Dave Portnoy's Market Meltdown, Pizza Pivot

Title: 'Dave Portnoy's Big Bet'

Dave Portnoy, the brash and bold founder of Barstool Sports, sat in his office staring at two things: a half-eaten pizza and a stock chart flashing red. 'This is it,' he muttered. 'The market’s gonna crash, and I’m gonna make the biggest call of my life.'

He grabbed his phone, opened Twitter (now X), and typed:
'MARKET’S A JOKE. SELL EVERYTHING. I’M SHORTING THE WHOLE THING. #DDTG (Don’t Doubt The Goat)'

Within minutes, Wall Street analysts were in a frenzy. CNBC flashed his tweet on live TV. Some laughed, others panicked. But Dave didn’t care—he was all in.

The next morning, the market opened… up 5%.

Dave’s phone blew up with notifications—losses piling up, memes flooding in, even Elon Musk tweeted a laughing emoji. But Dave? He just grinned. 'Alright, fine. Time for Plan B.'

He hit record on his phone: 'PIZZA REVIEW TIME. One bite, everyone knows the rules.'

By the end of the day, his viral pizza review had more views than his market call. The losses? Forgotten. The legend? Untouched.

Moral of the story: When life shorts you, pivot to pizza. 🍕

(The End.)

Would you like a sequel—maybe Dave takes on crypto next? 😆

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