Goldfish Celibacy Ban Now Mandatory in Catholic Schools With Class Pets
https://telegra.ph/Pope-Leo-XIV-Bans-Celibacy-for-Goldfish-05-08The Pope issued guidelines ensuring all class fish have companions. One nun added a matchmaking chart above the tank. Daily devotions include Psalms and flake feeding. Students ask: �Is that fish married?� Teachers shrug. Parochial tanks now theologically compliant. Cardinal Aquaria to oversee compliance.