How To Fuccck A Lady
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How To Fuccck A Lady
By Juliet Lanka
Updated January 31, 2022
Here are some deep insights into how the female mind works, and what we fantasize about.
By Juliet Lanka
Updated January 31, 2022
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1. “My boyfriend surprised me on my 25th birthday with some new sex toys. He handcuffs my wrists and ankles to the bed and made me orgasm with a vibrator, then his tongue, then his cock. I didn’t have to do any of the work and felt like a queen.” — Ava, 25
2. “I’ve only dated guys in the past, but I hooked up with another girl once. We snuck into the bathroom at work, and I took her top off and sucked on her tits while she rubbed my clit with her hands. She eventually went down on me and, let me tell you, she knew how to get me off faster and harder than any guy has.” — Celine, 29
3. “I hooked up with my boss. There’s a policy against that at my job, but he invited me over for drinks one night anyway and we fucked on his couch. The sex wasn’t even the hottest part. It was keeping the secret. At work, we would always glance at each other and the sexual tension was off the charts but we couldn’t tell a soul what had happened. I loved that.” — Sophia, 22
4. “I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend. We would flirt right in front of him and he didn’t even notice. There was one time when we went out to dinner with a big group and his friend had his hand in between my legs the entire time. I came so fucking close to coming and no one realized it. Being such a sneaky bitch was such a turn-on.” — Jasmine, 26
5. “When my husband and I moved into our first home, we spent the first night christening every room. First, he threw me on the kitchen counters. Then he bent me over in the shower. Then I straddled him on the living room floor in front of our new fireplace. It was the perfect way to start our lives together.” — Mia, 30
6. “I love having sex outside. My ex-boyfriend banged me against a tree in a park a few blocks away from his house. I wore a skirt and crotchless underwear for easy access. We could hear people walking past the entire time. The possibility of getting caught was a major turn on for me.” — Abigail, 21
7. “Just last month, my boyfriend took me on a road trip to Florida. On the way there I was singing along to the radio and acting all silly and he goes, ‘You are the fucking cutest, do you know that?’ Then he pulled to the side of the road and ate me out on the hood of his car.” — Aubrey, 27
8. “My boyfriend helps me take my Instagram pictures. One day we were in the middle of foreplay when he took out the camera and started snapping pictures of me undressing. We even took some during sex. Obviously they’re not on social media, but I’m never going to delete them. I love looking at them while I touch myself.” — Zoe, 23
9. “I’m going to sound boring but my favorite kind of sex is missionary. I just love looking into my fiance’s eyes and taking things slow and hearing him whisper how much he loves me. Any time I sleep with him, it’s the best sex ever.” — Nora, 33
10. “I’m usually submissive but this one night I was tipsy and feeling confident so I switched roles. I put on this leather lingerie I had in my drawer for months and pinned my boyfriend’s arms down and choked him a little and he fucking LOVED it. I loved it too. It felt good to see him look up at me like I was the sexiest woman he’s ever seen. And it felt good to be rough.” — Kaylee, 31
11. “My boyfriend woke me up with oral once. Climaxing first thing in the morning put my day off to the best start.” — Alice, 32
12. “This guy I was seeing knew how stressed I was with work so he set up a massage table complete with oils and all that shit. He massaged me from my feet to my back to my shoulders and when he was finished I stayed on my stomach while he fucked me. It was the most relaxing day of my life.” — Naomi, 21
13. “It’s not technically sex, but my long distance boyfriend would sext with me almost every night. Once we took it a step further and used Skype so we could undress for each other and talk dirty. Watching him watch me masturbate made me cum so quickly.” — Faith, 22
14. “I was involved in a three-way once. Two boys and me. I don’t think they enjoyed it much but it was heaven from my point of view. One guy was eating me out while the other was making out with me. Hands down the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to me. I replay it in my mind all the time.” — Anna, 26
15. “My husband took me on a surprise trip to Paris for our anniversary. The sex we had inside of the hotel room was… words cannot explain it. I think it felt so good because I was just so happy and relaxed and in love.” — Lucy, 37
16. “I hooked up with a complete stranger at a concert once. I don’t even remember his name, I wish I did. He made sex all about me . I’m not even sure if he came once but he made me come multiple times. There was so much foreplay. So much clit action. It was the way every guy should act during sex.” — Serenity, 20
17. “I was friends with benefits with this man who would sext me every Friday night and then come over later to finish the job. Once I texted him (in detail) about what I wanted him to do to me. When he stopped by my place that night, he actually remembered everything I said and did it step by step. It’s insane how good sex can be with the right communication.” — Skylar, 26
18. “I was taking a shower one day when my ex snuck into the bathroom with me and joined me in the shower. He ran soap across my stomach and breasts. He massaged shampoo into my hair. He told me how beautiful I looked in the water. It was the perfect foreplay before bending me over and fucking me raw.” — Arianna, 29
19. “I hooked up with a minor celebrity during a music festival. I guess the sex technically wasn’t that amazing but I love fantasizing about it because I’m proud of myself for landing someone so attractive. Most of my friends still think I’m lying when I tell them the story.” — Rachel, 22
20. “I visited my boyfriend at work on his birthday and did the whole pushing-everything-off-his-desk-and-then-having-sex-on-it thing. Helping him clean up after wasn’t fun but the sex sure was. He had to clamp his hand over my mouth to keep me from moaning too loud.” — Autumn, 24
21. “I joined the mile high club with an ex. We were on a 12-hour flight so we had blankets and the plane was dark and he put his hands on my lap and started rubbing. I’m pretty sure the people across the aisle from us knew what we were doing but I didn’t care. Let them have a show.” — Isabella, 28
22. “My boyfriend and I used to be in a… I guess you’d call it an almost relationship. We were friends for such a long time and the sexual tension was driving us both insane, but neither of us made a move for a full year. So when we finally kissed for the first time, we couldn’t help ourselves. Clothes came off. He grabbed my waist. I pulled his hair. He slid inside me. I screamed his name. It was the best moment of my life.” — Kristen, 27
23. “Sex with the same person gets boring after awhile so I like to role play with my husband. He’ll dress up like a police officer or a doctor or a butler. My favorite was when he wore leather motorcycle gloves and a matching jacket. He looked so different. So sexy.” — Andrea, 36
24. “My boyfriend wanted to place a mirror on the ceiling and I reluctantly agreed because I didn’t like the idea of looking at myself — but I ended up obsessed with the idea. I was able to see the muscles on his back as he fucked me. I was able to see how nice his ass looked. The mirror helped me see him from angles I don’t normally see.” — Cynthia, 32
25. “We were both living with our parents at the time so I booked a hotel room for us. We had sex on the balcony while the sun was setting in the distance. It was romantic but it was naughty at the same time.” — Phoebe, 24.
26. “I slept with my boyfriend on a webcam. I made sure my face wasn’t showing, only my body. It was sexy knowing people found us sexy.” — Stella, 29
27. “It’s weird. I’m usually a jealous person but for some reason the thought of my boyfriend getting turned on by another woman makes me wet. So we watched porn together. Well, he watched porn and I watched his reactions. Seeing him get so hard so fast drove me crazy so I blew him while he was still facing the screen.” — Sadie, 27
28. “My boyfriend went on a business trip for a full month and when he came back we were both sexually frustrated. We ended up having sex four times that night and then another three times the next day. I had never been so sore in my life.” — Georgia, 28
29. “I had sex on a beach once. It was awesome being able to look out at the ocean instead of staring at a ceiling like usual.” — Avery, 25
30. “ My boyfriend put whipped cream on my nipples and ate it off while inside of me. Then we showered together and went for round two.” — Ashlee, 29
31. “I sucked my ex-boyfriend’s dick inside of an elevator. It was super difficult because we kept stopping between floors and I was terrified someone would catch us but luckily the hotel was completely empty that night. Unfortunately, in the moment, I was too nervous to enjoy myself. But looking back, it was a sexy risk to take.” — Caroline, 26
32. “I had sex in my backyard beneath the stars. It was sweet.” — Claire, 19
33. “Back when I was in high school, I slept with this boy I liked in my parents’ basement while they were moving around upstairs. We had to be quiet the entire time. It was fun knowing I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing and getting away with it.” — Piper, 28
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By Alexis Jones Published: Dec 26, 2019
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"We can roll with it, or you can let me borrow your razor."
"This man had popped a couple of Tic Tacs while he was down there."
"Apparently his dick was burning. Sorry to this man."
"I couldn’t help but try to solve the math problem."
"I've never questioned my life choices more."
"That didn’t stop us from catching up in the laundry room."
"He sat me on a random car parked in the alley."
"Who knew Kyle sounds like Carl in German?"
"I asked if he wanted to join and soon I started making out with my coworkers date."
"It was the perfect one-flight stand."
"I lost my nose ring in the Uber, and I kind of want it back."
"It was super weird looking at the tons of family pictures on the wall."
"As I was doing it, I noticed I wasn’t really getting any vocal feedback."
"We got naked in the fitting room and got to it."
"My friends and I couldn’t get away fast enough."
"I kept my head down, dick still in mouth, until the coast was clear."
"Then they told me that I was their top choice to have a threesome with."
"I’m sure his bedside manner still sucks today."
"My body flew to the back of the seat—hitting my head hard, tits flailing."
"It was his girlfriend banging on the bedroom door."
"I got in line and bought one for my walk of shame."
"He noticed a few white stains on my boyfriend's pants."
"He started saying stuff about how he wanted to marry me and bring me back to Texas."
"I saw my bus driver’s face looking through the rearview mirror."
"He shrugged and proceeded to take a pee on the side of the garage while we perched, naked, above him."
"Suddenly, we’re being blinded by headlights as the police pulled up."
"He wiped it off and rubbed it on my bare nipples."
"The whole experience was surreal."
"It was all well and good until the RA found us."
"We were on a dark residential street when a house's porch lights turned on."
"He went from 30 to 80 in a matter of seconds."
"He had to give me a tutorial on how to handle his dick."
"Not only was he gone, so was everything in my wallet."
"It was the longest two minutes of my life."
"I started making a few moaning noises of my own."
"It's still some of the hottest sex I've ever had."
"I realized he was squatting and I was committing a felony."
"We were both stressed trying to get it in before his mom came home."
"I locked the door behind me and finally caught my breath."
"He was either a serial killer or the kind of clean that I would never live up to."
"That was the most silent car ride I've ever experienced."
"I had become a d*mn Enterprise with benefits."
"I panicked and pushed my guy friend out of bed."
"We sent the guys running outside down the back porch steps."
"I still can't look her in the eyes."
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The great thing about sex (besides the orgasms , of course) is that if you make a mistake or something awkward happens, you can always laugh about it later.
Have you ever given a blow job in an Uber and lost your nose ring? What about doing it in a J.Crew bathroom while the clothing attendant was right outside? No? Well these real women have—and they're willing to share their funniest stories with you. Trust me, you're in for a laugh.
If you're not either in tears after reading this or ready to risk some jail time during your next sexual encounter, read it again. These 50 women have risked it all for The Big O...you might want to try it sometime.
"I was hooking up with this dude for months, but it wasn't consistent, so when I went over to his place I realized when I got there that I was not, let's just say, 100-percent prepared down there. I explained the situation to the dude and gave him two options. 'We can roll with it, or you can let me borrow your razor, with a totally new razor head' (because duh, bacteria!). He opted for the second choice. And I hopped in the shower, still drunk, and shaved everything. How I didn't slip in the shower or cut myself while drunk is beyond me, but mission accomplished...and the sex after was actually the best ever with that guy, so yeah!" —Heather R., 26
"I was hooking up with a guy and I didn’t eat much that day. When we got in the shower to have sex, I actually started to pass out. The guy had to help me out of the shower, dry me off, and basically became my doctor. I was so embarrassed." —Emily B., 24
"I was hooking up with this guy for about three months, but he would always come to my place since I lived near the town center with all the bars. But one night, I finally went to his house to hookup, and when I went to bathroom to clean up afterward, I noticed a bunch of kids clothes on the floor and a small toothbrush. Turns out, he had an whole child. Three months and I never knew!" — Melanie C., 24
"I was hooking up with this guy who didn't like giving oral. But I pushed him on it, because equality, and he finally agreed to give it a try. As soon as he got started, I remember feeling something weird down there tingling and burning. I soon realized that this man had popped a couple of Tic Tacs in while he was down there without letting me know. WTH, dude?!" — Isabelle M., 26
"I was making this spicy stew recipe online that called for a bunch of habañeros. I washed my hands pretty well, but I guess they still had pepper on them, because later that night when I was giving a guy a hand job, he started making funny noises and started yelling, 'Oww, owww.' Apparently, his dick was burning. Sorry to this man." —Ilena B., 26
"The first time I had sex with my high school boyfriend, we were at his parents' house alone. We went up to his room, and he laid me down on the bed. But just as he put it in, I looked up at the ceiling and noticed he had derivative math equations taped there. The entire time, I couldn’t help but try to solve the math problem. I told him this wasn't going to work for me and we went out for pizza instead." – Ashley L., 24
"It was the night of my boyfriend's fraternity formal. We were having a good time when he asked me if I wanted to sneak away from the dance floor. We ran to the men's bathroom, picked a stall, and started having sex. That was, until three of his brothers came in to use the bathroom. They started chatting it up at the urinals. And we were just in the stall, naked, trying to remain as quiet as possible. That's when I snapped back into reality and realized how disgusting this bathroom was. I've never questioned my life choices more." —Amber G., 24
"One time at a house party, I spotted my crush walking in from across the room. We hadn’t talked in a while, but that didn’t stop us from catching up in the laundry room of our friend's house. We were literally having rough sex in the laundry room while people knocked loudly on the door because they thought it was the bathroom." —Denise B., 25
"When I first moved to Brooklyn, I came across a NSFW profile on Tumblr with this guy who was popular for the sloppy head he gives. So I was scrolling through his profile and came across a post that said something like, 'Repost this if you’re based in New York.' So being new and unknown to the city, I said, hey, why the hell not...and messaged him. A day or so later, we ended meeting up at a Mexican-themed bar. After a few margaritas, we went to a restaurant. When we got to the booth, we instantly began making out and um... exploring each other’s bodies. So we slipped out before the waiter came back and went into the alley right next to the bar. He sat me on a random car parked in the alley and showed me exactly how he became so Tumblr famous." —Sharice F., 25
"I was studying abroad in Spain and met a really cute German guy while out one night. We had a great night together, but the next morning, he told me I’d been calling him the wrong name the entire night. Who knew Kyle sounds like Carl in German?" —Elise C., 23
"One Friday afternoon in the office, my coworker was venting about not having been on a date in awhile. I motivated her to try her luck on Tinder. She eventually met a guy she liked, they chatted for a bit, and he asked her out. But he wanted to know if she had a friend for his friend in town. Of course, I agreed to be her wingwoman. We met up at a lounge and laughed the whole night. But my friend wanted to head home because she had work the next morning.
"After they dropped her off, I chose to stay and hang out with the two guys. Initially, I was only dancing with the date I was set up with, but after a few rum punches, we were all taking turns dancing together. We took a break and went outside to cool off. Outside, me and my original date began making out. After we stopped, I noticed his friend was just standing there. I asked if he wanted to join and soon I started making out with my coworkers' date. Shortly after, we all went to a hotel and that’s the story of my first threesome." —Serena B., 25
"I was on a 12-hour flight, and the guy next to me was pretty cute. I swear he was Ryan Gosling's twin, and he was wearing an army uniform (hard to resist, right?). We started talking, and a couple of hours in, I was trying to fall asleep when he said I could rest my head on his lap to be more comfortable. So I did, but a couple minutes in,
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