Hot Wife Affair
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Hot Wife Affair
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They where seeing each other for a couple of months talking and petting in his car, and she claims it was romantic but never went all the way.
This is really harsh. Many marriages survive affairs
Loyal HB please give her another chance. I'm a WW and scared to death of losing my H n family. I love them and never want to lose them. People who betray do it because their flawed and in a fog and don't see the good in what they have. The A makes you feel young and alive but it's not real. And how sad of the posters here telling me to fess up but then saying never stand by a cheater. That's a real eye opener....
Loyal HB please give her another chance. I'm a WW and scared to death of losing my H n family. I love them and never want to lose them. People who betray do it because their flawed and in a fog and don't see the good in what they have. The A makes you feel young and alive but it's not real. And how sad of the posters here telling me to fess up but then saying never stand by a cheater. That's a real eye opener....
Loyal HB please give her another chance. I'm a WW and scared to death of losing my H n family. I love them and never want to lose them. People who betray do it because their flawed and in a fog and don't see the good in what they have. The A makes you feel young and alive but it's not real. And how sad of the posters here telling me to fess up but then saying never stand by a cheater. That's a real eye opener....
I hardly think kissing and petting is trying to stop an affair. It is clear that OP 's wife only told the truth because she was caught and knew that OM 's wife would tell.
I hardly think kissing and petting is trying to stop an affair. It is clear that OP 's wife only told the truth because she was caught and knew that OM 's wife would tell.
Loyal HB please give her another chance. I'm a WW and scared to death of losing my H n family. I love them and never want to lose them. People who betray do it because their flawed and in a fog and don't see the good in what they have. The A makes you feel young and alive but it's not real. And how sad of the posters here telling me to fess up but then saying never stand by a cheater. That's a real eye opener....
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By
LoyalHB, March 30, 2012 in Infidelity
This is my situation. Married 27 years! Two children, one in her 20s, one teenager. We met in high school, had on and off relationship, and finally married after college. She helped put me through grad school and I always supported her freedom to go out after work, etc. I became somewhat successful and and about three years ago she stopped working. She has been home ever since and has felt somewhat disconnected and left out. We fell into a routine where I am always working at the University or from home and she takes care of everything in the house.
This morning at 6am she tells me she has a confession to make. She's been having an affair with a very old flame from college. I didn't see it coming. I literally shook in disbelief, rage, confusion, and more. She was caught by the wife of the other man. They where seeing each other for a couple of months talking and petting in his car, and she claims it was romantic but never went all the way. She says sees things clearly now. She was caught in the thrill of someone paying attention to her. She wasn't feeling attractive or appreciated anymore, she says. He listened to her and complemented her. He was on the prowl for a lonely wife, or maybe he still had feelings for her after all these years.
She wants me to give her a second chance. She has seemingly come clean with all the details I have asked for. I checked her phone calls and it is consistent with her confession. She was doing most of the calling! Although it was 1 and 2 minute calls. I don't know how to go forward. The pain of thinking of her kissing and touching another man is unbearable to me. On the other hand I don't want to hurt my teenage daughter. My oldest daughter already knew because my wife confessed to her first.
I can't believe this is happening to me. I have always thought of her as being almost without fault, and never thought she would be capable of this.
How can I ever trust her again?, how will I ever touch her again? Should I leave or should I stay?
How can I ever trust her again?, how will I ever touch her again? Should I leave or should I stay?
I always advise leaving a cheater, because you will never FULLY trust her ever again, and you will never forget.
But if you do stay, then she needs to lose certain freedoms she enjoyed with a husband that trusted her blindly.
Did you marry a middle schooler? A preteen? 2 months of kissing and "petting"? I doubt it. She's in her 40's?
This morning at 6am she tells me she has a confession to make. She's been having an affair with a very old flame from college. I didn't see it coming. I literally shook in disbelief, rage, confusion, and more. She was caught by the wife of the other man. They where seeing each other for a couple of months talking and petting in his car, and she claims it was romantic but never went all the way. She says sees things clearly now. She was caught in the thrill of someone paying attention to her. She wasn't feeling attractive or appreciated anymore, she says. He listened to her and complemented her. He was on the prowl for a lonely wife, or maybe he still had feelings for her after all these years.
She wants me to give her a second chance. She has seemingly come clean with all the details I have asked for. I checked her phone calls and it is consistent with her confession. She was doing most of the calling! Although it was 1 and 2 minute calls. I don't know how to go forward. The pain of thinking of her kissing and touching another man is unbearable to me. On the other hand I don't want to hurt my teenage daughter. My oldest daughter already knew because my wife confessed to her first.
I can't believe this is happening to me. I have always thought of her as being almost without fault, and never thought she would be capable of this.
How can I ever trust her again?, how will I ever touch her again? Should I leave or should I stay?
First of all, understand that your wife will NEVER tell you the truth regarding the sexual component of her affair unless she thinks it is in her best interest. She is a married women who has had regular sex (with you) for 30 years. She had sex with this guy while they were together in college. Do you honestly believe she would turn the clock back to middle school and restrict her sexual activities with this guy to making out? Really?
Threaten to divorce her unless she tells you every single detail. Threaten to talk to the other man AND his wife in order to get the whole truth. If she still sticks to her story, ask her to leave. If she won't leave then live with her like a brother and sister who don't like each other. To reiterate, she will not tell you any sexual details unless she is convinced she has to.
Regarding your high school daughter, I understand your concern. However, at that age I would simply assume that she knows. Either your wife, her sister, or her intuition has revealed the truth. You may be able to force your wife to tell you more details if you threaten to tell your daughter about her affair. Her response will tell you a lot. Sheer panic on her part would suggest that she believes that your daughter does not yet know about it & you may get her to open up. A somewhat calm reaction would tell you that your daughter already knows.
There is no reason to fight fair until you are absolutely convinced you know everything. Even then, you will never know the whole truth because most women are not capable of revealing all of the details of their illicit sexual activities.
One additional thought; you should ask yourself whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would behave in such a disgusting manner. Your kids are, essentially, grown and will give you a pass for dumping their cheating mother. This could be a get-out-of-jail-free card for you, but it will expire if you give the impression that you have successfully reconciled. Starting a new life, one that includes your daughters and their current or future families, may be a great experience and a chance to achieve some goals in your life. Worth considering given the current situation.
One additional thought; you should ask yourself whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would behave in such a disgusting manner. Your kids are, essentially, grown and will give you a pass for dumping their cheating mother. This could be a get-out-of-jail-free card for you, but it will expire if you give the impression that you have successfully reconciled. Starting a new life, one that includes your daughters and their current or future families, may be a great experience and a chance to achieve some goals in your life. Worth considering given the current situation.
This is really harsh. Many marriages survive affairs and who is to stay that this OP has not already had great experiences, achieved some goals, and lived a fulfilling life, affair aside?
Yes, it is traumatic but that doesn't mean it isn't worth fighting for - that is what therapy, time, and great introspection will show. The OP is in the first blush of anger over the affair, but it might not be worth throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
and many don't so the long, painful process of reconciliation may end up failing anyway. Choosing to divorce right now is an option and one that many LS'ers have taken. I've noticed that very few BS 's who choose to dump their WS immediately have regrets. Contrast that with the vast majority of LS'ers that suffer through reconciliation whether successfully or not, many of whom are full of regret.
who is to stay that this OP has not already had great experiences, achieved some goals, and lived a fulfilling life, affair aside?
good point, although setting an affair "aside" would be a good trick. These things tend to stay with most BS 's for a long, long time.
Yes, it is traumatic but that doesn't mean it isn't worth fighting for - that is what therapy, time, and great introspection will show. The OP is in the first blush of anger over the affair, but it might not be worth throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Yes, it's early and that's why I would urge him to get to the bottom of what happened. He needs as much info as he can get to make an important decision. That's why I suggest an immediate separation, either physically, emotionally or both, so he will not be influenced by the panicked efforts of his wife to limit the damages.
Speaking of babies, OP doesn't have any of those. His children are grown so his situation is a lot like a marriage with no children involved. My personal opinion is that if a wife or husband cheats in a relationship without children involved they should end things. The years of pain & loss of trust may never be reconciled so why put yourself through all of that. Again, just my opinion, but given all of my experience I will stand by it.
You need the WHOLE truth. I don't believe she's been totally honest - just minimizing her behavior.
Ask for a polygraph - or to meet up with his wife first - then the four of you sit down and have them give ALL the details.
IF she won't DO this to "save your marriage" then she doesn't intend to be onset.
And stop thinking you MIGHT be hurting your daughter - YOUR WIFE DID THIS, not you!
Place the blame on her. She's got things to explain and if she's unwilling to explain and DO anything and EVERYTHING you may ask of her - she's out! And she's out the minute she resists!
As much as people might want to try, an A can't be swept under the rug. It will be the cancer that slowly eats your marriage up from the inside out.
I agree with others...the odds that they were just making out is fairly slim. They had the opportunity to get their stories together and I have a feeling they did. If they stick by their mutually agreed upon story, who can prove differently? A lie detector could, but that's about it.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Your feelings are likely to change right now from day to day...if you stay with her or if you part ways, it's going to be an emotionally challenging time. Each has its own set of issues that comes with it, and either way, you will have to find a way to work through your feelings with regards to this A.
Just ANOTHER betrayal to the H - telling the daughter before - so she can try and get the D on her sympathy side ahead of time.
The W is a bigger betrayer than this H thinks she is!
She wouldn't have told IF her OM 's wife wasn't about to expose away!
And if he thinks she didn't have sex? Think again!!!!
And make her move unless she's willing to tell all!!!
Loyal HB please give her another chance. I'm a WW and scared to death of losing my H n family. I love them and never want to lose them. People who betray do it because their flawed and in a fog and don't see the good in what they have. The A makes you feel young and alive but it's not real. And how sad of the posters here telling me to fess up but then saying never stand by a cheater. That's a real eye opener....
You are going to go thru a roller coaster of emotions. One day you will be disgusted by your wife, the next you'll want to have sex 5 times.
My recommendation would be to take your time making a decision. Your wife will want you to commit to a second chance. She will want you to get over it. Too bad. I recommend you take 6 months before you deciee to reconcile or not. You need to determine if this was a dealbreaker for you. That takes a long time although you will think you have decided many times over in the next few months. Slow down. Slow is fast and fast is slow. Your decision is one factor; her decision is another. To even consider reconciling, it requires a truly remorseful wayward spouse. The fact that she didn't disclose her affair is telling. She'd like to think she told you but in reality, it was discovered amd now she is in damage control. Not a good start. A truly remorseful spouse will do whatever it takes to gain your trust. She should expect that if she wants to gift of reconciliation, her life must now be an open book. She must answer all of your questions without hesitation and with complete honesty. You deserve the truth so that you can make an informed decision about who you want to spend the rest of your life with. She should be completely transparent with her whereabouts, communication devices, and so forth. She should embrace the opportunity to regain your trust.
As for you, be careful what questions you ask. Some people need to know everything in order to be convinced of current honesty. Don't feel badly if that's the case with you. However, some don't need the details and are haunted by them for a long time. Ask yourself if each question serves a purpose. Otherwise, be careful to control your anger.
Again, my big recommendation is to take your time. Don't rush yourself; you may be tempted to put this behind you as soon as you can (in order to stop the pain). It doesn't work and it just puts pressure on you. Keep reading and posting.
By the way, she is very likely lying about the petting nonsense. It is absolutely common to minimalize the affair. Besides, she is obviously a liar about her sexual activities with other men. Investigate for your own knowledge but never give up your sources because once you do, that source is gone forever.
Good luck. Many here have been in your shoes and you are not alone.
Drifter didn't advise you to tell, NoFool4You is very consistent about leaving cheaters immediately, and 2Sunny always promotes honesty (and will advise harsh actions when the WS won't be honest). Belle, after you come clean your next task will be trying to stay honest and to tell the full truth. We are consistent in that honesty is exactly what the BS deserves and needs and if the WS wants to reconcile, they must understand that.
You may not know this, but I almost always hope and cheer cor reconciliation. I am a softy. But actually fixing what is broken is required. An affair cannot be swept under the rug. I hope this guy can reconcile just as I hope you can reconcile.
The marriage isn't REAL if you haven't confessed YOUR PART in it. So it's all based on your lies.
There's nothing if you haven't been honest...
IF you lose your M it's only because of your lies. MOST spouses can forgive and move past the pain IF the wandering spouse is honest.
Except you have had 2 affairs on your husband and still will not tell him about it. OP at least you aren't in the dark anymore like this one's husband.
She insists they didn't go all the way. She says she wasn't ready to take that step. But even if I take that at face value, it was the fact that the OM wife caught them that stopped this from developing further. It was a matter of time. She insists that she was trying to find a way to stop this, but that is just words.
I only know that I am not ready to make any kind of decision right now.
Your thoughtful comments help me work though a confusing barrage of thoughts and feelings.
I only know that I am not ready to make any kind of decision right now.
Your thoughtful comments help me work though a confusing barrage of thoughts and feelings.
Was she in contact with him as of yesterday?
If so - then she DIDNT plan to stop it.
IF she had planned to stop it - she would have ceased contact way before his W found out, yes?
When someone INTENDS to stop something - they don't spend anymore time or energy focusing on what they intend to stop...
I only know that I am not ready to make any kind of decision right now.
Your thoughtful comments help me work though a confusing barrage of thoughts and feelings.
You are exactly right that those are just words and her word ain't worth sh*t right now. What will rebuild trust is consistent actions over time. Successfully reconciling a marriage after infidelity typically takes 2-5 years. Right now she'll say anything to save her azz and she's testing you to see what you'll believe. Don't be desperate to believe anything. Investigate. Believe nothing that she says and about half of what you see with you own eyes.
Go meet with his wife! Hurry... Before he convinces her of more of his cover up.
I only know that I am not ready to make any kind of decision right now.
Your thoughtful comments help me work though a confusing barrage of thoughts and feelings.
Call the OM 's wife and talk to her one on one, compare notes.
No need to make any decisions until you know the truth.
If so - then she DIDNT plan to stop it.
IF she had planned to stop it - she would have ceased contact way before his W found out, yes?
When someone INTENDS to stop something - they don't spend anymore time or energy focusing on what they intend to stop...
I hardly think kissing and petting is trying to stop an affair. It is clear that OP 's wife only told the truth because she was caught and knew that OM 's wife would tell.
Exactly! She didn't plan to get caught... She ONLY told because the wife found out. Time to consult the wife!
YUP right here. This will be very telling in how she reacts to your
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