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I've been thinking a lot about bathrooms lately.
By now you have probably seen the viral video of school employees breaking into the bathroom stall where trans teen Cece Doll was doing her business. And if you haven't seen this yet, be prepared to be filled with rage once you do. Meanwhile, cis people continue to claim that the mere presence of trans people violates their privacy. 
And while this is more than enough to be going on with, there's actually another bathroom topic that's been on my mind lately. Compared to the serious violence many trans people face when attempting to use the bathroom, I’ll admit this other topic is... well... completely trivial. However, it’s also one that comes swimming to the surface of my mind each time I venture into a public bathroom.
Recently, when using the restroom at my local gym, I experienced a situation that took my wonder to a new level.
There are two stalls in this men’s locker room. And on this particular day, the toilet inside Stall #1 was almost overflowing with toilet paper, piss, and excrement. In Stall #2, someone had smeared poop on the wall - at least I'm pretty sure it was poop. I didn’t get close enough to thoroughly inspect. 
I considered holding it in until after I was done working out, but I knew that bouncing on the treadmill for 20 minutes would make the pressure on my bladder unbearable. So, using my foot, I stretched to kick the flush button in Stall #1 without touching anything else. To my relief, but also my confusion, the toilet flushed just fine.
How many dudes before me just hadn’t bothered to try? Judging from the contents of the toilet, at least 3.
If you hadn’t guessed it yet, this article is about the puzzling and often gross world of men's restrooms.
For those of you who have yet to brave a men’s room, I'm here to report that they are some of the least pleasant places in the public domain. They're almost always some degree of nasty, with weirdly damp or sticky floors and the acrid smell of piss wafting into your nostrils.
Also, I will never understand why men put the whole toilet seat down. I honestly can't think of a single reason to put that top cover down. Does anyone use the toilet that way? If so, there must be a magical creature with special pee that can penetrate the hard plastic of a toilet seat. Regardless, when anyone other than that magical creature uses the toilet next, they have to touch the top lid before doing so. Gross.
Despite cis guys' inexplicable behavior, and the general grossness of their bathrooms, I will continue to frequent the men's room. Because using the restroom that aligns most closely to my gender identity still feels better than any other option out there. At least until gender-neutral bathrooms become more commonplace. For those of you who are only dreaming about the day you will feel confident enough to use one, here are a few things you should know:
That short line for the men's room? I hate to break it to you, but the fast lane is only for the urinals.
Unless you master the art of standing to pee and are comfortable enough to do so at a urinal, you are actually in for a longer wait in the men's room. Because while fewer people may be waiting for those precious stalls, men spend significantly more time on the tank than women.
In fact, it is completely commonplace for men to treat the public toilet like their private throne and pretend that other people are not (desperately) waiting to use it after them. While not every cis man takes 10 full minutes to do his business, there’s just not the same pressure to move it along quickly that there is in women's restrooms where everyone is using stalls. 
Instead, you will stand awkwardly against the wall waiting for one of the stalls to empty while other dudes skirt by you to access the urinals. My recommendation? Go before you need to go. It'll save your bladder from the extra strain.
Unless you are at a trans-inclusive gay bathhouse, men's bathrooms are about as warm as a Siberian snowstorm. "Men" do not make eye contact with each other in the bathroom. They do not speak to one another - not even to ask their neighbor to pass the toilet paper if their stall is out. They get in, do their business (sometimes very, very, very slowly) and then they get out.
If I'm being 100% honest, this is the aspect I hate most about men’s bathrooms. It’s not that I’m trying to make new friends in the bathroom (ok, maybe I am) but the social regulations in the men's room seem less about managing the awkwardness of doing something private in public, and more about homophobia and gender-policing.
Looking at another man in the bathroom is perceived as "gay" and therefore should be avoided at all costs. This is evidenced by the fact that this rule does not apply in the men's rooms at gay bars. Well actually, making eye contact or smiling at another guy in the bathroom is seen as gay in this context too. But as we have generally established a base level of gayness in the gay bar, you are welcome to do so. (Warning or tip depending on your aims: holding eye contact for longer than 3 seconds may be seen as an invitation to join you in your stall.)
I don't know how to elaborate on this one. It's just true. Grunting and farting are completely commonplace in men's rooms. 
I was recently talking with a cis gay male friend about my bathroom woes when he confessed to me that he *always* sits to pee. Once I did a little research, I discovered there are actually tons of articles from cis men encouraging their cis brothers to sit to pee. What’s more, in many non-western cultures, sitting or squatting is the default for ALL humans.
If your dysphoria is triggered by not being able to stand to pee, then by all means, get you an STP and do your thing. But if not, or if you just can’t get the hang of using a stand to pee device , know that you are joining a huge number of cis guys who sit.
Of course, if you are not fully confident in how you are being read, I can totally sympathize with the fear that people are watching you in the bathroom. If the situation does not feel safe or you feel as though you are being scrutinized, you can always do as Kameron Trumbo of Trans SWAG recommends, and make grunting or sighing sounds to mask what you are actually doing in there. 
For more bathroom tips and advice to guys who are just starting to use the men's restroom in public, check out Kameron's FTM Bathroom Tips video:
Got something to say about the men's room? Leave it in the comments below!
thank you for this article! I’m a trans guy who’s far enough along in their transition to finally try and go stealth, and every men’s restroom experience has been terrifying.
I use public restrooms about 6 times a week or even more (I work in a shop and the shift is 12 hours). I always go to the stall as 90% of guys in there. I think people who choose urinals are mostly old guys and kids, the rest aims for more privacy and just pee standing up in the cubicles. And I definitely prefer public from the one at home since nobody would yell at me for leaving the toilet sit up (I pee standing up) or for taking too long. I guess everyone starts prefering public bathrooms once they get married or move with their girlfriend…
In my experience in Ireland, guys do make eye contact and speak to say hello. Maybe it’s just an Irish thing to do maybe we’re too friendly 😂
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If you walked past Jaimie Wilson on the street, you’d probably take him for an all-American heartthrob; muscular build, deep blue eyes, and casual scruff. You would probably never guess that he’s one of approximately 1.4 million transgender adults living in the US today.
In 2015, Jaimie made the brave decision to start transitioning from female to male (or simply FTM for shorter), shocking and alienating most of his friends and family. “At first I was scared to come out with my gender transformation because I didn’t give any ‘signs,’ as people say,” he writes on Instagram, where he now enjoys over 300 thousand followers. After 2 years of testosterone treatment, surgery, and hard work at the gym, 21-year-old Jaimie has sculpted himself into the man he’s always been at heart.
Though his transgender female to male progress is astonishing, the people from his previous life who chastised him for being ‘too feminine’ to become a trans man have now been replaced by his fellow members of the transgender community, many of whom, ironically, criticize him for being ‘too masculine.’ “People say that I’m trying too hard to be like a cisgender male,” he told Cosmopolitan in a March 2017 interview.
The bottom line of it all? “You are NOT who people think you are, you are who you know you are,” in Jaimie’s own words. The aspiring country musician is making waves on social media, and is scheduled to perform at Sziget Festival in Budapest this August, alongside The Chainsmokers, P!nk, and Wiz Khalifa. See his unbelievable transgender before and after transformation for yourself below! More info: Instagram
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Winning a lotery twice - gorgeous as a woman, sexy as hell as a dude. Go Jaimie! :)
yes indeed, there are not many people who can be that gorgeous both ways!
@65 6c 69 74 65 68 61 63 6b 65 72
Seriously? you ass. I'm not a woman, I very much support all trans people. F**k u
I TOTALLY AGREE I ALSO AGREE WITH JAMIE, I THINK HE LOOKS AMAZING!! I cannot UNDERSTAND HOW A FAMILY TURNS THEIR BACK ON A LOVED ONE??? It completely boggles my mind. I'm a 59 yr old disabled grandmother. And the idea of not having my daughter , grandson, or granddaughter in my life, or turning my back on them is just impossible for me to comprehend Way to go JAMIE, I hope your life is EVERYTHING YOU DREAM IT TO BE
My thoughts exactly, gorgeous both before and after.
Agreed .. I'm mind fucked (in a good way).
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I was thinking the exact same thing!
Ya he was gorgeous as a woman and absolutely smokin as a man!!!!
winning the lottery 3 times...you have to afford it as well....
That's exactly what I was thinking!
I"m not into trans gender people, but I could go for Jaimie! lol Damn he sexy!
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Did I mention I have no dick for you?
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The irony is that women will always secretly support their own, even after transition into a fake man. I've seen no such article on a man transitioning into a female with as much, if not more praise than a female into a male. This, folks, is what we call tribe mentality. The fact that the majority of the supporters of this article alone is over 90% female speaks volumes.
I'm a man and absolutely support him. So there goes your stupid little theory.
Also I have a good friend who was male and transitioned to female and guess what she got my support too crazy right? I must be the exception
Bravo you have figured us out we are all here to support only women and basically stomp out the (non trans) males with our "tribe mentality"
So desperately sad his family have abandoned him- I lost my son through ill health and if he had told me he needed to do this I would still,have loved him. They don't know how lucky they are. Bless you and I wish you every happiness in the world!
You are a wonderful person, Margaret!! My mom and dad were parents to so many of my friends who were disowned for being LGBT. I wish that they could have had a mom like you! Your son was blessed to have you! *hugs*
i have zero against LGBT i am a man, i believe there is a higher power in life that will judge are lives, but saying that even the christian god says we should love everyone, i do not believe who you chose as a partner in life is what god is offended by, god i believe is simply offended by taking pleasure from sex, that is simply my opinion, i do not judge anyone else on how they chose to life their lives, i do not find taking joy out of sex as being imoreal when trying to procreate.
I lost a son in the womb & it was so physically traumatic that I can't have another. It pisses me off royally when I see that someone won't accept their child. I also have transgender & gay family members & I wouldn't ever want them to suppress who they are just to make someone else happy. If anyone doesn't want their child because they're different, there are plenty of people like me who'd be more than happy to take them in & call them family. Spreading ugliness & hate is what's wrong, not following your heart.
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Ones choices in life have consequences sometimes that are not always good...
I will never understand a parent giving up on their child because of this or being gay or the like. Never would that cause me not to love any one of my 3 kids. How could I?? I made them, they are part of me, my blood and flesh. So sad for these young people who need their family and friends to be there to help support them.
Neither will I. You just abandon 18 yrs (or less or more) of care and love with the blink of an eye, just because they don't love like you want them to? I'm not religious, but if there were an afterlife, I sure as heck wish those parents to stand before their godlike entity and be demoted to scrubbing the underside of their god's shoes! I can understand a lot, but I will never understand someone willingly shutting out their children for something ridiculous as this.
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To be fair if you had a son or daughter for 18 years it would be quite an emotional adjustment to deal with the loss of one and the appearance of another, don't you think? If it was obvious throughout his/her childhood no doubt it would be easier to adjust and be happy for your child. I wouldn't be too judgmental. Some people just aren't flexible mentally or emotionally. Hopefully those that aren't will come around in time. In Jaimie's case maybe the friends and family were rigidly religious.
I'm with you there... I'll never understand either...its heartbreaking
If you're able to toss away your own flesh and blood over such a minor thing, then you're not much of a human being.
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Metal illness is no laughing matter Phil...
I'm with you. I'll support my kids in any path they follow. Except bullying. If th
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