Giveing Head
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Giveing Head
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8 Reasons I Absolutely Love Giving Head
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By Amy Horton
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I know a lot of women out there who refuse to give oral sex. Say whaaaaaaaaaa? If penises are so gross, why do you let them inside you? Refusing to get up close and personal with something doesn’t change what it is. Our body parts aren’t disgusting — they just are! — but that doesn’t mean they don’t need love, so to speak. I’m not ashamed to declare that I love giving head — here’s why:
1. You gotta give what you wanna get. It’s so obnoxious when girls want a guy who goes down on them, but don’t want to return the favor. I’m on your side on this one, boys. That almost never happens, so take note. If a girl is stingy about oral sex, how is that any different than a guy who won’t go down on a woman? News flash: it isn’t! Hypocrisy is gross. There’s nothing wrong with a man’s nether regions, unless of course your guy doesn’t wash or groom appropriately. He will if he knows he’ll get rewarded, so no excuses! Shameless plug: check out Sweetn , a new startup with free, scientific quizzes that will help you be more successful in dating & relationships. Just click here !
2. It feels sexy. I’m as independent as they come, but the rules don’t always apply in the bedroom. It’s fun to give pleasure, as it should be. Sex should be all about give and take. If you’re just a taker, then get outta my sheets! I’m a demonstrative lover, so I have no time for that crap. I feel sexiest when I know I’m doing something my partner enjoys. I only want to have sex with other people who feel the same. Shameless plug #2 : Check out Sweetn , the first self-care app for your love life. It helps you make sense of your love life, find the right partner and create the kind of relationship you deserve. Check it out here !
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4. It’s empowering, not demeaning. Um, have you ever seen a man after he gets a BJ? Absolute helpless jello. I love that. I feel extremely powerful giving someone so much enjoyment that they can barely focus their vision. It’s something in which I mischievously delight, actually. It’s fun to dominate sometimes.
5. I love penises. Again, don’t be a hypocrite. How can I expect a man to love and appreciate my vag if I’m grossed out by his frank-and-beans? That’s not cool. I don’t feel that way, not a bit. As long as he’s taking care of himself down there, I’m all over it. They fascinate me much in the way boobs must fascinate men. I could play with one all day long.
6. I love the way men react. Like I said, helpless jello. I’m good at what I do, and I’ve gotten a lot of very appreciative feedback. It’s a skill I take pride in, and I enjoy demonstrating my talents. I know they’re enjoying it so I enjoy it as well! That obviously shines through in my performance.
7. It makes me eternally memorable. Sure, we may not end up together. It might be a fling, or a long-term romance that doesn’t end well. No matter what, I know that I’ll always be remembered as Incredible BJ Girl. I’m OK with that. It’s a bit comforting to be 99% sure that his new girl can’t do what I do in that department. I also know that the guy I end up with will be a very lucky – and happy – man.
8. Sex is all about the fun extras. I mean…don’t just lie there and put it in, then be done with it. That sounds horrible. I love to make out, to do everything else that excites and titillates to make the actual intercourse that much hotter. If there’s no buildup, why would you want to do it at all? Make your sex sexy, dammit! Take some time to give each other extra love before the main event, including oral. I love going down on a guy for a bit before we get to it.
9. It’s another way of showing how much I care. This is mostly specific to relationships, not just hookups. When I love someone, I love all of him. We see each other at our worst – sick, dirty, angry, mean, depressed. Why wouldn’t I love all of his body too? That’s part of any really connected partnership. I want to know that he loves all of me so that I can feel completely comfortable with him. I also want to make him feel the same way. Giving oral can be a very tender and loving gesture, if you think about it. Just don’t think about it too hard, or it’s not sexy anymore!
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Amy Horton
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit. She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and The Indie Chicks.
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I’m not a fan of the term “blow job.” It sounds silly and clownish. “Giving head” sounds dirtier and more adult. The word is subtle enough to slip into a Leonard Cohen song (“Chelsea Hotel No. 2”) yet explicit as a descriptor: You are giving someone something. You are offering an intimate part of your body — your mouth, your breath, your voice.
Expert head queens are to be revered. These are people who truly, unabashedly love sucking dick. The rest of us regular people have to learn, and the only way to learn is to practice. And practice. And practice.
On your knees! It’s time for a lesson. These are tips and pointers that anyone of any gender can appreciate — 24 tips for giving amazing head.
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend . Photo by Jon Dean.
Don’t just dive in. Go slow. Draw it out. Give a preamble of what’s to come. The full range of intimate body-on-body experience is yours to use, so don’t feel like you have to fit into a prescribed, hackneyed script, which you may think goes something like this: make-out session, followed by a blow job, then possibly a rim job, with a finale of penetrative sex that ends in orgasm.
Yawn. There’s so much you can do to get comfortable and excited — even before the clothes come off. I love kissing and touching. This can be the most intimate part of sex. Drawing out those early touches, those first stray hands, builds excitement and anticipation and confidence.
Most everywhere men have insecurities about their penises — especially since we live in a world that fetishes and glorifies big ones, bigger than most men have. Also, most guys over a certain age struggle to stay very hard, and must of us take a while getting there.
Let me say from firsthand experience: It’s difficult to get out of your head and stop worrying about your dick to the point that you can actually relax and enjoy yourself. In my experience, the longer I draw out the preamble, the less pressure I feel to perform in the moment. I can only get hard if I don’t feel like someone is tapping their foot, waiting for it to happen.
Go slow, and let the moment evolve naturally without an end goal in sight.
I tell everyone to maximize foreplay. I also have some issues with the term: “Foreplay” generally describes acts that arouse and titillate you and your partner prior to some kind of penetrative sex. Some sex acts — blow jobs included — are often relegated into this category, as if they are “lesser” sexual experiences than penetration.
Here’s a fact: Some people can’t have penetrative sex. Various bodily conditions render some unable to. For others, penetration simply isn’t pleasurable and may never be. And sometimes the stuff we call “foreplay” is simply more fun.
Stop thinking of “warmup sex” as warmup sex. Maximize it. Sex doesn’t fit a simple definition. If it’s intimate and arousing and beautiful, it’s sex.
Start by touching him. I love rubbing shoulders, rubbing legs, easing his body into mine, and helping him relax — all well before my hands move to his crotch area. Again — don’t rush.
It is an old truth that the best head-givers are ones who move on a mission. There is no “What do you want to do?” foreplay debate — you’re there to suck. You’re in the mental position to give head. You’ve gotten yourself into headspace before you started. You’ve been eying his bulge. You want it.
If I am not in blow job headspace prior to starting, I’m probably not going to enjoy it or do a very good job of it. His pleasure starts with me — I have to be having a good time in order for him to have a good time.
I have to prepare myself some time in advance that I’m going to suck. I want my mouth to be clean and be fully digested from my last meal so I don’t immediately cough it up. If I move on a mission, once I’m there and can fully submit to his cock, I’ll close my eyes and enjoy it.
Taking off clothes can be one of the hottest parts of sex — don’t rush it. Touch him everywhere except his intimate areas. When you finally rub his crotch, you know you’re doing it right when you hear that audible gasp, which means “Oh, my God, you finally went there.”
Massage his dick through his pants for a little bit — gently so as not to cause any discomfort. Make a show of pulling his dick out. Do it slowly, and if he’s wearing an elastic waistband, make sure you don’t accidentally release it and pop him in the balls. This can be very painful and break the moment (unless he’s into ball torture, in which case, by all means, pop him again). Look at his dick first before you dive. Kiss it. Study it.
A classic trick. The frenulum is the underside of the penis head, which for many men is the most sensitive part of the penis.
I generally always start by kissing the tip of the penis — the head — then moving down to the underside with the tip of my tongue. I’ll move up and down the shaft with a series of light, gentle kisses before licking the rest. This helps me get an idea of its size and texture and smell — the hottest part for me — and gives me time to build up some saliva. When you’re ready, start with gentle flicks on the frenulum with the tip of your tongue. Flick it back and forth, up and down, slowly creeping your lips up over his head, then backing off. The heat from your mouth and your breath will make him throb with anticipation — practically begging you to slide it in your mouth.
Just like fisting, anal sex, BDSM, and really good make-out sessions, giving head happens best once you’ve reached that post-language space of sex where words fall away. Talking becomes irrelevant and clumsy — animal sounds, groans and roars, take over.
Keep talking to a minimum. Don’t seek instruction, but if he tells you he likes something, do it. Don’t ask for a progress report. Don’t ask him to tell you when he’s getting close — that makes it seem like you’re just waiting for him to cum and will make him start to feel performance anxiety (every man gets it). Remember: If he’s having a good time, he may not be saying anything — just breathing and moaning. That’s an ideal state to be in.
His dick will tell you what feels good. If it jumps and throbs, it’s happy. If it’s leaking precum, it’s very happy. Don’t have a countdown clock in your head. Just enjoy it, and don’t worry about time.
Remember: With kissing and make-out sessions, you’re both simply playing off each other’s movements, directing each other without words. The same is true for oral sex. (One talking exception is when he wants to be dominant — see number 23.
All sex is for your pleasure — even submissive sex in which someone takes over. Good sex is about doing what feels good for you, and for some people that means surrendering control.
So don’t frame sucking dick in your mind as something you’re solely doing for him. If you see it that way, you won’t enjoy it, and neither will he.
This is your chance to intimately enjoy his dick. When it’s in your butt, you’re not able to feel every part of his penis — you don’t have the same nerves in your ass as you do in your mouth. In your mouth, you can feel every vein, texture, throb — all of it. So relish in the experience of it, and only go for as long as you want. A good blow job is as much about getting what you want as it is for him.
Your mouth will dry out. That’s simply a fact. A nice person will add his saliva and contribute to the store of spit you have at your disposal — either by spitting in your mouth or spitting on his dick — but these (appreciated) moves are not guaranteed.
For this reason, you cannot stay on his dick the whole time. Take frequent breaks. Rub it on your face, lick or suck his balls (one of my favorite things to do), change positions, or let him take over. This gives you a chance to build up some saliva and breathe a little bit before starting again.
Oral sex isn’t about making him cum. It’s not a chore you have to get through in order to get something equally pleasurable after. Many people see oral sex this way — as a cursory, prescribed action that generates an equal return, usually some kind of penetration. This mentality will make you rush through it to get to the “main event.” If that’s your outlook (it’s perfectly fine to simply not enjoy oral sex), skip it and focus on whatever it is you really want to do.
You may be limited as to how well you can lick his dick once it’s inside your mouth. The size of his dick and the size of your mouth will determine how much you can do — a larger dick will make you less able to maneuver your tongue around it.
That’s OK — your tongue is still important. Licking his head, shaft, balls, and taint — the space of skin between his hole and testicles — can be just as intense.
Practice sucking in air. Doing this pulls your cheeks against your teeth and tightens the space inside your mouth, creating a kind of vacuum suction that feels really great. You don’t want to do that all the time, since you will suck in saliva too — the necessary lube that makes this whole thing happen.
Obviously you cannot hold your breath for a nonstop inhale. That’s not possible and would not be pleasurable. Practice breathing while his dick is in your mouth and slowly get comfortable doing so. If you have to stop, pause, and just breathe while keeping it in and getting adjusted, do it — it’ll be hot for you, and hot for him to watch you getting adjusted to it. The natural feeling of you breathing will feel great to him; don’t worry.
It’s great if you don’t, and some people don’t have a gag reflex at all, but most people do, and that’s totally OK.
As things start to go into our throat, most people have a gag reflex that makes us close up our throat. This is how we choke. Start gentle and practice breathing with his dick inside your mouth. As it moves to the back of your mouth, try to keep breathing normally. You’ll know where you start to feel uncomfortable.
It’s fun to push the limit of how far you can swallow his cock. I think it’s really hot to choke on someone’s dick — and he probably will too. But don’t push it too much or you might hurt yourself. Deep-throating — sliding a cock past the larynx into the throat — should not be seen as the maximum ideal of oral sex or a goal you must move toward. Not everyone can deep-throat, and not everyone should. Tissue trauma can cause problems back there, so don’t be too rough.
I generally don’t recommend people using any of the oral sex throat sprays, which are essentially chloraseptic spray. Most are filled with some kind of topical anesthetic that numbs the skin at the back of the throat for a few minutes, allowing you to deep-throat.
Numbing the skin will mask pain, but pain isn’t something you necessarily want to avoid. Pain is often a sign of injury or skin trauma. I steer clear of these products for the same reason I dissuade people from using desensitizing anal lube — because you don’t want to power through your body’s natural limits. That’s how people get hurt.
There’s a myth in existence that great, ideal blow jobs are hands-free. Not true. Firstly, there is no “ideal” way to give head. Secondly, it’s a simple fact that many men have a hard time staying hard without using their hands to stroke their penises and create blood flow. They may want to do this themselves, but you can always volunteer — and that’s when you absolutely should use your hands.
Stroke the base of his dick while licking and sucking the tip. Try simply playing with his dick for a bit with a hand job. I love playing with balls. If he’s especially adventurous, he may be game for some intentional ball play. Gentle tugging, pulling, gripping, sucking, and light finger f
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