Girl Group Masturbation
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adventures in sex
Nov. 8, 2012
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The day before Hurricane Sandy hit New York City I had one main concern: I hope my vagina looks awesome. I was on my way to a female group masturbation workshop where I was going to be “playing the clitar” in front of strangers for approximately five hours. If the world was ending, at least I was leaving with a bang. Multiple bangs if I was lucky.
The leader of the workshop is the legendary 83 - year-old sex educator, Betty Dodson. Talking to Betty, it’s impossible to believe she’s an octogenarian. Cursing like a sailor, laughing at her own jokes and telling raunchy stories, she’s like Bette Davis meets Honey Boo Boo. When I asked if she still jerks it she said, “Last month, I had a knockout. I went, ‘Whoa girl, you still got it.’”
Originally a fine artist, Betty changed careers in the ‘70s when she discovered feminism and the sexual revolution. She started going to group sex parties and while watching couples get down she noticed a pattern: All the men were climaxing and all the women were faking it. Not a single woman was having a real orgasm. She was so upset she decided to take matters into her own hands, and when I say “matters” I mean clits.
She explained, “Orgasms have been very important to my life. I’ve always really depended on them. In a bad mood? Jerk off. Confused? Masturbate. Working on a painting and I’m stuck? Go lay down on the couch and have an orgasm.”
On my way to Betty’s apartment, I tried to imagine what we could possibly do for five whole hours.
When I arrived at the apartment, Carlin Ross, Betty’s smokin’ hot protégé, opened the door completely nude. “Take off your clothes in the foyer and then meet us in the main room,” she said. Things were becoming very Eyes Wide Shut , very fast. I was in mid-strip, when the front door opened and in walked one of my classmates. I pretended not to be naked from the waist down and introduced myself.
When I entered the main room there were seven nude women lying on towels and cushions casually chatting. The décor was an interesting mix of shabby chic and dildo museum. There was cozy wall-to-wall carpeting and tons of huge pillows, but also fake penises everywhere you looked. The message was clear: Relax, make yourself at home… and then penetrate yourself.
As I found my place on an empty cushion, Betty, also in the buff, joined us. The first exercise of the day was to go around the room and talk about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms. Every woman had a unique body and set of issues, but there were definitely some common themes. No matter how beautiful each girl was there was some type of trauma around puberty or adolescence. By the end of the chat I felt like I was hanging out with a bunch of old friends who were all naked for some reason.
The next thing we did was called “Genital Show and Tell” which was like kindergarten, but with way more vulva. Each woman took turns sitting next to Betty, legs spread with a mirror and light pointed at their ya-ya. It was our vagina’s big moment in the spotlight. Betty gave each person a detailed explanation of their particular anatomy and then everyone would give your punani a compliment. We all agreed that this would have been an amazing experience to have as a teenager.
The next day was the “hands on” part of the workshop. Betty explained the two main types of orgasms, “Tension-Release” and the “Rock ‘N’ Roll.” Tension-Release is when you squeeze your whole body and PC muscles (“pubococcygeus muscles,” the thing you squeeze when you’re doing Kegels) and kind of force an orgasm. Rock N’ Roll is where you squeeze and release, squeeze and release, and then slowly over a long period of time build to climax.
To demonstrate the technique, Carlin Ross laid down in the middle of the circle while Betty explained step-by-step how to rock out. “My mantra is vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation,” Betty said. She believes that it’s crucial not to focus solely on clitoral stimulation when you jill off because then when you have partner sex, you’ll be totally lost.
Finally, it was our turn. Betty set the mood by lighting candles and turning on classic rock radio, because nothing says “arousal” like Aerosmith. With a set of tools next to each of us including Almond Oil, a metal barbell, and a wand vibrator, seven eager ladies put the metal to the petal. Every so often a woman would start breathing really loudly and let out little squeals and squeaks and Betty would yell, “Another one down!”
The Rock ‘N’ Roll technique takes a lot longer than what I’m used to, so my mind started to wander. With a barbell in my vag and a vibrator on my clit, all I could think about was Ethiopian food. I was so hungry that I actually came to the idea of a mixed meat plate.
Then for the very last activity of the day we did the most decadent thing I have ever done: group massage. Each person takes a turn lying down while three women massage you at once.
Obviously it sounds the beginning of a lesbian gang-bang, but it was way more Lilith Fair, hippie vibes.
When I left the workshop, I checked my cell phone and had 15 missed calls from my worried, Jewish mama. I immediately called her.
“Are you are gonna be okay during the storm? Do you have enough batteries? Do you have a flashlight? You’re gonna be trapped in your house for days! Poor thing, you’re gonna be so bored!”
“Don’t worry mom, I know how to entertain myself. Actually, I can’t wait.”
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"I can't be the only one who does it, right?"
Masturbation — there , we said it. Touching yourself might feel taboo and you might be embarrassed to talk about it, but exploring your sexuality is totally normal. It's a healthy way to learn about yourself and your body, so you feel more comfortable when you're ready to have a sexual partner. (And hey, it's fun and feels good, too.) If you think you're the only one of your friends who has done it, you're probably not. Here, 18 girls open up about how they do it, how often they do it, and all the complicated feelings (pleasure, empowerment, happiness, embarrassment) that go along with it.
1. "I was 13 or 14 when I masturbated for the first time. I was watching TV with my grandma — I think it was Modern Family — and they brought up masturbation. I had no idea at that time what it even meant, but handy ol' Google quickly filled me in. I masturbated for the first time shortly after that. It was awkward at first. I tried the whole shower head thing to see what all the hype was about, but it didn't work for me. I probably masturbate twice a week now. I come from a very religious family, so I thought it was something to be ashamed of. Now, it's completely different. A girl's got needs." — Spencer, 17
2. "I was 15 years old when it first happened. Up until a few months ago, I was COMPLETELY embarrassed about masturbation. Each time I did it, I was ashamed that it happened and wished that it didn't. I knew this feeling would occur afterwards, but I always did it anyways. However, now that I'm entering college and defining who I am, I am realizing that it isn't something I should be ashamed of. I can't be the only one who does it, right? The feminist in me has given me the ability to feel empowered and in control of myself and what I want each time it happens." — Malia, 18
3. "I use my hand, read sexy stories, and fantasize about past experiences. I masturbate quite frequently actually — at least four times a week. I'm an open book when it comes to literally anything else, but when it comes to masturbation, I'd never admit to doing it. Honestly, typing, or even saying the words 'I masturbate,' feels so foreign and taboo. I'm not ashamed of doing it, I'm just super secretive about it." — Noelle, 17
4. "I started experimenting with masturbation last year. I was a little nervous about it, but when I attempted it, I felt a little pleasure and wasn't so turned off by the idea anymore. I usually do it before I go to bed so I fall asleep better. At first, I used a pillow to masturbate and just recently switched to doing it myself. There's so many good things that come from having an orgasm so why wouldn't you? You've got to learn what you like and figure yourself out before someone else can. " — Annaka, 17
5. "I started when I was 17. I had my first orgasm, and after that, it became something I had to do every night. I just tend to use clitoral stimulation because it's foolproof for me and it's what I am most comfortable with at the moment. " — Jackie, 19
6. "I was 19 years old and had just gotten out of a pretty bad relationship. One day when I was sad, my best friend/roommate said I need to lock myself in my room, explore my body and love myself. Ever since, I've been very open to masturbating and truthfully regret not pleasuring myself sooner. Since then, I would say I regularly masturbate maybe three times a week, whenever I have free time in my bed really. I use my hand and read stories from time to time. It's empowered me to take control of my body and dictate when and how I experience pleasure. In a society that prioritizes men's sexual pleasure over women's, I take pride in knowing that I love myself and deserve all the pleasure I want and enjoy." — Avery, 22
7. "My mom told me once that she saw me playing with myself when I was a toddler, but the first time I can remember masturbating was in my early teens, maybe 13 or 14. I think it was to a fan fiction. It was pretty clumsy, and I recall being more embarrassed and worried that someone would walk in on me than focused on pleasure. Now, it makes me feel happy and satisfied. It's nice to be able to take pleasure into your own hands... literally. " — Megan, 19
8. "I usually masturbate once a day. I have to have visuals, so I watch porn. It's hard for me to just imagine stuff. I'm not embarrassed that I masturbate; if we're close enough and you ask me, I won't deny it at all. Or sometimes when I'm texting my friends in the group chat I'll be like, "brb gonna go mb." It's completely normal. I used to be really ashamed about it, though." — Fran, 22
9. "I masturbate roughly one to three times a week. When I first started masturbating, I'd use either my fingers or my shower head. Now that I'm 18, I bought myself a vibrator. " — Jill, 18
10. "I was about 11 the first time I masturbated. It was kind of an accident. I had a pillow between my legs to keep them from sticking to each other, and next thing I knew, I was humping the pillow. I usually start off reading sexy stories on Tumblr or porn websites, hump my pillow, and then start to use my hand. I've never talked to anyone about masturbating because I feel like I'd get judged for doing it. But the older I get and the more I hear about women masturbating, the better I feel about it. I don't think of masturbating as a bad thing anymore." — Ada, 18
11. "I was probably like 15 my first time. It was a really awkward and clumsy experience, and I felt guilty for doing it. I just use my hand, and usually if I'm in the mood to do it, I really don't need to think about anything else to help. It makes me feel proud that I'm secure enough with myself and my body to do it. I'm not ashamed at all because theres nothing wrong with doing it. It's a great way to relieve stress." — Michaela, 17
12. "I was 18 when I first tried. It was a super uncomfortable feeling. I think because I felt like it was a 'dirty' thing to do — even though the reason I was trying it in the first place was to familiarize myself with my body while I'm alone so I'd be comfortable and know my body when I was with my boyfriend as our relationship got more serious. I just Googled how to do it. The website I read had a ton of different ways to do it. I used my shower head. I switched the water power setting to a soft little stream. I moved past feeling dirty or embarrassed about masturbating, because I realized how comfy I am with my body now. I'm proud that I'm so in tune with myself." — Jordyn, 19
13. "I was 17 the first time I did it. At first, I didn't know what to do, and then I kind of just learned to move my hips around to get different feelings. I like to fantasize about guys when I'm
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