Fingering A Guy
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Fingering A Guy
Posted on August 28, 2015
- By
Julia Austin
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
As you get older, you might move away from hand-stuff. You probably just send your man’s face down there the moment you get aroused. But, a guy’s fingers can detect a lot more than his tongue can, if he knows how to use them right! Here are tips for the art of fingering.
First, just run your fingers along the tops of her underwear and her vagina, just above the line that forms the lips of the vagina.
Start stroking your fingers over the lips, up and down, not going in yet.
Every couple of strokes, apply a circular motion with a little pressure to her clitoris.
Go back to vertical strokes, slowly starting to move your fingers into the lips.
Go in the lips a little further with each stroke, really feeling around the inside walls of the lips now.
When you can tell she wants it, apply more pressure. Generally, if she has started to self-lubricate, she is ready for more pressure.
Use your pointer finger and ring finger to spread her lips open. Gently and slowly.
Use your middle finger to keep stroking up and down the very center, between the lips from the clit down to the actual vagina entrance.
Now move your fingers inside her vagina, just a little.
Now go a little further—about an inch or two. Insert one or two more fingers.
Start flexing your fingers in a come-hither motion, slowly.
Do this with a little more pressure now, making a circle with your fingers about the circumference of a penis.
Tap on her G-spot a little; continue the come-hither motion, and then tap on her G-spot again. Do this lightly—applying too much pressure there can be overwhelming.
This is the perfect time to pull your fingers completely out and go back to stroking on top of the lips.
Play with her clitoris a little bit. She’ll be ready to jump your bones now.
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“Fingers are the sex toys we always have on us.” Amen.
Whether it's part of foreplay or the main event, fingering can be super pleasurable for people with a vulva—as long as it's done well. Bad digital stimulation isn't just a huge turn-off; it can also be incredibly painful! Fortunately, if you study up on vulva anatomy and communicate with your partner, you can improve your fingering technique.
First, let’s get clear on what exactly fingering is. “Fingering” can refer to any form of digital stimulation in or on a partner’s genitals, but when most people talk about “fingering,” they’re referring to digital vaginal stimulation. There are plenty of ways you can stimulate a partner’s vagina, but according to sex educator Tuck Malloy , fingers are your best tools.
“Many of us have more control over how to use our fingers than a toy or penis,” Malloy explains. “They are full of nerve endings, which makes them very good at feeling where things are and touching [vulvas] in specific ways.”
Every vulva is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to fingering. Still, there are a few universal pointers that could help you literally take your partner’s pleasure into your own hands.
As sex educator Luna Matatas says, “Fingers are the sex toys we always have on us.” So put them to use! Here’s how to get better at fingering.
Let’s start with a brief anatomy lesson. The vulva is made up of the pubic mound, the inner labia, the outer labia, the clitoris, the vaginal opening, and the perineum. These areas are all sensitive to touch, but there are a couple of pleasure centers that respond particularly well to digital stimulation: the clitoris and the G-spot.
The clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings , which is roughly double the number in a penis, and it’s probably larger than you think. Most people are familiar with the tiny nub at the top of the vulva (that’s the clitoral glans), but most of the clitoris is actually underneath the skin. The full structure runs along the sides of the vulva and extends up to five inches inside the body. You can stimulate the clitoris externally by stroking the glans or by gently pressing against the vulva, or you can stimulate it from inside the vagina by finding the G-spot.
According to a 2022 editorial published in the Sexual Medicine Reviews Journal, the G-spot is a pleasure center where five different structures meet: the clitoral crura; the clitoral bulb; the peri-urethral glands; the urethra; and the anterior vaginal wall. This area is about two inches inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall. You can find your partner’s G-spot by inserting one or two fingers when your partner is aroused and curling them towards the front of your partner’s body. If you feel a bump or a spongy texture, you’re in the right place!
The clitoris and the G-spot are the most well-known pleasure centers for vulva owners, but each person’s body is unique. Your partner might respond best to deep penetration, indirect clitoral stimulation, nipple stimulation, or something else. The best way to find their sweet spots is to pay attention to their physical and verbal cues.
Now that you know your way around your partner’s vulva and vagina, you’re ready to start fingering!
No one wants your Dorito dust in their vagina! Before you start fingering your partner, wash your hands. “The vagina has its own bacterial ecosystem,” Matatas explains. “We want to reduce external bacteria the best we can.” Make sure your nails are trimmed and filed to avoid causing cuts or abrasions.
“It's always beneficial to start a sexual encounter with a check-in about any specific desires or limitations,” Malloy says. Even in the context of a long-term relationship, your partner’s body might crave different sensations on different days.
Don’t forget to maintain communication during sex, too. “Affirm that feedback is great, and show your enthusiasm for getting to discover how their body is going to respond,” Matatas says.
This is also a great time to check in with your partner about safer sex practices. If fingering is the only sex act on the menu, the risk of spreading or contracting an STI is low, but it’s not zero. If you have multiple partners, if one of you lives with a chronic STI, or if it’s been a while since either of you has been tested for STIs, wearing latex or nitrile gloves will ensure the safest possible fingering experience.
Going right for your partner’s clitoris or vagina might be a turn-off. “Lots of people find this to be a bit of a shock to their system,” Malloy says. Take some time to kiss and caress your partner before you get down to business. The more turned on your partner gets, the more sensitive their vulva will be.
If your partner is a life-long vulva-owner, then their vagina might get moist when they’re turned on, but a little extra lubrication might make fingering more comfortable. “Lube inside and outside can reduce friction, which reduces stress on the vulva skin and vaginal tissue,” Matatas says.
A 2011 study found that in addition to making penetration easier, using lube actually enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just make sure to check in with your partner about their lube preferences and allergies to specific ingredients before you lube up.
Remember that if your partner needs lubrication, it doesn’t mean they’re turned off by you or by the sex you’re having together. Medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the vagina’s natural lubrication, and vulva-owners who have had gender confirmation surgery might produce very little lubrication or none at all. Plus, people with tight pelvic floor muscles or vaginal scar tissue might find that penetration is painful without additional lube. Some bodies just need a little help to slip n’ slide, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Before you dip into your partner’s vagina, focus on their clitoris and vulva. Of course, you can use your mouth if your partner enjoys oral sex, but your fingers might offer a little more versatility.
“Fingers are nimble—you can get into crevices, like the sides of the clitoris and labia, and you can adjust pressure and speed really easily,” Matatas says.
Gently stroke your partner's labia, run a finger in circles around their clitoris, or provide direct clitoral stimulation if your partner wants a more intense sensation. You can also let your part grind against your palm or thigh to engage the crura, or the “legs” of the clitoris, which run along both sides of the vulva.
Once your partner is ready for vaginal penetration, be gentle and start shallow with a single finger. You only have to insert your finger about two inches to reach your partner’s G-spot.
“Start with sliding one finger in slowly with the pad of your fingers rubbing along the front wall of the vagina towards the belly button,” Matatas says. Feel for tissue that’s spongy and firm. Once you’re in the right area, Malloy recommends pressing your finger towards your partner’s pubic bone in a “come hither” motion. Add more pressure, more speed, or more fingers if your partner asks for that, or try some gentle thrusting.
Consistent G-spot stimulation might facilitate squirting , which happens when vulva-owners release fluid through the urethra. If your partner already has experience with squirting or wants to try it out, throw down a towel and go for it. And remember— it’s not pee !
Some bodies prefer shallow stimulation, but if your partner craves a fuller sensation, use your longest fingers to thrust deeper. Deeper penetration might stimulate your partner’s anterior fornix, or A-spot , an erogenous zone about four to six inches inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall.
To find your partner’s A-spot, move your fingers a few inches past their G-spot and gently press against different parts of their vaginal wall. If your partner physically or verbally responds with pleasure when you stimulate a specific area, stay put and keep going! If you’re having trouble finding your partner’s internal pleasure centers, Matatas recommends holding your fingers still while your partner thrusts against them.
If your partner likes lots of pressure and girth, you can also try giving them your whole hand . “Fisting can successfully stimulate many different sensitive areas in the vaginal canal at the same time, leading to intense, full body pleasure,” Malloy says.
If your partner wants to try fisting, make sure they’re adequately warmed up (a.k.a. you two have been going at it for a while) and use lots of lube. Press all of your fingers together in a “duck bill” shape and slowly insert them inside your partner’s vagina. It’s important to communicate with your partner the whole time and stop as soon as something hurts. If you can only insert your fingers, that’s fine! Your partner’s body will show you what it’s up for, and the added girth of four or five fingers might be all they need. If you’re able to insert your hand past the knuckles, you can then curl your hand into a fist. Allow your partner to thrust against your fist or gently move your wrist to provide rhythmic pressure against the front of the vaginal wall.
When your partner is ready to end the fisting session, uncurl your fingers and remove your hand slowly while your partner uses their pelvic floor muscles to help push your hand out.
For many vulva-owners, fingering feels best in combination with other forms of stimulation. In fact, a 2017 study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of vulva-owners can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
“Many people enjoy oral stimulation to their vulva or anus while they receive fingering,” Matatas says. “Engaging nearby hotspots can increase intensity of sensations and levels of arousal.” Matatas also recommends pairing fingering with kissing, anal penetration, nipple play , dirty talk , or sex toys that can provide clitoral or anal stimulation.
While you practice fingering, remember that it might take a while to find the specific forms of stimulation that work for your partner. “There are a lot of ways to stimulate a vagina with fingers,” Malloy says. “Keep exploring and trying new things.”
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