First Public Sex
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First Public Sex
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As you mature, you may start thinking about having sex for the first time. In addition to this, you may be wondering how it feels, how to handle any anxiety that may accompany it, and how to be safe.
There are probably lots of things going through your mind if you are thinking about having sex for the first time. You may be wondering if your body will change or whether it will hurt. Read on to find answers to some of the questions you may have about first-time sex.
Your body will not display any telltale signs after you have sex for the first time. The only way anyone will know you’ve had sex is if you or somebody else tells them.
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While having sex, you might breathe heavily and sweat, and your skin could become flushed. These changes are caused by the physical nature of sex. During sex, your vulva may also become swollen due to increased blood flow. After sex, your body will go back to normal, just like it would after exercise.
Most women are born with a hymen, which is a membrane in the vagina that can stretch or tear during exercise, first-time sex, or other activities. During your first time having sex, your hymen might stretch , and you may experience some bleeding if it ruptures. However, bleeding doesn’t always occur during first-time sex. Many people have already inadvertently broken their hymen before they ever have sex. If you’re worried about bleeding , lying down on a dark-colored towel or cloth can prevent stains.
Much of the anxiety surrounding having sex for the first time is centered on whether it will hurt. If you relax, feel comfortable, and pay attention to your body, there probably won’t be any pain. What you might feel is a bit of discomfort because this experience is new to you.
If you do feel pain, it is more than likely caused by friction. Friction during penetrative sex occurs when there isn’t enough vaginal lubrication to ease the entry of something entering your vagina. Engaging in plenty of foreplay can stimulate the vagina to become more lubricated.
Using lubricant can make intercourse more comfortable and enjoyable.
When you and your partner are figuring out how to have sex for the first time, you might believe that it will be as magical as it is often depicted in the movies. However, it’s possible that your first time won’t be nearly as smooth or well choreographed.
For many people, their first time is an awkward and somewhat uncomfortable affair. On top of that, both of you might be nervous. Under circumstances like these, it can be difficult to achieve an orgasm . This is perfectly normal. In fact, sex without orgasm can be quite enjoyable and might be a good way for you and your partner to connect further.
There’s a myth in some societies that you can’t get pregnant when you have sex for the first time. This is false. If you have already started getting your period, you can get pregnant if you have sex.
If you don’t want to become pregnant, you should use a birth control method whenever you engage in sexual intercourse.
If you’re having sex for the first time, you may feel anxious. This is common and completely normal. There are lots of things you can do to deal with this anxiety.
Some studies show that you are more likely to have both psychological and physical satisfaction when you have sex with someone you trust and with whom you have a steady relationship. Being with someone you trust can help you feel safer and more in control of the situation.
If you want to have sex but feel anxious about it, plan to do it in a place you find comfortable. An unfamiliar or uncomfortable location could make it hard to focus on what’s going on and enjoy what’s happening.
Anxiety about the first time you have sex is pretty common. However, foreplay may help reduce your anxious feelings. Foreplay involves a lot of kissing and touching, which can help you feel more comfortable with your own body as well as your partner’s.
A lot of anxiety can come from trying to rush sex to get to the next step. You might find yourself thinking about what you should be doing and what you should do next. If so, take a moment to center yourself and focus on the present, letting things happen naturally.
Some people are in a hurry to achieve orgasm. Taking your time and enjoying the journey can make sex a more relaxed and enjoyable experience.
It’s very common to have a less-than-perfect first time. However, that doesn’t mean that sex will always be bad. Any number of things can contribute to an experience that doesn’t quite live up to your expectations.
You can always try again later when you are feeling more comfortable. However, you’re under no obligation to commit to a next time, either. The best time to have sex is when you’re sure you want it, not just when your partner wants you to.
If you’re considering having sex for the first time, you should be aware of ways to protect yourself from unsafe sex. Having unprotected sex can transmit infections. It can also cause unwanted pregnancy.
The risk of contracting infections is much higher if you don’t use protection when you have sex. Some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) include:
While some of these diseases can be treated with antibiotic medication, some are incurable and can have serious health implications. HIV has no cure, but there are medications that can suppress the virus almost completely. Left untreated, HIV can develop into AIDS, which has no cure. Using condoms when you engage in sexual intercourse will greatly reduce the risk of contracting an STI.
Unless you’re planning to have a baby, you should use contraceptive methods to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy.
You can opt for barrier methods such as condoms, diaphragms, or caps. These stop sperm from reaching the egg. Other methods, like the birth control pill , alter your hormones to ensure that an egg is not released. Only condoms protect against both pregnancy and STIs, but it's important to remember that no protection method is 100 percent effective.
If you’re puzzled by how to have sex for the first time, that’s a totally normal way to feel. It’s common to be anxious, but being with the right partner in a cozy place and taking things slowly can help. Be sure to practice safe sex to avoid unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.
Higgins, Jenny A, et al. “Virginity Lost, Satisfaction Gained? Physiological and Psychological Sexual Satisfaction at Heterosexual Debut.” Journal of Sex Research, U.S. National Library of Medicine, July 2010, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3572537/. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Sexually Transmitted Diseases | STD | Venereal Disease.” MedlinePlus, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 1 May 2020, medlineplus.gov/sexuallytransmitteddiseases.html. “What Is Contraception?” NHS Choices, NHS, 2 Jan. 2019, www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/what-is-contraception/?tabname=getting-started. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. “Barrier Methods of Birth Control: Spermicide, Condom, Sponge, Diaphragm, and Cervical Cap.” ACOG, Mar. 2018, www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Barrier-Methods-of-Birth-Control-Spermicide-Condom-Sponge-Diaphragm-and-Cervical-Cap?IsMobileSet=false. “Is Sex Painful the First Time?” NHS Choices, NHS, 28 Mar. 2018, www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/is-sex-painful-the-first-time/. Mishori, Ranit, et al. “The Little Tissue That Couldn’t - Dispelling Myths about the Hymen’s Role in Determining Sexual History and Assault.” Reproductive Health, BioMed Central, 3 June 2019, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6547601/.
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In a movie theater, according to a ticket-counter worker
At a crowded music festival, according to a seasoned festival-goer
In a parking lot, according to a teenage boy
At the beach, according to a lifeguard
In a bar bathroom, according to a bartender
In a cab, according to someone who has successfully pulled it off
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You can pretty much count on two things when it comes to sex in public places: anyone who says they’ve never thought about it is lying, and anyone who says they do it all the time and have never been caught is lying.
We’re here to help with the not-getting-caught part by pulling a list of some of the most popular places for a public tryst, and seeking out experts to share the best ways to actually pull said trysts off. Oh, and by experts, we mean anyone from former box-office workers and lifeguards to high school kids -- you know that people who typically can't have sex at their own home are among the best sources for this subject.
Obviously, partake in any of these at your own risk.
Step 1: See a shitty movie. According to a dude who worked in a small-town movie theater , this could potentially give you away. BUT it’s also pretty hard to pull off public sex during opening night of, say, Star Wars . “We had two teenagers come in and buy a ticket to one of the worst box-office movies ever," our source said. "It was so obvious, like they should have been in school, but I sold them the ticket.”
Step 2: Opt for a matinee, the earlier the better.
Step 3: Head toward the front. “You can see in the monitors who is seated where," our source told us. "These two were in the back-left corner. If there’s no one in the theater, you should go in the front -- even on the floor. I never would have seen them up there.”
Step 4: [Parental discretion advised] Step 5: If you’re a teenager, do none of this. “When I told my manager two kids bought a ticket to this film in the middle of the day, he told me ‘you need to go check in on them right now.’ Then he handed me a broom.”
Step 1: Wait for the headliner to take the stage. Frequent Bonnaroo and Outside Lands attendees (let’s be honest, you don’t have to hide anything at Burning Man), claimed this is the best way to achieve any small resemblance of privacy. “There’s always one time slot when there’s only one show playing, the headline band," one source said. "That’s when you make your move.”
Step 2: Tell your posse you’re dipping. When it comes to tracking location, festival-goers are not unlike park rangers. They travel in packs, maintain a well-marked HQ (read: balloon), and when one of their own goes missing, a manhunt will almost always ensue -- especially should certain festival antics come into play (we mean hula hooping, of course).
Step 3 (if there’s a camping area): Go there. If you can’t find your tent (because of all the hula hooping), or don’t have one, hide between the sea of others and pitch your own.
Step 3 (if there’s not a camping area): At OSL (Outside Lands), there’s no camping allowed, but what it lacks in tents, it makes up for in woodsy paths that lead to smaller, secluded stages. Go to one of said empty stages armed with a giant sheet or blanket.
Step 4: Wrap yourself up like a burrito and have sex in the dirt while you fist pump to “Ain’t Life Grand” playing on the main stage.
Step 1: Pick a busy lot. “People automatically assume empty parking lots, but that's actually worse," our source reported. "It’s more likely they’re patrolled because the place is closed. You're better off in like, one of those massive mall parking lots or Super Target.”
Step 2: Go to a somewhat abandoned part of it. The top floor of a parking garage, or far corner out of the way.
Step 3: Crack the windows so the Titanic -like steam handprint doesn’t bust you.
Step 4: Assume the (missionary) position. Not that riding someone in the front seat isn’t encouraged, or perhaps even preferable, but it’s more conspicuous. You’ll more likely be out of sight by keeping it low, with one person on top holding on to the side door and grinding away.
Step 1: Wait until dusk. If you want to actually do it on the sand with waves brushing up against you like those black-and-white movies, either get a life, or don’t opt for the afternoon delight. Remember: suns out, guns out. And by guns, we mean so many lifeguards and beach-goers not even a sand dune will keep you under wraps.
Step 2: Do it in the ocean. This tactic is even lifeguard-approved. “Honestly it’s pretty much the only way to guarantee you don’t get caught. Doesn’t mean we don’t know, just means we can’t really prove it.”
Step 1: Don’t go too divey... you actually want a place with a decent-sized bathroom situation -- not one with a single stall. Bartenders are more likely to get complaints if you bogart the sole john in the joint.
Step 2: Have one person take a fake phone call and walk toward the bathroom. The reason for the fake conversation is just distraction, and because it’s fun.
Step 3: Go for the guys' bathroom. This may sound gross, and might be (depending on how divey the bar is ), but according to bartenders, hitting the men's room head tends to be less, um, frowned upon. “Guys rarely complain if a girl wanders in the men’s room.”
Step 4: Pick the handicapped stall. It’s probably bigger than your studio apartment.
Step 5: Make sure there’s only one pair of feet that can be seen from underneath -- meaning one lucky person gets to mount the toilet.
Step 1: Dress appropriately. Not that you necessarily plan impromptu sex, but if you’re going in with a game plan, our source stresses this works best if the female counterpart is wearing a dress or skirt. “Removing clothes is obviously a bit more blatant.”
Step 2: Have the girl sit on your lap facing the front. “This isn’t really out of the ordinary when you’re riding in cabs half the time anyway, and it’s pretty much the most discreet positioning you can do.”
Step 3: Hold on to her hips tight, and pretend you’re going over a lot of potholes in the road.
( Writer’s Note: We have it on pretty good authority that cab drivers don’t always give a shit if you’re banging in their cab anyway. )
We already told you, and even included fantastic stick-figure drawings... remember ?
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Liz Newman is a freelance writer for Thrillist and will never tell which of these she’s actually pulled off, unless you tweet to her at @lizn813 , then she probably will.
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There’s just something so juicy and thrilling about having sex in a public (or semi-public) place—the feeling that you’re doing something transgressive, that you’re dangerously close to getting caught, that you just couldn’t keep your
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