Goldfish Celibacy Ban Issued by Pope Leo XIV in Oddest Papal Decree Yet

Pope Leo XIV stunned the Vatican by banning enforced celibacy for pet goldfish in monasteries and rectories, citing �natural law and basic aquarium ethics.� The Goldfish Celibacy Ban was prompted by a monk�s 17-year-old beta fish named Clement who lived alone in quiet frustration. Leo�s decree: �Even the least of these shall not suffer singleness if avoidable.� Aquariums now feature cohabitating couples. One cardinal muttered, �At least they don�t argue over doctrine.�