. Queen says. This can be tricky because, as we mentioned earlier, silicone lube is much better than water-based lube in the shower or bath. If you plan to use sex toys internally, and you aren’t also using a condom, oil-based lube is best.
With the right support, the right lube, and maybe even the right sex toys , having sex in the shower just might live up to your fantasy. But unless you’re an athlete with incredible balance, our experts suggest sticking to relatively basic sex positions in the shower (at least at first). After all, the real secret to hot shower sex is not getting hurt.
While that might sound like a bummer, the thing is that you don’t need a brand new sex position to make shower sex exciting. “Part of the intrigue is trying something new, right?” Dr. Grover says. And, for many people, having sex in the shower is new. The excitement is in the shower sex itself. What’s more, Dr. Grover says, trying to maneuver yourselves into an ambitious shower sex position could take you out of your arousal. “I think when you’re trying different types of sex positions, part of your brain isn’t even focused on the pleasure,” she says. “There’s such a psychosomatic component to it, so it can bring down your libido.”
So, with that in mind, our experts suggest starting your shower sex journey with these somewhat tame sex positions and gradually getting more adventurous as you get more comfortable.
Missionary is probably the safest sex position to try in the bathtub, though you do need the space of the tub to make missionary happen. Don’t forget to use a bath mat to make things more comfortable and grippy. To try missionary, have one partner lie down in the tub with the other on top. This might include penetration with a penis or sex toy, or you can focus on external stimulation and grinding in this position too.
Dr. Queen likes this position for the shower because it helps keep water out of your eyes. To accomplish Yab Yum, one partner (usually the one who is wearing a strap-on or has a penis) sits cross-legged on the shower or bath floor while the other partner straddles on top with their legs wrapped around the bottom partner’s back.
Once again, keeping low to the ground will make doggy style a safer shower sex position. To do doggy style, one partner gets on their hands and knees in the shower or bath while the other partner positions themself behind. Doggy style works whether you’re going for penetration with a penis, strap-on, or sex toy as well as for oral sex and rimming ( anal oral ).
This one is great for those people who have seats or benches in their showers but can also work if one partner (very carefully) sits on the edge of the tub. For this sex position, one partner sits down while the other partner faces them and sits on their lap with their knees bent outside of their partner's thighs. This position can be good for penetration as well as fingering or using a vibrator.
Dr. Fleming recommends trying the infamous reverse cowgirl if you have the tub space. You’ll need some room for one partner to extend their legs fully on the bottom of the tub while the other
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