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10 Signs of a Submissive Wife: Meaning and Characteristics
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9403141/ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516677060 https://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Eric-Berne-ebook/dp/B005C6E76U/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1646043287&sr=8-1 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407515574466 https://dictionary.apa.org/submission https://www.routledge.com/What-Predicts-Divorce-The-Relationship-Between-Marital-Processes-and-Marital/Gottman/p/book/9780805814026 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26324.Social_Intelligence

Annes passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.
She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you dont have to do it alone.

“What does a woman want?” So asked Freud and Mark Epstein, another contemporary psychiatrist answered,” she wants a partner who cares what she wants.” Deep down, we all want to be understood and listened to. But how does it relate to a submissive wife? What does she want?
Being submissive temporarily can be a choice, but to be called a submissive wife, you need to be the one accommodating your partner’s needs all the time. It can be a marker of under-confidence and security or other problems in the relationship.
Compromise is a part of most healthy marriages, but being submissive is different. Being submissive over a long period of time can be unhealthy for the individual and the relationship. So, let’s look at the signs of being a submissive wife and its impact on them.
Being submissive in marriage is more comparable to a boss-employee relationship. If you’re not saying what you really mean or asking for what you need, you’re denying yourself as a human being. 
This is as far from healthy teams as can be experienced. Additionally, this research shows that the signs of a submissive woman are often associated with a range of psychological problems. 
So, what signs can you expect from a compliant and sexually submissive wife? Overall, you’ll see someone who’s subservient and always looking to please. This usually comes with little or no autonomy, self-doubt, and powerlessness, as explained in this paper .
Of course, you also have strong women who show the characteristics of a submissive wife due to various societal and family pressures. Essentially though, they’ve decided to take on the life of a submissive wife willingly. 
Their approach will be different because they’ll still ensure they get their way and what they want by operating from the sidelines. This is simply another game to live in peace and get their needs met but you’ll still see the signs of a submissive woman. 
So, in this case, the signs of a submissive woman are when the partner seems in control but actually, the woman is making all the decisions. Either way, is this the way you want to play your life, based on deceit?
We all play games with people to get what we want based on our experiences, upbringing, society and any other influences we might have been subjected to. Through every human contact, we experience feelings and sensations and the idea is to keep everything in equilibrium. 
Some people believe that you need the characteristics of a submissive wife to keep that equilibrium. The danger with focusing only on those signs is that you miss the big picture. 
Families are a system unit and an extremely submissive wife also has needs and desires. Suppressing those completely can, and does, negatively impact children. 
Psychiatrist Eric Berne calls the signs of a submissive woman the behaviors of a harried wife in his book ‘ Games People Play .’ He explains that a submissive wife or harried woman’s role is to play ten or twelve different roles ranging from mistress to mother, housemaid, cook and many more.
Berne points out that those roles often conflict and cause the wife’s stress and anguish, which only increases with time. The signs of a submissive woman gradually evolve from appearing balanced to one who breaks down from the pressures of trying to be too many people she’s not. 
Of course, a submissive wife might have the energy to keep up the game her whole life. In that case, she’ll find a way to vent and find the nurture she needs as a human being. 
The children are usually in the front line and can be forced to become the confidante and supporter that most women expect their husbands to be. 
Some might argue that the characteristics of a submissive wife come from someone who’s self-aware and who’s willing to give way to their partner. If this is done sporadically, then this is more accurately called compromise. 
On the other hand, a submissive wife who’s constantly compliant and obedient actually negatively impacts her ability to function socially, as detailed in this research . The same paper demonstrates that living the life of a submissive wife also leads to lower marital quality.
Many wives assume the role of the submissive wife under the pretext of maintaining peace and compromising for the collective good. They may do this to maintain a friendly attitude and adhere to the traditional definition of what it means to be a wife or because of a dominating husband. 
If the submissive behavior is extreme and long-lasting, it can affect the happiness and confidence of the wife. Therefore, it becomes important to identify signs of a submissive wife.
Here are some of the typical external signs of a submissive wife are that she:
Mutual compromise and reasonable adjustment levels are a healthy part of all relationships. But suffocating submission at all times is harmful.
When you see someone who is submissive, check to see what’s going on below the surface though? Many imply that submission is the same as a compromise but it has to go both ways to build a healthy marriage. 
‘Submissive in a relationship’ means to put your desires lower than someone else’s. And if only one partner is doing this repeatedly, that is unhealthy. You can expect to see some or all of the following characteristics of a submissive wife in her inner world. 
The expectation is that you will follow your husband to meet his goals. You support his career by putting your career on hold. Overall, the signs of a submissive woman are that she follows quietly without opposition. 
The signs of a submissive woman often come with passive-aggressive symptoms. Suppressing desires and opinions doesn’t make them go away. 
The characteristics of a submissive wife often include indirectly sharing negative feelings. They haven’t gone anywhere just because she’s trying to comply. 
To recognize a submissive wife, listen to how much she justifies serving her husband. She’ll find many so-called facts in her belief system handed down through family or religion. 
Other signs of a submissive woman are that she justifies giving in as being kind to her husband. Although kindness is based on equality, submission is dependent behavior. 
The characteristics of a submissive wife overlap heavily with codependence. Although, submission is more wilful. Nevertheless, the mind is denying its true nature and you’ll see reactivity and mental strain at some point. 
The many signs of a submissive woman often come from low self-esteem . After all, if you believe in yourself, you wouldn’t let someone dictate how you live. So, the characteristics of a submissive wife are that she suppresses her needs and emotions. 
Interestingly, some of the signs of a submissive woman come across as superficial because she’s playing a game. It comes back to the many roles expected of her. All these make the characteristics of a submissive wife in opposition to her true nature. 
You can easily recognize a submissive wife from the way she holds herself with hunched shoulders and a quiet demeanor. Ultimately, a submissive wife’s characteristics make her feel like a servant who’s constantly bowing to someone else. 
If you’re constantly waiting for someone to decide what you should do, your confidence will decrease with time. You’ll constantly be second-guessing yourself as you try to mind-read your partner. That’s why the signs of a submissive woman often lead to self-doubt. 
A submissive wife’s role can trigger her to become manipulative in some cases. She’s still a person with wants and needs meaning that she might find more opportunistic and cunning ways to meet them. 
So, you might see the characteristics of a submissive wife as someone who is smiling and charming when her husband is around. When he’s not, her guard is down and she might portray someone resentful who takes it out on her children or others around her.
Listening without saying anything is one of the common submissive wife personality traits. Their expected role is to comply and not argue back. The house will be spotless, dinner will be ready at all the right times and all this, with a silent smile. 
The American Psychological Association defines submission as “compliance with or surrender to the requests, demands, or will of others.” Interestingly, the page tells you to compare the definition for dominance, including control. This naturally pairs with the characteristics of a submissive wife. 
Control is not a word associated with a healthy marriage . Being submissive in marriage necessarily goes with having a dominant partner, no matter how subtle their behavior. Over time, other submissive wife personality traits will appear through the cracks. 
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in his book ‘ What Predicts Divorce? ’ says that if we have an unmet core need, we will have an unhappy marriage . The frustration builds because the submissive wife’s rules have denied her natural desires and either the marriage or she breaks down.
The signs of a submissive woman revolve around suppressing her core needs and desires. Otherwise, we would be talking about compromise and respecting each other’s wants and goals in life. 
Gottman lists seven factors for a healthy marriage, one of which is conflict management . You might assume that the submissive wife’s rules should stop all conflict and yes, on the surface, that’s potentially true. This is not managing conflict but simply ignoring one partner’s thoughts and feelings. 
On the contrary, you should be listening to each other, trying to understand each other and finding common ground together. None of this points to the characteristics of a submissive wife. 
To learn more about Dr. John Gottman’s notion of what it takes to maintain a happy marriage, watch this video:
Genuine rapport with mutual empathy feels good. On the flip side, a compliant and sexually submissive wife represses her desire to serve someone else. Perhaps on the surface, only the husband benefits. Then again, do men want to marry women who aren’t true to themselves? 
Inside and outside the bedroom, shared attention is the baseline for strong rapport and closer connection, as psychologist Daniel Goleman explains in his book ‘ Social Intelligence .’ You also need warmth and coordination to develop a strong bond . 
Of course, you can fake it through the characteristics of a submissive wife. Nevertheless, this jeopardizes the harmony of needs and motives your need for a healthy partnership . This leads to potentially disastrous mental issues or creates children with their own set of issues.
Children look to their caregivers to role model attachments and relationships. If they see one of them ignoring their needs and desires to serve someone else, they could become people-pleasers later in life. 
Moreover, those children don’t learn the tools to express their own needs and emotions. This creates more submissive people who can even go over to codependency. 
Instead, work to establish your boundaries and build your self-esteem to be more assertive while staying compassionate in your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with compromise as long as it’s mutual. 
Conflict is how we grow and develop as a couple. Denying that by letting one person always have their way, is denying yourself the full breadth of human experience. 
Discussing the characteristics of a submissive wife is controversial for many because our opinions are embedded in our beliefs that have been influenced by society, religion and family. Regardless of your beliefs, try to be open to companionate marriage and social connection rather than assuming that being submissive is the only option. 
We need teamwork and compromise in a healthy marriage and everyone will define that differently. Nonetheless, don’t mistake love for service, though and remember that loving another starts with our self-love. That includes standing up for your opinions, needs and desires. 
Work with a therapist to help you get the life you deserve where both a healthy marriage and your needs are met. The two are not exclusive. To be loved is not to be dominated but to be accepted as you are and not as others want you to be.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.


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Spanking. Orgasm Denial. Silent treatment. All are forms of punishment that a Dominant can use to punish their submissive. Some people like the idea of punishments. In fact, that may be their biggest attraction to the BDSM way of life. But it’s not the main draw.
There are lots of reasons why punishment is part of the BDSM lifestyle. More often than not, punishment is used to train the submissive and correct behaviors to help the submissive become the best version of themselves. One of the key components of this lifestyle is the rules. While the rules can be revisited and adjusted as the relationship progresses, there must be consequences when the rules are broken.
There are two different elements at play here. One is discipline and the other is punishment. How are they different, you ask? Don’t they go hand in hand? Yes and no. By definition discipline is to train to act in accordance with a specific set of rules. This is like going to the gym when you are training for a race of some sort. Punishment is a consequence of breaking a set of rules that have been established. Think detention for being late to school. Two sides of the same coin that work together for the best desired outcome.
The desired outcome is to have a healthy relationship where you both feel safe, happy, and cared for. By following rules that are set by the Dom, the submissive can relax and trust that they are taken care of. When the submissive complies with the rules, the Dominant feels proud that he is able to have been given the gift of submission. The Dominant then feels accepted, desired, and confident like the Master they are.
One of the biggest components of BDSM is that the relationship consists of a Dominant and a submissive. This is actually the cornerstone of this lifestyle. A Dominant will take control of the submissive. The extent of control is discussed and agreed upon between the two parties before any play time can happen.
For a power play relationship to exist, it needs several things. You must have trust. This is by far the most important thing. The submissive must trust that their mental, emotional, and physical health are their Dominant’s priority. The Dominant must trust that their submissive is being honest about limits and that they are communicating with the truth about their experiences, history, etc. For information on these two dynamics, check out the articles on Dominants and submissives from Sofia Gray.
Once good communication and trust are established, then the couple can explore and play. It is important to note that there is such a thing as a toxic, or bad, Dom . Unfortunately, there are some Doms that do not take the submissive’s needs into account and are in it for what makes them feel good. They don’t understand or respect the limits that the submissive has agreed to.
When a submissive finds the right Dominant, some magic can happen. But there is one more step. You both need to agree on what you will both do, your limits, and punishments.
BDSM contracts are a pretty important part of the relationship. Both parties need to bring something to the relationship to make their counterpart the best version of themselves. The contract outlines what the Dominant/submissive will be responsible for. They are meant to protect both people from hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations. They can include anything you want, really. And they can and should include any rules and consequences for rule breaking. These can be verbal or written out, but the most important part of the contract is communication. This is something that is ongoing throughout the duration of the relationship.
Like I said earlier, discipline and punishment are two totally different things, but they are related. A good Dom will help teach the submissive how to push their limits. They are training the sub to be the best sub that they can be for them.
During the early courtship, the Dominant will try and build the submissive’s confidence. As a submissive myself, this is crucial to helping me feel comfortable enough to test my limits. The Dominant can do things like ask for pictures in various stages of dress; starting from fully clothed and then gradually less. Reminding them that they are a beautiful, precious treasure to them. They can reassure them that they aren’t leaving. They will remind the submissive that they are safe and they cared for.
As a submissive, when I hear these things, it helps me relax. It helps me trust. It helps me see myself the way my Dom sees me. I want to please him, and when I please him, he rewards me. And that thrills me more than anything. He has me and it makes me want to do more to please him. I’m delighted and fulfilled when he is happy with me.
The Dominant wants respect and devotion. The submissive must trust the boundaries and rules that are put into place. As a submissive, I rely on my Dom to guide me, lead me, and in return he gets my devotion.
Punishments are the other side of the coin. You’ve agreed to terms. But say you are feeling slightly bratty or maybe you forget (as a sub) what you have agreed to. There are consequences for these behaviors. Maybe it’s early in the relationship and you are given a task. As a sub, your Dom may require proof that you have completed the task when you are out of his presence. Failure to complete the task will result in punishment.
Punishments should happen quickly. They shouldn’t happen long after the rule was broken. If the punishment doesn’t come quickly, then it can create a sense of insecurity with the submissive or it could even make the rule less effective. When the consequence isn’t delivered quickly
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